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Losing Your Independence
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4270923)
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
We haven't moved over to Spain yet (paperwork :zzz: ) but hope to do so in the next few months. As for losing your independence and being with hubby 24/7 there is no reason why you should. I am hoping to get my independence back when we move. New life, new place, new start :p I am with hubby 24/7 and when we moved to the South of England from the north 9 years ago I also stopped driving :( I intend to re-organise my life when we move. It's ok being together 24/7 but sometimes a girl needs to get out on her own! |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4270923)
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
Interesting thread. The amount of marriages/partnerships I've seen in trouble because of the "big move" is incredible. What you describe is certainly a huge factor and not only for women. The world suddenly becomes much smaller and things taken for granted before are now scrutinsed to an extent that it puts a huge strain on relationships. There are a lot less places to hide!!!! It's very easy to get swept away by things when you're here and people have terrible trouble adjusting - especially if one spouse adjusts quicker than the other. It all sounds like an amazing adventure when planning it out in the UK but the reality is a lot different. The green-eyed monster rears ugly head more often, little tiffs and squabbles become all-out warfare, being swept away by the "holiday" devil may care ambience is fun at first but becomes a hassle as it wears on, and of course the biggie - money worries as you watch your daily expenditure rise and your savings dwindle. Thankfully - touch wood - I don't have that problem as I didn't "transfer" a life from the UK but rather built one here. But as I said, seen so many suffer because, in most cases, of naivety |
Re: Losing Your Independence
It is an interesting thread, Glynis and I were talking about whilst having a very enjoyable girly lunch in Chiclana today. I think getting used to sharing one car is the hardest part, budget will often mean you cannot have two and public transport is often not available and friends dont live close enough to pick you up.
Another major issue is both partners have often worked full time until deciding to relocate, so they are start their 24/7 life together at what is already a stressful time. There is often a lot of shopping to be done for the new home, not generally mens favorite occupation! I dont have any problem spending long lengths of time with my husband, I worked from home for 17 years in the UK and my husband worked partially from home so we were used to being together. One thing I have found though is that I have reverted to doing the traditional womans tasks around the home and waiting for him to the DIY whereas before I would happily put a shelf up etc. Maybe I am becoming more spanish than I thought, wish the language would stick better though! I think, in general that women are better at seeking out new social lives than men and that in turn can become a problem if husbands and partners are left behind increasingly often. The main thing is to discuss these things openly with partners before it becomes an issue and maybe to buy a pushbike!!! Yvonne |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by YMF
(Post 4271178)
It is an interesting thread, Glynis and I were talking about whilst having a very enjoyable girly lunch in Chiclana today. I think getting used to sharing one car is the hardest part, budget will often mean you cannot have two and public transport is often not available and friends dont live close enough to pick you up.
Another major issue is both partners have often worked full time until deciding to relocate, so they are start their 24/7 life together at what is already a stressful time. There is often a lot of shopping to be done for the new home, not generally mens favorite occupation! I dont have any problem spending long lengths of time with my husband, I worked from home for 17 years in the UK and my husband worked partially from home so we were used to being together. One thing I have found though is that I have reverted to doing the traditional womans tasks around the home and waiting for him to the DIY whereas before I would happily put a shelf up etc. Maybe I am becoming more spanish than I thought, wish the language would stick better though! I think, in general that women are better at seeking out new social lives than men and that in turn can become a problem if husbands and partners are left behind increasingly often. The main thing is to discuss these things openly with partners before it becomes an issue and maybe to buy a pushbike!!! Yvonne Seriously has no one considered a moped, electric bike or even one of those four wheeled buggies as a cheaper alternative to a car ?? Even in the London traffic scooters and mopeds are increasingly evident. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Not lost my independence, but lost my job LOL
I miss going to work On the car front I do all the driving so I have not felt that loss. We dont seem to be in each others pockets though we have independent interests which is good. We are renovating a house so my other half is doing all the work there and I well, miss my job. When the house is finished then my job will start again so I surpose I should enjoy the freedom that is left. I can understand the frustration and men do love there cars, I am lucky that way mine prefers me to drive and he navigates ....but that is another story ....LOL |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4270923)
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
I rely on my OH for all my outings, We both took early retirement in 2005 and moved here permanently, I had a very busy social life (he on the other hand did not) and when we first arrived here I loved spending 24/7 with him (still do really) OH is the most amazing person and will stop whatever he is doing to indulge my every whim, I only have to say I want to go out and off we go; anywhere just for a ride out to see the sights. I did drive back in Blighty, but here; well I don't think I could cope with the Chiclana driver! I also feel guilty about going out and leaving him on his own, the look of hurt on his face is heart wrenching when I mention that I might ventured forth on my own, he says "I'll take you, drop you off, you ring when your ready and I'll come fetch you". But just occasionally I would love to be spontaneous and just go out on my own, I am beginning to miss the independence I had of just hopping on a bus or train, meeting friends and family for coffee in town was so easy then. I love where I live but sometime I think being in a town would have been better because I know I would have been much more independent there then I am now. Having said that what do you know about buses, I am a little nervous about trying them as my Spanish is still very sparse, I seem to remember someone telling me you buy the tickets somewhere before you board does anyone know if that is correct. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4271623)
Hi Glynis
I rely on my OH for all my outings, We both took early retirement in 2005 and moved here permanently, I had a very busy social life (he on the other hand did not) and when we first arrived here I loved spending 24/7 with him (still do really) OH is the most amazing person and will stop whatever he is doing to indulge my every whim, I only have to say I want to go out and off we go; anywhere just for a ride out to see the sights. I did drive back in Blighty, but here; well I don't think I could cope with the Chiclana driver! I also feel guilty about going out and leaving him on his own, the look of hurt on his face is heart wrenching when I mention that I might ventured forth on my own, he says "I'll take you, drop you off, you ring when your ready and I'll come fetch you". But just occasionally I would love to be spontaneous and just go out on my own, I am beginning to miss the independence I had of just hopping on a bus or train, meeting friends and family for coffee in town was so easy then. I love where I live but sometime I think being in a town would have been better because I know I would have been much more independent there then I am now. Having said that what do you know about buses, I am a little nervous about trying them as my Spanish is still very sparse, I seem to remember someone telling me you buy the tickets somewhere before you board does anyone know if that is correct. My hubby is like that, he will take me wherever I want to go and collect me when I'm ready. We have worked together though for such a long time that it would be strange to be without him now! As for buses, I remember having to buy a ticket at an office in Fenguirola and Benalmadena also when we were in Tarragona. Haven't caught a bus on the Costa Blanca yet as we always have a hire car but I expect it's the same. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4270923)
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
Glynis, from a mans point of view, I actually feel this myself! Back home I used to get to play golf every couple of weeks but since I've been here I haven't played once and mainly because I feel guilty about going out. We have two cars so its not as if she can't go out, but we generally only go out together!!!! Also our Belgian neighbour, as you mention above, has stopped driving since shes been living here as she only goes out when her husband does. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
I think that one of the fatal mistakes that women make on relocation to Spain is leaving the driving to their partner. I have numerous friends who just kinda let it slide and are now totally dependent on their partners.....it´s one of the pieces of advice that I give all women... drive, get out there and drive.
As for the 24/7 thing ...this is a feature of retirement no matter where. Men, in particular, find it very difficult to go from work to zero and women find it difficult to have them underfoot all day....it´s a whole new ball game, isn´t it? |
Re: Losing Your Independence
I really enjoy using the buses when I come over for a quick week on my own - I do this about 4 times a year. My OH is quite happy to have a quiet time without me! He looks forward to hearing about my adventures.
Depending where you are in Spain it is quite easy to look up the bus services on the internet - generally you buy your ticket at the bus station and the buses are very comfortable and you get to meet some really interesting, likeminded people on your travels. Definately worth thinking about. What about weekly Spanish classes in a nearby town? I still laugh about the time we owned a pueblo house, I came over on my own a few times but became aware that the village women were a bit put out about this and everyone seemed to clock me back in the evenings! (small trips down to Altea to get the sea air). I had to be home by 8.30pm at the latest.lol |
Re: Losing Your Independence
I use local buses and you buy the ticket on the bus, just say where you are going and hand over your money. My problem is we don't live close to a bus stop so I have a bit of a walk and they are not that frequent, so if you miss one you have to wait for about half an hour.
My hubby uses the car for work but I would be absolutely terrified of driving on the roads here anyway.:scared: |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by jenna m
(Post 4272143)
I really enjoy using the buses when I come over for a quick week on my own - I do this about 4 times a year. My OH is quite happy to have a quiet time without me! He looks forward to hearing about my adventures.
Depending where you are in Spain it is quite easy to look up the bus services on the internet - generally you buy your ticket at the bus station and the buses are very comfortable and you get to meet some really interesting, likeminded people on your travels. Definately worth thinking about. What about weekly Spanish classes in a nearby town? I still laugh about the time we owned a pueblo house, I came over on my own a few times but became aware that the village women were a bit put out about this and everyone seemed to clock me back in the evenings! (small trips down to Altea to get the sea air). I had to be home by 8.30pm at the latest.lol |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by jjh
(Post 4272175)
I use local buses and you buy the ticket on the bus, just say where you are going and hand over your money. My problem is we don't live close to a bus stop so I have a bit of a walk and they are not that frequent, so if you miss one you have to wait for about half an hour.
My hubby uses the car for work but I would be absolutely terrified of driving on the roads here anyway.:scared: |
Re: Losing Your Independence
The women in my village never went out - except during the Fiestas, so my wanderings were of great interest!
A friend married to a Spaniard once told me that when she occasionally went down to the coast that she had to be back home before the end of tapas time. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4270923)
Mainly for the ladies. Do you feel that moving to spain and living 24-7 with your partner and perhaps downsizing to one car between you that you tend to lose your independence? I certainly do. Whereas in the UK on the days off I would just go off and do my own thing in my own car, now I feel guilty about leaving the other half at home on his own. Also there are a lot of women who give up driving when they move over and have to be ferried around. Do they regret this?
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by jjh
(Post 4272175)
My hubby uses the car for work but I would be absolutely terrified of driving on the roads here anyway.:scared:
Give it a try - maybe have a "driving lesson" around Novo Sancti Petri, it's very quiet at this time of year - you might be pleasantly surprised. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
I was very very nervous of driving here...but knew I would just hate not having my bit of independence.
Plus the thought of not being able to go to a shopping centre on my own made me feel sick! Nothing worse than going shopping with your other half and they dont want to be there or being on a timer! A friend of mine was very nervous about driving so she didnt for about 4 years. Last year she got herself a car, took a few refresher lessons and now shes driving everywhere. She cannot believe she went so long without a car and how much it has improved her life. If I can drive here - anyone can! |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4271623)
Hi Glynis
I rely on my OH for all my outings, We both took early retirement in 2005 and moved here permanently, I had a very busy social life (he on the other hand did not) and when we first arrived here I loved spending 24/7 with him (still do really) OH is the most amazing person and will stop whatever he is doing to indulge my every whim, I only have to say I want to go out and off we go; anywhere just for a ride out to see the sights. I did drive back in Blighty, but here; well I don't think I could cope with the Chiclana driver! I also feel guilty about going out and leaving him on his own, the look of hurt on his face is heart wrenching when I mention that I might ventured forth on my own, he says "I'll take you, drop you off, you ring when your ready and I'll come fetch you". But just occasionally I would love to be spontaneous and just go out on my own, I am beginning to miss the independence I had of just hopping on a bus or train, meeting friends and family for coffee in town was so easy then. I love where I live but sometime I think being in a town would have been better because I know I would have been much more independent there then I am now. Having said that what do you know about buses, I am a little nervous about trying them as my Spanish is still very sparse, I seem to remember someone telling me you buy the tickets somewhere before you board does anyone know if that is correct. That is exactly what I mean. I don´t want to be dropped off and then picked up. I want to go out and come back when I am ready without feeling guilty that I have got the car. I have always done my own thing and that is just as well after thirty plus years of marriage or else I would have killed him and him me! As for riding a scooter I would be petrified. I love the idea in principle but would be sure to be knocked off on the first outing. P.S. I MISS WORK TOO. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
I am going to try next week to get the bus into Cadiz and have a mooch around the shops and have lunch too. Have become inspired to give it a go.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4274190)
I am going to try next week to get the bus into Cadiz and have a mooch around the shops and have lunch too. Have become inspired to give it a go.
Good for you Glynis :beer: |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Reading these posts made me question, for those of you who admit to being reliant on OHs for driving etc since moving to Spain, what are you going to do if/when OH maybe becomes unable to drive or, sorry to be morbid...but realistic....dies? How will you all cope than?
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Re: Losing Your Independence
We have lived here for over 5 years, and the first thing we did was buy a car and drive, both my husband and I are semi retired, but like most "girls" I love my independence, and get out and about on my own. You need a car where we live or would be housebound, always the lovely shopping centres to browse round, and although lovely going with hubby also nice to have a real good look on your own and take your time.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by mrsjdr
(Post 4274335)
We have lived here for over 5 years, and the first thing we did was buy a car and drive, both my husband and I are semi retired, but like most "girls" I love my independence, and get out and about on my own. You need a car where we live or would be housebound, always the lovely shopping centres to browse round, and although lovely going with hubby also nice to have a real good look on your own and take your time.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Glynis,
here is a useful link re buses in and around Cadiz. You probably know about it already. www.tgcomes.es Glad to hear you are taking that first step to regaining your independence. Find a nice cafe/restaurant where you can sit and watch the world go by, inbetween browsing around the shops and you will start to feel comfortable doing it on your own. I say this because in recent years my OH won't go out very often and certainly not to any shops so I had to take courage in both hands and go for it by myself Jenna. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by jenna m
(Post 4274444)
Glynis,
here is a useful link re buses in and around Cadiz. You probably know about it already. www.tgcomes.es Glad to hear you are taking that first step to regaining your independence. Find a nice cafe/restaurant where you can sit and watch the world go by, inbetween browsing around the shops and you will start to feel comfortable doing it on your own. I say this because in recent years my OH won't go out very often and certainly not to any shops so I had to take courage in both hands and go for it by myself Jenna. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4274164)
That is exactly what I mean. I don´t want to be dropped off and then picked up. I want to go out and come back when I am ready without feeling guilty that I have got the car. I have always done my own thing and that is just as well after thirty plus years of marriage or else I would have killed him and him me! As for riding a scooter I would be petrified. I love the idea in principle but would be sure to be knocked off on the first outing. P.S. I MISS WORK TOO.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4274435)
Mine will stand outside the shop looking bored - so no pressure than to mooch!
Just like mine. Makes you feel rushed doesn't it. :mad: I'm hoping to make some girlfriends when I am over there, someone to shop and dine with and have a giggle....be girlie again and forget (for a little while) that I am a housewife and mother :beer: |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by dazzle
(Post 4272579)
This really does surprise me as I always think drivers on the Costa de la Luz are very patient - certainly you don't hear horns blaring like in other parts of Spain.
Give it a try - maybe have a "driving lesson" around Novo Sancti Petri, it's very quiet at this time of year - you might be pleasantly surprised. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by Hillybilly
(Post 4274297)
Reading these posts made me question, for those of you who admit to being reliant on OHs for driving etc since moving to Spain, what are you going to do if/when OH maybe becomes unable to drive or, sorry to be morbid...but realistic....dies? How will you all cope than?
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4275602)
They don't use them because they don't know where to find them, the same as their indicators!
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4275602)
They don't use them because they don't know where to find them, the same as their indicators!
Most of the people round here who cause problems with their signalling are in rented cars, they drive up to a junction, signal right, then stop, signal left, then go straight on anyway. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4274435)
Mine will stand outside the shop looking bored - so no pressure than to mooch!
but this then makes me feel a little guilty and I start to rush or just give up. I have been thinking that it may be easier for younger people as they either have children to take to school or they have to earn a living; this means they have to get out and about. When you are of an older age group and you are not working it just seems easier to get up and go out as a couple. I thought I would never here my self say it but I do actually miss going out to work. For most of my time in the NHS I was happy and loved my job and most of the people but I was very tried when I left but I think now I have been retired for nearly two years life is becoming much of the sameness. I don't want a job as I don't think I could go back to being somewhere at particular time for x amount of hours, doing as I was told. I think it is just winter blues as I don't think about this when the summer is here and I am busy with family. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by poollounger
(Post 4275697)
Crispygirl don't deter people from driving in Spain. It is easier than driving in Britain, and certainly easier than London. I find Spanish motorists very considerate and have driven in Jerez and Seville. Added to which I look Spanish so don't have them making allowances for me being a foreigner in town. The motorways are a joy. Now consider driving in Italy, especially Rome...I reckon that would challenge anyone.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4276019)
Sorry if I gave that impression it was not meant, but I too like others can only speak from experience and as a passenger I find driving in Chiclana very stressful, younger people on motor scooters are my biggest worry they just appear from no where I have seen young girls talking on phones, putting makeup on, reading books, and when there are two of them on the scooter they are busy chatting and swaying from side to side. This is something I see often, we go out most days and I would say it is a daily experience. having said that I have promised my children that I will add driving to my list of things to do in 2007.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4277714)
When I started driving again over here I was given a good tip. Find somewhere quiet and then go out between 2 and 4pm when the spanish are back home. It just gets your confidence back. Also when you have done that, just pick a short drive only. Drive there and say OH drive back, then go out on your own and you will be away.
That's it I have made up my mind we will go into town next week and get me on the insurance as this is really the best time to do it as there is hardly any traffic around this area at the moment. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by crispygirl
(Post 4277733)
Thanks Glynis I think I will do that. I learnt to drive actually in the City of London, Tower Bridge, Westminster, Westend area. It was easy really as the traffic does not move more than 5 miles a hour.
That's it I have made up my mind we will go into town next week and get me on the insurance as this is really the best time to do it as there is hardly any traffic around this area at the moment. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4277714)
When I started driving again over here I was given a good tip. Find somewhere quiet and then go out between 2 and 4pm when the spanish are back home. It just gets your confidence back. Also when you have done that, just pick a short drive only. Drive there and say OH drive back, then go out on your own and you will be away.
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Re: Losing Your Independence
This is an excerlent thread.
I just wanted to add that my marriage has vastly improved since moving here, we hardly argue now and dont feel under as much stress. We love having more time together and more time with the children. I think it is a sink or swim situation with the relationship. It really tests you in ways you may not consider. I love my husband so much and the move has really confirmed that. |
Re: Losing Your Independence
Originally Posted by glynis
(Post 4274733)
Tried this website but found it confusing. Is it me, or to get to Cadiz you have to go to Seville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No Glynis, the bus goes from the Hotel Alboran into Cadiz, I can't remember what times but I think it's on the hour and the half hour.The other stop in Chiclana is outside Eroski. JJ |
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