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You Know You are in the UAE When...

You Know You are in the UAE When...

Old Mar 31st 2011, 11:27 am
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Default You Know You are in the UAE When...

Been compiling my little list of these. Any Additions?

Here are mine...


The ring pull comes off your can of coke.
You spend as much time driving on the motorway looking backwards as you do looking forwards.
You aren’t surprised to be called ‘Mamsir’.
There are only two seasons. Summer and Hell.
You hardly ever walk anywhere.
Customer service is an oxymoron.
You get used to carrying ten times as much money in cash around with you than you would ever do back home.
When you try to sell something, you automatically double the price you want for it because everyone is going to expect a discount or offer you 50% and expect you to take it.
When booking a table for dinner, tee off time for a round of golf or anything similar you give your name as ‘Mr. (firstname)’. E.g. Mr. John, Mr. Rob.
When you do have to give your full name or company name to someone over the phone, you really, really wish it was short and easy to spell. “My name is Jonathan. That’s JONATHAN. J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N. No, let me say that again J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N . etc.’
The moment you need to get anything done like renewing your car registration, getting the dishwasher repaired or querying a phone bill your heart sinks, because you know that the experience is going to be worse than digging your own eyes out with a hot spoon.
If you’re with Du, it sucks but the thought of going to Etisalat isn’t much better. The opposite is true if you are with Etisalat.
There are two taps on your bath or sinks. Hot and lukewarm.
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 11:30 am
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by shandolier View Post
There are two taps on your bath or sinks. Hot and lukewarm.
you need to turn your water heater off


good list though
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 11:37 am
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by shiva View Post
you need to turn your water heater off


good list though
Not on seat means away from a desk
Out of station means out of the country
Speed signs are a guideline
Alcohol and pork cost you 30% more than the already jacked up prices
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 11:40 am
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

ordering a takeaway is like pulling your own toenails off or having a conversation with a four year old, sometimes both

you know what doing the needful and backside of are

Last edited by shiva; Mar 31st 2011 at 11:42 am.
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 11:41 am
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by shiva View Post
ordering a takeaway is like pulling your own toenails off or having a conversation with a four year old, sometimes both
Everything includes sand or dust
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 12:33 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by shiva View Post
ordering a takeaway is like pulling your own toenails off or having a conversation with a four year old, sometimes both

you know what doing the needful and backside of are
Ah yes. The place where 'park in my backside' doesn't mean anything rude

You have a good name
You use the horn in your car more in a week than you would in a year in the UK
Shops rarely have small change
You have to ask for cold milk in tea and coffee
People have the oddest names
You and your partner argues about who doesn't order something over the phone
Where directions include turn left at the mosque and/or speedbump
Every Friday lunchtime you get to listen to a rant that sounds like the Nuremberg rally
Cars can be cleaned with a feather duster
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 12:41 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by Meow View Post
Ah yes. The place where 'park in my backside' doesn't mean anything rude

You have a good name
You use the horn in your car more in a week than you would in a year in the UK
Shops rarely have small change
You have to ask for cold milk in tea and coffee
People have the oddest names
You and your partner argues about who doesn't order something over the phone
Where directions include turn left at the mosque and/or speedbump
Every Friday lunchtime you get to listen to a rant that sounds like the Nuremberg rally
Cars can be cleaned with a feather duster
The Imam gets up earlier than a cockrel
Only the motorbike rider wears a helmet
Bicycles are ridden on the pavement
Expatriates pay for locals to waste water on their gardens
People choose to use tube lighting in their homes
The first and last experience of a local for most tourists is the immigration dude
The hole in the wall doesn't mean a 'glory hole'

Last edited by K8-notlate; Mar 31st 2011 at 12:43 pm. Reason: Typo - whoops my bad
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 12:42 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

when the cling-film refuses to stick to itself.
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 12:57 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

When a taxi driver asks if he can stop for a 'urine break'

If you don't intervene, buying 10 items in a supermarket can result in 10 carrier bags

Last edited by Meow; Mar 31st 2011 at 1:00 pm.
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 12:58 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by EmiratesMillhouse View Post
when the cling-film refuses to stick to itself.
we use tin foil instead now
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 1:28 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by Blue Cat View Post
we use tin foil instead now
- Taxi drivers ask you for directions
- You no longer ask any shop assistant any question at all because you just know that it'll either be greeted with a blank stare, a completely unrealistic promise of delivery at some point in the future (usually tomorrow or next month) or you're vaguely pointed in a random direction and mumbled at.
- You greet any form of deadline with raised eyebrows and a vague shrug, whilst wondering why you even bothered asking, because it's never going to happen on time anyway.
- When something actually happens efficiently, or someone does their job properly, you start doubting reality and have to go and lie down for a bit.
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 2:46 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

*I love the ringpulls- makes me all nostagic.
*You wear a jumper to work even though its 45 degrees outside because the aircon is artic8
* you enter a modern hotel and end up in a rustic english pub with fake beams with 20 prostitutes at the bar
*You play russian roulette using a pedestrian crossing
* When taxi drivers tell you they make you a good husband if you take them back to the uk
*You get super exited when you see pork on a menu
* you pay 7 quid for a drink in a mediocre bar
* please revert
* oh and everyone tells you too much- you drink too much madam,you buy too much madam, you spend too much madam

and do men get called sirmamsir as wella s women?
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 2:53 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by kittycat1 View Post
* you enter a modern hotel and end up in a rustic english pub with fake beams with 20 prostitutes at the bar
Which bars?
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 2:55 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Nelsons at Media Rotana- Tecom, to name 1
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Old Mar 31st 2011, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
Which bars?
Quite a lot of them. You'll find out soon enough. This place can really be rather surreal.
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