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Brit in need of advice

Brit in need of advice

Old May 22nd 2016, 4:28 am
  #46  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by Bermudashorts
I haven't suggested mum abandon him, but merely step back and let him work some things out for himself. Still I do think plenty of 20 year olds can and do stand on their own two feet. I think a 20 year old should be trying to find his own way in life in whatever way possible. Making his own decisions about career, planning for the future and definitely sorting out his own social life!

What struck me about this thread was that it read like he was about 15 not 20 and some people seemed to have the impression from the OP that he was much younger as he was referred to as a kid and a teenager and were suggesting things like mum finds other parents with similar age children for him to hang out with. Did your mum organise play dates for you when you were twenty?
Times have changed. It used to be that a 18-20 year old could find a job and an apartment and get on with their lives but that's not the case these days. Jobs are in short supply and the ones that are available don't pay a heck of a lot. As for the chatter about IT if you read the Guardian article a lot of those jobs are subject to HB-1 visas. If he's majoring in phy-ed (physical education), it will qualify him to work as a teacher, trainer, coach etc. Those jobs are available.

At his age and situation he needs to be in college. He needs to integrate.

Last edited by jeepster; May 22nd 2016 at 4:30 am.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 4:35 am
  #47  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by jeepster
Times have changed. It used to be that a 18-20 year old could find a job and an apartment and get on with their lives but that's not the case these days. Jobs are in short supply and the ones that are available don't pay a heck of a lot. As for the chatter about IT if you read the Guardian article a lot of those jobs are subject to HB-1 visas. If he's majoring in phy-ed (physical education), it will qualify him to work as a teacher, trainer, coach etc. Those jobs are available.

At his age and situation he needs to be in college. He needs to integrate.
I totally agree he needs to be in college and he needs to integrate. But he is not in college and he needs to work on integration himself, like plenty of other 20 year old do even in 2016.

Sorry are you actually saying that in 2016 a 20 year old needs his mum to pick his career, find him friends and organise social activities, because that is what I am expressing surprise about.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 4:59 am
  #48  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

He's not in a "normal" situation though. So, it's no good any of us saying what we would do,or what we think mum should do or what a 20 yr old should be doing. He's an uprooted child of hers - yes he is her child and she's not going to kick him out to be an independant adult, not when he is 6000 miles from everything he's ever known. Cut him some slack and encourage him to go to college, get a part-time job when he can, even in starbucks.. if he wants to go back to the UK, tell him he can if that's what he wants to do. Tell him you'll support whatever decision he makes - put the ball in his court and treat him like an adult. It is going to take some time, my son has been fine-ish until recently, but spending a bit more time online than I really liked. Then he started rowing and he's never home, has a load of new friends and a sport he loves. it took almost 2 years to get there.

You're a great mum for being so caring and worrying about your son. He's in good hands and he'll be alright in the end.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 5:42 am
  #49  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

I don't see anything unusual for a 20 year old to live with their parents.
I'd say it's quite normal. It takes a pretty good income to be independent, most twenty year olds aren't high income earners. Good luck to this family, I'm sure it all will work out, I still worry about my children and they are in there 50s.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 8:13 am
  #50  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by jeepster
Times have changed. It used to be that a 18-20 year old could find a job and an apartment and get on with their lives but that's not the case these days. Jobs are in short supply and the ones that are available don't pay a heck of a lot. As for the chatter about IT if you read the Guardian article a lot of those jobs are subject to HB-1 visas. If he's majoring in phy-ed (physical education), it will qualify him to work as a teacher, trainer, coach etc. Those jobs are available.

At his age and situation he needs to be in college. He needs to integrate.
At that age he needs to wiping his backside for himself

A 20 year old is an adult, not a child. I moved here in my mid 20s (now 36), no one to hold my hand for me. This lad can't even go to the bathroom on his own by the sounds of it. What's he gonna be like in his 30s, still being breast fed and living at home? Deary me

There are penty of jobs, btw, plenty. I see ads in shop windows all the time, any idiot can work the tills in Home Goods and supermarkets, it's something to put on the resume if nothing else. We all have to start somewhere, especially as immigrants

Last edited by themadpooper; May 22nd 2016 at 8:16 am.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 1:52 pm
  #51  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by petitefrancaise
He's not in a "normal" situation though.
You're a great mum for being so caring and worrying about your son. He's in good hands and he'll be alright in the end.
Agreed, she is a great mom. He is waiting for his EAD. Once in hand, he can than start to be proactive in his life choices. Many young people forgo college for a year or two to test the waters of independence and to make decisions.

Can only imagine how depressed he is with being uprooted from all that is familiar to him and being in a place where he can see no end to boredom.

Yes, Johnwoo, I agree it would appear that many young adults in their early 20's remain at home. It is safe, convenient and if used properly, can be a tool that allows them to explore alternatives and save for a future.

Wishing him and his family only the best.

Last edited by Rete; May 22nd 2016 at 3:07 pm.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 1:54 pm
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

I thought it read like he was 12.

Can not imagine my Mum doing this at 15, or me letting her.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 1:55 pm
  #53  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by themadpooper
At that age he needs to wiping his backside for himself

A 20 year old is an adult, not a child. I moved here in my mid 20s (now 36), no one to hold my hand for me. This lad can't even go to the bathroom on his own by the sounds of it. What's he gonna be like in his 30s, still being breast fed and living at home? Deary me

There are penty of jobs, btw, plenty. I see ads in shop windows all the time, any idiot can work the tills in Home Goods and supermarkets, it's something to put on the resume if nothing else. We all have to start somewhere, especially as immigrants

Think you are being quite unfair in your description. I don't see this scenario at all in the OP's discussion.

I was 20 married and a mother but that was me. Times have changed in the last 16 years for the young of today. It is hurtful to the OP to post comments such as yours. There is no need for that since it is only your viewpoint based on what little has been offered into their lifestyle.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 3:04 pm
  #54  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

Originally Posted by themadpooper

A 20 year old is an adult, not a child. I moved here in my mid 20s (now 36), no one to hold my hand for me.

Don't be ridiculous -- you moved here to be married, so presumably there was a lot of hand holding going on, including someone swearing financial support for you, if necessary. It was also your choice. Whatever his age, this young man has no higher education and no career path at this point in time, and needs both direction and support. It was also not his choice to come here, but the parents understandably wanted to keep the family together. He is also hampered by not being currently eligible to take a job because of his immigrant situation.

And by the way, I was younger than you when I moved here, and there was no fiance in the picture.

Last edited by Nutmegger; May 22nd 2016 at 3:48 pm.
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Old May 22nd 2016, 3:27 pm
  #55  
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Default Re: Brit in need of advice

another sterling piece of advice from you.

Originally Posted by themadpooper
At that age he needs to wiping his backside for himself

A 20 year old is an adult, not a child. I moved here in my mid 20s (now 36), no one to hold my hand for me. This lad can't even go to the bathroom on his own by the sounds of it. What's he gonna be like in his 30s, still being breast fed and living at home? Deary me

There are penty of jobs, btw, plenty. I see ads in shop windows all the time, any idiot can work the tills in Home Goods and supermarkets, it's something to put on the resume if nothing else. We all have to start somewhere, especially as immigrants
"I moved here in my mid 20s (now 36), no one to hold my hand for me"

and look how you turned out.
nuff said



I am sick and tired of this idiot's continued assaults on the members of this community. At best he is merely a troll, at worst, he really does believe that his contributions help.
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