Harveyspecter

I’m not one to usually air any personal items or laundry in public but I’ve had a few things niggling me lately and feel like I haven’t been able to talk with anyone about them. It involves my feeling like I had to start from scratch both physically and financially after moving to the US in my mid 30's.As the regulars on here know.

I emigrated to the US in June of 2016 after a long drawn out process that started in 2011 when I met my now wife, who was from near Seattle. Lots of long distance, traveling and after getting married in June 2013 she eventually moved to the UK with me in September 2014 (I got laid off right around the time we got married, and it took me 4mths to find a job, then we had to wait 6 months to apply for her visa). Long story short, because of uncertainties with my job and her feeling homesick, we decided to move to the USA. It then took me nearly a year to secure a job in which time I used up most of my life savings due to a number of issues, the main one being companies seemed reluctant to employ a foreign citizen even though I assured them I had a green card (There were a couple of threads started on my woes at the time).

Fast forward to June 2017 when I started a job I love at a great company, and have met and made some great friends. I tripled my salary compared to my last job in the UK and have been able to put the full company matching amount into my retirement and maxed out my HSA annual allowance. I even managed to save a deposit for a house and now own my first home, which is lovely and a perfect starter home. In addition to this I am able to save about 10% of my salary into savings each month, even with my wife no longer earning as she is a stay at home mom until our daughter is old enough for school. So I feel I'm doing pretty good. However, I’m 36 now (was 34 when I started my job) and most of my friends/coworkers started here right out of college and so have 5-7 years of earning, HSA/Retirement saved up and are still 5yrs or so younger than me,. Which something that seems to be bugging me more lately, no matter how hard I try.

Don’t get me wrong, when I think of where I came from and what I’ve gone through to get here, I’m extremely proud of myself. Without sounding like a sulk, I got bullied badly at school, worked my ass off to get the university I wanted, worked my ass off there too (and again got bullied as a result). I then had to work like mad to get my first job (it took a year of applying for jobs all over the country and attending probably 25 interviews where everyone said I was impressive but had no experience) and when I got that I had to leave after a year due to harassment from coworkers, then after 5 years in another company I got laid off and spent the rest of my time in the UK in contract jobs. Then moving to a new country and losing another year to find a job and get settled took a lot out of me, both emotionally and financially (I used up most of my life savings during that time). As I say, I’m proud of where I’ve gotten to but at the same time it’s eating away at me a bit that it’s taken me the best part of 14 years to get there, whereas most I work with got a job here straight off the bat. As a result I am not jealous at all, but more worried that I am 15 years behind in terms of building up a pension, my medical funds, savings and equity etc, and am too far behind to recover. For example buying certain things I want to treat myself to.

So given this is the only place where people understand what moving to a new country entails, has anyone here in effect started from scratch in their mid 30's and had a 5 or 10 year plan for getting everything they wanted or on track?

steveq

Hey Lizzyq and I threw it all in and emigrated when I was 51. I am in the same scratch start as you.....

scrubbedexpat091

From what you have mentioned sounds like your doing pretty good to me. Years ahead of others in the same age group out there.

Harveyspecter

Thank you both, that makes me feel much better already!

We have a particularly difficult 3 month old and with no family around it;s hard going at present, which is what I think has brought me down so thank you for your kind words.

steveq

I can imagine it is very hard. My folks are both dead now, and milestones pass in our childrens lives that you wish you could share, but never can

scrubbedexpat097

We did. Mid 30's 2 kids and not much else. Almost 30 years later and we are getting close to the retirement life hopefully.

I blogged on here for a while about our early life but it seems to have disappeared or my phone is not showing it.

Nutmegger

When I arrived here over forty years ago I took whatever jobs I could, to keep earning. They were not in my field -- but extreme shyness also hampered me trying to get back into my field in the US. But I always had good jobs and never any "what ifs?". About fifteen years ago, totally by chance, someone noticed my writing skills when I was fulfilling another function at a museum. Result, I have a whole new career editing texts for art books -- I'm booked for the next two years, and can pick and choose my projects -- at a time when most folks would have been retired for five years or more. I joke about being a "late bloomer," but as retirement is not in my vocabulary, I'm very happy! Just go with the flow, Harveyspector, and forget about the "catching up" stuff; it will all even out in the end.

ddsrph

BEVS

Apologies HarveySpecter for popping in this off topic post.


'Ello missus.

Yes. Erm. The blog section.
You can find your way to it by the convoluted method of clicking on Articles tab . You will find the Blog tab in the top menu there.

Access to personal blogs is a secret that belongs to the Mysterons right now.

Maste

Personally, I think 'milestones' stop happening once we are out of high school! We all take different paths in lives, have different things going on, that it's far too hard to even compare yourself to others. I came from a low income family and background, and therefore it's also taken me more hard work and more time than many others to get to where I am. But there's no point in comparing myself to them, because I don't know there story too! You're doing well, you have a family, a house, and savings. That's all that matters, not milestones and age!

CaptainTom

It's easy to fall in to the trap of looking at life as a bunch of milestones. Assuming something life changing will happen if we get that pay rise, or that car, x amount in retirement fund etc and focusing on what others around us are achieving (and what we're not). We all take different paths. Enjoy what you have and what's going on around you and try not to dwell on perceived social expectations. Money comes and goes but your time is precious, relax! Enjoy your lovely family and home.

For what it's worth... I'm 36, I don't own a house, I'm moving my wife and 2 year old from London to California next month with not a great deal. So you're ahead of me

scrubbedexpat099

I was a bit older.

Owen778

Honestly, the problem here is largely that you're comparing yourself to the people whose level you've dragged yourself up to. You're doing great.

Firstly, maxing out retirement savings from the age of 34 is something that few people in the US manage to do. Secondly, don't assume that all those around you have been doing that since they started their first job, or even that they're doing it now. There's probably quite a few who are still paying off student debt, or paying for a house, or living a lifestyle their pay cheque cannot support.

AdobePinon

Or that they're saving more than $10 a paycheck.

BuckinghamshireBoy

Speaking as an apprentice Mysteron, thank you for the pointer, appreciated.

Maybe I should be using this repository for my transitional ramblings rather than cluttering up 'normal threads'?

@ HarveySpecter I reckon you're doing ok++, I quit the UK at age 35 for Switzerland, and quit Switzerland in the last few weeks.

Your initial post shows (to me at least) that you have your head screwed on correctly, stay on track, you're doing fine. I didn't have a plan first time around, but I sure did on this move.

I have no idea at all how pensions (either state or workplace) work in the US, but I advise getting your head around that soonest, it will help a lot in 20-30 years time.