Meg and Mog

Ok so I have been lurking and reading the posts on this forum for a long time now. It is always a pleasure to read the success stories and people getting home to family and making a go of things even when its not always easy or as they expected.

It has taken 2 years to sell my house in Australia and I have been here for almost 7 years. I have always wanted to go home to the UK from about 4 months in. My husband is very settled and does not want to go but has reluctantly agreed.

Is it normal to now feel totally terrified, am I doing the right thing ?
We have 3 children who were all born in England but don't remember much, my eldest would be starting high school in September. We will have minimal funds for a deposit on a house but better than nothing.

Just feeling a little overwhelmed and not much support.

lgabriel73

It is completely normal what you are feeling. I am going through the same feelings. Just sold my house and will be moving back in May after being in the US for 18 years. I know its where I want to be but I still have my moments where I freak out and panic about what will happen when I get back. I expect that I will have many more freak outs before I go and probably many when I arrive in the UK. Sometimes I cant really believe I am doing this and it seems surreal. Every time I have one of my freak out moments I try to think about something great about moving back, like going in to town with my mum or being there to watch my niece and nephew grow up. this usually puts my mind at ease. It is very overwhelming with so many things to take care of too. Hang in there and just keeping thinking about your new life in the UK and all the great things you will be doing. If you want to vent feel free to PM me.

Homeiswheretheheartis

Hi Meg and Mog

As already said, its really normal to feel like this and don't forget its our job to worry about everything

I wish I could say everything will be fine, don't worry, but we all know that's not possible. But, is there any questions that we can answer that may help calm some of your worries.

One that may help, is we have returned from the US after 2.5 years and I have a DS who went into 2 year of high school. The US has a terrible reputation on their standard of education and I was so worried, but it was pointless worry. We returned and my DS has settled fine and is not behind at all. A DD who is 10 and last year of primary, again worried for nothing, has adapted fine.

Anything we can help with we will, I have found people on here to be very helpful.

quoll

Perfectly normal I'd say! Unfortunately the crystal ball makers have gone out of business so you can only make decisions based on the best information you have at the time!

The kids will be the least of your worries I suspect. Have you tried to get a job before you leave? Lots of people seem to have managed to do that. Getting a mortgage can be a bit of a struggle - there will be others who know how to go about getting one and can give you some tips.

It'll be an adventure no matter what but always remember that you can't move back to what you had and treat it like a new move forward with all the hard work that entails. Good Luck!

CalgaryPete

I found deciding to move back to Britain more stressful than our original decision to move to Canada. That felt like an adventure when we were younger. Moving back feels like a bigger decision about the rest of our lives.

These thoughts helped me:

Most of the the things we worry about will never happen.

We are just picking an option we can live with. (So we don't have to worry whether it is the best possible choice. We can't know that.)

dunroving

I think your last point is easy to forget. We have so many options these days and quality of life is generally so much better than just 30 years ago that it is easy to expect perfection. For most people, that will end in dissatisfaction wherever you choose to live.

Meg and Mog

Thanks for your replies, I think I'm just in shock because I thought it was never going to happen and now have until the end of March to sort everything. People are so negative about the Uk here when you tell them your going back, so you have part of you wondering if they are right. Deep down I know it's the right thing to do I have never been settled here.
I am searching for job opportunities and have several contacts who I used to work with so hopefully will have something lined up soon.
Looking at renting initially so can Suss out mortgages .
Have huge list of things to do one step at a time

brits1

I would be worried if you were not worried...lol...We had just over 12 years in Aus and really we did not mind Aus but we did eventually find we just did not feel at home there and returned home, it took us a few years to arrange our move (our two Sons schooling timing etc) but we are happy to be home and I look back and think I wish I had not stresses so much over the if's and but's but that's how it was for me then. We had no problems finding a rental which we decided to do until we found an area we finally wanted to settle in. I would say ignore the people who are negative about something you want to do to me that's not being a great friend, we went through all of that and the truest friend I had was an Australian who was so supportive I will be forever thankful to her. You know what YOU need to do even tough sometimes the waters get a bit muddy at times. Take a step at a time, sort out what your taking home, sell/give away what your not bringing, arrange flights, book removals and your nearly there. Good luck March is a good time to arrive home, start of Spring, lighter mornings, daffs etc are out

Englishmaple

Just to say that I'm going through the same thing too - am planning to move back to the UK by mid-April at latest. I've cut myself off from anyone who suggests that I'm mad to move back to the UK - I don't think people really understand what living in another culture is like unless they've done it first hand themselves. And it is overwhelming sorting everything out - so what you're feeling is normal. I often feel overwhelmed but I remind myself that the opportunities for work in the UK for me are far better than where I am now (Canada). Glad your husband agreed to you moving back - mine never understood what I was going through and refused - hence now an ex-husband. I think the other thing for me (which I'm realising more and more) is that the housing market is so difficult in the UK and a lot of people think about the improved opportunities with respect to housing if you buy and live abroad. But having a nice house isn't everything - people/friends and work and the culture you live in matter too. Good luck and hang on in there.

Fromthenorth

I know exactly how your feeling, have been living in france for three years and have really not adapted to the culture or language in my case. You don't really know how it feels until you are in that position. OH has agreed we can go back so planning on a summer return so the kids can start the September school year. Even so the move back feels quite overwhelming trying to get everything sorted plus our house here is only half renovated so we can't even rent or sell it at the minute but hoping we can fix the rest up over years. Will have to rent in UK but at least there are jobs over there compared to here plus the wage here is so low with all the taxes that need paying. Trying to stay positive but sometimes the whole task looks impossible but can't wait to be back in my own culture. Good luck......

beachgal21

I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling nervous about returning home. I wasn't half as concerned about moving to the US as I am about returning to the UK, as someone else has already said, it seemed like a big adventure at the time. I have a nice home in Florida and am enjoying the mild winter weather. With the exchange rate they way it is, we wont be able to afford much of a house back home and the weather in the UK right now is horrible ..... I think to myself that I must be mad wanting to leave this. Then I remind myself about how much I hate the humidity here, and the excessive heat through the summer, the mosquito's and huge cockroaches and that it doesn't stay light in the summer evening like it does back home. I remember all the fun and interesting things I used to do at home that I can't do here, I remember that my friends and family will only be a car ride away. In fact apart from the mild winter weather, I can't think of one single thing that I'll miss about Florida and the US .... certainly not the people or the lifestyle. You know what .... I can't imagine why I'm feeling jittery about returning home........ Home ....home ... isn't that a great word

alfista1

I am feeling the same!
I am 38, married to an uruguayan with a child almost 4.
I have been away more than 10 years and have been talking to my wife about going back for the last two years.

Since we were both made redundant two months ago we decided now is the time especially as our son hasn't started primary.

I am very scared for my wife. She wants to leave but does not want to leave her parents of course.
She is part of a very close family here with parents in their mid eighties. She needs close family and lots of friends. I have found a local latin/Spanish group meet up every month which I hope will help her find friends.
My parents will be close by but it is true that the culture is very different.

I hope she makes it through the initial stages of homesickness for us to stay long term.

Pennines49

Similarly jittery, t minus 6 weeks, keep thinking good uk things

Fromthenorth

6 weeks to go for you Pennines wow, I'm a bag of nerves with 4 and a half months to go. I don't know why but for me going back seems so much more intense than going away feel sick to my stomach everyday at the thought of organising everything and then having to sort a job when I get back but anxiety is normal I suppose...

Pennines49

agreed, seems harder going back....but no turning back , tunnel vision