quiltman

The word "Dear" is still used a lot by the older generation in the UK , usually to those younger than themselves. In Nottinghamshire, where I originally hail from, it was absolutely normal to call someone mi'duck - even guys in the pub used to address each other as such. That's OK on a face to face basis but I admit when I first read Chapdawgs response I had a mental picture of him patting the OP on the head and giving her a lump of sugar! It is so difficult to express emotions in words especially to a complete stranger as pollyana said so politeness says be careful! Oh, my uncle was from Leicestershire and there they called everyone "Chuck" ! I was often called "Dear" by the older patients i used to take to hospitals - maybe because they couldn't read my name badge!!

BritInParis

Referring to someone as 'dear' in the UK is perfectly acceptable... if you're female, over 80 years of age and referring to someone at least 30 years younger than you.

moneypenny20

'Dear' as used by the older generation to the younger is one thing. 'My dear' as used by someone to someone else they don't know is completely different.

I do know when I'm talking to the husband and call him 'Dear' he knows he's ****ed up in some way.

yellowroom

Calling people dear, pet, chuck, love, duck etc in general conversation with strangers is still relatively common here. It's more common with the older generation, but usually denotes friendliness (Alright love? What can I get you today?) and it's not offensive. As a student I remember being highly amused at the reaction of some male southern students using a northern bus for the first time and being addressed as "love" by the male driver.

Addressing someone as my dear while dishing out your opinion or unwanted "advice" is pompous at best and offensively patronising at worst, regardless of your gender (Lady Catherine de Bourgh anyone?). It renders null and void anything you say after that phrase.

robin1234

In England, people address each other as "dear" all the time. Shop assistants, bar staff, waitresses and waiters.... don't they, or am I totally misremembering? And in rural America, aged waitresses in diners and such use even more extravagant endearments with complete strangers! Darling, sweetheart, my lovely, etc. etc.

Or is it just me?

Pollyana

If a shop assistant/bar staff/waiter calls me 'dear' she or he will get short shrift if they happen to look younger than me (which 95% do). I'm not their 'dear', I'm a crabby old witch. My nieces do it occasionally, and they KNOW its patronising, they only do it to annoy!

Face to face vs online to someone who could be anyone - you don't even know what age/sex etc they are. As already said, it doesn't work, especially in the context of the original post, which does not actually appear in this thread. Its not a row as such about being called 'dear', it needs to be read in context.

THIS is the context of the word in the original post which sparked the row....

Nutmegger

This. The post that caused the furor sounded like the school principal addressing a misguided student -- and it didn't help that it was a man addressing a woman in such a way.

md95065

Indeed.

I'm sure the Queen uses it all the time when she's talking to David Cameron ...

scrubbedexpat084

Firstly I never mentioned that you answered my question wrong. Secondly I replied to Chapdawg after the “my dear” message, it was a perfectly normal reply, and I actually thanked Chapdawg for his response and used the same words “my dear” in my response, it seemed Chapdawg felt comfortable enough using those words. But the odd thing is that after using the same term (my dear), I was then told not to get my knickers in a twist and consequent posts became quite aggressive not only towards myself but other posters. Could it be that the “my dear” had suddenly caused a problem for Chapdawg when directed at him! I also wonder if Chapdawg would have used “my dear” had he known the OP was male?

Chapdawg as you rightly said: “It is a public forum and you will get what people have to say in THEIR opinion of such a matter” And that is exactly what others have been doing with regard using the words “my dear”. Most of us find it condescending, and most definitely in this situation, patronising. That seems to be the majority’s opinion, including mine. Time to move on.

Leslie

It is okay to use "dear" when you are being friendly and genuinely kind. Using "dear" when you are being a condescending douchebag just inflames the situation. We all know this. This isn't rocket science, ffs.

Jerseygirl

Yes dear.

Leslie

It's okay when you do it, sweetie. Because you are so very old.

scrubbedexpat097

Seriously people, you are all losing the plot!!

The age of the person the area someone was brought up all make a difference how people present themselves. It certainly doesn't sound disrespectful. It's just a friendly greeting.

I cannot believe this one expression has caused so much discussion

Jerseygirl

scrubbedexpat099

There is only one person on this site I would address as Dear.

But it is otherwise regional, like Pet, Duck etc.