aussie in laws
Apr 7th 2004, 10:54 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
aussie in laws
Ok I am pasting this from the original post from the Aus andNZ forum, someone suggested I try her so here goes people!!
I am married to an Aussie lady, whom I have been with for 4 years, we meet in England and I have visited Aus with her twice, once for a year. I enjoyed the place as a holiday but I would not want to live there. You soon realise if a place is "right" I reckoned that it was ok for Aussies, but a Brit would find it rather boring/suburban.
Anyway my wife seems happy now, however she gets emotional blackmail phonecalls off her mum, asking when shes coming home, giving the old aussie is great, how can you cope with the uk, dump/bad weather etc. My wife seems to enjoy life here, but I worry about if she will inevitably succomb to the harrasment. I hated the place and wonder if anyone else is in a similar position??
I will add that me and my wife are very close and both realise that what her mother does is very very questionable. I guess i feel for my wife as this is an unneccessary burdan be placed on her, I thought parents were meant to support their offspring as long as they were happy? When I was in Aus and thinking of making it permanent, my parents supported me, even though I knew how hard it was for them, they didnt give me the guilt trip.
My wife is visiting oz in Dec, I am staying here in England as I couldnt stomach 3 weeks of pro Aus propaganda and I may well have told her mum where to shove her f**king Straylia.
Cheers peeps
I am married to an Aussie lady, whom I have been with for 4 years, we meet in England and I have visited Aus with her twice, once for a year. I enjoyed the place as a holiday but I would not want to live there. You soon realise if a place is "right" I reckoned that it was ok for Aussies, but a Brit would find it rather boring/suburban.
Anyway my wife seems happy now, however she gets emotional blackmail phonecalls off her mum, asking when shes coming home, giving the old aussie is great, how can you cope with the uk, dump/bad weather etc. My wife seems to enjoy life here, but I worry about if she will inevitably succomb to the harrasment. I hated the place and wonder if anyone else is in a similar position??
I will add that me and my wife are very close and both realise that what her mother does is very very questionable. I guess i feel for my wife as this is an unneccessary burdan be placed on her, I thought parents were meant to support their offspring as long as they were happy? When I was in Aus and thinking of making it permanent, my parents supported me, even though I knew how hard it was for them, they didnt give me the guilt trip.
My wife is visiting oz in Dec, I am staying here in England as I couldnt stomach 3 weeks of pro Aus propaganda and I may well have told her mum where to shove her f**king Straylia.
Cheers peeps
Apr 8th 2004, 8:04 am
#2
What's he asking?
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere
Posts: 618
i read the response you got in the oz/nx forum which wasnt entirely unexpected tbh.
what i will say is that by having a relationship with an aussie you might kind of expected that her in laws would want to see her a bit more. its not like you live round the corner is it. put it the other way. say you were in oz (which i know you dont like but lets pretend hey?) and you had kids with your wife, would your family not phone you and say we would like to see you, your wife and their granchildren. does you wife intend on staying in england for the rest of your life.
i used to go out with an aussie and whilst she said she was happy staying in england i always new she would go back and that it would be me that would have to give up everything to be with her. if you look at it that way your wife ahs given up her country, her family, her friends maybe even her pet hamster to be in england with you so stop bleating on about her mum missing her daughter. you have ahrdly given up as much as she has.
what i will say is that by having a relationship with an aussie you might kind of expected that her in laws would want to see her a bit more. its not like you live round the corner is it. put it the other way. say you were in oz (which i know you dont like but lets pretend hey?) and you had kids with your wife, would your family not phone you and say we would like to see you, your wife and their granchildren. does you wife intend on staying in england for the rest of your life.
i used to go out with an aussie and whilst she said she was happy staying in england i always new she would go back and that it would be me that would have to give up everything to be with her. if you look at it that way your wife ahs given up her country, her family, her friends maybe even her pet hamster to be in england with you so stop bleating on about her mum missing her daughter. you have ahrdly given up as much as she has.
Apr 8th 2004, 9:56 am
#3
Dugongidae Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Wimbledon, England
Posts: 441
Re: aussie in laws
I think there is always this tension between Brit/Oz couples until you have tried both countries and can make an informed decision.
IMHO the problem is you may not have lived in Oz long enough to really convince everybody that you gave it a go. Probably then the in-laws think the aussie daughter is throwing everything away to be with a brit mummysboy who cannot cut the apron strings.
If you really care for the aussie lady I would'nt send her back to Oz on her own during Summer and Christmas because the family pressure will be immense and they will have additional evidence that she is better off without you as you would'nt even join her for the long trip.
Far better to go, enjoy an Oz xmas drink the wine eat the prawns etc etc, but set your stall out for the in laws i.e. work opportunities in the uk outway oz at your time of life, cannot stand the heat, love oz but still want to explore what europe has to offer etc etc so they can see you are genuine although have real issues.
My strategy, love oz love holidaying there, may retire there one day but at the moment uk is the place to be for my work (which is true anyway) and the place I can best provide for my family. Oz wife and family accept this although we still get the usual weather is beautiful here at Xmas phonecalls although I can now return the pleasure during August when I know they are freezing !
IMHO the problem is you may not have lived in Oz long enough to really convince everybody that you gave it a go. Probably then the in-laws think the aussie daughter is throwing everything away to be with a brit mummysboy who cannot cut the apron strings.
If you really care for the aussie lady I would'nt send her back to Oz on her own during Summer and Christmas because the family pressure will be immense and they will have additional evidence that she is better off without you as you would'nt even join her for the long trip.
Far better to go, enjoy an Oz xmas drink the wine eat the prawns etc etc, but set your stall out for the in laws i.e. work opportunities in the uk outway oz at your time of life, cannot stand the heat, love oz but still want to explore what europe has to offer etc etc so they can see you are genuine although have real issues.
My strategy, love oz love holidaying there, may retire there one day but at the moment uk is the place to be for my work (which is true anyway) and the place I can best provide for my family. Oz wife and family accept this although we still get the usual weather is beautiful here at Xmas phonecalls although I can now return the pleasure during August when I know they are freezing !
Originally posted by kong
Ok I am pasting this from the original post from the Aus andNZ forum, someone suggested I try her so here goes people!!
I am married to an Aussie lady, whom I have been with for 4 years, we meet in England and I have visited Aus with her twice, once for a year. I enjoyed the place as a holiday but I would not want to live there. You soon realise if a place is "right" I reckoned that it was ok for Aussies, but a Brit would find it rather boring/suburban.
Anyway my wife seems happy now, however she gets emotional blackmail phonecalls off her mum, asking when shes coming home, giving the old aussie is great, how can you cope with the uk, dump/bad weather etc. My wife seems to enjoy life here, but I worry about if she will inevitably succomb to the harrasment. I hated the place and wonder if anyone else is in a similar position??
I will add that me and my wife are very close and both realise that what her mother does is very very questionable. I guess i feel for my wife as this is an unneccessary burdan be placed on her, I thought parents were meant to support their offspring as long as they were happy? When I was in Aus and thinking of making it permanent, my parents supported me, even though I knew how hard it was for them, they didnt give me the guilt trip.
My wife is visiting oz in Dec, I am staying here in England as I couldnt stomach 3 weeks of pro Aus propaganda and I may well have told her mum where to shove her f**king Straylia.
Cheers peeps
Ok I am pasting this from the original post from the Aus andNZ forum, someone suggested I try her so here goes people!!
I am married to an Aussie lady, whom I have been with for 4 years, we meet in England and I have visited Aus with her twice, once for a year. I enjoyed the place as a holiday but I would not want to live there. You soon realise if a place is "right" I reckoned that it was ok for Aussies, but a Brit would find it rather boring/suburban.
Anyway my wife seems happy now, however she gets emotional blackmail phonecalls off her mum, asking when shes coming home, giving the old aussie is great, how can you cope with the uk, dump/bad weather etc. My wife seems to enjoy life here, but I worry about if she will inevitably succomb to the harrasment. I hated the place and wonder if anyone else is in a similar position??
I will add that me and my wife are very close and both realise that what her mother does is very very questionable. I guess i feel for my wife as this is an unneccessary burdan be placed on her, I thought parents were meant to support their offspring as long as they were happy? When I was in Aus and thinking of making it permanent, my parents supported me, even though I knew how hard it was for them, they didnt give me the guilt trip.
My wife is visiting oz in Dec, I am staying here in England as I couldnt stomach 3 weeks of pro Aus propaganda and I may well have told her mum where to shove her f**king Straylia.
Cheers peeps
Apr 9th 2004, 12:20 pm
#4
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Back in UK after 3 years Oz
Posts: 9
I am in a very similar position.
Married to a beautiful aussie wife, and lived in Oz for 2 and a half years. Did initially plan the move as permanent, but we are now back in the UK (hopefully for good).
My reasons for moving back were mainly the job situation. I work in the city in IT, and the wages / terms and conditions / general dynamism on offer in Sydney just could not compare. Add to that the ridiculous tax rates, and our standard of living took a plummet.
We also wanted to start a family, and with no maternity benefits on offer in Oz this would also have been a struggle.
The general right wing insular nature of the society also bugged me a lot. The Tampa incident, and peoples reaction to it, was the final straw for me.
There is a lot I like about Oz, but it is better for me to just enjoy what it has to offer on holidays.
My wife obviously misses her family. This to me is completely natural and something I sympathise with her about. I missed my family and friends when I was there too. Her mum also acts like the aussie tourist board forever trumpeting the benefits of Australia. This is annoying, but hardly unreasonable.
My advice would be, make sure that your wife enjoys the benefits of living in the UK, so she does not start to feel that the grass might be greener in Oz.
Married to a beautiful aussie wife, and lived in Oz for 2 and a half years. Did initially plan the move as permanent, but we are now back in the UK (hopefully for good).
My reasons for moving back were mainly the job situation. I work in the city in IT, and the wages / terms and conditions / general dynamism on offer in Sydney just could not compare. Add to that the ridiculous tax rates, and our standard of living took a plummet.
We also wanted to start a family, and with no maternity benefits on offer in Oz this would also have been a struggle.
The general right wing insular nature of the society also bugged me a lot. The Tampa incident, and peoples reaction to it, was the final straw for me.
There is a lot I like about Oz, but it is better for me to just enjoy what it has to offer on holidays.
My wife obviously misses her family. This to me is completely natural and something I sympathise with her about. I missed my family and friends when I was there too. Her mum also acts like the aussie tourist board forever trumpeting the benefits of Australia. This is annoying, but hardly unreasonable.
My advice would be, make sure that your wife enjoys the benefits of living in the UK, so she does not start to feel that the grass might be greener in Oz.
Apr 9th 2004, 2:31 pm
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Mondo
I am in a very similar position.
Married to a beautiful aussie wife, and lived in Oz for 2 and a half years. Did initially plan the move as permanent, but we are now back in the UK (hopefully for good).
My reasons for moving back were mainly the job situation. I work in the city in IT, and the wages / terms and conditions / general dynamism on offer in Sydney just could not compare. Add to that the ridiculous tax rates, and our standard of living took a plummet.
We also wanted to start a family, and with no maternity benefits on offer in Oz this would also have been a struggle.
The general right wing insular nature of the society also bugged me a lot. The Tampa incident, and peoples reaction to it, was the final straw for me.
There is a lot I like about Oz, but it is better for me to just enjoy what it has to offer on holidays.
My wife obviously misses her family. This to me is completely natural and something I sympathise with her about. I missed my family and friends when I was there too. Her mum also acts like the aussie tourist board forever trumpeting the benefits of Australia. This is annoying, but hardly unreasonable.
My advice would be, make sure that your wife enjoys the benefits of living in the UK, so she does not start to feel that the grass might be greener in Oz.
I am in a very similar position.
Married to a beautiful aussie wife, and lived in Oz for 2 and a half years. Did initially plan the move as permanent, but we are now back in the UK (hopefully for good).
My reasons for moving back were mainly the job situation. I work in the city in IT, and the wages / terms and conditions / general dynamism on offer in Sydney just could not compare. Add to that the ridiculous tax rates, and our standard of living took a plummet.
We also wanted to start a family, and with no maternity benefits on offer in Oz this would also have been a struggle.
The general right wing insular nature of the society also bugged me a lot. The Tampa incident, and peoples reaction to it, was the final straw for me.
There is a lot I like about Oz, but it is better for me to just enjoy what it has to offer on holidays.
My wife obviously misses her family. This to me is completely natural and something I sympathise with her about. I missed my family and friends when I was there too. Her mum also acts like the aussie tourist board forever trumpeting the benefits of Australia. This is annoying, but hardly unreasonable.
My advice would be, make sure that your wife enjoys the benefits of living in the UK, so she does not start to feel that the grass might be greener in Oz.
I agree, for a holiday, you can enjoy the beach etc, but as a lifetime commitment? No way! I would maybe retire there, as others on the forum have also said, but for work it is pants the crap money paid is no use and only rent and car costs are cheaper than the UK.
Yeah Aussie mothers know how to "talk up" Aussie, I think she forgets that I spent time there and saw it first hand. Its always the weather she harps on about, well I think Sydneys weather is crap! I also say that twice a year I can holiday in the med and get guaranteed good weather and nice bars/cheap good beer. Not stormy humid summers with rain and drinking rubbish beer in an air conditioned box that is full of pokies and waffling sports obsessed Aussies!
Apr 9th 2004, 11:56 pm
#6
Live the moment
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: In between nappies and feeds
Posts: 2,026
I am a Pom married to Aussie bloke and we met in the UK, lived there for a couple of year had daughter and decided to move to OZ for perhaps "a better life". I said goodbye to my close family, sisters, gorgoeus mum and brought my 5 month old here to start that "new life". Now 2 and half years later we are heading back to the UK. Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
I have the cold cold outlaws here and the way they have reacted to us returning to the Uk is just shocking. Emotional blackmail..the lot !!and they don't even like me so get that !!One huge reason why we are going...the coldness from them I mean. We also feel that we need a support network of family/friends which we have in the UK. My hubby is also in IT and feels there is not the challenges and positions available here that there are in the UK. We both want to travel more and also we plan a second baby which is another big reason on being near people who care and would be happy to help out.
There are many things I am sure I will miss about Oz but for us the UK is the place for us now. Plus I am very fed up with the " Aussie is the best" and why on earth would we want to move back to the Uk syndrome !!LIKE I HAVE NO FAMILY !!So long as your wife feels a good support network of family and friends then hopefully she will settle ok for a longgggg time.
To be honest I perhaps would go back with her for the 3 weeks of "Stralia is heaven "period !!I know it's hard but her family would see it as another chance to put pressure on her. No doubt she could do with your support.
I am having to go back to the UK before my hubby and we both know his parents will look at this short period of time as an opportunity to try and wear the poor guy down with all the emotional crap and to make it uncomfortable for us to even talk on the phone to one another. We are both dreading it.
I wish you lots of luck and try to be remain fair be happy and take care......
Pants
I have the cold cold outlaws here and the way they have reacted to us returning to the Uk is just shocking. Emotional blackmail..the lot !!and they don't even like me so get that !!One huge reason why we are going...the coldness from them I mean. We also feel that we need a support network of family/friends which we have in the UK. My hubby is also in IT and feels there is not the challenges and positions available here that there are in the UK. We both want to travel more and also we plan a second baby which is another big reason on being near people who care and would be happy to help out.
There are many things I am sure I will miss about Oz but for us the UK is the place for us now. Plus I am very fed up with the " Aussie is the best" and why on earth would we want to move back to the Uk syndrome !!LIKE I HAVE NO FAMILY !!So long as your wife feels a good support network of family and friends then hopefully she will settle ok for a longgggg time.
To be honest I perhaps would go back with her for the 3 weeks of "Stralia is heaven "period !!I know it's hard but her family would see it as another chance to put pressure on her. No doubt she could do with your support.
I am having to go back to the UK before my hubby and we both know his parents will look at this short period of time as an opportunity to try and wear the poor guy down with all the emotional crap and to make it uncomfortable for us to even talk on the phone to one another. We are both dreading it.
I wish you lots of luck and try to be remain fair be happy and take care......
Pants
