I dread to think what happened for you to get the police involved! Anyway at least it's forced your hand and now you've got the ball rolling to start a new life away from him. I wish you all the best. Don't forget we are always here for you to laugh, moan or cry to.

I'm another one stuck with awful inlaws but thankfully my soon to be ex isn't remotely abusive.

Good luck, stay strong and I hope things start to improve very soon.

well done Karina, I wish you all the best at this difficult time. Be strong and ignore the reps.

Karina I have been following your story.

My sister lives in a foreign country and her husband was very violent towards her. Like you, she had all the advice of leaving him etc but had nowhere to go and couldn't take the kids out of the country.

It was so hard and demoralizing for her and slowly he chipped away at her self confidence and self belief had her believe that she wouldn't be any good without him.

She didn't know which way to turn and whilst many of us (myself included at times) couldn't understand why she put up with it, one day she simply decided enough was enough and like yourself, found the courage to get out.

And it does take courage, even with kids involved it is not always clear cut. Her husband attempted to strangle her and would threaten her with all kinds and if it really were that easy to leave then she would have done it.

She left him, divorced him and her kids are grown up now and she has built up a new life although still has the emotional scars of someone who has been in an abusive relationship.

The decision to leave an abuser is hard and has to come from the person being abused.

Quite suddenly you have found the strength to do this and I am so pleased for you.

I wanted to say this before but it didn't feel right as you seemed so confused about your situation.

It is easy for us to say 'Oh leave him' because we are not in your shoes - each case of domestic violence is different as in how easy it is to leave the person and how deep the emotional damage and scarring is with that individual person.

Your new life starts here, you will rebuild your life and you will become happy again and what is more, your children will thank you for it.

I shall tell my sister about you and if she has any words of wisdom of how she coped then I shall gladly pass them on.

You are proof that 'girl power' is alive and kicking and you should be exceedingly proud of yourself.

As usual Sam...well said.

Good job on your decision. You're very brave. Next time your colleagues are waiting for you to cry, tell them to piss off, and hold your head high! Bet they wouldn't have the balls to do what you've done. All the best to you!

Karina,
You have done the most courageous thing for yourself and your children.
This is the first step you have taken control of your life and stop the
abuse.You are a strong person ,you and your children will gradually
heal with the help of therapy.

I don't want to overwhelm you with too many things.First thing is safety
and a restraining court order on you ex.Good thing is ,you do have a job .
Thanks for the update on your situation.
Yoong

This is so true. Years ago, I was engaged to someone who aimed verbal abuse at me constantly, was very controlling, and my entire family hated him. He embarrassed me in front of work colleagues several times, and no-one could understand what I was doing by staying. But every time I tried to break it off, he would burst into tears and beg for forgiveness, and I couldn't stand to see him that upset.

It only ever got physically abusive once when we were arguing in the street and when I walked away, he grabbed the back of my neck and tried to throw me. I turned on him in anger and he got the message that he shouldn't do that to me again.

Only one thing finally gave me enough strength to leave, and it was when we were at our house, in a heated argument, and he picked up the puppy we had, grabbed it's neck, and threatened to kill it. That made me furious, so I picked up the nearest chair and threw it at him. That was my wake-up call that I couldn't stay, because eventually, I'd either end up just like him, or he'd kill me.

You have to leave a bad relationship to save your own sanity.

THANKYOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

work have been fantastic .............people have been great........ so hopefullly it will all be sorted asap.

Thanks for keeping us up to date.

You sound a lot more upbeat than you did when you first started this thread. It's surprising how people rally round at a time like this. I wish you and your children all the best...you deserve it.

Hi...

I am sorry to 'hijack' a thread...but I don't know where else to turn.

Like the original poster...i moved to Spain with husband and two children, aged 8 and 9 nearly three months ago. The husband is not physically violent, yet is bullying and threatening to me and the children. My sister is here this week, and she has told me that my kids are suffering because of his abusive treatment.

Problems... I have nothing, and nowhere to turn in Spain. I know no-one, and in retrospect this is exactly what the husband wanted. I have no money until our house in England sells on 10/15th August, and then it is doubtful if I will get any of the proceeds. I am registered disabled in the UK, and am unable to work because of my disabilities. I don't have the money to return to the Uk... and even if i did, i wouldn't know where to go (my beloved sister lives in a caravan!)

I am doing my level best to protect my kids and failing. I am at my wits end.

I am so sorry I have posted here... i really am

c x

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time.

Why won't you get any of the proceeds of your house? I know your area very well and there's another poster on here who lives in Javea who might be able to give you some contacts. There are a ton of Expats in your area so you should be able to hook up with some Brits which might offer you a support system. There's a great doc in Javea who is fluent in English. He's Dutch and a great guy. If you need his details PM me.

Are your kids in (or will be in ) Spanish school or at XIC?

There is a British Consulate in downtown Alicante. Though they can't give you legal advice they are really nice and will point you in the right direction for legal advice.

Double post this as a new thread in the Spain section as you might get replies with useful local knowledge.

Cissy,
Have sent you a private message.
Impey

Just slap OH back girl if OH does things like that but anyways put your foot down!...wheres your backbone!

It normally helps if you read the whole thread before making comments about people.