Gone too Soon
Jul 15th 2008, 2:48 pm
#46
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Re: Gone too Soon
I was 19 years old when my dad committed suicide. He was the best dad; he was fun loving, laughing, whistling, nice looking and very well liked. He had a job with the government for many years, and suddenly they shut down his dept. His job was who he was. He was stunned, shocked and HUMILIATED. He never thought that would happen to him. He went into a clinical depression. He stayed in his PJs, he didn't bathe, he accused my mum of having an affair. He lost interest in his veg gardening, his beautiful roses and chrysanths, and his love of the horses. He slipped into the abyss. The dr gave him medications. My mum was working. One day he was so mentally ill, depressed, and hopeless that he swallowed a load of the meds. (These days he would have been in the psychiatric wing of a hospital). Didn't have that back then.
I have 2 siblings. How did we cope? Like anyone else who loses a parent. We cried and cried. We never blamed him or ourselves. We were just so sad that he was gone. We knew he was mentally ill, and that he didn't know what he was doing.
It's really not about courage, being selfish, personal gain, weak moments, or hurting the children or wife. It's about mental illness, full stop. It could happen to any one of us.
I have 2 siblings. How did we cope? Like anyone else who loses a parent. We cried and cried. We never blamed him or ourselves. We were just so sad that he was gone. We knew he was mentally ill, and that he didn't know what he was doing.
It's really not about courage, being selfish, personal gain, weak moments, or hurting the children or wife. It's about mental illness, full stop. It could happen to any one of us.
Mallory I am so sorry for what happened to you, your family and your father.
Jul 15th 2008, 3:15 pm
#47
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Jul 15th 2008, 3:23 pm
#48
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Re: Gone too Soon
You probably know my father died when I was a few weeks old...but it was through illness and not through choice. I still struggle with what happened...what might have been...so gawd knows what goes through the mind of a person whose parent committed suicide.
Mallory I am so sorry for what happened to you, your family and your father.
Mallory I am so sorry for what happened to you, your family and your father.
Mallory, your family loss was very tragic, I'm so sorry you had to see your father go through so much pain and depression and for him to no longer be able to cope with his life. I'm sure you still have the earlier happy memories of your life together as a family.......as you say, it could happen to anyone.
Jul 15th 2008, 3:38 pm
#49
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Re: Gone too Soon
A few minutes later the head of my department approached each of us individually. While the investigation was ongoing, it appeared that David had taken his own life. The story was that his marriage was in trouble, and his wife was planning to leave with the kids. He had called in sick to work on Tuesday, and the company had not heard from him on Wednesday. His father had found him and called his boss, relaying what had happened.
RIP David.
I'm very sorry to hear of this loss, and very sad for his family and everybody he touched...
Jul 15th 2008, 3:54 pm
#50
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Re: Gone too Soon
Thanks all - the post did stir up memories. I'm sorry for you others that lost yr dad early too. It's no different, doesn't matter how it happens, it's such a sad loss.
Jul 15th 2008, 4:04 pm
#51
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Re: Gone too Soon
...I don't want to go into detail but I was crazy in love with someone that took his life. It was definitely a very selfish thing to do and if there is another life after this one and I happen to find him somewhere I'd be delighted to kick his arse!! (I love him, really, but I'd still give him a good kicking). This was 10 years ago and, to be honest, I'm still in shock, I still feel guilty for not seeing it coming (although there were no signs), I wonder what and if I could have done something to stop it happening and why anybody would choose that option and my heart still aches when I think of him...
Four years earlier, when I was 18, my boyfriend at the time died in a car accident. I cannot tell you what it's like, at that age, to cope with such horrific death!! There was no body, his car had caught fire and his body had burnt completely, we'd just had a big row before his accident (they were common, we had that kind of relationship)... This experience taught me a lot, it really did...
I'm just saying that it's hard to cope with death regardless of how it comes, but when it's unexpected it's sooo much harder because there is no closure..
I hope I haven't depressed you all
Jul 15th 2008, 4:08 pm
#52
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Re: Gone too Soon
And I hope I haven't depressed all of you by starting the thread in the first place.
Jul 15th 2008, 4:12 pm
#54
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Jul 15th 2008, 4:16 pm
#55
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Re: Gone too Soon
Well, in this case it sure is... What a sad story, I'm sorry you had to live this ...
I don't want to go into detail but I was crazy in love with someone that took his life. It was definitely a very selfish thing to do and if there is another life after this one and I happen to find him somewhere I'd be delighted to kick his arse!! (I love him, really, but I'd still give him a good kicking). This was 10 years ago and, to be honest, I'm still in shock, I still feel guilty for not seeing it coming (although there were no signs), I wonder what and if I could have done something to stop it happening and why anybody would choose that option and my heart still aches when I think of him...
Four years earlier, when I was 18, my boyfriend at the time died in a car accident. I cannot tell you what it's like, at that age, to cope with such horrific death!! There was no body, his car had caught fire and his body had burnt completely, we'd just had a big row before his accident (they were common, we had that kind of relationship)... This experience taught me a lot, it really did...
I'm just saying that it's hard to cope with death regardless of how it comes, but when it's unexpected it's sooo much harder because there is no closure..
I hope I haven't depressed you all
...I don't want to go into detail but I was crazy in love with someone that took his life. It was definitely a very selfish thing to do and if there is another life after this one and I happen to find him somewhere I'd be delighted to kick his arse!! (I love him, really, but I'd still give him a good kicking). This was 10 years ago and, to be honest, I'm still in shock, I still feel guilty for not seeing it coming (although there were no signs), I wonder what and if I could have done something to stop it happening and why anybody would choose that option and my heart still aches when I think of him...
Four years earlier, when I was 18, my boyfriend at the time died in a car accident. I cannot tell you what it's like, at that age, to cope with such horrific death!! There was no body, his car had caught fire and his body had burnt completely, we'd just had a big row before his accident (they were common, we had that kind of relationship)... This experience taught me a lot, it really did...
I'm just saying that it's hard to cope with death regardless of how it comes, but when it's unexpected it's sooo much harder because there is no closure..
I hope I haven't depressed you all
There again I was blessed with a wonderful stepfather when I was 3 yrs old. Although I don't believe in an after life...I do believe he looks after me and my daughter. I have posted about this in the past and don't wish to repeat myself.
Jul 16th 2008, 8:33 am
#57
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Re: Gone too Soon
[QUOTE=Mallory;6575575]I was 19 years old when my dad committed suicide.
I have 2 siblings. How did we cope? Like anyone else who loses a parent. We cried and cried. We never blamed him or ourselves. We were just so sad that he was gone. We knew he was mentally ill, and that he didn't know what he was doing.
It's really not about courage, being selfish, personal gain, weak moments, or hurting the children or wife. It's about mental illness, full stop. It could happen to any one of us.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely. And not something any of us of sound mind can even begin to rationalise.
I have 2 siblings. How did we cope? Like anyone else who loses a parent. We cried and cried. We never blamed him or ourselves. We were just so sad that he was gone. We knew he was mentally ill, and that he didn't know what he was doing.
It's really not about courage, being selfish, personal gain, weak moments, or hurting the children or wife. It's about mental illness, full stop. It could happen to any one of us.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely. And not something any of us of sound mind can even begin to rationalise.
