Too soon to make a call?

Old Jan 10th 2022, 8:24 am
  #1  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Can82 is an unknown quantity at this point
Unhappy Too soon to make a call?

Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
Can82 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 4:21 am
  #2  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2015
Location: France
Posts: 857
Helen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond reputeHelen1964 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Could you spell out your specific concerns? Just in case there are less drastic solutions we could suggest that you haven’t thought of.

Hearing about your experience could also be helpful for others contemplating moving back to the UK.
Helen1964 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 8:45 am
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,210
brits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond reputebrits1 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Can82
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
Hi , I think a lot of people who migrate (either way) feel like you did, when we arrived back in the uk we returned to a different county and knew we needed to look forward and not backwards (hard at times I know) we also treated our return home like we did when we first arrived in Aus, we travelled had days out and just lived differently than when we last lived in the UK, you returned in difficult and strange times and hopefully this will change, your daughter may be also feeling your disquiet (not blaming you, children can sense changes in others) Did you buy a home here/return to the same area? Could you plan (as much as you can in this day and age) a holiday/outings and involve your daughter in the choices etc? You left NZ for reasons try and remember them when you feel you may of chosen wrongly. Time does help but sometimes it’s just not the right “fit” good luck

Last edited by Jerseygirl; Jan 11th 2022 at 7:27 pm. Reason: Fixed quote
brits1 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 10:28 am
  #4  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Moses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Can82
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
8 months is not a long time and especially with Covid and Brexit you might not notice the benefits right now. You say the culture has changed and you have changed but even in NZ the culture is not the same.
People who live in Dunedin might also feel that the culture in Auckland is very different and wouldn't judge the whole country. Just saying that you might have picked the wrong location on the island right now and need more time to find a suitable place to settle. Once things open up again, you might have a lot more on your doorstep. I'm on the island further West from you and if I compare Dublin to where we live (200km away), it's like a different planet. At the end of the day you can also create your own lifestyle and culture. Just because all my neighbors like hurling doesn't mean I have to like it and I can still do my own thing.
Moses2013 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 1:05 pm
  #5  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jul 2015
Location: Panama City, FL
Posts: 2,053
chawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond reputechawkins99 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Years ago, I worked with a guy with an almost identical story:

He and his wife (both British) had settled in NZ after several years in the merchant navy. They had spent 10+ years in NZ and had 2 young kids. They decided to move back to the UK for various reasons. After a couple of years, they decided they wanted to move back to NZ. Sold up and moved.

Six months later, I received a phone call from him asking if he could get his old job back. His wife couldn't settle back in NZ and wanted to return again. The whole saga cost them a fortune.

Unless you know you can drop back into your old life in the same neighbourhood and same friends, WITHOUT the baggage that caused you to up sticks in the first place, it's a bad idea. Give the UK at least a couple of years before making such a huge decision.
chawkins99 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 7:21 pm
  #6  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Can82 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Helen1964
Could you spell out your specific concerns? Just in case there are less drastic solutions we could suggest that you haven’t thought of.

Hearing about your experience could also be helpful for others contemplating moving back to the UK.
When we were n NZ there was always the thought that we had never planned to be away so long. We both went on work visas and before we knew it were settled in to family life and I think there was curiosity about what family life in UK would be. We have both grown up very close to grandparents and cousins so were conscious of our children having that chance also. NZ has is an amazing place but there is also a lot of gang crime, a big rich poor divide and socially a sense of unrest and inequality (especially in the area we lived at least).

In England, we have found our families have moved on without us (of course as expected) but we parent in different ways and don’t really get along too well. Culturally there is more crime, less kindness and the workplaces have elements of toxicity that just seems to be expected. I work in the public sector and I am seriously gobsmacked at the culture that has grown there. I am certain Covid has had its impact on all these things, and given the extent of the trauma everyone has been through, I don’t see that it is likely to change any time soon, if all all.
Can82 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 7:27 pm
  #7  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Can82 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

[QUOTE=brits1;13087416]
Originally Posted by Can82
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?![/QUOTE

Hi , I think a lot of people who migrate (either way) feel like you did, when we arrived back in the uk we returned to a different county and knew we needed to look forward and not backwards (hard at times I know) we also treated our return home like we did when we first arrived in Aus, we travelled had days out and just lived differently than when we last lived in the UK, you returned in difficult and strange times and hopefully this will change, your daughter may be also feeling your disquiet (not blaming you, children can sense changes in others) Did you buy a home here/return to the same area? Could you plan (as much as you can in this day and age) a holiday/outings and involve your daughter in the choices etc? You left NZ for reasons try and remember them when you feel you may of chosen wrongly. Time does help but sometimes it’s just not the right “fit” good luck
Thank you for this :-) We are in a different area and definitely haven’t reverted to old UK lifestyles and keeping up as much as we can what we know we enjoy from NZ times. We are keeping up the tourist mentality too with trips taken and planned but ultimately when that stops we are in a place that doesn’t hold much appeal for us. That being said, I am going to get my daughter to choose some outings lIke you suggest and see if this helps. We are really positive about being here when she is around but children always sense more than we realise!
Can82 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 7:31 pm
  #8  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Can82 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Moses2013
8 months is not a long time and especially with Covid and Brexit you might not notice the benefits right now. You say the culture has changed and you have changed but even in NZ the culture is not the same.
People who live in Dunedin might also feel that the culture in Auckland is very different and wouldn't judge the whole country. Just saying that you might have picked the wrong location on the island right now and need more time to find a suitable place to settle. Once things open up again, you might have a lot more on your doorstep. I'm on the island further West from you and if I compare Dublin to where we live (200km away), it's like a different planet. At the end of the day you can also create your own lifestyle and culture. Just because all my neighbors like hurling doesn't mean I have to like it and I can still do my own thing.
You make a really good point about creating your own culture. It’s probably about working out where we fit now - physically and socially. We were both single and carefree last time we lived here, now we have a whole host of different needs and it may be this spot and community isn’t quite right.
Can82 is offline  
Old Jan 11th 2022, 8:28 pm
  #9  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Moses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond reputeMoses2013 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Can82
You make a really good point about creating your own culture. It’s probably about working out where we fit now - physically and socially. We were both single and carefree last time we lived here, now we have a whole host of different needs and it may be this spot and community isn’t quite right.
I can imagine it's not easy to adapt and with kids even more so, especially if they don't settle straight away. Of course there are things that are not great in England but maybe you just have to look at other alternatives close by and see the positive. I remember when we drove through Birmingham and it was rough as hell but once we reached Wales, it was a breath of fresh air and complete different feel. I always say it will take you a whole day to drive from Dunedin to Auckland and you are still only in NZ. I have no idea where you are in England but things like a short break to France, Spain are all possible and won't break the bank.
Moses2013 is offline  
Old Jul 31st 2022, 6:54 am
  #10  
Just Joined
 
Joined: Feb 2022
Posts: 14
LynseyRP is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Just read your thread as we fell the same way but from Canada, Well did you stay or go???
Much love from the same boat x
LynseyRP is offline  
Old Aug 5th 2022, 7:00 pm
  #11  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 6
Can82 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by LynseyRP
Just read your thread as we fell the same way but from Canada, Well did you stay or go???
Much love from the same boat x
We’re going back! Our house has sold and we’re on track to fly out on 2 January 2023. A couple of things tipped the balance….an awful Christmas with family who just reminded us that things really do move on quite quickly when you’re apart and a looong awaited for job opening in our former NZ home town (a real bucket list opportunity). It was the green light we needed to put a bit more substance to our sense that the move back to UK wasn’t going to be forever.
Definitely going to be harder leaving this time as we know it really is forever, but we’re ok with that.
How long have you been in UK? Any firmer decision either way??
Can82 is offline  
Old Aug 30th 2022, 11:04 pm
  #12  
Just Joined
 
Joined: Feb 2022
Posts: 14
LynseyRP is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

That sounds great. We head back in a few weeks!!! Things seem grim here and not a good time to re-start causing me massive anxiety. We can walk back into our old life on the west coast of Canada which now we realize really was amazing. We could give it longer but we would be losing money all the while and the kids need school, pals and stability. Family are upset but can see what's best for us. I'm just sad we hurt them (and us) really but we gave it a try and now we know! Prices are dropping there so we might just get a lucky break!
Good luck!!
LynseyRP is offline  
Old Jun 22nd 2023, 6:57 pm
  #13  
The Kwisatz Haderach
 
Mummy in the foothills's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Mummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond reputeMummy in the foothills has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

We moved back to UK and only lasted about 10 months, we were renting and so upped sticks and went back to the US.
It still took me a while to re settle there, but I did. Now back in UK and I'm on the fence. If my husband and grown kids said were moving back to US again I wouldn't be heartbroken, but if they want to stay here that's fine too.
Mummy in the foothills is offline  
Old Jul 7th 2023, 7:50 pm
  #14  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Near Kingston, Ontario
Posts: 1,316
shelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Too soon to make a call?

Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills
We moved back to UK and only lasted about 10 months, we were renting and so upped sticks and went back to the US.
It still took me a while to re settle there, but I did. Now back in UK and I'm on the fence. If my husband and grown kids said were moving back to US again I wouldn't be heartbroken, but if they want to stay here that's fine too.

Hi Mummy Long time no hear!! What makes you "on the fence about the UK" ? I am interested to know!!
shelley748 is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.