Originally Posted by Basil Brush (Post 7968595)

Hi Brits1,

I'm in a similar situation to you. We have 1 son who will turn 16 next Feb. We have been here in Aus for 8 years now. We've never felt fully at home here, although we seem to go through a pattern of feeling ok about Aus for a year or so, but then the feeling of wanting to go back to the UK always returns (it's such a pain as it's a great country but it doesn't make us happy!)

We've been talking of returning for years, but we always chicken out. In the past it's been because we haven't had our own place to sell to be able to use the proceeds to get back on our feet, also combined with worrying frantically about our son not getting into a good UK high school or perhaps not being accepted in high school when everyone has already got their own groups of friends (particularly as our son is a bit shy). The feeling of isolation & homesickness has returned again (it seems to get worse & more intense - not better), but we now have our own house to sell so we are in a better position. Our son won't finish his year 12 until Dec 2012, so 3 years from now & we have decided to let him finish his high school education here as it is no way ideal to move him back at 15. Once he finishes school at 18 (almost 19 actually) we will likely sell the house and head back to the UK. I have read about the 3 year home student rule and given that he will spend 2 years sitting A levels over there (not sure how much we will have to pay for the A-levels on international student basis), he can then either take a gap year or worst case we will pay international fees for the first year of any uni course he does (I think that's how it will work?)

Our son has not maintained connections with his UK school friends as he was only 7 when we came out and has no desire to return to the UK. He also admits that he isn't 100% happy in Aus, but that could be related to the fact that his parents aren't happy here. He says he will come back with us when he's 18 & I hope he wont change his mind in the next 3 years. I had a chat with him and said that if he wants to move back to Aus down the track that I would be very sad, but that I would understand totally and would help him as much as possible if that's what he wants.

I was curious how your sons feel about Aus & also the move back. Have they maintained good friendships in the UK? Are you returning back to the same place you lived originally? We have decided not to move back to the North West where we are from but instead are looking at York, as i have heard it is a good place to live & study (York or Leeds uni).

By the time we move back we will have been here 11 years and will have an 18 year old, so a very similar story to yours. I just dont wanna regret not trying the UK again and sitting in Aus when I'm 60 feeling the same as I feel now.

Originally Posted by Ozzy Fever (Post 7959266)

Well we have talked and talked and have decided to head home, not going to go until later on next year as we have got house to sell, dog to sort out and money to save but now we have made the decision it does feel better, we are going to enjoy what time we have left here and try and visit as many places that we can.

Dont regret coming here as if we hadnt tried it we would always be wondering what if, Australia is a nice place and does have some lovely places, but long term its not for us.

So for us its back to good old Weymouth

Originally Posted by king kong (Post 7968922)

yes ,mediocre sums up my life and what was our lives when the ex was around ,sure there have been good times and good experiences and none i would have wanted to miss but all i could have done with a huge holiday here maybe .
I lived in poole in dorset before coming to australia and have never found anywhere better ,sure some of the beaches here are great ,the red dirt and diesel lifestyle of the north west got into my veins for awhile but the green rolling fields and pubs and country walks and i would say friendlier people in the uk were never far from my mind .
It is a shame its cost me my marriage but in most ways thats a blessing too ,been a hard road though .No country is worth a long term marriage in my opinion .
I would think hard on the ''mediocre '' issue ,what are you going to be like in 20-30 years and stuck in some bland retirement village or worse still in a nursing home .Thats coming to all of us wherever we are but its between now and then we should be enjoying and not wondering wether we will live 2 years longer in australia because its warmer ,i want to drop off the perch happy not thinkin ''shit '' i should have got on my bike in 2009 and gone and seen something .

Originally Posted by Basil Brush (Post 7970923)

You're absolutely right - we only get one chance in life and I do feel like we're wasting far too many valuable days of our lives being unhappy. Don't get me wrong though - we've tried in the past, but seem to have reached a point where we can't make the effort to try anymore. We have had a particularly stressful/difficult 12 mths though and it's taken the wind out of our sails (not that there was much "wind" in there before, but we still had some slight hope that we could make it work here).

We always thought that once we had our own house (which we finished building in Jan) that it would be the final piece of the jigsaw and that maybe things would slot into place, but it's true that material things don't make you happy, at least not if you don't have that fundamental feeling of belonging in your life. My DH says that life shouldn't have to be such an effort and that if everything seems to be an effort then it isn't happening naturally for us...more the case that we're trying to force ourselves to feel "at home" rather than us truly feeling at home. I'm sure you know what I mean given your own experiences here.

I don't want to blame the country or the people here - yes some have chips on shoulders and have a tendency to bag both the UK & it's residents, our sporting abilities and other jokes aimed at belittling us, but ultimately I think it's generally meant in good humour & not in any way malicious.

So how long before you think you'll be off to the UK now that almost everything is in place?

Originally Posted by king kong (Post 7968604)

Been thru all of that and believe me when you know you know . I went thru all the analyzing and the worry ,but when it gets clear there is only one way and thats to the uk regardless of consequencies . Good luck on your decision its took me years to get to sucha state of clear mind .

Originally Posted by ezzie (Post 7969551)

...does that mean you'll get your son to do his A levels when he gets back at 18? Then a gap year....? Yes, that's right Ezzie - our plan (which is subject to change as we've been in this situation before many times and are still here!) is to move back when he's almost 19, which is immediately after he finishes high school, then straight into A levels for 2 years. Then I thought he could have a gap year and start uni at 22 - which isn't really a big deal as many people defer uni until their early 20's (I believe??) Your advice re not being able to pay for 1 year at International fees and then get the next 2 as home student has thrown me though. Because he won't finish high school til Dec 2012, he is out of sync with the term beginning in Sept. So by the time we were thinking of him starting uni in Sep 2015, if we can't just pay the extra for the first year, we will have to wait until Sep 2016 unless they are flexible to a couple of months over there. Any ideas anyone??

Sorry if I've completely misconstrued but that's how I read it. I know exactly your concerns about fitting-in back in the UK as the kids are more mouthy and rougher around the edges, but there are also lovely kids over there and I'm sure that if you were a bit flexible on where you lived, you could find a good school and your son would make good friends. It sounds a lot better than being a sixth form student at 21 years of age. We're not in a position to move back yet Ezzie - just took out a 3 year fixed rate mortgage - if we try to get out of it before it finishes in 2 years from now they will make us pay back $42k in fees/missed interest!!! Therefore by the time we can realistically sell he will be at the end of year 11. We thought we owe it to him to let him get his VCE and stay on until he finishes year 12.

We had three children to consider; they're not loud, but are sociable and I didn't really worry about them making new friends. I did worry about them missing their gobsmackingly gorgeous friends they have over there though, missing their schools and the weather...they really are VERY Aussie kids.

As it turned out, my husband chickened out of going and has left me trapped here in Sydney now. Same thing happened to me in Nov 2006 - I took a trip back to suss things out and my hubby was to follow, but he got a bit panicky and I didn't want him to feel forced in anyway, so the plan was shelved. We decided to buy some land and get on with our lives here. Now we have built the house, moved in and we are now making it lovely, but it hasn't made us any happier...if anything we now have less expebdable $$$'s and that in itself has made things tougher for us!

Can I suggest that you look to ensuring your son gets a bloody good HSC (or whatever State you're in does for a high school exam) as they will convert HSC results but will expect high rankings. Then look for one of the 'new uni's' for him to attend. They have lower international fees than the old universities and start at around GBP7-8,000K. UK degrees are only 3 years compared to 4 here in Oz. Therefore, fees would be around GBP24,000k for the degree compared to around $32,000 (band 2 uni fees) in Oz. You could then agree to pay the difference between what he'd pay in Australia compared to what he'd pay in the UK. That's exactly what we said we'd do - pay the difference so he isn't burdened with additional costs due to our life decisions. He is such a good kid and we adore him & I wish we had been more successful with our lives here. Unfortunately, the last 8 years has started to affect my health and my hubby says that he truly believes our son will cope better with a move to the UK than i will with staying on in Oz. Can you advise on this question - even if he gets great VCE results, will he still have to sit A-Levels. I'm assuming the good VCE results will only be the equivalent of good O-levels...am i right?

Also look at Tech College courses that feed into uni degrees (colleges don't attract international fees like unis). By then he might have racked-up the three years. Watch out for the small print that once he starts a course, he can't revert to home fees once he's done the three years (so you won't be able to pay int. fees for first year then revert to home fees...sorry, it is there in black and white - doesn't make sense does it!), plus he won't have access to student loans etc so you'd be having to do that for him. I can understand why they have the 3 year rule and am okay with it on principal - I think it's unfair that we can't pay the first year at International and then revert to Home student fees once he has been back 3 years - that does seem unfair.

Where are you in Oz?

Originally Posted by king kong (Post 7970946)

Hi basil , i will be in the uk by mid -november .Your absolutely right its not the country and although im guilty of bashing australia its really just to reinforce my decision sub consciously. Just dont want to be here right now ,what the future holds i dont know and dont care . Its the uk and europe for me for now ,where next after that will the next adventure in this short life we lead .

Originally Posted by Basil Brush (Post 7970995)

Originally Posted by ezzie (Post 7971011)

Don't know about the VCE, but if it's the same as the HSC of NSW (taken at 18) then if it's a high score, they'll accept it as an equivalent mark. You should talk to some unis now. I seem to remember that it's not so easy and they'll put you in touch with an organisation which translates marks and certificates (can't remember what it's called now, but you'll probably find it on the net).

I guess your son will have to do his A's at a FE college as he'd be teased mercilessly going to sixth form college/school as an older student. Are you sure you can't go now and just put him in for A levels next year. He can even finish off his VCE over there by distance ed...well, you can from NSW so I'm presuming there'd be the equiv. in Vic.

Originally Posted by Desire (Post 7968543)

Well i don't think i have gained an awful lot. God i really miss my :(family

Originally Posted by Darcourt (Post 7971139)

you poor thing :(

I almost burst into tears reading this... We are at the very end, about to head back from Perth.

In the end, it's the employer forcing my hand, but you know what? i'm facing redundancy, and it's actually a relief.

I never really understood just how much I loved Glasgow until I came out to perth. I'd rather stand in the pissing rain on argyle street having a right old chinwag with my mates than sit in splendid sunny isolation down on cottesloe beach.

some people gain enough to keep them here. not me.

Hope you get to where you want to be.

Originally Posted by Ozzy Fever (Post 7948939)

As the title says we are thinking of returning to the UK but at the same time cant help thinking that we havent given it long enough, we have been in Adelaide for nearly 18 months and to be honest we are both bored, first 12 months we were busy sorting out house, jobs, friends etc but this last few months have really got to me and hubby, but at the same time cant help thinking that if we return would be regret it.

Anyone else gone through this and returned and not regretted it or returned and knew that they had made the wrong choice.

Its dosnt help that I have 2 children still in the UK my 18 year old daughter is over with us and she is the same as us doesnt love it but doesnt hate it either.

I need a crystal ball

Originally Posted by Basil Brush (Post 7970995)

Originally Posted by stormgal (Post 7988573)

Is it really that boring over there? I know someone who lives there - actually the person grew up there, and is very happy with the place.

Anyway, I'm looking to move outside of the States (I'm not from the UK, but find this board extremely helpful). I'm looking for something along the lines of permanent residency - and I am still looking at Oz, but keep hearing all sorts of bad things about living there.

I have the problem that since I was raised in NYC, that i'll be one to literally be bored to tears no matter where I go. But I'm really getting tired of the fast life here. I feel like I need a break.

Originally Posted by stormgal (Post 7988573)

Is it really that boring over there? I know someone who lives there - actually the person grew up there, and is very happy with the place.

Anyway, I'm looking to move outside of the States (I'm not from the UK, but find this board extremely helpful). I'm looking for something along the lines of permanent residency - and I am still looking at Oz, but keep hearing all sorts of bad things about living there.

I have the problem that since I was raised in NYC, that i'll be one to literally be bored to tears no matter where I go. But I'm really getting tired of the fast life here. I feel like I need a break.