Today's Jokes

Old Mar 13th 2013, 9:09 am
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Default Today's Jokes

"Go and have a look at the size of the dump I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one look," I said. "You won't believe it, it's a good two-pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down and shouted, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 10:45 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

The capital of North Korea is Pyongyang.
Ironically, it's also the sound a wok makes when you hit a dog on the head with it.
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 10:53 am
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How do you pull a fat bird?

Piece of cake......
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 10:59 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Whats the most sensitive part of a woman?
Her fat arse
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 11:03 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Why don't I find any of these jokes remotely amusing?
Answers on a postcard to...
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 11:06 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
Why don't I find any of these jokes remotely amusing?
Probably because you come across as a miserable bastard.
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 11:08 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Originally Posted by Brains1983 View Post
Probably because you come across as a miserable bastard.
Amazing. Karma + 10
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 11:28 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Originally Posted by Brains1983 View Post
Probably because you come across as a miserable bastard.
karma given.
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 12:06 pm
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital ?

The ultrasound guy

Who is the 2nd coolest guy in a hospital ?

The hip replacement guy
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 12:34 pm
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What do you call a Turkish baby?

Kebabby


How do you get a Turkish baby to stop crying?

Shish Kebabby
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 12:39 pm
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
How do you get a Turkish baby to stop crying?

Shish Kebabby
This one I found funny.
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 12:54 pm
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a cave?

Camembert


What cheese do you use to blindfold a young horse?


Mascerpone.


What kind of cheese likes to look at itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.


What kind of cheese isn't yours?

Nacho cheese!
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 1:08 pm
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

Originally Posted by mentalist View Post
This one I found funny.
I'm guessing you are a George Formby fan too.
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Old Mar 13th 2013, 1:23 pm
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Default Re: Today's Jokes



As bad as the jokes in the cheesy jokes thread....superb
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Old Mar 15th 2013, 10:09 am
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Default Re: Today's Jokes

My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman.
"I want you to go!" she screamed.
I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?"
"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.
I sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

And, on a similar note...


I caught the wife masturbating during a Rowan Atkinson movie earlier.

She loves a good Bean Flick.
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