moonfairy

hello there,
I'm a stay at home mum, to a toddler, here in wonderful San Francisco, which I appreciate very much....but I'm soooo homesick. It's my nature, in some ways and I've been doing all that I can to help myself through those really tough days but right now, what I really want is some friends who will wallow in homesickness with me.
I'm somewhat limited in terms of getting out and about with a little one, but online chats, messages and eventually once we have ruled out any potential crazies, a meet up, would be nice. Anyone?

I'm 39, from UK, married to an American. We lived on the east coast for a while, now he works in the tech industry. I'm a conservative sort of hippy.
That should be enough info for now.

Right now, I am missing (aside from big important things like family and a sense of belonging) ....the smell of vinigary chips from a chip shop.

Bob

Welcome to BE

Quite a lot of threads on homesickness that might be worth checking out...also get to the library and see if there are any groups you might be interested in, check out your local meetup.com group too

Octang Frye

Cool name. Steerpike is a San Francisco person. Get in contact with him.
And then someone else.

Interesting insight into the respective gender mindsets, btw.
Guys: Homesickness. It's a problem. How can we fix it?
Girls: Homesickness. It's a problem. Who can I share my misery with and talk about it?

'Not giving you a hard time. Just thought it was amusing. I hope you get some friends together and get out and do stuff. Anything. Something you enjoy. Your quality of life will go way up.

I was pretty miserable about ten years ago. Just went to work and came home.
Watched Law and Order and smerked cigarettes. Didn't really do much apart from ski on my own.

I was thinking about this today, and on a recent vacation. I realized I'm quite a social person how important friends are and fun fun activities.
Do try and find real life people, though. As nice, and as nasty, as some of the people on this forum are, they're no substitute for real life people.

moonfairy

Thanks Octang
this is the sort of thing I need. Real down to earth, but understanding.

It's funny though but right now I am thinking : homesickness = problem, so how do I fix it...and my solution, based on practical assessment of the situation includes finding ways to get through it in the short term, while I work on the long term plan of eventually going back home...

Not having close friends is a BIG part of it, no doubt. But they sometimes take time to find and make... I thought here might be as good a place as any

Octang Frye

I was a bit of a loner back in the UK.
A little shy. Although very good looking.

Anyway, it took me a while over here to find stuff I liked doing. And now I have more friends than you can shake a stick at. It also helps that I'm pretty cool and I'm related to Rick Astley.

I found my friends doing activities like learning to dance/joining a troupe, riding bicycles, shooting stuff, joined a running club, doing adventure races.
Of all, the most useful was the dancing thing.

Another thing you can try is teaching your toddler to juggle, panhandle or play the piano. That passes the time. Then put on recitals for neighbors. Bingo. You become a name in the neighborhood.

Oh, that's another thing. Try and live in a community where people walk and/or cycle. It helps interacting with real life humans. When I lived in Colorado Springs, I lived on the outskirts of town, and, while very beautiful, there wasn't much to do people-wise.

avanutria

Ah, but to girls that IS fixing it. The first step to solving an emotion-based problem is to fully experience it from all angles which requires understanding and discussion. It's kind of like taking your car to a mechanic, lifting the hood and comparing thoughts on where the problem might be. Once that has been done the rest of the fixing gets underway.

I'm not in San Fran, Moonfairy, but if you find yourself headed through Oregon let me know and I can introduce you to a couple of home-grown Brits and one naturalised one

penguinsix

I'd actually recommend you read through the homesickness messageboard on this expat site:

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

It's the US expats in the UK, and yes, they miss the US and really can't stand the UK (at times).

The reason I recommend that site is two-fold: first, it will give you an idea that many times homesickness is not necessarily geography-based but a longing for certain things, people, etc. There are certain universal things that are behind many people feeling homesick, regardless of where they are from or where they are living. It might give you a bit of solace and a few ideas on how to cope while stuck in San Francisco.

Second, (and this might be more important long term) as much as you are homesick now, you're mentioning your 'long-term plan' to return to the UK with your USC husband, and you should appreciate that as painful as it is for you right now it could, quite easily, be just as hard on him when he moves to the UK. The website I sent is filled with people who visited the UK and "loved it" or "loved someone" and moved there, only to have a really hard time trying to adjust to life back there. It might serve as a bit of a cautionary tale about how to prepare for your long-term goals.

Be sure to check out the wiki here too. While not on point some of the advice there can help deal with homesickness too:

http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Making_Friends_in_America
http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Cultur...US_and_England

Good luck

traceym

I have a load of recorded TV programs that I used to like, The Hustle, Monarch of the Glen, etc I got myself a TV for the kitchen and each night about now when I go to make tea a put an episode on, whilst I dont miss the UK, I like to hear the familiar accents, it helps me a lot, I even look forward to making the tea now (sad I know!)

I think getting over the hurdle that close friends will be hard to find here helps a lot too, I have friends but they are mostly via husband so not 'mine' if you know what I mean.

And thank you to Skype it means once or twice a week I can talk inane rubbish to my best friend in the UK.

I'm not far from you so PM if you want a chat

Poppy girl

Thats me ruled out then lol.
http://brit.meetup.com/92/
Hey Welcome try this link

Giantaxe

That rules out almost everyone living in SF then Which part of SF are you living in?

Having now lived here longer than any place in my life, I hardly fit the bill of homesick. I do remember my struggles of first living here though, so I sympathize.

Steerpike

Welcome to the best coast! I've been here for about 27 years ... loved virtually every minute of it. I spent 10+ years in SF (Avenues, Richmond, Castro/Noe, etc) but finally got tired of the fog and moved to East Bay, which I love. But I loved the city with a passion when I first arrived! Having a job (with lots of co-workers to socialize with) was the key for me when I first arrived, plenty of folk to hang out with. In your case, I would think, getting in with other mothers would be the trick. Plenty of 'hippies' around, conservative and otherwise!

I don't want to sound unsupportive, but I'd hazard a guess that part of the problem may be related to the attitude of '... long term plan of eventually going back home'. If you don't act like this is your permanent home, you are always going to be holding something back. It's all just psychology anyway, I realize - who knows where anyone will be in 10 years - but I'd say, treat this as the long term home.

Hopefully hubby can take you out and about on weekends, let you explore the north coast (Point Reyes, Mendocino, etc) and South Coast (Carmel, Big Sur, etc), get up to Tahoe, and out to the Wine Country ... or just toodle around the GG park or the Presidio, or go to Mt. Tamalpais, etc.

As Giantaxe asked, where exactly are you? I'm guessing you don't have a car of your own to get out during the day.

penguinsix

This is so true. You'll find with this attitude, even unconsciously, that you'll sometimes be holding back or not giving it a full effort to make acclimate that you'll miss out on some opportunities for friendship, work or other things that you might actually enjoy. You'll start to look at the small negatives as "not as good as back home" and that will lead to you longing to be back home rather than working to fix the things that are bothering you. It can get to be quite catch-22.

usoruk

Know exactly what your feeling-Though I am in AZ. Got lots of encouragement from this forum which is helping me to put things in perspective. (check my 2 pennies worth on Help still in AZ!!) Seems like even living in a 4 season place with the hustle and bustle and greenery of San Fran. still does not replace the longing for home. Yes you do need to see the US as your home for now as the fellow expats have mentioned-and try to connect with others-coz cabin fever will eventually get you thinking, thinking and thinking some more of the UK. During my moments of missing home-and I have many-I'm thinking I could be visiting my sister/brother/rellies/friends and get the kids together for a trip out somewhere lovely, or I'm thinking of having tea with my mum like in teh 'old days', or just a shopping trip 'down town' with the little ones. I imagine the weather, smells, people around, getting the kids dressed in those cute SCHOOL UNIFORMS and WALKING to school, in fact with all that thinking the day flys by and then the guilt gets to me as I have'nt done anything productive with MY family here and now-so although it is hard and many have said-we need to find things to do with our families here and see the US as our home-still hard for me too.
Also definately plan trips back. (even if you can't go back much, it is fun just planning-I love going on Pictures of England site and plan our getaway!!-something to look forward too) I have'nt been back for 4 years and I am pining for English everything, maybe that is all you need.
Also I think alot of stay at home mums seem to be feeling like this. It's probably different coming here as a single person or just a couple. Once the family grows, responsibilities grow, difficult to financially visit as often, the family support is not always availlable here for the mums like at home. The US is a big place and a spouse's family may not be able to assist as often . I think it is more close-knit in some parts back home, especially for the women-we always like our mums/aunts/sisters/best friends to be around at a drop of a hat, especially as the family grows. Also, for the ladies-my moments of nostalgia tend to get worse during certain times of the month-need to plan stuff to get mind of home especially during those times!!
The forum is a wonderful help and feel better soon.

budleigh

Hi,
I'm in the East Bay area, we moved here from the UK at the beginning of April. I am home with a 4 year old and have 2 school age children also. please feel free to email me
N

coopa_troopa

So, are you from Newton-le-Willows then?