Is going home a mistake?
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Location: winchester va via Kent, UK
Posts: 25
Is going home a mistake?
Hey,
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
#2
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Ian
#3
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Hey,
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
Rene
#4
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Hey,
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
And even if you do want to return to the UK, have you thought about waiting to get your US citizenship first?
You mention "paperwork" - what paperwork is that? Do you have your 10 year green card?
#5
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Location: winchester va via Kent, UK
Posts: 25
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Right now is much too soon to make a decision like that. By all means take a vacation in the UK for some support at a difficult time but before you leave your US job and abandon your green card you should spend a lot of time to think about where you really want to be.
And even if you do want to return to the UK, have you thought about waiting to get your US citizenship first?
You mention "paperwork" - what paperwork is that? Do you have your 10 year green card?
And even if you do want to return to the UK, have you thought about waiting to get your US citizenship first?
You mention "paperwork" - what paperwork is that? Do you have your 10 year green card?
#6
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Must be terribly shocking to be an unsuspecting dumpee - plodding along normally in life and then BANG, all change! You have my sympathies.
In general I would avoid any large decisions at this time (such as leaving a job you like, or moving country) as the shock and bewilderment of your situation will often not make for the clearest thinking.
Have you considered a long vacation in the UK or asking your company for a period off to sort out the paperwork issues?
The disorientation from a break-up of a long-time marriage can be quite substantial, adding into the mix the loss of a job and change of location may not help and could leave you somewhat rudderless.
Good luck with it, millions of others have similar situations and they all get through it at some point, so there will be some light at the end of the tunnel.
In general I would avoid any large decisions at this time (such as leaving a job you like, or moving country) as the shock and bewilderment of your situation will often not make for the clearest thinking.
Have you considered a long vacation in the UK or asking your company for a period off to sort out the paperwork issues?
The disorientation from a break-up of a long-time marriage can be quite substantial, adding into the mix the loss of a job and change of location may not help and could leave you somewhat rudderless.
Good luck with it, millions of others have similar situations and they all get through it at some point, so there will be some light at the end of the tunnel.
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 218
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Since you've been here six years but still call the UK home going back for awhile might be a good idea.
I'm crap at legal stuff but if you get divorced can you still stay here as a PR? The only way i got my green card was because i was married to a Yank.
I'm crap at legal stuff but if you get divorced can you still stay here as a PR? The only way i got my green card was because i was married to a Yank.
#10
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Sounds like you have been here a long time, going back full time could be a bit of a shock.
Last edited by scrubbedexpat099; Nov 28th 2010 at 9:41 pm.
#11
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Mind, he doesn't mention much that would help him here in this difficult time - might be the blues talking, but 5 years on and no friendships made to support him.......it does happen.
So most likely a good time to get away from it all here, get back home and re-evaluate it all.
Being back home does make this place seem vary far away emotionally; this I can attest to.....so it makes sense to "press reset" for a few months. If his heart is in the US, it'll soon become pretty clear I'd guess.
#12
Re: Is going home a mistake?
It's actually quite common for people in a divorce to "go back to zero" in an attempt to 'reset' and try and figure out what went wrong. A place where they can go where the chaos of what is currently on-going in their lives is temporarily forgotten by reliving the memories of happy times. I don't think it is a mistake by any stretch to take some time and go back to a familiar place with good friends and family.
How long that familiarity and friendliness will last varies, and honestly there is no universal answer that applies in every situation. If you read through the Moving Back to the UK forum and examine those posts with the word "ping pong" you'll find plenty of folks who went back, but are now re-retreating back to their adopted homes. Things weren't quite as they expected after the initial honeymoon period, and the "home" they had remembered had changed, and more importantly the people they remembered had changed, sometimes in ways they did not like. Finally, many of them realized they had changed, and what satisfied them as a youth no longer was what they wanted now that they were a bit different.
So with that said, my advice is go home, but don't burn any bridges. Keep your green card active, and watch out for the six month rule. File your taxes, pay your bills, etc. If after a few months back in the UK (yes, months, not weeks) you are feeling this is the place for me, than gear up for the long term move, possibly returning to the US for citizenship (it will be of value to your family one day) and then move on with your life.
There is a famous book that is required reading in many US high schools. It's called, aptly enough, "You Can't Go Home Again". The specifics of the plot are secondary to the message it tries to convey. To quote from wikipedia:
The title comes from the finale of the novel when protagonist George Webber realizes, "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."
“You can’t go home again” has entered American speech to mean that after you have left your country town or provincial backwater city for a sophisticated metropolis, you can’t return to the narrow confines of your previous way of life, and, more generally, attempts to relive youthful memories will always fail.
So enjoy your vacation. If you do go "home again" don't think of it as a retreat, but as a fresh start in a familiar place.
Good luck.
How long that familiarity and friendliness will last varies, and honestly there is no universal answer that applies in every situation. If you read through the Moving Back to the UK forum and examine those posts with the word "ping pong" you'll find plenty of folks who went back, but are now re-retreating back to their adopted homes. Things weren't quite as they expected after the initial honeymoon period, and the "home" they had remembered had changed, and more importantly the people they remembered had changed, sometimes in ways they did not like. Finally, many of them realized they had changed, and what satisfied them as a youth no longer was what they wanted now that they were a bit different.
So with that said, my advice is go home, but don't burn any bridges. Keep your green card active, and watch out for the six month rule. File your taxes, pay your bills, etc. If after a few months back in the UK (yes, months, not weeks) you are feeling this is the place for me, than gear up for the long term move, possibly returning to the US for citizenship (it will be of value to your family one day) and then move on with your life.
There is a famous book that is required reading in many US high schools. It's called, aptly enough, "You Can't Go Home Again". The specifics of the plot are secondary to the message it tries to convey. To quote from wikipedia:
The title comes from the finale of the novel when protagonist George Webber realizes, "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."
“You can’t go home again” has entered American speech to mean that after you have left your country town or provincial backwater city for a sophisticated metropolis, you can’t return to the narrow confines of your previous way of life, and, more generally, attempts to relive youthful memories will always fail.
So enjoy your vacation. If you do go "home again" don't think of it as a retreat, but as a fresh start in a familiar place.
Good luck.
#13
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 218
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Very likely it will be - good shock, bad or indifferent is all down to him tho.
Mind, he doesn't mention much that would help him here in this difficult time - might be the blues talking, but 5 years on and no friendships made to support him.......it does happen.
So most likely a good time to get away from it all here, get back home and re-evaluate it all.
Being back home does make this place seem vary far away emotionally; this I can attest to.....so it makes sense to "press reset" for a few months. If his heart is in the US, it'll soon become pretty clear I'd guess.
Mind, he doesn't mention much that would help him here in this difficult time - might be the blues talking, but 5 years on and no friendships made to support him.......it does happen.
So most likely a good time to get away from it all here, get back home and re-evaluate it all.
Being back home does make this place seem vary far away emotionally; this I can attest to.....so it makes sense to "press reset" for a few months. If his heart is in the US, it'll soon become pretty clear I'd guess.
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: North East Ohio, USA
Posts: 1,919
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Getting divorced has nothing to do with having a green card. Once you have your green card you can stay here whether or not you're still married.
#15
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2010
Location: The Woodlands TX/Jakarta
Posts: 36
Re: Is going home a mistake?
Sorry to hear about your situation.
I went home for 2 years (transfer back to UK) and I hated it, don't know your financial status, but I came back to the US due to getting shafted on tax (not saying US is better) and the weather is horrible lol.
As a previous poster said, the oppertunities here are endless, so much more to do and a better quality of life in my opinion.
Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy.
Alan
I went home for 2 years (transfer back to UK) and I hated it, don't know your financial status, but I came back to the US due to getting shafted on tax (not saying US is better) and the weather is horrible lol.
As a previous poster said, the oppertunities here are endless, so much more to do and a better quality of life in my opinion.
Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy.
Alan