Bob

Those with little kids....do you bugger off and leave your kid when they've got a playdate or do you stick around?

Now it's the hols, the little one has had a couple with a friend at school and the mother has buggered off every time.

I don't really mind, but it's a little odd as it seems like a chance for parents to get together for a chat...plus I'm slightly uncomfortable being alone with someone's else's kid. The whole why put yourself in a position where an accusation could be made, especially as we don't really know the family at all.

And a couple other folks, well they've either cancelled last minute or never responded to email when trying to arrange one, so I'm guessing it's a case of "yeah, sure we should arrange a playdate" kind of thing after a kids party is just being polite and pointless.

Thoughts? The mum's ever have this issue?

Sally Redux

Mine were little in England and I'm really struggling to remember, which is a bit scary. I think we usually did stay around for a chat when they were very young, but not always. Best to have some activities ready for them to do.

Over here, I was initially shocked that some mums would pull up in the street and honk the horn when picking up, so I never even saw them, but by then my kids were 9 and 12.

AmerLisa

My youngest daughter is long past playdates, but I think if it was someone I knew, I'd stay around and chat. I know that my granddaughters are old enough to have playdates and they do, but again if my daughter and the other mother know each other they will chat sometimes, but usually it's just leave the kids and come back in a few hours time.

Weeze

Depends on the age and the occasion. Both mine are young so yes, I expect the parents to stay. If they haven't been staying that's been planned and explained before the event.

Bob

Talking 6 with my eldest.

I know the mum as far as seeing her at other kids parties we've been to, but not that well as she often doesn't stay around for those either.

Pulaski

Little Miss P "playdates", and they've been some of each, but the default appears to be " leave the child and bügger off", though we've only had playdates with relatively close friends from school.

Weeze

At 6 I'd probably expect them to leave the kids for a while, providing I know them. Unless they are bringing younger kids too and we could chat. If it's someone I don't know as well I'd expect them to stay.

Karrie72

Mine's six and I we do the drop them off, bugger off thing after a 5 minute chat to get everyone comfortable.

Having to entertain the parent as well means cleaning the house and laying on food. Unless its a friend then thats just too much work.

N1cky

Definitely the drop off thing, no way do I want to either entertain or make small talk for a couple of hours. The whole point of a play date as far as I'm concerned is the kids are out of your hair for a couple of hours, it's just even more hassle if you have to hang around.

Bob

So those who bugger off...fair enough btw...but even if you don't know the other parents?

Knowing them, then I'd kind of expect it...but other than having their kid over for a birthday party, that's really all I know of their kid and I don't know them at all...I only know the mums first name because it was on their invite to their kids party

I think I need to get the hang of it, but apart from a lot of politeness from most other folks, no one else has bothered commit to anything so I think it must be because I'm a dad and it's just weirding them out or something.

Sally Redux

Re-reading your OP, are you worried about an accusation of abuse?

I guess it is more of a worry for a man. I think there are a few other male carers on here who might have tips.

Difficult.

Bob

Yes, the thought has crossed my mind. I would rather not put myself in a position where there could be an accusation.

See it enough times where it's a load of rubbish but the damage is done.

Guess it's not usually a worry for a mum though.

Sally Redux

When I was volunteering at that kids' charity, they did bring in a rule to say we shouldn't be alone with the kids while we were helping them to try on clothes. It's things like taking them to the toilet as well, even for women you have to be careful now.

There might be some specialist sites for dads, to share info? It would be a shame if your kids had to miss out because of the general paranoia.

Uncle_Bob

Bit tricky, I'd ask the host parents, they may want you stay to meet new friends. Or they might not be bothered, just wanting the kids to get together.

In England you'd be able to figure out what to do depending on if you were asked to come in for cuppa or not.

N1cky

I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the possibility of my daughter getting a ride to her after school class, with her kids. She said her husband, who we also know, picks her kids up from their school and could probably pick my daughter up and take her to class... As we got into the details it emerged it would be far easier for him to pick my daughter up, then go get his kids, then drop them all off. She explicitly asked if I would be ok with this, I said "yes, of course" to which she told me someone had actually told her last week that they had a problem with her husband giving her daughter a ride home, even though his kids were also in the car.

TBH If I didn't trust the guy, I wouldn't allow my daughter to have a ride with him at all, or go to their house... Thinking about your post though, I thought maybe he won't be comfortable with the situation, and will pick his girls up first.