Just for you Jersey girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I am 35 years old and have 4 gorgeous children/ MY OH is an absolute control freak but as the children are more spanish than english I wouldnt move them.

My OH is a nightmare and thats about that.

I love Spain, I love living in Spain but am now at my wits end as to where to turn.

It took all my courage last night not to throw myself under the train.

So there you go. Thats me in a nutshell.

Are you sure about loving spain? I had all these doubts, I thought my daughter wouldn't adapt to English life. It turns out that its the best thing I could've done for her. It took me a long time to wake up to the fact that I didn't love Spain I didn't even like spain. Like you I lived there a long time, six years and we're about the same age I'm 31 and its not too late to turn your life around.
Maybe ask on the spanish forum if anyone knows anything about organisations in cds that helps victims of domestic violence.

Hi Karina, hang on in there, theres loads of lovely people on here, who have loads of good advice and can point you in the right direction.Support you and hopefully have you in a fit of giggles.You certainly are not on your own and if you need to unload do it.You must be a super mummy because you care enough to cry out.You had me in tears,which isnt a pretty sight cause Ive run out of bog roll sending you loads
Coo thank heavens for spellcheck I tryed to type with 2 fingers, I wont do that again

Hi Karina...remember a problem shared is a problem halved. Whenever you are feeling down log onto BE...there are many forums on here all around the world so there is always someone to chat to 24/7.

Lots of people who come onto the UK forum are living overseas and for one reason or another are feeling down in the dumps. You will find plenty of shoulders to cry on.

How long have you lived in Spain....is your husband Spanish or English?

my husband is english. It doesn't help that his brother and his mum and dad are over here and backing him up all the way - I am by myself. Also, I have to cope with his 21 year old daughter and her boyfriend who have decided to come and stay for thr 3 months they are on vacation from uni

Yikes!!! In-laws as well as long-term house guests...I understand why you are feeling so low.

Your posts on another thread suggest that you are being subjected to more than control-freakery. Domestic violence is a serious crime, and your children are also at risk.

Please do yourself a favour and seek help without delay, either through a women's help group, or a divorce attorney.

Because this is only going to get worse...

Wecome to the forum Karina

....and if Elviras right, and its more than just living with a control freak, please take her advice asap.

Nothing, and I mean nothing is worth your children living in this environment, even if its not happening to them. You sound like a fantastic mother who has sacrificed a lot for her kids and they are your world, I know. But because of that please try to make plans to move in another home and show them the way you are treated is not right, not what you want for them and so you wont tolerate it. You might now think so now, and its a huge scarey thing to do - but in years to come they will admire their brave mum who did all this for them - not resent you for moving them.

Take care of yourself and please be brave.

C x

Karina; oh dear, I'm so saddened and angry about your situation.

There IS help available. Here are some links and advice below.

Do you think your children would rather have a healthy, happy mummy and live in the UK, or think it's totally normal to see their mummy being abused by their father and turning into a physical and mental wreck?

I strongly suggest that you keep a diary (in a safe place of course) detailing mental and physical abuse in your household.....it will stand up in court if needs be and no court will allow children to remain with an abusive parent.

There are safe houses for women and children in the UK and I understand that you will be entitled to priority housing (eg. in a housing association property) if you choose to divorce and unable to split the proceeds of joint property, investments, pensions etc. The links below should be helpful and of course there is always the Citizens Advice Bureau too.

By the way......are your parents or family members in the UK aware of your plight?

Good Luck

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CrimeJus...ime/DG_4003136

http://www.refuge.org.uk/ (there is a 'discreet' button)

http://www.refuge.org.uk/page_l1-2_l2-182_.htm

http://www.refuge.org.uk/linksAndUsefulNumbers.html

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

and if you're worried that your husband could hold your children 'hostage' in Spain, I would definitely contact the people at 'Reunite'; I believe that you have a strong case for being allowed to return the children with you to the UK as it is unhealthy for them to live in a home where there is domestic violence.

http://www.reunite.org

Oh Karina you sound like you really are at your wits end. I can't offer any advice really but just wanted to say that we are all here to listen to your problems and I'm sure that there are many others on here who can help you or point you in the right direction.

Someone very close to me went through years of bullying from her husband but she was very strong and although it did get her down, it never beat her. She fought back and wouldn't be submissive despite physical abuse as well as mental.

Strange how things turn around because that couple are still together after 40+ years and he now dotes on her and absolutely worships her, looks after her every need and they are so happy together.

I'm not saying that all stories end happily - unfortunately there are many sad endings and some people need to break away to find that happiness, but please stay strong, not only for your childrens sake but for yours too - you deserve to be happy

Karina,
Thank goodness I found you here, because I just posted my reply
on other thread.Do work Katrina? To get get out of an abusive
marriage, you need to have a plan or you find yourself going back to him.
That involves help from friends, a place to go with the children ,
finances and sometimes the police has to be involved if he becomes violent.

Hang in there Karina,if the negative thoughts keep on ruminating in your
mind, please go to the hospital. I hope there is a social worker in the
hospital who can help you and your children with domestic abuse isssues.
Take care.
Yoong

Karina are you in the CDS area? Do you have any friends here that can support you or is your husband that much of a control freak that you aren't allowed any?

UPDATE!

things hit a head a few days after that and because the children were there I decided enough was enough. I reported him to the police.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I spent practically the whole of last week in the police station/court house.

They have ordered a quick divorve which comes through on FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

Am having quite a bad time at the moment, have gone back to the comapny I used to work for but will probably have probs with the kids later on BUT luckily, they are very understanding.

Just to keep you updated.

P.S> with the job I do and people are telling you their life stories - I am having a very difficult time of not crying - the other reps are taking bets on how many minutes it will be before I cry

At least it makes them laugh!

Will keep in touch!

Kxxxxxxxx

Karina -

I have only just come across your thread and though there is little I can offer in terms of practical advice I just wanted to wish you all the best and encourage you to hang in there. You have clearly done the right thing for your children and yourself by getting out of this abusive relationship. That takes more guts than many people have.

hi Karina

I just read about your terrible situation. I don't have any advice I just wanted to send you lots of hugs.

You should be so proud of youself for taking action. Well done for getting yourself and your kids safe.

I know how you must feel with his family being there. I to have my husbands mother and step-dad with us. When things go wrong they certanly know how to make me feel isolated. I empathise with you.

Keep strong Karina. You WILL come out of this stronger.

Good luck