Pollyana

I think we've had similar threads before, but I'm going to start this one anyway

Does anyone else remember having a kind-of "Light at the End of the Tunnel" moment? I don't mean that moment when you realise you don't want to be in your "adopted" country, or that moment that you realise you want to go home. This is more aimed at the moment when people who have been living in a strange country, feeling that they can't go back cos its too complicated/expensive/difficult/just plain scary........ suddenly something happens, or someone says something, and you suddenly realise OMG Maybe I actually CAN go home.

Bit like a lightbulb going on, or that pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel Does anyone else remember suddenly being able to see the way ahead, the way to facilitate that move home, and remember realising they now have the faith that they can deal with what they previously thought was out of reach?

For me it was as simple as a few words in a pm on here, that just made me think.....hang on, I actually COULD..... and it could work cos suddenly I know how to deal with the last obstacle

Anyone else get what I'm rambling on about?!

pommybird

Totally get what you're on about - hence my 'location' - for me after the many rows with the husband about returning and the many hollow 'we'll see, maybe one day' from him, I simply went down to Flight centre one day, booked the tickets and went and told the OH it was Oz or me - thankfully he chose me - Ultimatums are not right but I had just got to the point where I simply could not exist in Australia anymore and one way or another I was going home.

Good luck with your quest to get home - I know from you're posts that you've never felt truly at home in Oz and I know what that feels like

lilybilly101

I have had so many moments that have culminated into one big depression.....my Dad dying last year, my brother leaving his wife and kids....

But the real 'moment' as you describe happened while stood on a stage of a leavers assembly at the school I had worked in for almost a year when they announced my leaving and I didn't even know! The second light bulb went off when my job was re advertised on August 31st and I was strongly encouraged to apply. Every June new teachers are fired and then may be rehired but I chose to decline the offer and walk. It was a real moment of 'What the hell am I doing here?' when I can get permanent employment back home, work like a dog but be appreciated for it and have much needed job security so my husband and I can plan life for us and the kids. I would also be working in a place where people are interested in what people are teaching. Here the standards are...oh wait there are no standards, you just make it up as you go along and no one bothers to come in and check!!! Amazing. God forbid that we standardize tests or monitor what one teacher is doing compared to another. Archaic.

I now wake up every day wishing I was home. I have heavy bricks on my chest and look forward to very little. Canada has become a beautiful prison but all prisons are the same even ones with a nice view! Stifling, confining, boring, repetitive, dull......

Hopefully we'll find our way home soon and things will go smoothly but I truly don't care anymore as nothing can feel worse than this.

Sorry, I'm very, very miserable today after fight with husband regarding life the universe and getting out of here!!!

Sad and frustrated and 25 weeks pregnant on Vancouver Island!

Tr1boy

Where did you bury him?

bettyboo67

I thought you'd gone a bit quiet of late Lillbilly, sorry to hear that you're feeling so low and your hormones are going to be making that worse.
I was feeling really low a few months ago but seem to have turned a corner
for some reason as nothing much day to day has changed.
You just have to remember that nothing stays the same for long, good times or bad times. Hope you're feeling better soon.
Betty

dunroving

I see light at both ends of the tunnel (well, I am a ping-ponger).

lauralollipop

Pollyanna, are you going back?

I am now waiting for my light bulb moment as I change my mind about 12 times a day - will I, wont I, can I, can't I???

Tr1boy

You have to attack the problem one slice at a time. When we came back in 06 I knew I was signing up for 4yrs of mental pain and sometimes I never thought it would happen. But a strong mental fortitude and an 'endurance event' mentality has seen us get through most of it and now we're just waiting on the final results next Thurs.

Personally I have found the hardest part convincing my family that we will return and won't stray from that path. I think they thought that when we left in 06 that they would never see us living in the UK. But they underestimated three things. My support for my wife, her support for me and a dogged determination to make it happen even though a long term view was required. Now we're down to a matter of weeks (hopefully).

Deep Purple put it best;

'I am returning,
The echo of a point in time,
And distant faces shine'.

Sometimes believing is harder than doing.

Petals

Going home is always a possibility even though people have been away for a lifetime sometimes. My husband flying back to the UK on his own sat next to an old lady who had lived in WA for a long long time, brought up her family and was now returning to the UK to get a small cottage and die in the UK. She was in her eighties. So you see its always possible its just what people want, and what we want is our choice and others should just accept.

I do not think I will ever return as happy here but who knows what will be thrown at us in the future.

Pollyana

That's so true. I think the actual mechanics of the move would be fairly straightforward, as they were when coming out here, but actually believing its possible to do it - that's been the tricky bit.

Its the Can I, Can't I, which is the conundrum. Believing its possible to actually do it is the hardest bit I think. Think about what's stopping you making the decison - are they real obstacles or just excuses you are making to yourself? Almost all the things that were real obstacles for me at one time are now turning into excuses I've made to myself to avoid facing the real question of "why don't I........." Then when someone said to me "You're just scared" I suddenly realised that's all it is, and after that everything else just started to make sense and fall into place.

valspal

[I now wake up every day wishing I was home. I have heavy bricks on my chest and look forward to very little. Canada has become a beautiful prison but all prisons are the same even ones with a nice view! Stifling, confining, boring, repetitive, dull......]

I echo these words and i thought i was the only one who felt like this. If you can get out now do it. Otherwise you might feel like you wasted your life or years.

valspal

Just like to know what was the last obstacle or the words, If that's not being too nosy, that made the light go on?

Nu-Shooz

I did exactly the same PB. I booked the tickets for me and kids and left OZ. OH was straight on the plane after us, he knew he couldn't keep us where we didn't want to be. Drastic action, but well worth it.

pommybird

Feisty pair ain't we??!!xx

Pollyana

Just what I said in the post above - someone said to me "You're just scared" - and I thought, yeah he's right, I've moved one way, I'm sure I can move the other, I've just been too scared to seriously consider it, even though I want to go back. Just have to keep telling myself I'm brave enough to do it
Fear of the unknown I guess - job market, housing market etc.......