I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.
May 17th 2013, 5:40 pm
#1
Im a 77 year old nutcase
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2011
Location: Playa del ingles...Gran Canaria..
Posts: 4,774
I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.
B & Q JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells
They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:
It was a carp job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh Yes, absolutely.
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells
They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:
It was a carp job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh Yes, absolutely.
May 17th 2013, 5:59 pm
#2
Banned
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,081
Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.
B & Q JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells
They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:
It was a carp job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh Yes, absolutely.
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells
They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:
It was a carp job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh Yes, absolutely.
May 18th 2013, 6:28 pm
#3
Quien no sabe
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,989
Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.
People should learn to use Google before they believe everything they read
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp
Here it is posted three years ago
http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816
5 Years Ago
http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0
6 Years ago on British Expats
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076
But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html
and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html
.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp
Here it is posted three years ago
http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816
5 Years Ago
http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0
6 Years ago on British Expats
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076
But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html
and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html
.
Last edited by Chatter Static; May 18th 2013 at 6:56 pm.
May 19th 2013, 2:50 pm
#4
Im a 77 year old nutcase
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2011
Location: Playa del ingles...Gran Canaria..
Posts: 4,774
Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.
People should learn to use Google before they believe everything they read
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp
Here it is posted three years ago
http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816
5 Years Ago
http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0
6 Years ago on British Expats
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076
But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html
and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html
.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp
Here it is posted three years ago
http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816
5 Years Ago
http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0
6 Years ago on British Expats
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076
But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html
and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html
.
May 19th 2013, 10:13 pm
#7
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: In the middle of 10million Olive Trees
Posts: 12,053
May 20th 2013, 2:14 pm
#8
On the road again.
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: On Top of the World
Posts: 17,507
