Joke of the day

Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:22 pm
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Default Joke of the day

England have sensationly turned down a £70 million deal with a dog food company. Fans said the thought of the team wearing a shirt with WINALOT on the front was taking the piss.
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:30 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

South African police admit they're having problems with drug-dealers, thieves and sex fiends. They've confirmed that things will improve when John Terry's family go home!
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:31 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?" Little boy "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the moneys right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his gob. Teacher takes him outside: "Is that true? "No miss, its bollocks. He plays for England but I'm too embarrased to say
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:31 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

NEWS FLASH - Englands Remaining GAME in the World Cup is to be screened on GAY TV , Broadcasters felt 11 arseholes getting pumped for 90 mins was a bit too much for BBC/ITV




SORRY never noticed Shiva's post!!
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:32 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

Rooney: ` I hate booing.'

Carragher: `So do I, but how else are we going to fly home.'
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 3:36 pm
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Love them.
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 4:08 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

John Terry's world cup may be over, as he jets back to England today
....

To explain to his wife why 37 Fathers day cards have arrived in the post
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 5:43 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed.
With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. I especially love all his piercing, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it!

Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse.

Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

P.S: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house!! I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life
THAN ENGLAND GETTING BEATEN IN THE WORLD CUP AGAIN!!!!
I love you. Aimee
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 5:46 pm
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Default Re: Joke of the day

Originally Posted by Patsy Stoned View Post
A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed.
With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. I especially love all his piercing, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it!

Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse.

Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

P.S: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house!! I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life
THAN ENGLAND GETTING BEATEN IN THE WORLD CUP AGAIN!!!!
I love you. Aimee
hee hee
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 6:31 pm
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Thumbs up Re: Joke of the day

Jokes are brill
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Old Jun 21st 2010, 6:24 am
  #11  
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Default Re: Joke of the day

The England Football Team were visiting an orphanage in Cape Town this week.


"It was heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jamal, aged 6.

Last edited by TGFKASE; Jun 21st 2010 at 6:26 am. Reason: Just read Max's thread...... Beaten to it....
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Old Jun 21st 2010, 7:07 am
  #12  
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Default Re: Joke of the day

The social services are looking after a young girl and are trying to decide what to do with her.

"Do you want to go to Mummy?", they ask.

"No, Mummy slaps me and bashes me!"

"Do you want to go to Daddy?"

"No, Daddy punches me and spanks me!"

"Well, who do you want to go to?"

"The England football team."

"What? Why do you want to go to them?"

"Becasue the man outside said they'll never beat anybody..."
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