mysharona

A mate of mine asked a girl in a club if she wanted to dance. She looked him up and down and said "What makes you think I would dance with someone like you?". He replied "Sorry love, but I think you mis-heard, I said you look fat in that dress".

He got a drink thrown over him but even the girls friends thought it was funny...

weescot

That is funny.

A few years ago I was out with friends in Edinburgh after a 5 nations match. In a club we got chatting to some nice young doctors who were about a year into their careers. I asked them what type of medicine they practiced. I got a variety of replies - GP, A&E, paediatrics etc. I noticed one wee chap in their group wasn't saying a word, so the conversation then went something like this:

Me: "What about your quiet friend - what does he do?"
Dr: "Oh - gynacology - he's the lucky one"
Me: "How on earth can he be a gynacologist - he can't even speak to women in a pub!"
Dr: "He's shy...thats all"
Me: "well, I suppose he keeps his head down at work ..."

the quiet one was soo embarrassed he walked off .....

Bahtatboy

Bahtatboy

8 's on the trot: that's brightened up my afternoon. I wonder what's for Iftar tonight--lion sweetmeats sounds good, but actually fancy a bit of lamb.

mysharona

I wonder whether being a gynacologist is a drawback in a relationship?

A friend of mine used to work in a factory making chocolate biscuits. He said after a 9 hour shift he didn't even want to look at a chocolate biscuit

Bahtatboy

Hugh Hefner still appears to be interested in women after having seen so, so many naked women day-in day-out. But you've got a point.

Millhouse

I don't think that you can make the comparison to a chocolate biscuit.

TGFKASE

Innumerable times its been used, but my usual standby for such a moment tends to be..

"10,000 sperm and you were the fastest...!!!"

lisag8070

interloper here that couldn't resist this thread..

when somebody's trying to be a smart arse or obnoxious and loud

the classic:

"I'd insult you, but it seems nature's already beaten me to it"..

can't beat it..

Dilmun

My son and his friends doing it all the time and they're 15! I don't get it either, so welcome in the club lionheart.

MacScot

I was waiting in a queue at a checkout counter in an Aussie supermarket and was just one behind this woman who was in front of me and about to go through the checkout. However, she left her basket as she had forgotten something and seemed to be away for ages. So, I asked the checkout person if I could pay for my purchases -- and got the go ahead. Half way through ringing off my purchases, the woman returns and shouts at me and tries to argue that she was next !

My comeback line was "Well what's your problem then, you're still next !"
[After me that is ! ]

weescot

there are some good ones being posted...

One that my bother delivered once when he was living in Paris a few years ago. He and his wife were waiting for a table in the fav restaurant one weekend. They were in a queue and waiting at the bar. Another couple came in after, but when my brother was called for his table, this other couple were miffed that the Brit was getting before them, and complained bitterly to the MaitreD, insulting my brother (who is fluent in French). The MaitreD could see there was tension and basically told the other couple to wait their turn. Pissed off at his failure, he turned to my brother and said "Why don't you go back to Eeengerland?" ... to which my brother retorted "Well, you did't say that in 1945 did you?"

littlejimmy

Some good 'uns there!

The last one reminded me of a story...not so much an insult, but a brilliant moment. When I was working in Taiwan I knew one or two westerners who could speaka da lingo. One guy, called Paul, lived in an apartment block full of air stewardesses. On one occasions he was in the lift alone with 2 young ladies, and they assumed he couldn't speak Mandarin. One was saying to the other how she had a new boyfriend and wasn't sure about when to give in and have sex with him. As they arrived at their floor and went to exit the lift, Paul shouted in Mandarin:

"Don't make him wait too long!"

Charismatic

Well this doesn’t strictly fit the criteria (wasn’t me) but one night I was out with some friends and the girls started bleating about how unfair double standards where when it came to sleeping around and having multiple partners. That when men did it other men would congratulate them but when a woman did it she is considered a slut. Joe smiles slightly and he says something like; “Think about it this way. If a key can open a bunch of locks it’s a master key and useful to have. However if a lock can be opened with a bunch of keys...<pause>...it’s a really crappy lock”.

One of the best bits of sexism I’ve ever seen .

Bahtatboy

Harsh but true.