So sad, so sorry.

I am sorry that I do not feel able to take part in things on here but am grateful for your kind wishes and thank you sincerely for your responses.

Graham was so different when he died from the man that I worshipped and that should help me to deal with my loss because I have been grieving for the loss of the man that he was for the whole time that he has been ill. Everything about him changed except that he was my all important companion who I am missing dreadfully. We talked to each other continuously in our 22 years together so much so that the hours television that we watched each night felt like an intrusion.

Thanks again, I will be back in small doses as and when I can.

Rosemary

I am sure Rosemary that I'm not the only one who totally understands the notion of grieving for someone's former self.
besos

So sorry to hear about your loss Rosemary. We have been in Germany for a few days and so have not been on BE.
Although we have never met we feel that we have lost a friend.
I hope that all the best wishes on here will in some small way help you to get through this difficult time.

Steve & Jill x

My neighbour aged 96 died last night so I had another funeral to get through today, his wife has been telling us that he was dying since 2004. The Catholic funeral is very comforting for the family and people giving their condolences there and then is good.

Graham´s funeral was very, very personal, non religious and I think that he would have approved greatly. It consisted of quiet music being played whilst I was going to read my tribute to him the man but I could not manage it so my friend read out my words and then read out the same thing in Spanish for those who had attended.

Rosemary

You are very brave to get through another funeral so soon, Rosemary.

I've been to a few non-religious funerals conducted by humanist celebrants now, and I do think they are much more personal and very much concentrating on the person who has died and celebrating their life.

I hope you are doing OK and managing to spoil yourself a little, you need to take some time to look after yourself now after being the one doing the caring.

I'm sure he would have approved too!

When my mother passed away in March we too held a Humanist funeral which we all thought was more relevant to her views, it was so much more personal and relevant to her and her life.
At the time I read a poem out for her, I don't know where I found that inner strength from, but I'd promised her I'd be strong and not cry and I kept that promise.
The poem is a particularly appropriate one for the occasion and for the way she would not have wanted us to mourn her passing....if you would like me to send you a copy Rosemary just let me know, I find it comforting and think you may do too.

Hugs,
Meg. xx

Yes, please, could you PM it to me. Before you go to the effort is it the one that starts....Do not stand by my grave and weep, if so it is one I used to give to bereaved people, if is not then please do go ahead.

I have been busy in between others things today and gone through my photo albums and started a large collage which shows Graham as he really was during our marriage. Well pleased with the end result, it will go on the first flight of stairs. The bottom hallway has several collages of photos of the family so it will fit in nicely.

When we moved to Spain Graham said that due to the speed of the funerals here we would not expect the family to come over at short notice so whoever went first would only have one mourner, how wrong he was, he did not allow for how the people here have taken us to their hearts. The comfort that I have got from them all is tremendous.

Rosemary

I am being checked up on by different people on different days, they all ask if I am eating sufficiently and look at me skeptically because I have lost weight. I have to explain that Graham did most of the cooking even though he was so ill and he cooked too much and insisted that I eat it all. Since his last admission and especially since he was in intensive care I have been eating normal sized portions and having to walk more due to parking difficulties at the hospital, hence the weight loss.

Lost without him to care for, filling the hours is difficult because I am quite lethargic so doing bits and pieces as I feel like it.

Rosemary

I think feeling exhausted after a massive crisis in your life, not to mention the physical and emotional toll Graham's illness must have taken on you, is a very normal reaction. You force yourself to keep going for the other person's sake, because they need you, and once that need isn't there any more you feel as though all the energy has drained away, I think.

If there are things you like to eat, watch, read, listen to or do that maybe Graham didn't enjoy as much as you do so you compromised for his sake, make a point of doing a little of them now. Because you're worth it, as the advert says!

This is a strange thing to say but I feel compelled to say it - what a lovely thread. Sad reason, obviously, but so much love and goodwill from strangers, friends, neighbours..... I can't pretend to know how you feel, every bereavement is unique, but I hope something positive has come of posting on BE.

Having lost my mum (95) and my mother in law (85) both in the last month this is very poignant to me.

I feel for you Rosemary.

I'm going to message you the poem Rosemary.
What I did for my mum was to put a border around it and I added her photo, you could do the same or if your not into that kind of work but would like it done just send me his photo and I'll do it for you.

Meg. xx

Thank you so much, it is a lovely verse and I think that I will do what you said and put a border around it and add a photo too.

I was pleased with myself over the collage, no tears, smiles, remembering the times that the photo´s represented but having a really bad night so reading the poem now was good.

Rosemary

Sending (((((hugs))))) to you Rosemary xx