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Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Old Jun 15th 2014, 3:38 pm
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Default Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Once again, on coming back from a 17 day visit to family and friends in England I'm struck with a sadness that incapacitates me for days. Have been tearful, wanting to sleep all the time and have had to call off work for 2 days in a row. All I can think about is how much I miss it all.
Does anyone else suffer so badly when they've visited home? How do you cope?
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 4:39 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

No I really don't....
I'm usually happy to get back to my house and my life here....
Streets that are wide enough to drive in without 'giving way' to other cars all the time....
Much nicer weather,
Stuff that doesn't cost the earth.

The only things I miss are my family (but daughter's a flight attendant and gets to come over a few times a year)
And Primark!

However... we go to SE Asia for 3 months most winters...and I'm always reluctant to come home!!!
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 4:43 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
Once again, on coming back from a 17 day visit to family and friends in England I'm struck with a sadness that incapacitates me for days. Have been tearful, wanting to sleep all the time and have had to call off work for 2 days in a row. All I can think about is how much I miss it all.
Does anyone else suffer so badly when they've visited home? How do you cope?
That sounds rather extreme. How long have you been here? Can't really give you much advice as I don't miss it that much. Try eating Cadburys.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 4:45 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
Once again, on coming back from a 17 day visit to family and friends in England I'm struck with a sadness that incapacitates me for days. Have been tearful, wanting to sleep all the time and have had to call off work for 2 days in a row. All I can think about is how much I miss it all.
Does anyone else suffer so badly when they've visited home? How do you cope?
Yes. The worst was in 2008. I was very bad for about a year afterwards.

Can't offer a solution I'm afraid as I never found one. We are moving back in August.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 5:10 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

I went back for my first visit earlier this year. Thought I might get depressed coming back, but I really didn't at all. Only been here 15 months but this really does feel like home. I'm not sure there is a quick fix for feeling badly homesick unfortunately .
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 7:25 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Sorry no I am glad to get 'home', I was never that sad to be leaving the UK in the first place, I do miss people but not that much. I am very happy in my own company or with hubby/son, I don't really feel like I need other people around so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. I am not sure if that makes me an awful person or not :-/
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 7:58 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

I went through phases like that in the earlier years of our move to the States. Those days we were struggling financially and it really was about reastablishing my identity away from those I hold near and dear - never mind a new culture (30 years ago). Missed the ease of how I fitted in without question in my home turf and how I had to wrap my head around the battle to begin again. I hit a personal wall about year 6/7 and had to make a serious decision to either make this work or go home. In my case, it was about doing some very deep soul searching about what I was looking for in my future. It was my own very personal change of attitude and making more of an effort to belong locally that changed things for me. Family and those long held friends always hold my heart but I am at home here in the states, so am glad to go back and see those I love, but even happier to come back to the States which is what I consider my home.

Hope you feel better soon.

Last edited by Tegwyn; Jun 15th 2014 at 8:00 pm.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 8:17 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Never felt that way. Going back to the US is coming back home and to the good things here. It's like it used to be going back to the UK from a holiday abroad, when I lived in the UK. Of course I miss things back in the UK, country pubs and family but if I felt the way the OP does about coming back here then I would seriously have to consider why I was living here.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 8:31 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

I expect I should have prefaced my post by saying that I've lived in the USA for 37 years. In the early years we were all so young and had much to look forward to. Trips home brought new marriages, new babies etc. Now we are all older, becoming infirm and so many family members are passing away it is such a wrench to say goodbye with the strong realization that it might be the last time we ever see each other. The sadness comes from a stark realization that we will never all be as we once were. Anyone out there who has spent this much time as an expat?
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 8:33 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
Once again, on coming back from a 17 day visit to family and friends in England I'm struck with a sadness that incapacitates me for days. Have been tearful, wanting to sleep all the time and have had to call off work for 2 days in a row. All I can think about is how much I miss it all.
Does anyone else suffer so badly when they've visited home? How do you cope?
Looking at some of your other posts I see that you have been in the US for a long time but plan on moving back to the UK In a few years time when you retire. You also say "once again" so I assume that you have experienced feelings like this before, although perhaps not so intensely.

I'm not sure what to suggest, except to say that if what you are experiencing is so debilitating that you just want to sleep and not go to work then, unless this is just a case of severe jet lag, it really sounds a bit like depression and, if it persists, it might be a good idea to seek professional help. I don't know, but there may be other things going on in your life that are causing you stress or anxiety and this trip has just been a trigger.

I'm not sure, but looking at this post from 2010 it seems that you were enjoying life in the US http://britishexpats.com/forum/rover...6/#post8358067 - what changed?
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 9:11 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
Anyone out there who has spent this much time as an expat?
I have been here since 1978, and apart from being uneasy in the first few months, I have no desire to go back. The last time I was in the UK was 1996, and I am quite happy here in the USA, and so are my offsprings. I am sorry that you feel so insecure, and I wonder whether counselling would help.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 9:13 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

No dont miss the UK at all with all the anti-immigrant UKIP propaganda etc spewing from every media source I didnt feel comfortable at all there.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 10:18 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by ChocolateBabz View Post
Sorry no I am glad to get 'home', I was never that sad to be leaving the UK in the first place, I do miss people but not that much. I am very happy in my own company or with hubby/son, I don't really feel like I need other people around so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. I am not sure if that makes me an awful person or not :-/
I felt much the same way. The only difference was my parent's that were getting on a bit and I always thought "is this the last time I'm going to see them". They never did manage to come over here as my Mum was always afraid to travel anywhere, but my Dad would have been up for it. That is the only regret about coming over here, that they never saw our life this side of the pond.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
Anyone out there who has spent this much time as an expat?
Longer. I always felt that looking in the rear-view mirror was counter productive and got on with making a life here. To be honest, I think that it was easier to leave home in "the old days" as there was no instant communication on Skype or email, a phone call cost a fortune and had to be booked, so people didn't cling to their old lives but instead put their energies into making new friends, enjoying new experiences, new cuisines, new ways of doing things. One was pretty isolated, so it was sink or swim! When I visit the UK I enjoy seeing my family, but can't wait to return to my home -- which is in the US.
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Old Jun 15th 2014, 11:46 pm
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Default Re: Sadness when coming backfrom UK to USA

Originally Posted by Jensmate View Post
I expect I should have prefaced my post by saying that I've lived in the USA for 37 years. In the early years we were all so young and had much to look forward to. Trips home brought new marriages, new babies etc. Now we are all older, becoming infirm and so many family members are passing away it is such a wrench to say goodbye with the strong realization that it might be the last time we ever see each other. The sadness comes from a stark realization that we will never all be as we once were. Anyone out there who has spent this much time as an expat?
In that case it may be more to do with a natural process of getting older. No, we will never be as we once were, and friends and family will pass away wherever we are. As md95065 says, it may be a depression which is not directly related to emigration.
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