Re: CSA Absent father
 

You should indeed be very proud; this isn't just about how hard it can be for fathers, it's just about how hard it can be for all concerned, most particularly the children. The fact is that the world would probably be a much better place without certain people, both men and women, in it!
But sometimes you have to move on, and stop banging your head against the wall, because then it stops hurting

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Sticking to the facts - the CSA can not enforce maintenance assessments outside the UK.

There is reciprocal enforcement for maintenance orders - not sure of contact details, but try a web search. Good luck.

Re: CSA Absent father
 

hi all, neighbour of mine in spain came out here with 3 kids to save marriage new start etc etc he worked in uk came home once a mth while in uk hubby always filled in official forms etc anyway turned out he was playing around again in uk left wife and agrred to pay maintainence, wife was still claiming "family allowence" paid into uk bank acc while divorce procedure was going on hubby was arguing over amount of payment the judge ordered , so informed benefit office wife was in spain they sent her a letter telling her what she did was illegal and asked her to pay back overpayment of amount while in spain plus a fine at divorce hearing wife and kids still living here but it came to the judges attention that although wife is not entitled to family allowence out here hubby in uk is even though he hasn`t got the kids got a new younger model new house and car though even the judge was amazed but not in his re-mit so beware any mum`s out here with kids claiming child benefit they could be after you

Re: CSA Absent father
 

I am an absent father.
Some of the comments from some members on here make me pretty angry in particular those self opinionated comments on how others should run their lives when in fact they have no experience of the situation the OP is in.

The issue in my view is not one of legality but rather of morality. I firmly believe the natural father and mother have a responsibility to nurture and care for the child they have brought into this world. If the father (or indeed mother) finds themselves in a situation where they cannot physically be present to nurture the child they should at the very least ensure the child has a safe sheltered environment to live in and has access to their natural parent. This might and most often does require some financial input from the absent parent. Even if the child is in a new home where money is not tight the absent parent should ensure birthdays, Christmases etc are remembered and actively take an interest in the childs development.

Unfortunately the issue of maintenance is often used as a penalty against the parent that moves out and that’s where most of the issues arise as the absent partner feels unfairly treated as he/she has lost both contact and money. I have been married 3 times (and yes I have thought perhaps its me!), but I have maintained my children (1 from the first and 2 from the second - and incidentally its to the end of full time education not 16 yo as previously posted) as I believe I have an obligation to do so. I also see them whenever I can despite an expensive acrimonious divorce and the fact I work in Eastern Europe for most of the year. I am very very happy in my 3rd marriage but I am looking after my wifes child for whom his father makes zero contribution. This does not effect me financially as we have a very comfortable income, however I do feel the guy should make some attempt to contribute to his own child’s welfare.

So returning to the OP’s question - Yes there are reciprocal arrangements between UK and Spain but you need to immediately seek legal advice. This could be done either through UK or Spanish lawyers either way it will cost you money and there are no guaranteed outcomes. Best to appeal to his better nature if he cares at all about his kids……

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Mykap, much of what you say is obviously true, but I think you've missed a lot of points that people have been making, not least that many mothers, who are normally the custodial parent, not only want want as much money as they can get, and the shirt on your back, but then deny access rights to the other parent. Oh yes, they're quick to say the "absent" father doesn't bother with his kids, but that's [I]their[I] story. It doesn't matter how many court orders are in place, at the end of the day the mother usually has total control, and is often intent on making it as difficult as possible, regardless of how much the kids suffer.

Of course both parents have both a moral and financial obligation to their children, but it's always the "absent" parent that gets slagged off, without any of the reasons for this absence being taken into consideration. They often also do contribute financially in quite a big way, but prefer to do it by way of paying for school trips, much needed clothes etc, and then they at least know that their har earned cash is actually going towards the upkeep of the child, rather than new shoes for the mother.

Regarding taking an interest in the childs development, once again, if they were allowed to, they would. Generally, they are deliberately excluded, no matter how much they pay in upkeep, because it never ceases to be a question of how many points can be scored, and hurting the "absent" parent, usually through the kids, is a great way to do that. They are excluded from school plays, sports days, never get to see the end of year reports or school photos, etc. It rarely stops, even when the kids are grown. It's always about scoring points.

And, Mykap, I do speak from experience.

Re: CSA Absent father
 

This thread has become way off topic and has nothing to do with moving to Spain. Maybe should be moved to siesta chat?

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Hi - if you get in touch with the school they usually will help out here - i work in a school and we do send out seperate invites and school reports to 'absent' parents - as its only fair - unless there are extenuating circumstances where the 'absent' parent isnt allowed access - but thankfully this is very rare :thumbup:

Re: CSA Absent father
 

That's very interesting, but a little late for us, I'm afraid. I think it's a great idea; probably something that's been introduced recently? Mind you, have you ever been the "absent" parent at one of these events? Or the new wife? It's exceedingly unpleasant!! :frown: Still an excellent idea though. Unfortunately it doesn't help the other situations, xmas / birthdays / bank holidays, etc. My step children are grown now, but their father has never spent a Christmas or birthday with them until the past couple of years(not from lack of trying) and even this is thwarted because the mother lays the guilt trip on them.

But I am pleased that schools are now trying to address this situation, at least

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Ive been in special ed for 15 years now and weve always done it - sorry its too late in your case though xxxxx
We used to always do parent evenings over 2 nights so both parents could come - and any shows were doubled so both could come on seperate showings - youd think it would be common practice wouldnt you ?????

Re: CSA Absent father
 

I think this is such a great idea; it would solve so much unpleasantness, and give the "absent" parent at least a fighting chance of being involved with their kids on all levels.

Re: CSA Absent father
 

And your remarks have incensed me. :frown:

I think you'll find the majority of people that have posted on this thread DO have some experience of the OP's situation if not directly but of someone close to them.

My former husband's ex wife re-married and made his children call her new husband Dad and their real Father by his christian name.

She changed the children's surname's (not legally of course because she would have required his permission for that). When we got in touch with the school to object, they told us it was best to leave it as it was, i.e. for them to be known by the new name, as it would just confuse the children. How confused was everyone when they had to get passports to go on school trips. (Funded by us by the way).

His daughter, when aged about 9, asked him if he hated her Mum? He replied that it was more complicated than that. To which she replied 'Well Mummy hates you!'

He always remained philosophical and said all I can do is love them and hope that when they are older they will understand that.

I'm happy to report that he continues to have a close and loving relationship with both his children, now adults, but certainly with no thanks to their mother.

Not in our case tho' :thumbdown:

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Very sorry - thats such a shame - mind you a lot of them dont want to get involved do they - i suppose we were lucky then only being a small school where we did know a lot of the parents and what was going on
Im glad things are ok now and the children realise that his absence wasnt down to him and long may it continue :)

Re: CSA Absent father
 

LimePickle, how did I know we were in this together???? :lol:

Maybe a thread on "Absent Fathers - The Truth!"

I have heard mothers refer to the "absent" father (to the 7 year old child) as "that scumbag" and much worse. When my stepson was 3 years old, he would say hateful things that could only have been put in his mouth by an adult; I have also spent considerable time with a family that devote their lives to trying to teach a 3 year old to refer to the new wife, i.e. her step mum, as "the bitch".

And usually these step mums are innocent victims of what's gone before.

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Yes indeed. My husband had divorced years before he met me.

His children were always lovely to me even asking when they should start calling me 'Mum' :unsure: I found that a bit weird as they already had a Mum and I was quite happy for them to use my christian name.

Even after we split up his daughter told me as far as her and her brother were concerned I would always be their step Mum. Not that I see them much these days. :(

What's really freaking me out tho' (in forming any alliance with you) is he left me for a girl called Linda who he refers to as 'LindyLoo' :eek::eek::eek:

Re: CSA Absent father
 

Wish I could say the same.....but I can't, sadly. I still lock horns with the daughter, still caused by mother.

My husband is adamant that he doesn't know you.....hmmm :D That'd freak me out too!