You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Been compiling my little list of these. Any Additions?

Here are mine...


The ring pull comes off your can of coke.
You spend as much time driving on the motorway looking backwards as you do looking forwards.
You aren’t surprised to be called ‘Mamsir’.
There are only two seasons. Summer and Hell.
You hardly ever walk anywhere.
Customer service is an oxymoron.
You get used to carrying ten times as much money in cash around with you than you would ever do back home.
When you try to sell something, you automatically double the price you want for it because everyone is going to expect a discount or offer you 50% and expect you to take it.
When booking a table for dinner, tee off time for a round of golf or anything similar you give your name as ‘Mr. (firstname)’. E.g. Mr. John, Mr. Rob.
When you do have to give your full name or company name to someone over the phone, you really, really wish it was short and easy to spell. “My name is Jonathan. That’s JONATHAN. J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N. No, let me say that again J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N . etc.’
The moment you need to get anything done like renewing your car registration, getting the dishwasher repaired or querying a phone bill your heart sinks, because you know that the experience is going to be worse than digging your own eyes out with a hot spoon.
If you’re with Du, it sucks but the thought of going to Etisalat isn’t much better. The opposite is true if you are with Etisalat.
There are two taps on your bath or sinks. Hot and lukewarm.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

you need to turn your water heater off :p


good list though

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Not on seat means away from a desk
Out of station means out of the country
Speed signs are a guideline
Alcohol and pork cost you 30% more than the already jacked up prices

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

ordering a takeaway is like pulling your own toenails off or having a conversation with a four year old, sometimes both

you know what doing the needful and backside of are

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Everything includes sand or dust

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Ah yes. The place where 'park in my backside' doesn't mean anything rude

You have a good name
You use the horn in your car more in a week than you would in a year in the UK
Shops rarely have small change
You have to ask for cold milk in tea and coffee
People have the oddest names
You and your partner argues about who doesn't order something over the phone
Where directions include turn left at the mosque and/or speedbump
Every Friday lunchtime you get to listen to a rant that sounds like the Nuremberg rally
Cars can be cleaned with a feather duster

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

The Imam gets up earlier than a cockrel
Only the motorbike rider wears a helmet
Bicycles are ridden on the pavement
Expatriates pay for locals to waste water on their gardens
People choose to use tube lighting in their homes
The first and last experience of a local for most tourists is the immigration dude
The hole in the wall doesn't mean a 'glory hole'

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

when the cling-film refuses to stick to itself.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

When a taxi driver asks if he can stop for a 'urine break' :blink:

If you don't intervene, buying 10 items in a supermarket can result in 10 carrier bags

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

:thumbup: we use tin foil instead now

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

- Taxi drivers ask you for directions
- You no longer ask any shop assistant any question at all because you just know that it'll either be greeted with a blank stare, a completely unrealistic promise of delivery at some point in the future (usually tomorrow or next month) or you're vaguely pointed in a random direction and mumbled at.
- You greet any form of deadline with raised eyebrows and a vague shrug, whilst wondering why you even bothered asking, because it's never going to happen on time anyway.
- When something actually happens efficiently, or someone does their job properly, you start doubting reality and have to go and lie down for a bit.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

*I love the ringpulls- makes me all nostagic.
*You wear a jumper to work even though its 45 degrees outside because the aircon is artic8
* you enter a modern hotel and end up in a rustic english pub with fake beams with 20 prostitutes at the bar
*You play russian roulette using a pedestrian crossing
* When taxi drivers tell you they make you a good husband if you take them back to the uk
*You get super exited when you see pork on a menu
* you pay 7 quid for a drink in a mediocre bar
* please revert
* oh and everyone tells you too much- you drink too much madam,you buy too much madam, you spend too much madam

and do men get called sirmamsir as wella s women?

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Which bars?

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Nelsons at Media Rotana- Tecom, to name 1

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Quite a lot of them. You'll find out soon enough. :) This place can really be rather surreal.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

I missed out on the rattlesnake bar as I joined the guys later on that night. Been told it's worth it just for a laugh.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

You pull up at a petrol pump in the Uk and wait for the man to come fill up the car....

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

You get an email from a hotel offering you a standard room at only Dhs 2,290 a night

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

If you want a theatre of freaks and saddos, try Rock Bottoms (either one). *shudder*

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

or the best one ever, the Burj on New Year at a bargain price of 7 grand !

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Extending it to being in KSA

- When filling up with petrol costs you the same as packet of fags in Blighty.
- Making dash to get the coffees in before everything shuts for prayer ( KSA specific? )
- When, being Asian, it's easier to talk in an Asian accent so I can get understood.
- When armed guards at the entrance to your compound is a common occurrence. Usually busy texting their mates whilst leaning on the machine guns wearing mirror aviator shades.
- When seeing men wearing dresses, holding hands and kissing is a day to day normality.
- When the weekend arrives,and all there is to do is to go out to a shopping mall.
- Coffee shops and fast food places have separate queues for men and women.
- And then women's queue is staffed by a man!
- All the womens lingerie and underwear shops have men working in them.
- When you walk into any perfume shop and two assistants immediately descend on you , walking by your side until you leave.
- When a shops shuts at 10pm, you think, oh why are they closing early?

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Talking on the phone one day here in Dubai, I was trying to spell out my email address, which the person on the line just couldn't grasp. So I resorted to using the international phonetic code and started "Delta, Bravo, Hotel…" the caller interrupted me and asked me to spell out the name of the hotel. :rolleyes:

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

... the world's Local Bank can't do anything to help you at Mirdif even though the Mall of the Emirates Branch provided you with the paperwork the previous day. Mirdif say that it simply isn't possible. You must complete the paperwork 'on line' and then print it off and present it to them to enable them to do the transaction. So you drive all the way back to MoE and hand over the paperwork and it's all done within about five minutes. WTF??!!

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

My friends kids got him a tshirt made up saying "Don't call me Mamsir".

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Excellent:thumbsup:

When you step outside in mid summer and your shirt is soaking wet in minutes.
When there is almost as much paving bricks as there is sand.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

........ when shop assistants grin inanely when giving you bad news ("sir, no sir, we don't sell that")...............

............ and when you don't go to a meeting - instead you "sit together"...........

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

when its the summer and you've had to park outside you have the joy of burning your arse whilst starting the car then the option of sitting there for a minute whilst the car cools down enough for you to actually hold the steering wheel or you stand outside in the 50 degree heat which is actually cooler....at this point you realise that anybody you know who doesnt live here will never understand summer


when youve been to a meeting or received someone in a meeting during summer who has just experienced the above and the first 10 minutes are written off as you or them are given cool water and told to chill out for a minute. this happens whilst you or they look like they have just been for a swim fully clothed and slapped around a bit.

you have had an argument with a taxi driver on the phone with him berating you for not being outside your villa as you try to explain he is in jumeirah while you are in mirdif.... this could also be a delivery driver

when youve ordered something online or someone in civilisation wants to send you something and you have had to explain that there really isnt a postal service or street addresses and that if they dont send it to a p.o. box you will never get it, you then go on to explain that even then you probably wont get it unless they use a courier. and yes that is the same dubai they have seen on tv....

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

when asking a shop assistant something in an electronics store you instantly regret it as they pick up the box and read it out to you whilst completely ignoring your question

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

I stood by the revolving door at The Carlton Towers in London waiting for it to start rotating automatically..The doorman came over and pushed it round for me.
Also, holding my hands under the taps in the Ladies waiting for the water to start :o

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

ruined :p

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

-You find yourself at the location specified by Time Out to find a closed venue, and a handful of newbies milling around.

-You see people standing in the 3-inch wide "shade" of a lamp post. It actually makes a difference!

-You can safely rely on all the old pre-Benny Hill stereotypes related to race, sex, etc and they are all accurate.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

You understand what "insha'allah " means and use it gleefully.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

The police's main job is to issue traffic violations
You have four English language newspapers and none of them report the news
You turn your head when you see someone kissing on TV or in the cinema (at least I do)
Ketchup is one of the food groups
Your eggs have a decidedly fishy aroma

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Do they?! I just find the chick embryos that are invariably inside every single one really quite disturbing. It's got to a stage where I have to pick the chicky-bit out of each and every egg I use... OCD-ahoy! :eek:

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Try the ones from Lebanon, they are not so bad. Don't taste fishy either.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Please tell me that's an April Fool wind-up................

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

no, serious! Next time you crack open an egg, you'll almost certainly see a white blob floating in the egg white attached to the yolk by a squiggly cord. You can nip it out with your fingernails, and it feels a little gristly... but maybe that's just me.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

Sometimes there is blood too.

Re: You Know You are in the UAE When...
 

that's true.... and also sometimes the membrane around the yolk has started thickening, so you can actually peel it off too... or when you beat the egg, it kind of forms like a chunky bit.

Gar, it's enough to put you off, isn't it?! lol