Perfidious Gaul
Feb 18th 2003 | 6:22 am
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Perfidious Gaul
Perfidious Gaul, how sharp is thy barb
Jon Carroll Tuesday, February 18, 2003
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been amazing to note the upwelling of Francophobia in previously
unsuspected locations. Suddenly, every commentator worth his five-figure
lecture fee has been discoursing on the various faults of the French:
their cowardice, their incivility, their ingratitude.
We saved their butts in 1944, and now look at them -- they're opposing a
perfectly reasonable war for their own selfish reasons. How dare they
act in their national interest! Better they should let the United States
decide what their national interest is. We'd be happy to do it. We'd
even be happy to send a retired admiral over to run the country. It
would seem that John Poindexter will soon be unemployed again.
People who had never had an opinion about France before, people who had
previously confined their attacks to Bill Clinton, Teddy Kennedy,
Hillary Clinton and, oh yes, Bill Clinton, are now brimming with
expertise on the morale-sapping nature of French culture.
Revisionist history is carrying the day. According to our latest
experts, America selflessly went over to France to kick out the Nazis
just because we love freedom. Actually, we didn't even start to fight
Germany until Japan attacked us, and our battle was to stop aggression
that had reached our shores.
The French are such an easy target. They have no constituency to speak
of over here, and anti-French epithets are not even among the banned
words. I can say "frog frog frog" all day long, and not one complaint
will be lodged. There's nothing like an unpopular and passive national
group to bring out the attack dog in politicians and pundits.
Last week, I wrote a controversial column suggesting that killing
civilians should be a tactic of last resort. This unpatriotic sentiment
was roundly attacked, usually in rambling letters that somehow ended up
back at Bill Clinton.
But here's the thing. Remember how, in the dear old days of the Cold
War, people would yell, "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like
it here!" Two letter writers in the past week have suggested that, if I
don't like it here, I should move to France.
Oh please, massa, don't throw me in that briar patch.
Imagine: condemned to eat amazing produce and linger over fine coffee in
a bistro or a boite. Banished to the twisty streets of Montmartre or the
sun- washed fields of Arles. Just me and the other craven hypocrites,
eating at long tables in the apple orchard and singing Gypsy songs by
firelight. And to think, I could have been back home buying duct tape
and plastic sheeting.
One legislator has suggested that we ban French water and French wine.
If it happens, it would be a wonderful boon for smugglers everywhere
because the high-end market knows what it wants and will pay for it.
Kids, this could be a career opportunity -- pick up a whole bunch of
Bordeaux right now and wait for sanctions to come.
It would be too bad if someone got arrested under the Patriot Act for
illicitly transporting Perrier across state lines. Still, what must be
done must be done.
Let's not stop there. There's far too much French bread in America right
now. French fries are at epidemic proportions, as the secret terrorist
sympathizers at McDonald's seek to weaken our nation's youth by clogging
their arteries. And French kissing! Friends, I've seen a lot of it, and
it's just not pretty. Someone should develop a chastity belt for the
tongue.
And please, I urge you right now to cancel your plans to travel to
Paris. Please, please, indicate your displeasure by refusing to spend
money in the City of Lights. On bended knee, I implore you not to crowd
the museums and cafes, not to descend in great clotted packs on the Ile
de la Cite, not to take all the reservations at L'Excuse. Merci.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
We will make an exception for French envelopes, which are still
necessary.
Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing
and dance together with the something dah dah DUM
[email protected].
Jon Carroll Tuesday, February 18, 2003
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been amazing to note the upwelling of Francophobia in previously
unsuspected locations. Suddenly, every commentator worth his five-figure
lecture fee has been discoursing on the various faults of the French:
their cowardice, their incivility, their ingratitude.
We saved their butts in 1944, and now look at them -- they're opposing a
perfectly reasonable war for their own selfish reasons. How dare they
act in their national interest! Better they should let the United States
decide what their national interest is. We'd be happy to do it. We'd
even be happy to send a retired admiral over to run the country. It
would seem that John Poindexter will soon be unemployed again.
People who had never had an opinion about France before, people who had
previously confined their attacks to Bill Clinton, Teddy Kennedy,
Hillary Clinton and, oh yes, Bill Clinton, are now brimming with
expertise on the morale-sapping nature of French culture.
Revisionist history is carrying the day. According to our latest
experts, America selflessly went over to France to kick out the Nazis
just because we love freedom. Actually, we didn't even start to fight
Germany until Japan attacked us, and our battle was to stop aggression
that had reached our shores.
The French are such an easy target. They have no constituency to speak
of over here, and anti-French epithets are not even among the banned
words. I can say "frog frog frog" all day long, and not one complaint
will be lodged. There's nothing like an unpopular and passive national
group to bring out the attack dog in politicians and pundits.
Last week, I wrote a controversial column suggesting that killing
civilians should be a tactic of last resort. This unpatriotic sentiment
was roundly attacked, usually in rambling letters that somehow ended up
back at Bill Clinton.
But here's the thing. Remember how, in the dear old days of the Cold
War, people would yell, "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like
it here!" Two letter writers in the past week have suggested that, if I
don't like it here, I should move to France.
Oh please, massa, don't throw me in that briar patch.
Imagine: condemned to eat amazing produce and linger over fine coffee in
a bistro or a boite. Banished to the twisty streets of Montmartre or the
sun- washed fields of Arles. Just me and the other craven hypocrites,
eating at long tables in the apple orchard and singing Gypsy songs by
firelight. And to think, I could have been back home buying duct tape
and plastic sheeting.
One legislator has suggested that we ban French water and French wine.
If it happens, it would be a wonderful boon for smugglers everywhere
because the high-end market knows what it wants and will pay for it.
Kids, this could be a career opportunity -- pick up a whole bunch of
Bordeaux right now and wait for sanctions to come.
It would be too bad if someone got arrested under the Patriot Act for
illicitly transporting Perrier across state lines. Still, what must be
done must be done.
Let's not stop there. There's far too much French bread in America right
now. French fries are at epidemic proportions, as the secret terrorist
sympathizers at McDonald's seek to weaken our nation's youth by clogging
their arteries. And French kissing! Friends, I've seen a lot of it, and
it's just not pretty. Someone should develop a chastity belt for the
tongue.
And please, I urge you right now to cancel your plans to travel to
Paris. Please, please, indicate your displeasure by refusing to spend
money in the City of Lights. On bended knee, I implore you not to crowd
the museums and cafes, not to descend in great clotted packs on the Ile
de la Cite, not to take all the reservations at L'Excuse. Merci.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
We will make an exception for French envelopes, which are still
necessary.
Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing
and dance together with the something dah dah DUM
[email protected].
Feb 18th 2003 | 6:41 am
#2
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Perfidious Gaul
This is great ! Encore ! Encore !! :-)))
On Tue, 18 Feb 2003 19:22:18 GMT, in rec.travel.europe, poldy arranged
some electrons, so they looked like this :
... Perfidious Gaul, how sharp is thy barb
...
... Jon Carroll Tuesday, February 18, 2003
... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
...
...
... It has been amazing to note the upwelling of Francophobia in previously
... unsuspected locations. Suddenly, every commentator worth his five-figure
... lecture fee has been discoursing on the various faults of the French:
... their cowardice, their incivility, their ingratitude.
...
... We saved their butts in 1944, and now look at them -- they're opposing a
... perfectly reasonable war for their own selfish reasons. How dare they
... act in their national interest! Better they should let the United States
... decide what their national interest is. We'd be happy to do it. We'd
... even be happy to send a retired admiral over to run the country. It
... would seem that John Poindexter will soon be unemployed again.
...
... People who had never had an opinion about France before, people who had
... previously confined their attacks to Bill Clinton, Teddy Kennedy,
... Hillary Clinton and, oh yes, Bill Clinton, are now brimming with
... expertise on the morale-sapping nature of French culture.
...
... Revisionist history is carrying the day. According to our latest
... experts, America selflessly went over to France to kick out the Nazis
... just because we love freedom. Actually, we didn't even start to fight
... Germany until Japan attacked us, and our battle was to stop aggression
... that had reached our shores.
...
... The French are such an easy target. They have no constituency to speak
... of over here, and anti-French epithets are not even among the banned
... words. I can say "frog frog frog" all day long, and not one complaint
... will be lodged. There's nothing like an unpopular and passive national
... group to bring out the attack dog in politicians and pundits.
...
... Last week, I wrote a controversial column suggesting that killing
... civilians should be a tactic of last resort. This unpatriotic sentiment
... was roundly attacked, usually in rambling letters that somehow ended up
... back at Bill Clinton.
...
... But here's the thing. Remember how, in the dear old days of the Cold
... War, people would yell, "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like
... it here!" Two letter writers in the past week have suggested that, if I
... don't like it here, I should move to France.
...
... Oh please, massa, don't throw me in that briar patch.
...
... Imagine: condemned to eat amazing produce and linger over fine coffee in
... a bistro or a boite. Banished to the twisty streets of Montmartre or the
... sun- washed fields of Arles. Just me and the other craven hypocrites,
... eating at long tables in the apple orchard and singing Gypsy songs by
... firelight. And to think, I could have been back home buying duct tape
... and plastic sheeting.
...
... One legislator has suggested that we ban French water and French wine.
... If it happens, it would be a wonderful boon for smugglers everywhere
... because the high-end market knows what it wants and will pay for it.
... Kids, this could be a career opportunity -- pick up a whole bunch of
... Bordeaux right now and wait for sanctions to come.
...
... It would be too bad if someone got arrested under the Patriot Act for
... illicitly transporting Perrier across state lines. Still, what must be
... done must be done.
...
... Let's not stop there. There's far too much French bread in America right
... now. French fries are at epidemic proportions, as the secret terrorist
... sympathizers at McDonald's seek to weaken our nation's youth by clogging
... their arteries. And French kissing! Friends, I've seen a lot of it, and
... it's just not pretty. Someone should develop a chastity belt for the
... tongue.
...
... And please, I urge you right now to cancel your plans to travel to
... Paris. Please, please, indicate your displeasure by refusing to spend
... money in the City of Lights. On bended knee, I implore you not to crowd
... the museums and cafes, not to descend in great clotted packs on the Ile
... de la Cite, not to take all the reservations at L'Excuse. Merci.
... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
... We will make an exception for French envelopes, which are still
... necessary.
...
... Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing
... and dance together with the something dah dah DUM
... [email protected].
=====
Le verbe "aimer" est le plus compliqué de la langue. Son passé n'est jamais simple, son présent n'est qu'imparfait et son futur toujours conditionnel.
On Tue, 18 Feb 2003 19:22:18 GMT, in rec.travel.europe, poldy arranged
some electrons, so they looked like this :
... Perfidious Gaul, how sharp is thy barb
...
... Jon Carroll Tuesday, February 18, 2003
... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
...
...
... It has been amazing to note the upwelling of Francophobia in previously
... unsuspected locations. Suddenly, every commentator worth his five-figure
... lecture fee has been discoursing on the various faults of the French:
... their cowardice, their incivility, their ingratitude.
...
... We saved their butts in 1944, and now look at them -- they're opposing a
... perfectly reasonable war for their own selfish reasons. How dare they
... act in their national interest! Better they should let the United States
... decide what their national interest is. We'd be happy to do it. We'd
... even be happy to send a retired admiral over to run the country. It
... would seem that John Poindexter will soon be unemployed again.
...
... People who had never had an opinion about France before, people who had
... previously confined their attacks to Bill Clinton, Teddy Kennedy,
... Hillary Clinton and, oh yes, Bill Clinton, are now brimming with
... expertise on the morale-sapping nature of French culture.
...
... Revisionist history is carrying the day. According to our latest
... experts, America selflessly went over to France to kick out the Nazis
... just because we love freedom. Actually, we didn't even start to fight
... Germany until Japan attacked us, and our battle was to stop aggression
... that had reached our shores.
...
... The French are such an easy target. They have no constituency to speak
... of over here, and anti-French epithets are not even among the banned
... words. I can say "frog frog frog" all day long, and not one complaint
... will be lodged. There's nothing like an unpopular and passive national
... group to bring out the attack dog in politicians and pundits.
...
... Last week, I wrote a controversial column suggesting that killing
... civilians should be a tactic of last resort. This unpatriotic sentiment
... was roundly attacked, usually in rambling letters that somehow ended up
... back at Bill Clinton.
...
... But here's the thing. Remember how, in the dear old days of the Cold
... War, people would yell, "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like
... it here!" Two letter writers in the past week have suggested that, if I
... don't like it here, I should move to France.
...
... Oh please, massa, don't throw me in that briar patch.
...
... Imagine: condemned to eat amazing produce and linger over fine coffee in
... a bistro or a boite. Banished to the twisty streets of Montmartre or the
... sun- washed fields of Arles. Just me and the other craven hypocrites,
... eating at long tables in the apple orchard and singing Gypsy songs by
... firelight. And to think, I could have been back home buying duct tape
... and plastic sheeting.
...
... One legislator has suggested that we ban French water and French wine.
... If it happens, it would be a wonderful boon for smugglers everywhere
... because the high-end market knows what it wants and will pay for it.
... Kids, this could be a career opportunity -- pick up a whole bunch of
... Bordeaux right now and wait for sanctions to come.
...
... It would be too bad if someone got arrested under the Patriot Act for
... illicitly transporting Perrier across state lines. Still, what must be
... done must be done.
...
... Let's not stop there. There's far too much French bread in America right
... now. French fries are at epidemic proportions, as the secret terrorist
... sympathizers at McDonald's seek to weaken our nation's youth by clogging
... their arteries. And French kissing! Friends, I've seen a lot of it, and
... it's just not pretty. Someone should develop a chastity belt for the
... tongue.
...
... And please, I urge you right now to cancel your plans to travel to
... Paris. Please, please, indicate your displeasure by refusing to spend
... money in the City of Lights. On bended knee, I implore you not to crowd
... the museums and cafes, not to descend in great clotted packs on the Ile
... de la Cite, not to take all the reservations at L'Excuse. Merci.
... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
... We will make an exception for French envelopes, which are still
... necessary.
...
... Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing
... and dance together with the something dah dah DUM
... [email protected].
=====
Le verbe "aimer" est le plus compliqué de la langue. Son passé n'est jamais simple, son présent n'est qu'imparfait et son futur toujours conditionnel.
