Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Well Hubby decided today he hates Oz after just two months and want's to go back to the UK. I have no choice in the matter as we have a nearly 4 year old son....all the hard work, struggles and stress getting here are now all for nothing.

I don't want to go back I want to give it year and then return. I have no choice. If he stays he will resent me and be unhappy and if I go back home I will feel the same.

Not a good situation...and not for our son either...he loves it here too. I got him in a great school and he has made friends. I feel so empty. All I have done today is cry.

At least we all still have our health so not so bad. Not looking forward to moving back...

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

NO WAY Rachel........Please try to get him to saty a little longer , it is such early days for you guys

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

he wont change his mind:(

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Forgive me for being nosey but do you have a very strong marriage ? Did you not split up before you left and then go back together ? ( or is this someone else ?)


Would you stay out there yourself ....????

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

What a difficult situation; I feel for you:( Yes, two months is way too early to even know how you feel about anything. What has your husband said to staying one year? It really isn't that long in the scheme of things. It will be a date when you can both decide to either stay or leave. A target date not too far in the future (10 months now) could give him the time to figure things out in a more logicial way. I think right now he is probably missing home, but hasn't really given Oz a chance yet...

Whatever is decided please keep us informed. Sending good wishes your way:wub:

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

You've just unpacked, two months isn't long enough to try living in a new country.
What's his reasons for going back?

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

I don't mean this to sound naff, but do you think that crappy weather we're having in Perth at the moment is having anything to do with it? Whereabouts are you in Perth? Try going for a few good jaunts around and you'll soon find that there's more to Perth than just new estates. We live semi-rural just 20 minutes from Jarrahdale and 15 minutes inland from the beach. Our garden abounds with wildlife.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

To add to what I said earlier. I have lived in the US for 20 years, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that after two months I hadn't a clue about anything, meaning whether I wanted to stay or not. I just stayed longer to see how things would go. The longer I stayed the more I liked the place and felt comfortable. It usually takes me a long time to get used to anything new, and the US was no exception. I really think that your husband hasn't given it anywhere near enough time to have a real opinion. Just my thoughts looking back on how I felt (or didn't feel as it was too early to form a real opinion.). I am looking at moving back to the UK next year, though as I want to be back in my homeland as now it is time. But, it is different for everybody;)

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

If your husband insists on returning alone he cannot force you to do so as well. Nor can he force your son to go back without authorization from the Australian family courts. Seriously - go to see a WA family lawyer on this. Your child is now an Australian resident as you have moved to Australia with PR visas and set up home in Australia. Just because child is a British citizen does not mean that either parent has the right to insist that the child go back to the U.K.

Two months is not nearly long enough to decide where he wants to be.

Ultimately, if you both prefer different countries then you are going to have to either decide to compromise for the sake of each other, or split up.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hi Ozzienurse - what a damn shame for you - our situation was similar but the the other way round - OH loved Oz but I desperately wanted to come home from day 1 - I stuck it out for 2 years but my feelings of homesickness got worse as time went on, not better!

I know a lot of poeple say 2 months are not enough but I think it depends on how miserable your OH is there - at the end of the day I knew from day 1 that I could never settle in Perth. I think it's the depth of your hubby's homesickness and misery and how it affects both your lives which is important and not 'how long you have given it,' .

I know it must be an awful situation for you to contemplate giving up your dream of a new life in Oz and I remember how unhappy my OH was at the prospect of returning to the UK - but he did - and 14 months down the line we are ALL happy back here.

Where in Oz are you? Why does your hubby want to come back to the UK - does he miss home or does he just dislike the life in Oz??

Good luck with it all - my best advice having been through a similar siuation is keep talking to each other - keep telling each other how you feel and remember,everything in life happens for a reason, many people ping back to the UK only to pong back to Oz again one day, so who knows!!

Keep your pecker up and Keep us posted!!

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Really sorry to hear you are having such huge troubles so soon.
As others have said, would be helpful to know what it is that he hates so much.
From experience of living in a different country, it is very unsettling not knowing how things work, where things are etc. It does take some people quite some time to feel more 'settled' & probably not helping him that you & your son have obviously taken to the life very quickly.
Is there any room for compromise?
Best wishes & karma sent for a mutually acceptable outcome;)

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

I am sorry to hear this BUT sometimes we can get caught up with visa fever and as that becomes the main focus we do not stop to think about emotions. Did both of you want to go to OZ or did one want it more than the other? It is so easy to be swept away with the rush, who knows this may be a panic knee jerk decision as he is out of his comfort zone. I think women are much more adaptable than men... Do you think he would suck it & see for 12 months to really have a taste of OZ life? Ask him to list everything he expected it to be and see if together you can turn them into reality? On the other hand, I do know sometimes you can have a strong sense of 'this isn't right' and no matter how much time we give it it will never be right so better to cut your losses ..........:blink:

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

If he wants to go back after just 2 months, but neither you nor your son wants to return, then I think he doesn't get a choice. Sorry to sound so blunt but even if ALL of you wanted to go back, I think it would be a bad idea. The only reasons I could see to go back so soon would be if (a) everyone hates it, (b) you have at least some previous experience of expat life so you are sure it's not just the knee-jerk reaction to culture shock, AND (not or) (c)staying for at least a year would completely screw you up financially far more than returning immediately.

You say you would resent it if you had to go back now. I can absolutely sympathize with and understand that, after all the plannng and expectation, and the fact you are having fun. You also say your husband would resent it if he stays. I don't sympathize with or buy that as a reasonable response on his part (has he said that, or is that what you think?). It's not like you are being unreasonable expecting to at least stay long enough to determine whether this is a temporary reaction on his part. For goodness sake, he obviously thought it was a good idea at some point in time.

While I sympathize with your husband's predicament (having been in his situation in about one third of my moves within and between countries), I do not think pressurizing you into returning home right now is reasonable or fair to you and your son. Can't he try to at least look at it like a 12 month extended vacation in Australia, with the promise that at the end of the year, you will all as a family reevaluate your position?

As UKC's you all can go home at any time you want, but if you return now and you realize you made a mistake, going back to Australia would not be as easy at all. Don't give up everything you've worked for so soon. Your husband needs all the support you can give as he struggles with what he is going through, but IMO, that does not extend to sacrificing your happiness just so he can go home NOW, rather than waiting a more reasonable time.

Usually I'm a bit more diplomatic, and I do sympathize with your husband, really I do, but this situation seems so clear to me. You should wait a while longer, unless you meet all three criteria I listed above.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

I totally agree with everything said here. Your hubby just cannot expect you to give up all you have worked for without at least trying it out. And two months isn't really trying it at all. I totally understand how people have a gut feeling about a place - I did myself and am back home now after staying for a year.

As Dunroving said, it would be fine to return so quickly if you all felt the same, but you don't so it's really only fair of him to stick it out for the year at least. If at the end of the year, when you have really experienced Australian life and he feels the same you can come home and say at least you tried.

Good luck :)

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Oh dear - I really really feel for you despite our situation being the opposite way round with me wanting to go home and OH happy here.

You are saying that your husband doesn't like Australia. Is it Australia per se or just Perth he doesn't like?. Would he be truly be happier in the UK? You need to find out what his REAL reasons are for wanting to go home after 2 months. Perth isn't for me - I don't hate it - it just isn't for me but I know why and have had many frank discussions with OH and told him and that has made a real difference to him understanding plus the fact we have a very strong marriage.

Before we left the UK we agreed that if one of us didn't like it and wanted to go home we would move back as a family.

I wish you luck - it isn't easy:)

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

I agree about the crappy weather. What on earth is going on. I was in UK all Oct and the weather was lovely. No wind or rain. Come back to the windiest weather i have ever seen. It keeps me awake all night...and the rain, when will it stop?
Moving over here to this type of thing does unsettle you alot. The so called tropical all year round climate is a thing of the past. You must also choose your location carefully. One place is so different to the next. Hope things work out for the OP, it is very very early days.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Gosh Rachel, I followed your plight from the near beginning. I really hope that everything works out for you.
Sending ((((( HUGS))))) and K
J x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hey, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say. Thanks for all your comments I am trying to decide what is the best action...either way there are some unsettling times ahead. :huh:

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hi there, I really feel for you. Same thing happened to us when we arrived in Melbourne Sept 06. OH loved it, great job, good prospects. I hated it from day one, I just couldn't let go of everything we had in the UK and longed to go home, especially sad as we have 2 young children. I ended up going back to the UK with our children to clear my head, at the time I could see no other way, though having being here for just 4 months. Luckily we have not sold our house so I was able to go 'home'. Looking back I can't believe things got to that but when your in that awful position ( and it is awful) of wanting to go home, I found I couldn't see the wood for the trees!

I am happy to say I did come back as I wouldn't have been able to look myself straight in the eye if I hadn't. I realise we could be anywhere as long as we are all together as a family, we are very close now. I am enjoying myself more as I'm taking each day as it comes and just want to enjoy the experience we have in front of us. I am not saying we will be here forever (who can?) but I know if we do go back to the UK, it won't be for trying. There are lows, but there are highs, seeing OH complete a charity bike ride (100kms) and seeing the kids enjoy the beach and being happy. Some days I love it, others I don't, I just try to not put pressure on myself.

I hope you can stay longer as I do think the experience is worth it. And it doesn't have to be forever. Maybe your OH could stay till early 08, and then see? Thats only 2 months away, all the best in your decision, it can be very tough and lots of talking needed. My OH was ready to come home to the UK in Jan to us, he hung on here so as not to lose his job. That meant alot to me as it took the pressure off, I wasn't forced into a corner and therefore made my own decision to return, I trust him and know if I become unhappy again, we can go back to the UK. I think it's all about give and take. Good luck x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

I think your OH is being unfair he should be willing to give it at least a year maybe he will feel different maybe not but at least its giving it a chance after everything you went through to get here.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hi feel like I know you My son Allen and wife Emma whos son Thomas is at sh
pre school have met you they told me your predicitment. I also live in sh and I do know how your husband feels, I with homesickness we have been in Aus for 18months now and I still havnt truly settled We came out here at the ages of 61 and 63 so a really major upheaval for us but I am determined to give it a real try even if only for Allen Emma and Thomas and my daughter who lives in Sydney. I really think that 2 months is only the begining when we came out we were told not to attempt to go home before 18 months had gone by. I think your husband should persevere for your childs sake as the life style is far healther for a child than in the U.k.

Anyway good luck whatever the outcome if you do stay get in touch and we can have a get together

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

You know that you will get all the support you need here either way.
Take care,
J x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Wow ! as my first post states we are sitting here in clacton on sea in the rain, have just been down morrisons in clacton and everyone was miserable as sin as usual. We came back for friends and family but as we have discovered you assume everyone keeps in touch. We have realised after years that really we are alone in our marriage and have to do what is right for us.I think when you get back as you will disscover friends and family seem different and as i have been told they resent us slighty for leaving them in the first place and our relationship with them seems different.We have been visiting everyone like mad since we got back but havent found the same coming back from them.

We wish we had left our house in perth and come back for a short period and made sure it was the right thing to do.I agree you really should stay as a family as i found out when my wife and son returned without me due to her grandmother illness. I was devestated and even worse when we spoke on the phone crying to each other.We vowed not to be apart again.

Follow your heart but for your child sake he or she will have a better life there in my opinion.p.s if your other half is 40 like me bury him under the patio and i will take his place if someone can forge me passport he he .Good luck to you both. From a damp and cold essex.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hi Martin

Couldn't agree more. I longed for family and friends, hence my return, only realising all you stated above. Good luck x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Hey Mrs!! You remember everything you went through to get out there! dont you dare chuck it all away without real carefull consideration. It is all part of his game AGAIN :curse:
ring me :wub:

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Just reading your thread...reading it I dd count my blessings....my husband works away (for the first time ever) so I have felt sorry for myself...as you do....I have come to the conclusion though that life makes you stronger when it throws things at you...you may not feel like that now but in time you will whatever you decide to do.....we have been in Aus for a long time and are planning to return home next year....we all want to return which is good but it has been a long and hard decision Nearly 3 years)...we have given Aus a really good "go" and have had some great times but has never felt like home....we don't just miss our family we are really just going home because we miss things about home..Europe etc....old things...new things....etc we are going back for us....I have learnt it is YOUR family that makes you happy anything else in life is a bonus.....friends good neighbours etc...In all my time in Aus I have met lots of people who have either loved the place or hated it some stayed some have gone.....wives who hate it (I have a friend who hates it and would love to go home but here husband will not even talk about it....I know who she feels so I have an idea for it can only be an idea as until you are in your position nobody truly know what it is like) husbands who hate it but wives love is etc...one old guy I knew wished he had never heard of the place or migration and they have been here for 30 years....I am affraid Migration is more complicated than just getting on that plane.

Did you all want to come out to Aus?....does not really matter in a way because you are all here now....is there anything that your husband misses that you could find to do here.....does he play Football (NOT AFL) ? if so he could find a club here to play for...there are loads....you can make good friends through the clubs....or does he enjoy living near the City....if so move to a suburb closer to Perth......we moved a few times when we first arrived just to find the best place for us...we had no friends or family when we arrived and in a way that was good (but also so hard) as we could pick and choose what we liked rather than moving where friends lived and we not really liked it etc...that was just us though....it was hard but we just did as we pleased. If "down south" does not suit your husband move north of the river....if he misses the countryside move to Settlers Hills (it's newish so lots of families are moving in with fresh starts).....I think and you will have done this until the cows come home....talk and see if there are ways to fix the things he does not like here in Aus.....if he is still determined to go home cannot he go on his own for a while, he will miss you both like mad and realise home is where you and his son is...or he may go home and think the U.K is no longer for him....if that is not going to happen and you love him sometimes we have to sacrificies and go home for a while...see how it goes....if you have a residency permit you can return within five years of it's issue....
All the advice in the world is wonderful but you have to listen to your own story to make your choice....everyone else has a story but it is theirs....so you should be guided by your experiences and feelings and no matter how hard you just have to what is best for you.

Weather is warming up.......we do have winter's in Perth and you have already experienced it.....after a summer it is usually nice to have that change but some people coming over from the U.K are surprised we have that kind of weather....itn lifes plan it does not last long....and the Sunshine lasts for months now.....
Best wishes and take care...
Jackie

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Not true where young children are involved.

If she returns to the U.K. and they subsequently split up, her spouse will be able to prevent the child moving back to Australia (barring a court order).

So the residency visa might turn out to be useless.

On the other hand, if she stays in Australia, then the child cannot be taken back to the U.K. without an Australian court order authorizing this. And an Australian court would usually take the view that the child should not be moved just because one parent wants that.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Two months FFS I've waited longer than that for a post card

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Yes, very true, I just did not think about "splitting up" etc......life I suppose is not black and white but very colourful.....let's hope it does not come to that. What I meant was if they all went back to the U.K and in time they decided it was not meant for them and they came back to Aus, with Permanent Residency they do have five years from the date of stamp to come back to Aus. Maybe the husband just needed to "get his head" round the move...I know people who do not come out straight away who have a Permanent Residency visa some take a few years.....
Jackie

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Oh, boy, how sad for your whole family.

If you have only been abroad for a couple of months, that is far too soon to throw the towel in.

Can you not both meet and find middle ground. Thats what being married is all about, give and take on both sides

He agrees to stick it out for 2 years and if he still feels the same then you agree to return.

He is not being fair to expect you to up sticks after such a short time.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

He wont give in...he is talking about february now...i really want to stay here... :(

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Are you really sure that your marriage is worth it?

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

:(

You had a bloody hard time with him just before you came out, I cant believe this is happening to you.

You are so deserving of some good luck you really are.

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

If he is talking February, there is time yet for him to change his mind. Something might happen between now and then which changes his view of Aus completely. Is it Perth? What state are your MIL/FIL in?
What about going to another city for a few days. Has he been all over Aus?
Fingers crossed for you,
J x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Has he made any friends yet over here? What line of work is he in? I keep trying to think of ways that will make him happier here. I don't of the problems you had before you came. Was he not really up for it in the first place?

Whereabouts in Perth are you? Just trying to wok out if the problems are with your particular area:confused: Does he specify what it is he doesn't like?

Sorry for so many questions. I'm in Perth and I'm just trying to help :hug:

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Then stay!

Why does it have to be about someone "giving in", no one in a equal partnership expects the other to give in.

Get out there and meet some other expats so that you and your little boy have a life here. If the OH wants to join in, all for the better, but look after yourself and your son.

Maybe if your OH sees that you have a life here he will make more effort to become part of that life.

I think you are being bullied. This is not acceptable!

How much time, effort and heartsearching did it take for you to get this visa? Don't throw it all away just because someone is spitting the dummy!

I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself.

Good Luck, and I will be thinking of you,

Maggie

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

OzzieDoc

We met at a distance at Kings Park recently, the one with Aston Man :eek:

i'm really sorry to hear your hub's decision,

Has he found work?? does he have a circle of friends???

Do you socialise as a family at all???

all this may add to his unhappiness here (i am just assuming though)

I am PM'ing you hon!

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

so sad,im really sorry for your situation but surely if he stays for your sake he will resent you and if you go for his sake you will end up resenting him for the life you could of had as well - i do feel for you ,your in a no win situation:(

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

R please ring me babe:wub: I have your house number but dont want to ring incase it difficult. CALL ME PLEEASEEE:wub:
mandy x

Re: Reluctantly returning to UK....:(
 

Well if he is talking about February then you at least have a good 3 months of communicating to do and hopefully any decision made will be in your favour.

Because you deserve it to be after everything you have been through.