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I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Old May 17th 2013, 5:40 am
  #1  
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Default I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

B & Q JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells

They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..








NAME:


Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)

SEX:


Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)


DESIRED POSITION:


Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.


If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?



DESIRED SALARY:


£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.


If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:


Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:


Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:


A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:


My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:


It was a carp job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:


Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:


1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:


Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:


If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:


Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:


I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:


I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:


On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:


Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big


things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.


Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:


7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:


Oh Yes, absolutely.
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Old May 17th 2013, 5:59 am
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by tommy.irene
B & Q JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells

They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..








NAME:


Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)

SEX:


Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)


DESIRED POSITION:


Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.


If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?



DESIRED SALARY:


£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.


If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:


Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:


Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:


A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:


My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:


It was a carp job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:


Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:


1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:


Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:


If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:


Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:


I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:


I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:


On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:


Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big


things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.


Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:


7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:


Oh Yes, absolutely.
I would give a job to him too.
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Old May 18th 2013, 6:28 am
  #3  
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

People should learn to use Google before they believe everything they read


http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp

Here it is posted three years ago

http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816

5 Years Ago

http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0

6 Years ago on British Expats

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076


But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html

and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html



.

Last edited by Chatter Static; May 18th 2013 at 6:56 am.
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Old May 19th 2013, 2:50 am
  #4  
Im a 77 year old nutcase
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by Chatter Static
People should learn to use Google before they believe everything they read


http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp

Here it is posted three years ago

http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816

5 Years Ago

http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0

6 Years ago on British Expats

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490076


But here is a story about an employee that got sacked from B & Q for being too old.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...acked-old.html

and B & Q's old bloke they are happy to keep

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...n-decades.html



.
You mean you believed what i wrote..most of the things i write are jokes..
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Old May 19th 2013, 3:05 am
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by tommy.irene
You mean you believed what i wrote..most of the things i write are jokes..
Just keep them coming, old or not, I like them.
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Old May 19th 2013, 3:31 am
  #6  
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by tommy.irene
You mean you believed what i wrote..most of the things i write are jokes..
No I didn't the oldest person in B&Q Tunbridge Wells is about 17. The manager hasn't started shaving yet
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Old May 19th 2013, 10:13 am
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by Chatter Static
No I didn't the oldest person in B&Q Tunbridge Wells is about 17. The manager hasn't started shaving yet
and she says she will be having laser treatment next week
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Old May 20th 2013, 2:14 am
  #8  
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Default Re: I filled in the B&Q Form and got the JOB.

Originally Posted by tommy.irene
You mean you believed what i wrote..most of the things i write are jokes..
So why not in the joke thread ?
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