Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Mar 14th 2008, 7:14 pm
#46
The Unmod
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Glen Mills, PA
Posts: 8,870
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
It is certainly possible to pile negative on negative, and practice can make perfect. To clear the air, I was very unhappy for a while, but I had some targets to make before going back, and with the help of sympathetic friends, I made it through. Now, I have no wish to go back, but I've been here since '66.
When we are unhappy, we dwell on the things that make us unhappy and ignore things that might have made us happy were we not focussed on unhappy.
I suspect that it takes a deliberate effort to change the view. We must search for the positive things of the day. Perhaps a list in a diary, perhaps in our heads. I guess that is the "count your blessings song". It can be tough to find things at first.
Not the same thing, but a reasonable parallel, A friend's mother was depressed, and huddled before the TV in her depression, to watch soaps. Soaps are depressing, so she became more depressed and watched the soaps more intently, and then became even more depressed. We did get her away from it for a while and she improved and started to get about. It only failed because she had a stroke, and went back into depression.
I really recommend making a conscious and continuous effort to look for positive things in our lives. Even if it doesn't make you want to stay, it can make the stay so much more enjoyable.
When we are unhappy, we dwell on the things that make us unhappy and ignore things that might have made us happy were we not focussed on unhappy.
I suspect that it takes a deliberate effort to change the view. We must search for the positive things of the day. Perhaps a list in a diary, perhaps in our heads. I guess that is the "count your blessings song". It can be tough to find things at first.
Not the same thing, but a reasonable parallel, A friend's mother was depressed, and huddled before the TV in her depression, to watch soaps. Soaps are depressing, so she became more depressed and watched the soaps more intently, and then became even more depressed. We did get her away from it for a while and she improved and started to get about. It only failed because she had a stroke, and went back into depression.
I really recommend making a conscious and continuous effort to look for positive things in our lives. Even if it doesn't make you want to stay, it can make the stay so much more enjoyable.
Mar 15th 2008, 1:29 pm
#47
Sursum corda
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Richmond Hill, GA USA
Posts: 38,860
Re: Negativity that cannot be reversed?
Yep, I can identify with what you feel....but I think I've finally turned a corner, and that's why I'm posting.
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader
Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense).
Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift
. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option
I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves
. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here 
I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans
Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned 
.
Because negativity I believe can be reversed. I think you just need to incorporate a different mindset.
We've been in Canada for 5 years or so now, and I've just never really settled.
I need to 'tell' a little of our story, just so as you appreciate that in reality I do indeed get where you are coming from, but moreso to the point that things can get brighter with a different spin on things. I'm not a hippie dippie type promise.
O.K. in brief, in 5 years, my husband (43) has had major heart problems, and now has a pacemaker. He's also been advised he needs total knee replacements in both knees, but that the downside of this, is that he needs to 'continue' with his bad knees for as long as he can, because apparently artificial knees can only be replaced once (twice if your lucky). He has high cholesterol and has sleep apnoea (sleeps with a C Pap machine). Rather like a dead handsome darth vader
Oh and he's a skinny bloke, so not what one would expect from those conditions. He has always been the sole earner in Canada. I just could not get a job here (usual qualification nonsense). Eventually, we decided to return 'Home'. So in order to secure a morgage I went home first to start working, and secure us a morgage. Unfortunately I was involved in a car accident whilst I was home working. I was a rear seat passenger, so absolutely nothing to do with me. The driver of the car that hit us from behind was 'actioned' by the police (drink involved), and Liability was conceded eventually by his insurance company. Unfortunately my injuries went on to develop into a very unpleasant condition. Basically my hand does not move and I am on painkillers. The painkillers tend to make me rather a numpty brain at the dosage that I'm on, apparently these are common side effects. I don't think numpty brain is a textbook term, but I'm sure you get my drift
. The reality for us know is that because of my hand, I have been classed as disabled (but get no benefits), and of course now cannot earn an income irrespective of being at home or in Canada. Hubbie can't go back home to secure a morgage because we live in a rural location, and I can no longer drive because of the hand and pain medications. Numpty brain syndrome as well as immobility in the hand. The problem for us is compounded because we have dogs (lots of dogs), and short of shooting them, we're stuck in Canada because of the size of the morgage we would need, with no near neighbors, 'cos of the baskerville hounds. We have however decided shooting the dogs is not an option I could go on...FIL died last year, and MIL has Alzheimers, and SIL not coping, and needs support which is understandable. After a while it gets boring, and too be truthful I get bored recounting it! Bear with me, I'm getting to the point (promise...I think)!
Well the accident was 3 years ago, and still the insurance company, having conceded liability are arsing around. No payments yet for physio, drugs, interim payment nothing. Bad solicitors being in the mix as well. My pain medication alone is $1480 every 3 months (fortunately OH has benefits, but the Insurance Company are unaware of this). I have also developed high blood pressure as a result of the stress (seemingly).
Well the final straw came following a pap test..HSIL! So colposcopy and two further biopsys and a loop procedure, still coming back as HSIL. Unfortunately however the 'problem' is that high up, Onc/Gyn has to do a cone biopsy, which I had done on Thursday. So we're now at the waiting stage to see if it's Cancer, and if so at what stage. Best scenario I understand is a hysterectomy.
So.... hold on I told you I'm getting there......! What may you ask has actually changed. To be honest I think it's my attitude. Having said that it has been no easy task, but I am so sick and tired of feeling that I have no control, with anything, that I've finally figured enough's enough. The realisation is whilst there are some things I can't control, there are somethings I most definitely can. I'm beginning to look at the things that I can organise to make me feel better. Stupid simple things, that I'd lost alongside my will to live in Canada
At least us Brits can bloody well laugh at ourselves
. I'm no oil painting , but I used to care about the way I looked and dressed. I've realised I've put on over 3 stone, and have developed lots of grey hair since being here I've looked at this forum on occassions but was never a frequent poster, as I never really could see the point, until I finally realised along with so many other things in my life that in order to extract something from any given situation, you actually need to imput, or contribute. We all impact other people in some way, shape or form, and we all have people that care for us, even if it's just that one person. I'm not an intellectual person, I am a feeling person and sometimes a stranger can make all the difference, just by reaching out, and sharing. Thanks sans Well I've had two glasses of wine and I'm failing
I hope I don't regret this post in the morning, but there's worse things out there and in the world, and if it helps (or not), at least this post was always well intentioned .Wishing you all the best.
