|
Re: Having it all?
Having campaigned in the 70's for womens rights etc I cannot believe that a woman for kitty's age is asking these questions..jeez what was it all for!!!!
It is NOT about a woman having to be "everything" to "everybody" it is about being able to make choices about how you live your life. It is that fact that we (generally) live in a society that allows people to choose their roles..the key word here is CHOICE. I chose to get married, I chose NOT to have children. I chose to leave an alcoholic husband. I chose to have a career/independance/lovers etc. I continue to make choices about my life. I am allowed to do this because people fought to give me the right to choose. This is not a feminist rant, this is what civilised countres do..give all people their right to choose So now I choose to open a bottle of bubbly :D |
Re: Having it all?
In my limited experience, the oral sex I've had from men hasn't been as good as the oral sex I've had from women............. :huh:
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by The Dean
(Post 8712733)
In my limited experience, the oral sex I've had from men hasn't been as good as the oral sex I've had from women............. :huh:
MM, xx |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by The Dean
(Post 8712733)
In my limited experience, the oral sex I've had from men hasn't been as good as the oral sex I've had from women............. :huh:
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by The Dean
(Post 8712733)
In my limited experience, the oral sex I've had from men hasn't been as good as the oral sex I've had from women............. :huh:
|
Re: Having it all?
You not quizzing it tonight MM??
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Re: Having it all?
Patsy, I'm just sharing the conversation I had as I found it quite thought provoking, I'm very glad you burnt your bra etc and thank f**k I am not my colleague as that would drive me to jump off a cliff, I do (as much as I moan sometimes) love my life, note why I am single and independent, I've never felt the need to settle for someone and haven't met anyone who has made me want to settle, and am quite happy on my own most of the time, however as a single woman I do get tired of being judged, being called a slut for having casual sex, having something wrong with me for being single, or having pity from people that think having a partner is the be all and end all.
The conversation was about whether you can actually have it all which you are led to believe you can, but inevitably to have it all compromises have to be made. I do find it very interesting with such a mix of nationalities how they view life and how different we are, and sometimes it just makes you think how different our lives could have been. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by kittycat1
(Post 8712766)
however as a single woman I do get tired of being judged, being called a slut for having casual sex, having something wrong with me for being single, or having pity from people that think having a partner is the be all and end all.
|
Re: Having it all?
lol will do pats- enjoy the bubbles x
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Patsy Stoned
(Post 8712760)
You not quizzing it tonight MM??
MM, xx |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Meow
(Post 8712214)
It's 2010. Why is the same question not asked of men?
- But my wife has it all, she has the kids who adore her, she's always had the time to do whatever she wanted (she just never wanted to do anything) and she knows that if she throws a big enough fit theres nothing she can't have. Furthermore when my wife is out of town I wake up, grind coffee and start brewing it all by myself. While it's brewing I throw all the dishes into the machine, wipe the counter tops, then a run a wet mop over the floor real fast, then I run around the living room with the vacuum, then I run downstairs, throw the garbage bag into the garage, and throw a load in the washer. I do all that before the coffee is done, it's not that hard. A life of leisure for 12 minutes of work a day? I like that kind of party. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Madam Medusa
(Post 8712800)
hell...i knew there was something i'd forgotten, lol...
MM, xx |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Madam Medusa
(Post 8712738)
well it's probably never as good when you try to do it to yourself...
MM, xx An old mate (nicknamed Shoulders, because he seems able to self-dislocate them) does exactly that as a party trick............... :huh: |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by kittycat1
(Post 8712766)
Patsy, I'm just sharing the conversation I had as I found it quite thought provoking, I'm very glad you burnt your bra etc and thank f**k I am not my colleague as that would drive me to jump off a cliff, I do (as much as I moan sometimes) love my life, note why I am single and independent, I've never felt the need to settle for someone and haven't met anyone who has made me want to settle, and am quite happy on my own most of the time, however as a single woman I do get tired of being judged, being called a slut for having casual sex, having something wrong with me for being single, or having pity from people that think having a partner is the be all and end all.
The conversation was about whether you can actually have it all which you are led to believe you can, but inevitably to have it all compromises have to be made. I do find it very interesting with such a mix of nationalities how they view life and how different we are, and sometimes it just makes you think how different our lives could have been. And that can be a good and a bad thing, but they look at us as if we're mental quite a lot. |
Re: Having it all?
Hey guys, what about my comments?
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bonita Springs
(Post 8713975)
Hey guys, what about my comments?
|
Re: Having it all?
Hello Bonita,
I have the same relationship with my dad, but then if I do get into a conversation about anything interesting he normally reminds me he has something to watch on telly and finishes the conversation as quickly as possible or gives his opinion which is final. I did go through a phase of wondering if he actually likes me, but then discovered he rambles on about me to his friends and family- funny as for years I thought I was a huge disappointment. I generally think we have nothing in common- he often looks at me like I'm from a different planet. When I went home in January for the first time since being here he met me at Kings Cross and when he saw me started crying- I'd never seen my dad cry before, but then on the way home we'd run out of things to say within 10 minutes and ended up listening to magic fm. He never asks me about any of my personal life so I guess he just isnt interested. Perhaps your kids feel the same way about you. I love him and its just the way our relationship is, but I get the distinct impression he doesn't want to talk to me. And as for your housework skills- feel free to come around and do my place as it currently looks like a bomb has hit it.:D |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bonita Springs
(Post 8712964)
At the risk of sounding like a big cry baby-Men never have it all, and they usually end up with nothing. When my kids call home they all say "hi dad, is mom there?", they don't wanna talk to me, they think I might start yelling at them or something. Most husbands spend their entire lives doing things they'd never do if they didn't have a wife and family to support..Things like working a mundane job for 30 years- and nobody appreciates it, nobody ever says "thanks for giving your life away for us dad!?" nobody recognizes the ultimate, supreme sacrifices that men make.
But my wife has it all, she has the kids who adore her, she's always had the time to do whatever she wanted (she just never wanted to do anything) and she knows that if she throws a big enough fit theres nothing she can't have. Furthermore when my wife is out of town I wake up, grind coffee and start brewing it all by myself. While it's brewing I throw all the dishes into the machine, wipe the counter tops, then a run a wet mop over the floor real fast, then I run around the living room with the vacuum, then I run downstairs, throw the garbage bag into the garage, and throw a load in the washer. I do all that before the coffee is done, it's not that hard. A life of leisure for 12 minutes of work a day? I like that kind of party. Men have had their wings clips in the post modernist west. Gender roles haven't been liberated, they have often just been re-definied - both men and women struggle. We may have far more legal equality but we still as a society haven't figured out what we want for ourselves. N. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Norm_uk
(Post 8714111)
What is interesting is how no one really gives a toss about men. We are still more likely to die a violent death than women, are subject (if statistics are believed) to increased amounts of domestic abuse at the hands of women (try walking into your local nick and telling them your missus is the one who gave you all those bruises and hear the chuckles)...we don't live as long as women and generally have poorer health in old age as more money is put into researching female specific illness than male, the education system lets more boys down every year, more new jobs go to women in most western countries too, and we are still often expected to be walls of emotionless stoicism in the post-feminist world.
Men have had their wings clips in the post modernist west. Gender roles haven't been liberated, they have often just been re-definied - both men and women struggle. We may have far more legal equality but we still as a society haven't figured out what we want for ourselves. N. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Norm_uk
(Post 8714111)
What is interesting is how no one really gives a toss about men. We are still more likely to die a violent death than women, are subject (if statistics are believed) to increased amounts of domestic abuse at the hands of women (try walking into your local nick and telling them your missus is the one who gave you all those bruises and hear the chuckles)...we don't live as long as women and generally have poorer health in old age as more money is put into researching female specific illness than male, the education system lets more boys down every year, more new jobs go to women in most western countries too, and we are still often expected to be walls of emotionless stoicism in the post-feminist world.
Men have had their wings clips in the post modernist west. Gender roles haven't been liberated, they have often just been re-definied - both men and women struggle. We may have far more legal equality but we still as a society haven't figured out what we want for ourselves. N. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bonita Springs
(Post 8712964)
A life of leisure for 12 minutes of work a day? I like that kind of party.
Laughed so hard I think I may even have wee'd a bit. Hilarious. Truly. Still laughing. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 8714143)
Wot he said.
;) |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 8712196)
What's oral sex?:confused:
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Welivehere
(Post 8715445)
A matter of taste.... ;)
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by littlejimmy
(Post 8715731)
I do prefer fish to cheese.
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Bahtatboy
(Post 8715878)
You bastard, I'm half-way through my sushi supper at Le Meridien.
Found any short, curly hairs? |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by kittycat1
(Post 8714068)
Hello Bonita,
I have the same relationship with my dad, but then if I do get into a conversation about anything interesting he normally reminds me he has something to watch on telly and finishes the conversation as quickly as possible or gives his opinion which is final. I did go through a phase of wondering if he actually likes me, but then discovered he rambles on about me to his friends and family- funny as for years I thought I was a huge disappointment. I generally think we have nothing in common- he often looks at me like I'm from a different planet. When I went home in January for the first time since being here he met me at Kings Cross and when he saw me started crying- I'd never seen my dad cry before, but then on the way home we'd run out of things to say within 10 minutes and ended up listening to magic fm. He never asks me about any of my personal life so I guess he just isnt interested. Perhaps your kids feel the same way about you. I love him and its just the way our relationship is, but I get the distinct impression he doesn't want to talk to me. |
Re: Having it all?
An interesting (UK) survey that has just come out.
It states that a third of women earn more than their partners... http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/work/ar..._page_id=53928 - |
Re: Having it all?
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids. I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children. If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out. I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood. It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me. I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again... What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen! --------- and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic. :unsure: |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Hello.Kitty
(Post 8717194)
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids. I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children. If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out. I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood. It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me. I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again... What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen! --------- and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic. :unsure: |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Hello.Kitty
(Post 8717194)
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids. I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children. If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out. I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood. It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me. I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again... What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen! --------- and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic. :unsure: |
Re: Having it all?
As Patsy said earlier it is all about choices. We have a right to choose how to live our lives, although for some circumstances come into play here.
I wonder in how many relationships where the woman gave up work to look after the family it was simply assumed that it was her role. Just asking. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Hello.Kitty
(Post 8717194)
I used to think that I could have everything - good career, have kids (I thought that they would be like an optional extra!) and be happy - in myself and in my relationship.
That was until I had kids. I think it's quite a sad fact, that if you're in a profession that takes a lot of time, energy and dedication (and unswerving deadlines, clients and bosses...) then, no, your career is simply not compatible with having children. If my expectations weren't so high for both my career and my children, I don't think there's be half the problem there is, but hey... you end up robbing Peter to pay Paul. If I dedicate myself to my career completely (work full time, do overtime, travel), my children are losing out... and if I dedicate myself to my children, my career loses out. I was reading an article about female movers and shakers in the construction world - my world - who also had small children. One woman was saying that she was "doing all this" career-wise now, while her children were young, because then she could spend more time with them when they were older. She admitted only being able to put them to bed a couple of evenings a week, working weekends and having missed out on a few family holidays because of work. The tragic thing is that "when they're older" they won't want to be around their mum so much. Projects come and go, but you only get one crack at childhood. It's about priorities and you can't tell what you'll do until you get there. I surprised myself by deciding that my career was going to take a hit and sod the consequences... I'm not 100% happy with that situation, but it became a no-brainer that my children were a more important project than anything work could give me. I'm also confident enough to know that when I do get back into work, I'm good enough at what I do to forge ahead again... What I don't believe in though is this whole subservient attitude - everyone else coming first? No, mate, my decisions are my own and I do everything because I feel it's right. "Obey" was omitted from my wedding vows, 'cos it just was never going to happen! --------- and yes, sorry for bringing the thread back on topic. :unsure: Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has The best Hours The best work environment The richest rewards The best benifits package For stay at home moms: You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home. You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word . There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal Working moms: Shame on you |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Lover Boy
(Post 8718112)
Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has
The best Hours The best work environment The richest rewards The best benifits package For stay at home moms: You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home. You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word . There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal Working moms: Shame on you I've noticed over the years that many famous wealthy men have dumped their wives and ran off with their childrens Nanny? It's only natural for a man to be attracted to the woman thats mothering their child, even if the nanny is ugly. And as long as they don't get way overweight mothers are the most attractive women on earth to men. It's the most attractive profession by far. It blows being a nurse, teacher or flight attendant out of the proverbial water ladies.. FYI |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Lover Boy
(Post 8718112)
Being a mother is the best job in the world, it has
The best Hours The best work environment The richest rewards The best benifits package For stay at home moms: You have a wonderful bond with your family, a relationship that you never could have achieved if you were working out of the home. You are a chef, seamstress, engineer, inventor, nurse, teacher- a professional, in every sense of the word . There is no other job in the world that has the supreme influence and impact on humanity as mothering does and you have accomplished a great deal Working moms: Shame on you |
Re: Having it all?
As for choices, we don't all get to choose though. I would have dearly loved to have had children in my 20's but there was no Mr Right then to make that happen ( and I certainly wouldn't and still wouldn't have gone down the road of doing the whole flushing the contraceptive pills down the loo to get up the duff).
Then I met my husband, and knowing that he didn't want kids straight away I quietly accepted that as we still had plenty of time to enjoy life, and we both happily agreed on that, and we would wait. Eight years later the marriage became another divorce statistic (for other reasons). So here I am now, 35, not a cat in hell's chance of meeting Mr Father of my children here, judging by what I've met so far, and I still hold that desire (choice) to have children that I've had since I was a young 20 something. So I now feel the clock is ticking very fast for me. My career is great, but not because I am career driven - it's because I'm good at what I do and luckily employers have recognised that. I would quite happily give it all up tomorrow though, if I had my choice. Before this ends up sounding like a sob story, don't get me wrong, my life is great, good friends, loving family etc etc, but I do feel that we can't always choose everything in our lives as easily as some people make out. Ok, yes, I can go to a sperm bank, look into adoption or whatever, but that would not be my choice either....although the way things are going I might have to seriously start considering it :unsure::unsure::unsure: That's my two penneth worth to the debate anyway. As for the Can You Have It All question, there's an interesting interview with Karen Brady in one of the glossies this week, think it's in Hello (UK version), sorry I don't have a link. She talks about her experiences on the very same subject. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Birdeez
(Post 8718193)
As for choices, we don't all get to choose though. I would have dearly loved to have had children in my 20's but there was no Mr Right then to make that happen ( and I certainly wouldn't and still wouldn't have gone down the road of doing the whole flushing the contraceptive pills down the loo to get up the duff).
Then I met my husband, and knowing that he didn't want kids straight away I quietly accepted that as we still had plenty of time to enjoy life, and we both happily agreed on that, and we would wait. Eight years later the marriage became another divorce statistic (for other reasons). So here I am now, 35, not a cat in hell's chance of meeting Mr Father of my children here, judging by what I've met so far, and I still hold that desire (choice) to have children that I've had since I was a young 20 something. So I now feel the clock is ticking very fast for me. My career is great, but not because I am career driven - it's because I'm good at what I do and luckily employers have recognised that. I would quite happily give it all up tomorrow though, if I had my choice. Before this ends up sounding like a sob story, don't get me wrong, my life is great, good friends, loving family etc etc, but I do feel that we can't always choose everything in our lives as easily as some people make out. Ok, yes, I can go to a sperm bank, look into adoption or whatever, but that would not be my choice either....although the way things are going I might have to seriously start considering it :unsure::unsure::unsure: That's my two penneth worth to the debate anyway. As for the Can You Have It All question, there's an interesting interview with Karen Brady in one of the glossies this week, think it's in Hello (UK version), sorry I don't have a link. She talks about her experiences on the very same subject. you've still got bags of time though, birdeez... MM, xx |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Patsy Stoned
(Post 8718186)
pass the vomit bucket!!
Now back to the subject
Originally Posted by kittycat1
(Post 8714068)
I generally think we have nothing in common-
|
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Birdeez
(Post 8718193)
As for choices, we don't all get to choose though. I would have dearly loved to have had children in my 20's but there was no Mr Right then to make that happen ( and I certainly wouldn't and still wouldn't have gone down the road of doing the whole flushing the contraceptive pills down the loo to get up the duff).
Then I met my husband, and knowing that he didn't want kids straight away I quietly accepted that as we still had plenty of time to enjoy life, and we both happily agreed on that, and we would wait. Eight years later the marriage became another divorce statistic (for other reasons). So here I am now, 35, not a cat in hell's chance of meeting Mr Father of my children here, judging by what I've met so far, and I still hold that desire (choice) to have children that I've had since I was a young 20 something. So I now feel the clock is ticking very fast for me. My career is great, but not because I am career driven - it's because I'm good at what I do and luckily employers have recognised that. I would quite happily give it all up tomorrow though, if I had my choice. |
Re: Having it all?
Originally Posted by Lover Boy
(Post 8718233)
Thanks for backin me up here Birdeez
I am fully supportive of working mothers - especially those who have to work to put the kid's dinners on the table. |
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