I have been to two funerals lately both men in their 50's. Both men were on their second marriages. Their first wives were both at the funeral service and afterwards at the wake/reception. In both cases the ex-wife was the mother of the grieving children. And in both cases it was the woman who had an affair and broke up the marriages.
At the reception I couldn't help but feel very sorry for the second wives (one of them my cousin). As the ex-wife gathered all the kids around her which I suppose is natural enough but for some mourners it was uncomfortable.
The second wife who in one case had been married to the deceased longer than the 1st wife (but no kids together) looked like a spare part.
I'm all for the ex-wife paying her respects to the Father of her children and maybe afterwards a short visit to the reception but shouldn't these women exit the stage when their part is over. What should have been a relaxing celebration of a old friend's life turned into at times an awkward situation.

I've attended several such funerals and have another one coming up shortly. In recent years the whole marriage thing seems to have become like a game of musical chairs, but I can't say too much because I'm on my second lot and so is my wife.

Gotta say one thing HBG.

You certainly know how to put the mockers on a pleasant Saturday evening indoors.

Jesus, how can you say that? What about the memories?

I've got to be careful because it's Saturday night and things might get distorted.

Cafe Benidorm with over sexed ladies grabbing your goolies, Benidorm singles with over sexed grannies grabbing your goolies, you've been there and so have I.

I miss it.

In your dreams.

Rosemary

You might be right about it only being dreams now. I took my vows in Las Vegas in the presence of Elvis who gave my bride away and it was such a solemn occasion I intend to stick to them.

I drove to the chapel and back again in a pink Cadillac, with people waving at me and taking photographs, I can't let those people down by creeping back into Benidorm when she's away.

She's away in three weeks time . . . and I can get to Beni in an hour . . . or there's this other grab-a-granny even nearer . . . I can walk there.

... and stagger home..... but will it be your home or hers?

Poor guys missing his freedom, methinks.

One ball and chain was one too many for me.

I'm happy to settle for occasional visits from my Swedish grannie friends (ex Tenerife Snowbird friends).

Not quite sure if they can still be snowbirds once they're grannies, but never mind, beggars can't be choosers.

Nice to see them come,,......and nice to see them go.

There are quite a few Swedish snowbirds where I live, hundreds of them, mostly giants who just come for the Spanish winter. They've even got their own club with a bouncer on the door, a bigger giant than the rest of them.

I find them to be really pleasant people, philosophers, all of them, but deadly when they're pissed.

A bit of a contrast to the Spanish. They're normally very reserved and withdrawn in their homeland and drinking through the week is strictly frowned upon.

As a result when they do get a skinful and let their hair down on a Saturday night, or on a booze cruise or on holiday and cast off their inhibitions they can be quite entertaining,indeed comical to watch.

I'm referring mainly to the middle aged and older ones who all of a sudden think they're teenyboppers again, completely lose the plot and start gyrating and rolling around the dance floor like demented apes.


The really deadly ones are the big Finnish guys when they get on the cheap booze on holiday.
It only takes one of them to walk in and clear a bar in five minutes before proceeding to completely wreck the joint and leave it looking like a war zone.

I've only visited Sweden twice, years ago, and travelled on the giant ferry from Kiel. I don't know if the Malmo bridge had been built then, I suspect not or I would have used it.

The strange thing was that you had to show your passport in the departure lounge at Kiel, and if you were Swedish you were not allowed alcoholic drinks.

I was interested to read this thread because last year when my Dad died, my sister and I had problems with our mother, his ex-wife who wanted to take over the funeral arrangements and be centre of attention on the day.
We thought it would be in very poor taste for her to play grieving widow after she had left him for someone else.
We told her she would be welcome at the funeral (which we arranged as Dad had not remarried) but not in the front pew as a close relative. We arranged for a family friend who she knew well, to drive her to the service and sit with her.
She could not understand our feelings at all, took offence, didn't come to the funeral, told everyone who would listen that we had asked her not to and didn't speak to us for six months.
We're talking again now but she still doesn't get it. I'm glad we took the stand we did though, it would have seemed very hypocritical otherwise.

The whole 'ex-debate' causes so much discussion and there are many formulae that work for the individual people involved.

My ex wife is a dear friend of mine we are very close. We realised that we made better friends than lovers and had a very amicable divorce, the lawyers tried and failed to get more money by introducing new ideas, but were met by a united front. We had agreed our deal - they wrote it up.

My current wife has no problems with our relationship - nor does my ex's new life partner. We have visited + stayed in each others places before, and eg they visited us in Spain.

When we split we asked our good friends not to take 'sides', but interestingly some felt they had to. Even though there was no wrong-doing or error on either of our parts. There were no 'sides' as I say and the whole thing was amicable.

We found that strange that some of our good friends felt kindof obligated for some reason to stay with one or the other..... luckily others have kept in with us both.

Funerals do put another highly emotionally charged side to affairs, but I think we in our 'arrangement' would do that respectfully. Of course there were no children involved and that puts another emotional loading to the whole affair. Very difficult.

Maybe those friends never really liked one or other of you? I know several couples where I dislike one or other of the partners.

Pleased you have an amicable relationship with you ex, as do I.

Oh if only everyone elses lives were the same.
my ex decided to go for a divorce before her late mothers will hit probate, on advice from her accountant. Her divorce solicitor tried to take me for every penny, after 20 years apart. I am sure he cried when I advised him his client had told him lies and was inheriting a £500,000 house as part of the estate. He did remove himself and she had to find another solicitor, who tried a couple of tricks near the end of proceedings but was stonewalled.

At my late FIL's funeral out of respect I helped to carry his coffin, to snide comments from my BIL that "we are paying them to do that".

when the BH's son got married she was on the front row with her ex.
halfway through proceedings he told me I should be with her and was surprised when I said "No, its your son, you should be together for this" and stayed in the row behind them.