ian-mstm

Are you going to marry this guy or just shack up with him like you did your son's father? Hey... y'gotta realize that I don't really care one way or another, but where others just think it... I say it out loud - it gets things out into the open! Have you ever asked your son about his relationship with his dad... or how he feels about you and his dad not being married... or how he's going to need to get used to a new man is his mom's bed... or even if he wants to move to the US? So far, this all seems to be about you!


You do seem to have some sort of warped confrontational attitude towards relationships. Shame you couldn't have simply been honest with the guy.


No worries... I have plenty to offer!

Ian

AlienUk

Yup, I am getting married

Been lucky enough to ensnare this hapless sod

My son adores his dad, he thinks he's the most wonderful person in the world, but he's made the odd comment about why does he lie to him (which I nip in the bud)....
As for us not being married, he asked his dad why we didn't get married and his dad told him I didn't want to marry him. Then my son demanded to know why I didn't. Slightly sticky to explain to a five year old!

Have thought at great lengths about how he'll get used to a new man, but he seems to get on fine with my fiance, been quite suprised he hasn't shown any jealousy whatsoever.

He will miss his dad, but I hope his dad will have him for the summer holidays and maybe Easter or Xmas - will probably amount to more time he sees him now.
As for moving to the US, that's a way off yet, but I will introduce it to him gradually. No idea whether he'll want to move, but it's not his choice to make.
At present I work shifts, some weeks I see him for a hour in the morning and at the weekend, so moving to the US will enable to spend much more time with him so I deem it to be a better deal for him.
If he doesn't like it at first, he'll need to get used to it.

I'm so happy to have found someone to point out the error of all my ways, I'll do my best to reform!!

Englishmum

Surely for your son's sake it would be best for your boyfriend to move to the UK?

AlienUk

Not really....my fiance's job provides free schooling for his wife and dependents, so my son will attend private school there..... my fiance also earns far more than I do, so quality of life will be far better,I will be able to afford to go back to school which increases my earning potential...My son has relatives in NY - greatgrandmother, cousins, aunts etc as well.

optom3

I have direct recent experience of this .My oldest son is to my ex husband I have remarried and now have 2 further children.We moved to the U.S 1 year ago and inspite of the fact that my son ,then 11 had not seen his biological father since he was 5, we had to get a court order signed by the district judge and the absent father in order to remove him from the .u.k.The reason my son did not see his father in 6 years was because he a) did not want too and b) the judge at that time ruled in my sons favour despite his very young age,that it would be detimental for him to be forced to see his father.I cannot tell you how difficult and expensive the whole process was.I did not even have a contact address for my ex husband ,but the judge was quite specific ,no permission from the 6 years absent biological father then sorry but you stay in the U.K. Let me further add that not only had my son had no contact in all those years ,but I have never had any financial support from him,not that I wanted it.It took private detectives and several expensive lawyers to finally get the court order signed.Even now whenever we travel ,as my oldest has a different surname we are questioned and have to show the court order.

AlienUk

Do you know if the court order was mandatory because you had been married?

But on another note, his father has happily agreed to give permission for me to take him with me.....

Silverdragon102

I would still get it done properly and in writing so it doesn't come back and bit you in the proverbial if he should change his mind

AlienUk

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!

Was actually wondering what exactly I need to get from him, doubt I need to go to court, but probably something along the lines of an affadavit drawn up by a solictor...

suzanne7575

No advice other than what others have said about getting something signed legally, but just wanted to say i am pleased that you managed to get permission, and wish you all the best with your move to the states and every happiness in your marriage.

Well done for not getting scared away by the idiots who seem to try and wind everyone up the wrong way.

Silverdragon102

I am sure something could easily be done with the solicitor and would be a binding document

ian-mstm

I may be a sanctimonious prick, but I'm certainly not an idiot. Immigration isn't for the faint of heart... and "if you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." - Q.

Ian

AlienUk

Thanks

I didn't actually take offense to Ian, behind his slightly abrasive manner, he actually has some good points, ie does the parent moving actually have the CHILD'S best interests at heart and not their own...If one can honestly ask oneself the questions he raises and know that you ARE doing the right thing, then you're off to a good start.....And he does have a point, if you can't take words on a screen by people who don't know you, you'd be better off staying under the bed forever more....

optom3

The court order was mandatory .I did at one point consider just taking him minus permission but was advised in very strong terms that U.S immigration would probably query his entry to USA and permission to leave U.K. In fact this is exactly what happened when we went through immigration and we did indeed have to produce the court order signed by the district judge.It is difficult enough these days to enter the USA I would not risk it.There is no such thing as custody these days in legal terms and in view of the very strong rights that fathers have even completetly absent ones I will just reiterate do not risk it.I was even warned at one stage that it could be considered abduction which is an incredibly serious offense.

Deedee13

been there done that.....i have two lovely daughters.. unfortunately from different fathers... its happens ....... bearing my own cross on that one.. the eldest hasnt seen her father from day one.. correction has seen him but does not know he is dad.... my other daughters father has been dad to both.. if u can call it that..... i am the only person on the birth certificate.... father is left blank. I still however need custody papers for both children which i got from social services stating that there was no duel custody... I can take them where I wish when i wish and until they are adults make all decisions on them.... The eldests father pays about 5 pounds every 6 months .. whooooopie.. and the second one actually does pay child support although that to is when he feels like it. I got a court order so now if he doenst pay i can get it taken out of his pay.. why do i get child support at all some of u might ask if i want my cake and eat it........ there are many issues involved... But u do need some sort of custody papers to be able to have the kids over in the usa..... As for the father... dont completely exempt him... involve him in the move.. even bi weekly visits have enabled bonding between the two... kids are not just to have on ur arm when they are babies and look sweet.... they grow up and believe me teenagers are bitches lol

suzanne7575

I was generalising, not talking about you specifically Ian, although you are the one that stands out on this thread.

I know immigration isn't for the faint of heart, tell me bout it, I have been considering this for many years and have just decided to take the plunge and it's hard work already even at the beginning.

Personally I'm not offended by anything said on here, I'm made of tougher stuff than that, but some newbies do get really rough treatment, when all they are after is a bit of info.