Cities in America that make you feel at home?
Jan 27th 2013, 10:07 am
#16
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,104
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
What you are describing is how the US is often described on the forum - superficially friendly but none of that 'popping in for a cuppa' mentality that you get in the UK! I've not lived in the US but that's certainly what I found in Canada, the friendliness isn't more than just manners, and it's incredibly tough to break in socially. From what I've read, the US seems to be similar.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
Last October after Hurricane Sandy...another neighbour's drive was blocked by 3 trees that had fallen during the night. The next morning my husband went across and gave them one of our cars to drive until they could get their cars out I'd the driveway. The neighbour later returned the car and said it was an act of kindness they would never forget. Haven't spoken to them since.
We all acknowledge each other if our cars pass...but apart from that zilch. I don't know whether it's because most people are working...they have kids...family..church...but people around here don't seem to have the time for others outside their own family.
I can't for the life if me figure out why people think moving to the the US is going to solve all their problems.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Jan 27th 2013 at 10:18 am. Reason: Typo
Jan 27th 2013, 10:15 am
#17
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 49
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
What you are describing is how the US is often described on the forum - superficially friendly but none of that 'popping in for a cuppa' mentality that you get in the UK! I've not lived in the US but that's certainly what I found in Canada, the friendliness isn't more than just manners, and it's incredibly tough to break in socially. From what I've read, the US seems to be similar.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
Nope, never experienced this in the South East. The occassional cuppa and girls' night in/out, yes, but all very superficial. Certainly no cakes and casseroles on moving in, nor neighbours going in and out of eachothers' homes!
I'd be very interested to know if others have experienced this in the UK, as it's a long way from anything I or people I know have known. Neither is it what the Brits are known for. Hope I'm not going loopy...
Re the US, an uncle and Mum's cousin lived there for many years. The uncle was away much of the time due to work, but still had a very close social circle.
The cousin was a housewife and had neighbours and friends in and out of her home all the time, even when we visited. It seemed completely natural and was very charming and completely different to the UK of my experience.
I also read a post earlier describing how neighbours in Kentucky are also friends, not just hello. Sorry, I don't recall the poster's name.
Jan 27th 2013, 10:16 am
#18
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: In a darkened room somewhere.............
Posts: 34,166
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I'm sure that lots of streets in the UK are very unfriendly, and lots in the US have community spirit, but it's certainly not the cliche of friendly Americans v unfriendly Brits - just depends on the people I guess, regardless of nationality
The one big difference I noticed in Canada is that when people say 'oooh, we must get together', they are often just being polite and don't actually mean it, whereas in the UK they don't say it unless they actually intend to follow it up with an invite!
Jan 27th 2013, 10:25 am
#19
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: In a darkened room somewhere.............
Posts: 34,166
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
So don't wait for it to come to you, invite your neighbours for drinks, welcome new people, or ask that housewife who's on her own every day if she'd like to join you for coffee.
Jan 27th 2013, 10:26 am
#20
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 49
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I've lived in this house for 15 years....the last time I spoke to one of my neighbours was about 5 years ago. She was collecting her mail...I was just about to enter our driveway...so I walked across and introduced myself. Said if she wanted anything just to give me a knock or call. Haven't spoken to her since.
Last October after Hurricane Sandy...another neighbour's drive was blocked by 3 trees that had fallen during the night. The next morning my husband went across and gave them one of our cars to drive until they could get their cars out I'd the driveway. The neighbour later returned the car and said it was an act of kindness they would never forget. Haven't spoken to them since.
We all acknowledge each other if our cars pass...but apart from that zilch. I don't know whether it's because most people are working...they have kids...family..church...but people around here don't seem to have the time for others outside their own family.
I can't for the life if me figure out why people think moving to the the US is going to solve all their problems.
Last October after Hurricane Sandy...another neighbour's drive was blocked by 3 trees that had fallen during the night. The next morning my husband went across and gave them one of our cars to drive until they could get their cars out I'd the driveway. The neighbour later returned the car and said it was an act of kindness they would never forget. Haven't spoken to them since.
We all acknowledge each other if our cars pass...but apart from that zilch. I don't know whether it's because most people are working...they have kids...family..church...but people around here don't seem to have the time for others outside their own family.
I can't for the life if me figure out why people think moving to the the US is going to solve all their problems.
I don't believe for one moment moving anywhere will solve all my problems! Just researching possibilities and life outside of what I've always known. Life is so short, I like to know I did my best to enjoy it and make the best future for my daughter.
Jan 27th 2013, 10:59 am
#21
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
My experience is the opposite. Lovely friendly neighbours (turned up with cakes and casseroles the day we moved in and other clichés!), and a great community spirit. Whether its street parties for a royal wedding/jubilee/Olympics or other occasions, there's certainly nobody that is 'fearful of making any kind of contact'!
This has been my experience in the 3 houses we've lived in in the UK - in fact, one of my ex-neighbours from our last house is now a very close friend and I'm godmother to her daughter!
I'm curious, do you live in a city? As I've always lived in villages where perhaps there is more community spirit?
This has been my experience in the 3 houses we've lived in in the UK - in fact, one of my ex-neighbours from our last house is now a very close friend and I'm godmother to her daughter!
I'm curious, do you live in a city? As I've always lived in villages where perhaps there is more community spirit?
Update! Thanks for mentioning those three places.
Last edited by UkWinds5353; Jan 27th 2013 at 11:36 am.
Jan 27th 2013, 11:01 am
#22
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
Very interested in answers to this question.
I know there are areas of the US that are very friendly and welcoming and have a culture of community and good neighbours. Just not sure where!
The UK is very different to this, at least in my experience. Although people are kind and lovely, they keep themselves to themselves and are almost fearful of making any form of contact. I find this very sad (we only have one life) and rather dull.
I love the thought of a close community and an atmosphere of friendliness, giving a sense of security.
I know there are areas of the US that are very friendly and welcoming and have a culture of community and good neighbours. Just not sure where!
The UK is very different to this, at least in my experience. Although people are kind and lovely, they keep themselves to themselves and are almost fearful of making any form of contact. I find this very sad (we only have one life) and rather dull.
I love the thought of a close community and an atmosphere of friendliness, giving a sense of security.
Can you share name of the town where your experience come from?
Thanks
Jan 27th 2013, 11:34 am
#23
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
What you are describing is how the US is often described on the forum - superficially friendly but none of that 'popping in for a cuppa' mentality that you get in the UK! I've not lived in the US but that's certainly what I found in Canada, the friendliness isn't more than just manners, and it's incredibly tough to break in socially. From what I've read, the US seems to be similar.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
I've lived all over the UK, from Birmingham to Oxford, but I was specifically thinking of the three places I've lived as a 'grown up' with my husband. Which were Middlesex, Bucks and now Berkshire. The last village we lived in, in Bucks, we were in a cul de sac of maybe 25 houses, and everybody knew everybody else. We all exchanged Christmas cards, went to each others drinks parties, and 5 of the ladies that lived there were great friends of mine - we were always in and out of each others houses for coffee etc.
Now I live far more rurally in Berkshire and only have 2 near neighbours but again, we're very friendly and go for Sunday lunches at each others houses etc.
Jan 27th 2013, 12:08 pm
#25
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Reno Nevada
Posts: 15,917
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I feel at home where I live in Grass Valley CA but its nothing like home in England this feels more like where I am meant to be...aside from here Middleburg Virginia has my heart for sure.
Jan 27th 2013, 12:21 pm
#26
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: "LA LA Land"
Posts: 2,448
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
MODERATORS: This reply should really be in Libby75's thread (Because she was referring, in her own thread, to posts she'd read here - I inadvertently ended up posting here when I looked for those quotes. Perhaps it should be moved....???? too confusing....sorry
Posters name is Ian.
Here's the OP's original message followed then by some of Ian's 2 replies - posts which you seem to have gravitated toward and clung to like a life-raft.
BTW: Where does Ian say "....neighbors in Kentucky are also friends."?
He doesn't!
You're not looking to feel like "you're at home". Because you've already told us you've never felt "at home" when at home.
So, in fact, (and contrary to the OP's inquiry) you're seeking something you've never experienced. Why not begin with a move, not to another country, but within and ask yourself "WHY?"
Perhaps you should investigate East Anglia? I mean - why move that vast distance to far-off eastern Ky. when (in comparison) East Anglia is practically at your doorstep? At a minimum - it seems a far more realistic 
option for you. All the seemingly insurmountable hurdles discussed in the 2 threads you've opened today would be averted.
To be fair....I'm being slightly tongue-in-cheek - and know you'll dismiss the East Anglia idea out-of-hand. 
But it's no more absurd than harboring the foolish notion that there are "warm and welcoming communities" in America. That's a "Leave It To Beaver" myth rooted in 50's TV romanticism. Broad brush generalities are so banal - but if you insist - then I'll label America a success driven culture with little time for or interest in "neighborliness". Yes, there is a tradition of Volunteerism with an implied concern for the other - and 'tho real - the "concern" shouldn't be mistaken for the welcoming embrace of true friendship - which you crave.
Hope this hasn't sounded harsh. You're obviously groping your way thru a difficult chapter in your life. Fantasies about creating a better life in America will only make the next chapter worse.
Here's the OP's original message followed then by some of Ian's 2 replies - posts which you seem to have gravitated toward and clung to like a life-raft.
BTW: Where does Ian say "....neighbors in Kentucky are also friends."?
He doesn't!
So, in fact, (and contrary to the OP's inquiry) you're seeking something you've never experienced. Why not begin with a move, not to another country, but within and ask yourself "WHY?"
Hmm... tough to answer. Most people arrive in the US via a family-based or employment-based visa... so they live where the family or employment is based. That means there's no real choice in the location. Only those who enter the US on an investment-based visa can truly choose where to live.
Where I live in eastern Kentucky, it's a lot like East Anglia (well, except for the weather)... but if I was moving from London I wouldn't be at all satisfied.
Ian
Where I live in eastern Kentucky, it's a lot like East Anglia (well, except for the weather)... but if I was moving from London I wouldn't be at all satisfied.
Ian
option for you. All the seemingly insurmountable hurdles discussed in the 2 threads you've opened today would be averted. The entire region has some of the friendliest people I've ever met. People are very polite and respectful here. I'm not sure if it's necessarily genuine, but it does seem to be deeply ingrained in the local culture. There is a culture of helping and of assisting that is quite refreshing compared to some of the larger regions in the US. Neighbors here are genuine neighbors... not just "hello" or "good day" when passing each other. Ian
But it's no more absurd than harboring the foolish notion that there are "warm and welcoming communities" in America. That's a "Leave It To Beaver" myth rooted in 50's TV romanticism. Broad brush generalities are so banal - but if you insist - then I'll label America a success driven culture with little time for or interest in "neighborliness". Yes, there is a tradition of Volunteerism with an implied concern for the other - and 'tho real - the "concern" shouldn't be mistaken for the welcoming embrace of true friendship - which you crave.Hope this hasn't sounded harsh. You're obviously groping your way thru a difficult chapter in your life. Fantasies about creating a better life in America will only make the next chapter worse.
Last edited by MMcD; Jan 27th 2013 at 12:37 pm. Reason: See my note to move this
Jan 27th 2013, 12:41 pm
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 4,913
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I suppose I was one of the very lucky people who had never really considered moving to the US but who ended up here anyway. As a result of some contacts that I made while working in the UK I was offered a job in California - I went out to visit and immediately felt very much "at home" (much more so than I had ever felt in the UK) so I accepted the offer and moved here a few months later (H1-B visas didn't take very long to get back in those days). That was 26 years ago and I have been here ever since.
If I *hadn't* had that instant reaction of feeling "at home" I would probably not have made the move.
Jan 27th 2013, 2:24 pm
#28
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I've lived in this house for 15 years....the last time I spoke to one of my neighbours was about 5 years ago. She was collecting her mail...I was just about to enter our driveway...so I walked across and introduced myself. Said if she wanted anything just to give me a knock or call. Haven't spoken to her since.
Last October after Hurricane Sandy...another neighbour's drive was blocked by 3 trees that had fallen during the night. The next morning my husband went across and gave them one of our cars to drive until they could get their cars out I'd the driveway. The neighbour later returned the car and said it was an act of kindness they would never forget. Haven't spoken to them since.
We all acknowledge each other if our cars pass...but apart from that zilch. I don't know whether it's because most people are working...they have kids...family..church...but people around here don't seem to have the time for others outside their own family.
I can't for the life if me figure out why people think moving to the the US is going to solve all their problems.
Last October after Hurricane Sandy...another neighbour's drive was blocked by 3 trees that had fallen during the night. The next morning my husband went across and gave them one of our cars to drive until they could get their cars out I'd the driveway. The neighbour later returned the car and said it was an act of kindness they would never forget. Haven't spoken to them since.
We all acknowledge each other if our cars pass...but apart from that zilch. I don't know whether it's because most people are working...they have kids...family..church...but people around here don't seem to have the time for others outside their own family.
I can't for the life if me figure out why people think moving to the the US is going to solve all their problems.
Jan 27th 2013, 8:18 pm
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 49
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
I'm aware that travelling and living somewhere are entirely different. Still, the feeling is there every time.
Can you please expand on why you feel like this? Is it friendlier and have you been able to integrate and make good friends?
Jan 27th 2013, 8:19 pm
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 49
Re: Cities in America that make you feel at home?
Sounds like the famous Norman Rockwell painting of an American town. Par for the course in places with small populations of 3000 or less and especially in the southeast where people are taught from childhood to be open and friendly toward even a stranger. We do have to factor in the all important element of the American "we can do spirit" that cultivates individualism. I know when a family member of mine moved into a neighborhood in North Carolina a couple years ago,they were greeted by neighbors with warm wishes,cakes and a invitation to join their garden club. Depends on where you live in any country it would appear.
