another moral question
 

OK here is the story, and by the way it is no one on this forum and it aint me cos i is a single gal!

A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.

They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!

She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......

SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.

He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!

When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.

He says he hasn't been intimate with her.

My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.

Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.

She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.

She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.

I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.

Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think

Why is life so @ucking complicated.

Re: another moral question
 

When you can't trust your partner to tell you the truth, even if it's unsavoury, the relationship is dead.

Re: another moral question
 

Everybody deserves at least one chance to make amends in circumstances like these. On the other hand, if she simply no longer loves the guy because of his infidelity then it probably wasn't true love in the first place and a clean break may be prudent for both concerned.

Re: another moral question
 

what was going on though when you say 'relationship'?

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Sometimes we simply don't want to hear the truth. We are adults not children, surely?

Re: another moral question
 

I hate to say this, but I agree with LH.

She needs to get to the root of whats been going on, find out what it was and if they can and want to salvage their relationship, maybe he just liked her company?

Doesn't mean she should just divorce him, she needs to find out.

Re: another moral question
 

No she loves/adores him, she just cant get her head around the lies and disloylty and says she cant trust him and that if the marriage went on it would be a disaster for him and her, as she would always be second guessing him.

As a male LH why would a guy do this, knowing the character of his wife, what was he doing?

Re: another moral question
 

She has tried Spugsy, he has no answer.

How would you react if the lovely Mrs Spugsy did that, or you pet, how would you feel/react if mrs S was secretly meeting with a a guy, who thought she was a single gal

I am shite at relationships and i am a wild Irish woman, i would go and get legless and then kill him, lol

Re: another moral question
 

there is no answer...if she cannot get over it and move on then that's the end...we can all say it's not a big deal but if it is for her then she must do what she thinks is best...even if it might not be...
the idea that one person is your everything is a bit weird in my opinion...it's a lot to live upto...

Re: another moral question
 

I'm with your firend on this, tbh. Her hubby decided his wife of 6 months wasn't quite good enough after all and then proceeded to lie to her AND his "lady friend". Actual infidelity or not, it doesn't matter.

He lied, backtracked, admitted, then tried to mitigate with the age old "I don't know why I did it"... I'm not surprised she feels she can't trust him. If this was a business situation and your partner tried to cover up something serious s/he'd done in the same way, wouldn't you have your doubts about the viability of the partnership/company?

Re: another moral question
 

difficult one, yep if thats her call, right or wrong, its her call. I am just knackered today, she is asking me and i am so not the person on relationship advice

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I think no one can really...it's a very personal thing and mostely when people ask for advice they really only want to hear their own opinion validated...

Re: another moral question
 

TBH thats my opinion, i hate liars with a passion. How could you trust someone that kept all of that secret, she found out, he didn't tell her, if she had not of found out it prob would have led to summat

I see only 2 guys have responded, come on guys, whats the male stance on it

Re: another moral question
 

he didn't tell cause he knew she wouldn't approve...catch 22

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She should kick him to the kerb and move on.

He is is doing this after just six months and that speaks volumes.

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Sounds well dodge to me.

I have female friends, but don't keep it secret from the missus.

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Its difficult to comment too much as dont really know the full story...

What goes on between 2, 3, 4 or however many people rock your boat can be difficult to work out...

Re: another moral question
 

Not everything is black and white...and time heals.

My brother-in-law did the same to my sister...seeing another woman and being unfaithful. They worked through it and got back together and have been happily married ever since. Though, they were of similar ages...not sure about the large age difference in the current case (i.e., this thread).

It was a mid-life crisis thingy with my brother-in-law. :confused:

Re: another moral question
 

The basics are there pet, would you do it or what would be yr reaction if your wife/GF/Lover did it

Re: another moral question
 

I have a simple maxim for relationships - if you can't do it in front of your partner then you shouldn't be doing it.



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Re: another moral question
 

Hawkhead?

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Autonomy?

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Well its not text book I'll give you that, but they/he/she may have had some issues, maybe it could be a nadir and they could go forward or not...

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My moral question is; why did he get caught???

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baby, cos liars always get caught!

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you didnt answer me thou, with the facts i gave, what would be yr reaction

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Of course they do when they get complacent and stupid...

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So how old is the girl and how old is the other girl???

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its hard to be on yr guard the whole time, it only takes a second to let it down and all is revealed.

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he is 57, my friend 36 and the girl late 20"s.

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True...A boyscout is always ready...

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In that case, your friend should proceed to search for fresh young meat...

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dont think its the younger woman syndrome

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I have the older woman syndrome...

Re: another moral question
 

Well... That sheds a bit more light the subject, using those figures I can infer that he was looking to get himself a newer model or just wanted to be able to connect with the yoof of today as he wants to get to know his daughter much better????

Crickey 57 too...

Re: another moral question
 

lol kinhell, his wife is 36, hardly ancient, and yeah at 57, still at it.

IMHO i think he wanted to see if he could still pull a 20 something, see if he was still attractive and all that nonsense

Re: another moral question
 

Well, he did...And good on him...
But that doesnt mean I dont feel for your friend...

Re: another moral question
 

It's not Donald Trump, is it?

Re: another moral question
 

I don't think the age difference is an issue. What concerns me the most is that they have only been married a few months, which hardly bodes well for the future. Nevertheless I still think he should be given one more chance.

Re: another moral question
 

You forgot to ask one important question; how many times has he been married before???