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Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Old Sep 17th 2018, 10:15 pm
  #31  
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Steerpike
Others have pretty much covered what I would say in general, but one think you mention did puzzle me a bit ...

I understand being bullied at school, but I'm not sure I know anyone who was bullied at University; I was a 'nerd' at University, and certainly didn't fit in with the 'in crowd', but I never felt 'bullied' (maybe intimidated). Curious to understand how that worked for you. And then, you mention 'harassment from coworkers'; curious to understand that too, in what sounds like a fairly 'professional' environment. People resenting your success to the point of really bothering you?
Well now you do. I was placed on halls of residence on a floor that became notorious for being the party floor. Because I had to work hard for a scholarship I didn't have time for that, and instead of respecting that, half a dozen people on my floor decided it would be fun to pick on me. For example kicking my door all hours of the night etc. I'm not being dramatic and I'm fine now, but yes I experienced bullying in university.

Likewise with my first job. It was a graduate heavy company and looking back it sadly had a schoolyard mentality. There was a group of about 4 people in my department who mocked a lot of staff continually and when I stood up to them I was made the enemy. What started as jibes then became full blown insults via email and post it notes on my desk. I was called gay and my hobbies mocked, work clothes were stolen repeatedly and the final straw was my work desk and computer were tampered with right before an teleconference call with senior management (they took the legs off my office chair and took the ball from my mouse rendering it useless). I flipped and at that point went to HR who to be fair dealt with it seriously but there was not a policy of no retaliation in the company so i in effect got black balled. So I left shortly after.
Looking back at that, I'm even more badass than I give myself credit for!
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Old Sep 17th 2018, 10:28 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Steerpike
I've always felt that new cars are one of the biggest wastes of money around. I bought a new car back in '92 when Anti-Lock Brakes were new and you couldn't get them on used cars; I kept that car for about 15 years (it was a boring-but-reliable Acura), then bought another new car when backup cameras were new, and again bought a very reliable Acura. I was making silly money back then also. Nowadays, I'm enjoying early retirement (late 50s) for similar reasons you give, and I most recently bought a used Lexus. My 'new car' experience has been that the novelty quickly wears off (about as quick as the 'new car' smell), and then you get to worry about 'door dings', rattles, etc. I stashed as much as I could from day 1 in retirement plans, and took quite a few risks with home-buying, which paid off well. real-estate is no walk in the park, but it does have the potential to appreciate, which is more than you can say for a car!
Cars are one of the biggest reasons Americans are poorly prepared for retirement. In my first 50 years of driving I bought two new cars. Both were such a great deal I couldn’t go wrong and paid cash for both. The best cars I have ever had were those I bought for peanuts and drove for years almost for free. To me pocessions in general are a great burden and should be kept to a minimum. My wife and I have way too much stuff that I hope to someday be rid of.
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Old Sep 17th 2018, 11:14 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Anybody looking for great used cars in the US should check out cars imported from Japan. (We can get them here in the Caribbean, via Miami; I've no idea where else they may be available in the US.) I've been told that cars in Japan have to be taken off the road after five years, and that they're all superbly maintained over there while on the road, and excellent value. I understand that both left-hand-drive and right-hand-drive are available. (We drive on the left, here, being a British colony, but both LHD and RHD are available to us.) Many of them have small mileage, too. Our two Toyota Windoms are 21 years old, and run beautifully, with little maintenance.
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 12:18 am
  #34  
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Steerpike
I've always felt that new cars are one of the biggest wastes of money around. I bought a new car back in '92 when Anti-Lock Brakes were new and you couldn't get them on used cars; I kept that car for about 15 years (it was a boring-but-reliable Acura), then bought another new car when backup cameras were new, and again bought a very reliable Acura. I was making silly money back then also. Nowadays, I'm enjoying early retirement (late 50s) for similar reasons you give, and I most recently bought a used Lexus. My 'new car' experience has been that the novelty quickly wears off (about as quick as the 'new car' smell), and then you get to worry about 'door dings', rattles, etc. I stashed as much as I could from day 1 in retirement plans, and took quite a few risks with home-buying, which paid off well. real-estate is no walk in the park, but it does have the potential to appreciate, which is more than you can say for a car!
Newer cars on the whole are a lot safer than a 15 year old car. How much value do you put on your's and your family's well being? Hopefully you will never have to use any of the new safety features in a modern car, but how would you feel if anything bad happened to your family, just because they were driving an older car. You mention ABS in your first sentence. Did that car also have EBD? Now they have active braking ect.
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 12:56 am
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by mrken30
Newer cars on the whole are a lot safer than a 15 year old car. How much value do you put on your's and your family's well being? Hopefully you will never have to use any of the new safety features in a modern car, but how would you feel if anything bad happened to your family, just because they were driving an older car. You mention ABS in your first sentence. Did that car also have EBD? Now they have active braking ect.
But by the same token, Ken, big cars are safer than small cars, and huge cars are better than merely big cars. If you're in an accident, you'd be best off in a bulletproof Hummer, I guess!
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 1:04 am
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow
But by the same token, Ken, big cars are safer than small cars, and huge cars are better than merely big cars. If you're in an accident, you'd be best off in a bulletproof Hummer, I guess!
You have obviously never seen the injuries caused in a train wreck. Trains weigh a lot, but are not necessarily safer. Have you ever skidded in a Ford Expedition? Not the easiest car to control when sliding.
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 12:40 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by ddsrph

Cars are one of the biggest reasons Americans are poorly prepared for retirement. In my first 50 years of driving I bought two new cars. Both were such a great deal I couldn’t go wrong and paid cash for both. The best cars I have ever had were those I bought for peanuts and drove for years almost for free. To me pocessions in general are a great burden and should be kept to a minimum. My wife and I have way too much stuff that I hope to someday be rid of.
Agreed. I'm a car guy and as a kid I always remember saying I wanted 5 or 10 cars in a huge garage and now I'll be happy with 1 (outside of my daily driver). It was a shock to the system seeing the price of used cars here compared to the UK. Back there I never paid more than 900 quid for a daily driver, and kept them 4 years or so! Here I have a beater that I had to pay $4k for, but I did buy my wife a 2015 car last yr which although it cost more than every other car I've bought combined, it was a lot cheaper than buying it new. She will keep it for 10 years and then it will become my car, so we will get our money's worth out of it.

Yep, the best car I ever had was a 2001 Ford Mondeo. I paid 400 for it in 2012 with 106k on the clock and one owner from new. Kept it 4 years with minimal maintenance outside of oil changes and tyres, and sold it in 2016 for....400!

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow
Further to my earlier post (#22)... As an expat, and reasonably well paid, we used to "retire" every few years, explaining that we couldn't afford to wait till we were rich enough to retire. Well, it seemed to make sense at the time, taking chunks of retirement as we went along, rather than waiting till we were old. I remember vividly a news story from Miami about a chap who retired aged 65, having worked the whole of his life for the one company. They gave him a send-off party and a gold watch, and he was mugged and killed on the way home. I vowed then and there, to get my retirement(s) in ahead of time.

Of course one has to give up some things along the way, and for us it was new cars. Aged 28 and newly married (in Canada), and lucking into good jobs in Nassau (Bahamas), we spent something like 75% of our entire capital on a new car - a Triumph TR-3; those were called "chicks' cars" in later years, but we thought it was pretty cool in 1967. We've never had the spare cash to invest in a new car since, though I once had a new company car, in another place and several years later. These days, we can only afford a 1997 Toyota each. Sigh. One can't have it all, all the time.
That's a great point! I've been lucky in some ways that in between finding jobs when I got laid off, and then moved to the US, I (we) took time to enjoy ourselves and explore some places we couldn't have done when we were working.

Originally Posted by Steerpike
I've always felt that new cars are one of the biggest wastes of money around. I bought a new car back in '92 when Anti-Lock Brakes were new and you couldn't get them on used cars; I kept that car for about 15 years (it was a boring-but-reliable Acura), then bought another new car when backup cameras were new, and again bought a very reliable Acura. I was making silly money back then also. Nowadays, I'm enjoying early retirement (late 50s) for similar reasons you give, and I most recently bought a used Lexus. My 'new car' experience has been that the novelty quickly wears off (about as quick as the 'new car' smell), and then you get to worry about 'door dings', rattles, etc. I stashed as much as I could from day 1 in retirement plans, and took quite a few risks with home-buying, which paid off well. real-estate is no walk in the park, but it does have the potential to appreciate, which is more than you can say for a car!
I agree, and that's as a car guy. The problem is people buy a new car, then have to have another new one in 3 years. I bought a 2015 Escape last year and that car will be in the family until it dies which I hope is 15 years at least. I will say though that for some people like me, cars are a hobby and what other hobbies have potential to appreciate?

Originally Posted by mrken30
There is so much luck involved in life. The year I moved here , my house lost 30% in value, the exchange rate dived by 30%. I ended up with half of what I was expecting. I got laid off from my job in the UK while I was waiting for my visa. However I moved to the US, I had a good job within a few weeks. I was expecting to have to search for several months and was prepared to work in retail or whatever it took. I moved to the West coast where house prices are crazy, so I am now able to move back to the UK and buy a house with money left over.
There are still issues with living in the US, one is that I don't really get much of a match on 401k, however I invested in property which seems to have paid off. I moved to the US in my late thirties and have been stressing about retirement, but I have the option to move back to the UK, colleagues in the US do not have that option. I think I should be able to retire by 67 and compared to other people, not have too much of a financial struggle.

Just play life as it comes, there will be good and bad, but you always have your family.
Thanks for sharing your story, and your words of support. You also make a good point about moving back to the UK though I hope to never have to use that option. My wife and I at present have agreed it would be nice to retire to the west coast. I can be near the sea, and she near the mountains.

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow
Anybody looking for great used cars in the US should check out cars imported from Japan. (We can get them here in the Caribbean, via Miami; I've no idea where else they may be available in the US.) I've been told that cars in Japan have to be taken off the road after five years, and that they're all superbly maintained over there while on the road, and excellent value. I understand that both left-hand-drive and right-hand-drive are available. (We drive on the left, here, being a British colony, but both LHD and RHD are available to us.) Many of them have small mileage, too. Our two Toyota Windoms are 21 years old, and run beautifully, with little maintenance.
Except no car under 25 years old can be imported to the US.

Originally Posted by mrken30
Newer cars on the whole are a lot safer than a 15 year old car. How much value do you put on your's and your family's well being? Hopefully you will never have to use any of the new safety features in a modern car, but how would you feel if anything bad happened to your family, just because they were driving an older car. You mention ABS in your first sentence. Did that car also have EBD? Now they have active braking ect.
Agreed, this is the sole reason I bought my wife a newer car. I don't mind driving around in a 15yr old beater but I wouldn't want my wife to

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow
But by the same token, Ken, big cars are safer than small cars, and huge cars are better than merely big cars. If you're in an accident, you'd be best off in a bulletproof Hummer, I guess!
Originally Posted by mrken30
You have obviously never seen the injuries caused in a train wreck. Trains weigh a lot, but are not necessarily safer. Have you ever skidded in a Ford Expedition? Not the easiest car to control when sliding.
Fifth gear did an interesting test once of an old big car vs a small new car (Volvo station wagon Vs a Renault Modus). The Volvo came off a lot worse than I expected.
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 3:55 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Harveyspecter
Except no car under 25 years old can be imported to the US.
Ah, I did not know that. The ones we buy here (Cayman, in the Caribbean) from Miami dealers must be held there in bond.
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Old Sep 18th 2018, 10:11 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Gordon Barlow
Ah, I did not know that. The ones we buy here (Cayman, in the Caribbean) from Miami dealers must be held there in bond.
There is quite a big market in the US among 'enthusiasts' for 'JDM' engines (JDM - Japanese Domestic Market). Not sure of the legalities but you can import JDM engines somehow, and they are considered gems for the reasons you state - low mileage, etc.

Originally Posted by mrken30
Newer cars on the whole are a lot safer than a 15 year old car. How much value do you put on your's and your family's well being? Hopefully you will never have to use any of the new safety features in a modern car, but how would you feel if anything bad happened to your family, just because they were driving an older car. You mention ABS in your first sentence. Did that car also have EBD? Now they have active braking ect.
This is a good point. As I mentioned, I bought a new car way back to get ABS, and then again to get a backup camera. My current 2013 Lexus has 'BSM' - blind-spot-monitoring - and it is fantastic, and has saved me from an accident at least once already. During the day, it's just an 'extra pair of eyes' but at night, it does a far better job than I could ever do in terms of judging the location of cars in adjacent lanes on the 6-lanes wide urban freeways around the Bay Area where every lane is essentially going the same speed.
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Old Sep 20th 2018, 5:26 am
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

I've started over a few times. Each time I'm getting older and wiser about what I actually want from life. In my 20's and 30's I was highly paid, had great pension plans, partied, bought nice cars, bought property, and hated life! I was crippled with overwork, stress and worry, and drank heavily.

I'm now 45, in the US, and am just about to get citizenship. I started on this new path when I was 38.
It may not be a popular or common view but the traditional job->mortgage->married->kids->long wait for retirement is now my personal idea of hell!

I've seen many people so worried about retirement then lose a loved one or have a heart attack and then what does it matter?
The quote I like is 'Many people tiptoe through life, hoping to safely make it to death."

I quit my job earlier this year and now freelance back to the same company 2 days a week. The rest of the time I spend doing things I love to do now rather than waiting for retirement. I wrote and sold my first book. I plan to travel around the US next year now that I'm free from the cubicle. I'm also putting together plans to hike the Pacific Crest Trail.

I have the least amount of money I've had since my early 20's, own almost nothing, and may end up with nothing at retirement. Then again, I may create and sell a ton of things and be very comfortable. Who knows? The point is that I shouldn't worry about it and live for now, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. That's the way I'm choosing to live anyway.
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Old Sep 20th 2018, 11:05 am
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Starting from scratch, at the age of 51, and will hopefully be full time in the U.S by late Feb 2019. Was married and with my ex for 20 years before we split, everything I knew was accociated with her and her 2 boys, who are now in there early 20,s.
The divorce was amicable, we just grew apart, but sometimes I feel you stay longer than you should due to fear of the unknown, and that can happen to both parties, and we were both probably stuck in our ways also.

Ive been told there's no differences between the U.K and the U.S, if only, it's a big move and it's there in my head constantly, but I feel it will effect me more on my departure, like you know it's happening but those type of emotional thoughts are put on the back burner. Sometimes I have felt a bit overwhelmed, especially on longer visits, worrying about jobs, car payments etc etc, but that soon ends, as I know my wife, would back me what ever I choose.
One blessing is that we can be mortgage free, so that will take huge financial pressure off us, and I'm not afraid to do any job either,.
Which ever way you look at it, I was starting from scratch, on either side of the pond, and one thing I do know, this is the happiest I've ever been in a relationship in my entire life...





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Old Sep 20th 2018, 1:49 pm
  #42  
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Tkd67

Ive been told there's no differences between the U.K and the U.S,
In how you approach your path in life or in the cultural sense? Everyday life in the US is very different from that in the UK, and it is better to anticipate it being as "foreign" as, say, China, in order to avoid a big shock when starting life here.
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Old Sep 20th 2018, 2:10 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Nutmegger
In how you approach your path in life or in the cultural sense? Everyday life in the US is very different from that in the UK, and it is better to anticipate it being as "foreign" as, say, China, in order to avoid a big shock when starting life here.
It was said to me in a cultural sense...
I agree with your statement.
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Old Sep 20th 2018, 3:59 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Culturally, there is a vast difference between the US and the UK. Perhaps the person trying to reassure doesn't know what life is like in the UK.
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Old Sep 20th 2018, 4:06 pm
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Default Re: Starting from scratch at 35, anyone else ever done it for felt the same?

Originally Posted by Rete
Culturally, there is a vast difference between the US and the UK. Perhaps the person trying to reassure doesn't know what life is like in the UK.
EU national , (polish) living in the U.K. That's says it all
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