I really hope that you all work it out and come to a decision that suits you all. You sound like a decent guy who so far has put everyone else's happiness above that of his own which is quite admirable.

But you are entitled to be happy as well and I think as you say, if you all keep communicating then you hopefully will find a solution.

It might take time but just think that soon you will go back home and you can start afresh.

Good luck.

Sounds like a really positive step forward
Having read through, if citizenship can be got through in 6 months, must be worth going for, that way your kids will have all options open to them.
Best wishesx

I hope you can get things sorted so you arrive at a compromise! Nothing worse than having to be where you really really do not want to be!

It is hard for a mother to let go of her kids - one of mine went on a "gap year" back to UK 5 years ago and now seems to have emigrated back again and if he current career pans out then he will be there for at least another 10 years (and if his current girlfriend pans out then he will be there for life!). I hate that he is half way round the world but then I look at my parents' attitude to me, their only daughter, taking off without a thought for them or their feelings (they were fantastic and never said anything other than positive!) and I know that what my adult kids do is up to them and I cant organize my life to be with them all the time.

I would love to go back to UK to live but DH, who is an Aussie, is not going to uproot himself from his vegie patch and move anywhere unless it is to go way out in the bush (oh dear!!!). I've had him for a good many years now and don't want to trade him in for a newer model so I hang around here (and go through those dark days when I absolutely hate it!) and live with it, keeping my sanity by going home to see the aged rellies and the son basically whenever I want to.

If you can get the citizen thing sorted then it looks as if there is an escape claus for your kids if they decide that UK is not for them!

It's still unclear why your children aren't already U.S. citizens if you are one, although your wife would still be strongly advised to get her citizenship.

Are they step-children?

but then I look at my parents' attitude to me, their only daughter, taking off without a thought for them or their feelings (they were fantastic and never said anything other than positive!) and I know that what my adult kids do is up to them and I cant organize my life to be with them all the time.

keeping my sanity by going home to see the aged rellies and the son basically whenever I want to.

If you can get the citizen thing sorted then it looks as if there is an escape claus for your kids if they decide that UK is not for them![/QUOTE]

What an excellent way to look at things....from your own parents point of view. Excellent post!

the oldest 2 are step children but the youngest is ours,the oldest 2 were 3 and 5 when we met.
The wife was not legal when the youngest was born and was coming here for 3 months at a time until I got citizenship,so without medical insurance she made sure she was in the UK when the baby was born,we actually killed 2 birds in 1 stone got married and had a baby in the same week

[QUOTE=Silly Sod;5459818]How about telling the kids that staying put is making both of you miserable but mum wont leave without them. Assuming everything else is in place to head for the UK that is. If so ask the 'kids' to commit to six months or a year in the UK until you get settled and then decide if they want to stay (UK side) or return.
QUOTE]


Sorry to hear about your very sad situation psb. Wishing you lots of luck for a positive outcome that everyone will look back on and be happy with.

Like others have suggested, I think it is a time for some very honest communication, but free of any emotional blackmail involving the children. That just doesn't make sense now that they are beyond the 'we'll buy you a pet & a trampoline' once we move stage of life.

The key to all of this for me is that the 'children' in this situation are effectively American, facilitated by their parents. An outcome of emigration.

Reading the above reply clarified my views on this. The children, albeit 2 of whom are adult and capable of making their own decisions, should not be compromised into either feeling pressured to return to the UK (which I suspect they will have no interest in doing at the moment, mainly from a timing/life stage perspective, nothing to do with it being the UK nor the family unit effects) nor be told to make their mother go. That would be totally wrong morally IMO.

As parents, we have to bear the consequences of the decisions we make for our families. The hard bit about parenting! This is a consequence of a decision to live in the US, which I suspect the children had no choice about at the time. And thus they should be given a supported right to remain.

I know this is very hard in reality. But as others have said, if your wife is unhappy in the US, I would hope she will return with you. That to me is the saddest part. The children will be fine. Personally, I'm not convinced it's healthy for your wife to remain in the US with the children. They will feel extremely guilty and soon, will have very independent lives.

Writing this, I actually think your wife knows she should return to the UK with you and your daughter, but feels sickened by the thought. It's understandable. However the sooner she realises this, the better it will be, in terms of setting your eldest up to stay and making plans about the future.

Unless your wife is prepared to stay in the US forever (assuming both sons do?), or wants to 'give' them an extra say 2 years (timeframe needs careful consideration due to youngest), then presumably there is no point for her in delaying the angst and not starting her new life now in the UK. Good luck!