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UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Old Mar 20th 2008, 3:37 am
  #1  
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Default UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Apparently - and believeably - genuine.........

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologize Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services.

However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... Who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 4:57 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Apparently - and believeably - genuine.........

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologize Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services.

However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... Who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen
haha - he obviously doesn't live in UAE and sounds like he is a a bit of a racist "Do you know who I am?" man with too much time on his hands. I am ex Armed forces and have just applied to have my passport renewed. It took 15 mins to complete the form (downloaded it) and 10 mins to hand it in at the Embassy. A complete doddle.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 7:23 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by weescot View Post
haha - he obviously doesn't live in UAE and sounds like he is a a bit of a racist "Do you know who I am?" man with too much time on his hands. I am ex Armed forces and have just applied to have my passport renewed. It took 15 mins to complete the form (downloaded it) and 10 mins to hand it in at the Embassy. A complete doddle.
Good point - but I know it's ALWAYS easier to renew a passport at an embassy or consulate overseas than in the UK itself.

Reason? They are geared up for it because they don't want the hassle and bad publicity of Brits being stranded abroad, having to worry about them, etc......

In fact there are one or two people on The Bored who can tell you some nightmare stories about UK diplomatic indifference to the plight of UK nationals in trouble overseas.... at least, if you have an up-to-date passport, there's a chance you'll move on and become someone else's problem.....
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 9:55 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

can,t see what all the fuss is about.
if you are re-newing your passport in the UK.

just make an appointment at the passport office,
go in on time, with the form filled out correctly,
15 mins later, puff a new passport.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 10:12 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

How much does it cost to have a passport renewed in the UK. 750 dhs for a child and 950 for an adult here now!!
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 10:52 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by Fairydust View Post
How much does it cost to have a passport renewed in the UK. 750 dhs for a child and 950 for an adult here now!!
not too sure on that one, last price i think was £75.00.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 11:45 am
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by Fairydust View Post
How much does it cost to have a passport renewed in the UK. 750 dhs for a child and 950 for an adult here now!!
1150dh for 48 page - which you need with all the f'in visa stamps when travelling around the region.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Fairydust
I paid Dhs 610 yesterday for a child passport renewal.
What extra did you get for Dhs 750?
or do they make up the fees on the spot?
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 4:45 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Ooops yes typo just checked my receipt - thought it was 650 but yes you are correct 610.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 4:52 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by NorthernLad View Post
1150dh for 48 page - which you need with all the f'in visa stamps when travelling around the region.
How true - the only reason I have had to get a new one is because I have run out of new pages for my new Residents visa. Should have got the jumbo job last time....
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 5:56 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Apparently - and believeably - genuine.........

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologize Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?
But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services.

However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... Who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen
Excellent... my daughter's passport has just expired.. they wont just take her old one and renew it, we have to go thru the whole process of someone signing her photos etc, they turned the last ones down cos there was a piece of stray hair covering the side of her eye. Also the person who signs her pics has to live here, be a British National and has known her for two years.. what if we had not been here two years?
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 6:59 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by Biene zwei View Post
Excellent... my daughter's passport has just expired.. they wont just take her old one and renew it, we have to go thru the whole process of someone signing her photos etc, they turned the last ones down cos there was a piece of stray hair covering the side of her eye. Also the person who signs her pics has to live here, be a British National and has known her for two years.. what if we had not been here two years?
Do you want me to go round and do the bastards?
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 7:00 pm
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Default Re: UK Passport Application Letter...... excellent .....

Originally Posted by The Dean View Post
Do you want me to go round and do the bastards?
nah.. just got em thru the home office
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