5n00py

After 9 VERY long months in Canada, finally broached the idea of going home to the UK. OH and teen daughter don't agree. Anyone out there been through this and have advice on how to get through the misery?

iaink

Give it more time? Making any decisions in the first year is potentially asking for trouble.

sallysimmons

That's tough.

I agree that it's probably a little too soon to make decisions yet, and that will make it hard to get your family to consider your feelings.

I know its hard, but I recommend treating Canada as an adventure. Summer's coming, so you'll be able to do lots of fun things. Explore, experience the culture, try to get involved in some stuff.

You might find that you start feeling as though you belong - and if you don't, at least you won't have wasted time wishing your life away.

wildcountryian

Yes, we're going through it now. We've spent six very long years in Canada and we're going home to Devon as soon as we can sell. We have ten children, four of which have fledged and two have partners. When we first broached the idea of leaving for the UK we had outright hostility and many arguments with the older ones. Anyway, the upshot is that eight of us are willingly leaving, two of the older ones can't make up their minds but I suspect will follow us eventually and the other two have Canadian partners and will probably stay. To be honest, we didn't like Canada much when we landed and due to miscommunication between my wife and I (we both tried to make it work for the other) we stayed. In hindsight we should have had a lovely holiday and got back on the plane after two weeks. If you don't like Canada after nine months then from our experience the longer you're here the less you'll like it. We've had some positive experiences but at the end of the day we're immigrants and will always be so. Your partner and teen daughter may take more time to miss the UK or they might love Canada. Our lesson learned. Say what you feel. :0) Maybe your family could compromise and come to the UK for a holiday and take it from there?

iaink

On the other hand there are other peoples experiences where jobs and friends have fallen into place and everything has turned out well too despite hating Canada for a year or longer at first.

Culture shock, homesickness, and all that in the first year can play havoc with your reasoning powers, so in general its best to wait till its under your belt before making big decisions.

Saying how you really feel and planing a vacation/ reverse recce though are excellent ideas.

5n00py

Thank you to those who have responded. I guess I just feel I have to act now or wait 4 years (education) and, at the moment, that seems like a long stretch. I appreciate the insights, thanks again.

jonfrank123

I was in the same situation. I gave up trying and resigned myself to spending the rest of my life in Canada, and in the end began to like it. However, once I stopped complaining my wife changed her mind after a few years and wanted to come back to the UK , I was only too happy to obllige. We've been back a year now and it's all working out brilliantly.

johnh009

I came to Canada for 5 years, just for some adventure, and ended up staying 23. It's the exchange rate and healthy Canadian housing market that's given me the incentive to move back.

johnh009

This is what happened to me, I always managed to find a good job here and then one day rolled on to the next. I think it is hard to hate Canada as it is a comfortable place to live. Nothing extreme. By comparison, people I know who went to Australia either loved it or hated it - both with a passion. I suppose at the end of the day, how good your new life is depends on how good (or bad) your old life was.

5n00py

Glad to hear it's working out for you. I think I'm now resigned to the next four years (due to majority rule), I guess I'll just have to see how it goes after that but can't see myself getting old and dying here. Maybe, like your wife, my hubby and daughter will have a change of heart

Lychee

People often say that you need 2 full years in one location before you even start to feel settled.

I don't know your situation personally, but sometimes you just have to tell yourself that Canada isn't England - it's a foreign country with foreign customs and different interests.

But a lot of how one experiences Canada depends entirely on where you are in Canada. The cultures and interests do vary and should not be overlooked (although it often is). But each province practically functions like its own separate country. Sometimes people are better suited to some areas than others. Don't underestimate how the local province or selected region within that province can highly influence your experience with Canada, or how you enjoy the country.

Those who move to Canada for a rural life often find that the Canadian definition of rural life offers something completely beyond the British definition of rural life, to the point of loneliness and isolation. Even living in a large suburban house on a large property can result in this feeling for some people. And while it's easy to blame Canada, you might wish to analyze where you are in Canada and why it is that attracted you there to that particular part of Canada. If it's not what you expected, why? What are those reasons, and is there somewhere else in Canada that could offer you what you're lacking?

Sometimes moving to a different part of Canada can introduce you to the aspects of life that you were missing from the UK, that you couldn't get from living where you did previously. It can ease the culture shock.

Speaking of which, you have read the Culture Shock article in the wiki, correct?

Out of curiosity, where in Canada are you, and what's giving you doubts?

5n00py

It's taken me a while to try to come up with a succinct response to this one! Let's start with the easy bit - yes I've read the culture shock article (and the homesickness ones and any others I thought might help) and relate to many of the points under the rejection heading. Yes, I do hanker after a decent bit of back bacon or a bit of cheddar that doesn't closely resemble rubber, but I recognise that these are largely minor niggles. However, lump enough of them together and they become a source of major irritation.

Being a fan of lists, I've followed the advice and made lists. These usually end up being heavily skewed to the negative - perhaps due to my current state of mind. I try to focus on why we came and that, I believe, is the source of my discontent - the perceived disparity between expectation and reality.

We are currently located in South Central Ontario in a city not too dissimilar in feel to the one left behind in the UK (if you disregard architecture, history and range of cultural activities). Due to employment opportunities it is not where we intended to settle. It's close enough that it shouldn't make a difference but maybe it does as our research trips (and we were fortunate enough to be able to make several in the 4.5 years of processing) were based on a different location.

The major disappointments have been the standard of education and healthcare which make me question our whole plan in coming here - to make a better life and future for our daughter. Which brings me to another point: I left the UK with a teenage daughter I barely saw as she was out shopping, lunching or going to the movies with her friends. Weekends and holidays usually involved sleepovers. Now I barely see her as she spends most of her time glued to her computer communicating largely with people still in the UK. Her company outside of school is limited to her Dad and me with a sprinkling of ageing relatives and sundry other adults of our acquaintance thrown in for good measure. She is totally unfazed by the situation but it is not the life I envisaged for her.

In planning, we always said we needed to give it at least a year and if it didn't work we should look at other areas, so I totally accept what you say. Maybe I just need to stick with that but planning and doing are sometimes two totally different things.

I'll end on a silly note (as I realise this has ended up fairly long winded): an unexpected wrench to which I had given no consideration is the lack of sea in our location. Having lived my nearly 50 years of life never more than 15 miles from the sea (and often right beside it) I find I long for the smell of salt and the sound of crashing waves. Funny how you take some things for granted and don't miss them 'til they're gone - I should probably point out I was born and raised in Scotland where you can never be more than an hours from the sea. In an attempt to soothe my soul we are currently planning a road trip for the summer holidays to look at different areas, which will include an 18 hour drive to the coast for some sea air

johnh009

It may be worth trying a different town/city. For over 20 years, the urban sprawl of the GTA drove me crazy. Now I am in a semi-rural location (albeit on a temporary basis) and life is much more pleasant. People are more helpful and relaxed, probably because they are not spending half of their day commuting.

brissybee

What are you waiting for? Until your children have boyfriends/girlfriends/lifelong friends and a real reason to grumble? Run for your life.