There is in Melbourne a man who probably knows more about poisonous snakes than anyone else on earth. his name is Dr Struan Sutherland, and he has devoted his entire life to a study of venom.

‘And I’m bored with it,’ he said when we went along to see him the next morning. ‘Can’t stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Stupid things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I’ll tell them what to do. Don’t get bitten in the first place. That’s the answer. I’ve had enough of it. Hydroponics, now, that’s interesting. Talk to you all you like about hydroponics. Fascinating stuff, growing plants artificially in water, very interesting technique. We’ll need to know all about it if we’re go to Mars and places. Where did you say you were going?’

‘Komodo’

‘Well, don’t get bitten, that’s all I can say. And don’t come running to me if you do because you won’t get here in time and anyway I’ll probably be out. Hate this office, look at it. Full of poisonous animals all over the place. Look at this tank, it’s full of fire ants. Poisonous. Bored silly with them. Anyway, I got some little cakes in in case you were hungry. Would you like some little cakes? I can’t remember where I put them. There’s some tea but it’s not very good. Sit down for heaven’s sake.

‘So, you’re going to Komodo. Well, I don’t know why you want to do that, but I suppose you have your reasons. There are fifteen different types of snakes on Komodo, and half of them are poisonous. The only potentially deadly ones are the Russell’s viper, the bamboo viper, and the Indian cobra.

‘The Indian cobra is the fifteenth deadliest snake in the world, and all the other fourteen are here in Australia. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find time to get on with my hydroponics, with all these snakes all over the place.

We… asked him how many of the snakes he had been bitten by himself.

‘None of ’em’ he said. ‘Another area of expertise I’ve developed is that of getting other people to handle the dangerous animals. Won’t do it myself. Don’t want to get bitten do I? You know what it says in my entry in Who’s Who? “Hobbies: gardening – with gloves; fishing – with boots; traveling – with care.” That’s the answer. Oh, and wear baggy trousers. When a snake strikes it starts to inject venom as soon as it hits something. If you’ve got baggy trousers most of the venom will just get squirted down the inside of your trousers which is better than down the inside of your leg. You’re not eating your cakes. Come on, get them down you, there’s plenty more in the fridge.’

‘So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly, then?’ I asked.
He blinked at me as if I were stupid.

‘Well what do you think you do?’ he said. ‘You die of course. That’s what deadly means.’

‘But what about cutting open the wound and sucking out the poison?’ I asked.

‘Rather you than me,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t want a mouthful of poison. all the blood vessels beneath the tongue are very close to the surface so the poison goes straight into the bloodstream. That’s assuming you could get much of the poison out, which you probably couldn’t. And in a place like Komodo it means you’d quickly have a seriously infected wound to contend with as well as a leg full of poison. Septicaemia, gangrene, you name it. It’ll kill you.’

‘What about a tourniquet?’

‘Fine if you don’t mind having your leg off afterwards. You’d have to because it would be dead. And if you find anyone in that part of Indonesia who you’d trust to take your leg off then you’re a braver man than me. No, I’ll tell you: the only thing you can do is apply a pressure bandage direct to the wound and wrap the whole leg up tightly, but not too tightly. Slow the blood flow but don’t cut it off or you’ll lose the leg. keep the leg, or whatever bit of you it is you’ve been bitten in, lower than your heart and your head. Keep very, very still, breathe slowly and get to a doctor immediately. If you’re on Komodo that means a couple of days, by which time you’ll be well dead.

“The only answer, and I mean this quite seriously, is don’t get bitten. There’s no reason why you should. Any of the snakes there will get out of your way well before you even see them. You don’t really need to worry about the snakes if you’re careful. No, the things you really need to worry about are the marine creatures.’

‘What?’

‘Scorpion fish, stone fish, sea snakes. Much more poisonous than anything on land. Get stung by a stone fish and the pain alone can kill you. People drown themselves to stop the pain.’

‘Where are all these things?’

‘Oh, just in the sea. Tons of them. I wouldn’t go near it if I were you. Full of poisonous animals. Hate them.’

‘Is there anything you do like?’

‘Hydroponics.’

No, I mean is there any venomous creature you’re particularly fond of?’

He looked out of the window for a moment.
‘There was,’ he said, ‘but she left me’.