Colorado Ski Girl

She must have really thought a lot of you.

Ethelred_the_Unready

This is a tough one to answer because we are from different cultures (9 years of living in the US has made me realise *how* different). In my case, I've generally had success making friends with people at work, which I can't seem to do here. You, yourself mentioned that Americans are big on separating work/social life and that is an obstacle. But if you were in the UK and we met at work, I would most likely invite you to come to lunch. We could also be neighbours, we could meet on a long train journey or randomly in a pub. Trust me, it's not that difficult, but if you walked up to me in the street and said "Hey OMG I love your accent, you're awesome", I might be a bit taken aback. And just apply that rule to Brits. You'd find the same elsewhere in Northern Europe.

dlake02

You would NEVER just walk up to someone and start a conversation. Just not done. It would be invasion of personal space in a big way. That extends to holidays as well - I hear a lot of Americans "buddy-up" when they are on holiday as well. That did used to happen in the UK with the older generations, but is a lot less common these days - people see their 2 weeks in the sun very much as private-time.

The way that you start friendships in the UK is normally through shared experiences - we met people through school, Uni, work, pre-natal classes, evening classes, etc. Next-door neighbours will become friends over-time as well - house-warming parties, the occasional street-party. Or just a chat over the fence.... In your 20s and early 30s, sports groups/classes - in your late 30s and 40s work, friends-of-friends.

My wife has been religiously going to Aqua-Fit twice a week for the past 2 years - in the UK, she used do the same and it ended up being 45 minutes of Aqua fit and an hour of drinking coffee, eating cake and chatting. Here, NO-ONE has so much as spoken to her - and she's tried. They just all come in, do their thing and beetle off again.

Ethelred_the_Unready

^^

This.

And generally, people won't care (or ask) about your income, or what university you went to (if you even went at all). It's not so much about status in the UK, unless you plan on socialising with what's left of the upper crust of British society.

Sally Redux

Yes I think that holiday friendship thing happened on the package holidays when you all sat down to dinner at the same time and then had a good old knees-up to The Birdie Song

Colorado Ski Girl

That makes sense to me. I sort of know what that feels like. I have lived in Colorado since 2002 now. I came from Tennessee and lived for a good while in Florida, both of which are a long way from Colorado. When I first came here, I noticed that people here weren't quite as friendly as they are in the South. And people here hear my southern accent and actually still come up to me on the street and say, "Hey - a southern belle! Cute accent!". I'm used to that now, but I can see how it'd be uncomfortable. But I take it in stride. Not much upsets me really.

Yep - we're different, but being different isn't a bad thing. It's not like you're from Zimbabwe and I'm having to teach you improper English. We at least speak the same language (sort of ). There's something in common right there.
American compliments aren't given falsely. We're just a bit more open. And we like to talk. A lot. Mom used to say that dad's ears were large because they got a good workout from her overabundance of talking. Believe it or not, I was the quiet one in the family.

dlake02

<in 3 years, she put on 2lbs with 90 minutes work-out per week>

dlake02

My parents and in-laws (late 70s, each) still talk about the "nice" people they met on holiday. "Do you remember the Smiths from Skegness we met on the Hertigroten when the fish was off and the captain committed suicide ? They were such LOVELY people...."

We just find it utterly cringe-worthy.

Colorado Ski Girl

You know, it's more of a way of trying to find something in common. A person could just as easily come up to you and ask you if you like Italian food instead. We try to find commonalities to begin a conversation, and sometimes our jobs are what we love to do. Not exclusively, but a good number of us enjoy our jobs or we find something else to do. So we may ask about your job or about your favorite pasta, then the conversation goes anywhere from there. We're just trying to get to know you.

Colorado Ski Girl

Silly old fart!

Colorado Ski Girl

All muscle!

dlake02

Even then as I said before, my ex-friend, the Baronet used to moan like hell about the "bastards ruining the country." Turned out he meant the people he was related to in the Tory party !!!

I actually don't know whether some of my friends in the UK went to college, Uni, etc and a couple, I don't know what they do or where they work, other than at LGW. And it really doesn't matter.

I found out the other day what one did when she checked me in for a flight to Frankfurt ! We had a nice chat and probably really pi**ed the people off behind us who wanted to check in....

Colorado Ski Girl

I just thought of something - how is speaking randomly at the pub or on the subway/train be any different than speaking randomly on the street? I wouldn't know you either way. But I would be trying to get to know you either way. Isn't it still the same thing, abeit different locations?

Ethelred_the_Unready

Southern hospitality. I've experienced it, I know it's not fake at all. Even though culturally and politically I would be so out of place anywhere in the south, I always appreciate the good manners and hospitality. I guess that's why you complimented me and I get it. I respect that's how you were raised, I hope you also understand how such things (aside from routine politeness) would be quite alien in my home culture.

We do have a common language, but living here for so long has made me realise that when push comes to shove, us British people have more in common with say a Swede, a Dane or a Dutch person than an American. Gasp, maybe even the French. I took a holiday to Paris 2 years ago and aside from the beauty of the city, what hit me the most was a sense of being "home" (and I'd never been to Paris itself before). I am not bashing your country in any way, but as I have always said, I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It just doesn't work. Even your own outlook is so radically different from mine - I don't see life as a competition and yes, I do want to be "friends" with at least a couple of my co-workers as it's beneficial to me and beneficial to the company.

One last thing, don't ever lose your southern accent

dlake02

That's easy.

Street - you are walking to get somewhere and are probably moving quite fast. This is personal time and you are occupied. Not in a mood to socialise or talk.

Train.

The train breaks-down, is delayed, and you sigh. The person opposite you will say something like "yes I know, annoying isn't it." You will strike up a conversation based on that shared experience. Not a friendship, a conversation.

Pub.

Not an expert here, but again, probably shared experiences like a football match, quiz night, etc. Or something stupid like spilling a drink, but be careful, because you may just get sworn at....