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European Cities to Avoid

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European Cities to Avoid

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Old Apr 21st 2007 | 5:46 pm
  #1  
VainGlorious
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Default European Cities to Avoid

I just picked up this wonderful book called "101 Places Not to Visit",
a satire of "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and its ilk.

It written by some apparently British chap named Adam Russ. The book
is satire, so there's no need to get defensive about his choices
(though some were spot on). The book is a hilarious mockery of travel
guides, and even features full-color glossy paper with color-coded
sections. Some of it is LOL funny. I recommend it highly.

So anyway, here's some choices from his list of European cities to
avoid, with a short snippet from each. Enjoy it, comment on it, and
please buy his book so no one gets mad about me quoting it here...


Amsterdam
"The red light district is famous throughout the world for its
up-front seediness, and a stroll along the Walletjes reveals a
selection of sights grim enough to make even the most depraved of
perverts feel like going home for a nice cup of tea and filling in an
application form to join the clergy."

Barcelona
"Barcelona comes on like a drunken colleague at the office Christmas
party - attractive at first glance, but quickly getting very scary,
and you'll certainly regret getting involved in anything too serious
the morning after."

Belfast
"Head for a pint in the ornate Crown Liquor Saloon and within minutes
you are likely to become involved in chirpy banter with, well, a bunch
of American tourists trying to track their Irish ancestry in a bar
that is seen as a tourist trap and universally avoided by Belfast
residents."

Faro
"A country that gave its name to the Portuguese Man of War - a
creature so unpleasant that even the jellyfish family is keen to
disown it - is everything you'd expect from such an association."

Grozny
"Officially recognized as one of the three most dangerous places on
the planet, Chechnya's culture is, by necessity, of the duck-and-cover
variety."

Helsinki
"Helsinki combines the old world charm of a McDonald's drive-thru
with the dynamic pace of a retirement home bridge night."

Kosovo
"With political assassinations, warring gang lords and gruesome folk
music, Kosovo offers all the innocent fun of a '60's spy movie, minus
the cheesy happy ending."

London
"Like the country that surrounds it, London is a place of faded glory,
the administrative centre of an empire long since lost, defined by
outdated dogma and populated by the worst-tempered people in Europe.
After the Germans, of course."

Moscow
"On a good night you'll think you've been whisked back to Chicago of
the '30's. Bodyguards squaring up to each other, catfights between
molls and armed kidnappings are all made more interesting by the fact
that by nightfall even the most clean-living Muscovite will have
consumed a half bottle of vodka."

Paris
"Like the worst type of cute girl on a date, Paris knows what she has
to offer and makes you feel stupid, ugly and unworthy and then gets
you to pay through the nose for the privilege of spending time with
her."

Reykjavik
"When the days are as dull as they are in Reykjavik, it's really no
wonder they make the nights so long."

Rome
"Conversation is conducted in two volumes in Rome -- bellowing
caterwaul for everyday exchanges and icy whisper for bitchy put-downs
and romantic propositioning."

St. Tropez
"Playground of the rich, famous, leathery skinned and those far too
old to be wearing a thong. Not that that stops them."

This is but a glimpse of the travel gems found in this fine book.
Europeans should not feel disparaged by the author's insights. There
are plenty of sharp barbs directed at the US, Canada, Asia, Pacifica,
Africa and South America. Even Antarctica cannot escape Mr. Russ'
cynical eye.

I say "check it out"! ISBN 1 86105 858 6.

- TR
 
Old Apr 21st 2007 | 7:06 pm
  #2  
Runge1
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

THE BOOK SEEMS AS BOOORING AS YOUR SPAM...BUT ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN
MARIN/MICHAELNEWPORT/MORROW/EVLETH !!!!


"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> a écrit dans le message de
news: [email protected]...
>
> I just picked up this wonderful book called "101 Places Not to Visit",
> a satire of "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and its ilk.
>
> It written by some apparently British chap named Adam Russ. The book
> is satire, so there's no need to get defensive about his choices
> (though some were spot on). The book is a hilarious mockery of travel
> guides, and even features full-color glossy paper with color-coded
> sections. Some of it is LOL funny. I recommend it highly.
>
> So anyway, here's some choices from his list of European cities to
> avoid, with a short snippet from each. Enjoy it, comment on it, and
> please buy his book so no one gets mad about me quoting it here...
>
>
> Amsterdam
> "The red light district is famous throughout the world for its
> up-front seediness, and a stroll along the Walletjes reveals a
> selection of sights grim enough to make even the most depraved of
> perverts feel like going home for a nice cup of tea and filling in an
> application form to join the clergy."
>
> Barcelona
> "Barcelona comes on like a drunken colleague at the office Christmas
> party - attractive at first glance, but quickly getting very scary,
> and you'll certainly regret getting involved in anything too serious
> the morning after."
>
> Belfast
> "Head for a pint in the ornate Crown Liquor Saloon and within minutes
> you are likely to become involved in chirpy banter with, well, a bunch
> of American tourists trying to track their Irish ancestry in a bar
> that is seen as a tourist trap and universally avoided by Belfast
> residents."
>
> Faro
> "A country that gave its name to the Portuguese Man of War - a
> creature so unpleasant that even the jellyfish family is keen to
> disown it - is everything you'd expect from such an association."
>
> Grozny
> "Officially recognized as one of the three most dangerous places on
> the planet, Chechnya's culture is, by necessity, of the duck-and-cover
> variety."
>
> Helsinki
> "Helsinki combines the old world charm of a McDonald's drive-thru
> with the dynamic pace of a retirement home bridge night."
>
> Kosovo
> "With political assassinations, warring gang lords and gruesome folk
> music, Kosovo offers all the innocent fun of a '60's spy movie, minus
> the cheesy happy ending."
>
> London
> "Like the country that surrounds it, London is a place of faded glory,
> the administrative centre of an empire long since lost, defined by
> outdated dogma and populated by the worst-tempered people in Europe.
> After the Germans, of course."
>
> Moscow
> "On a good night you'll think you've been whisked back to Chicago of
> the '30's. Bodyguards squaring up to each other, catfights between
> molls and armed kidnappings are all made more interesting by the fact
> that by nightfall even the most clean-living Muscovite will have
> consumed a half bottle of vodka."
>
> Paris
> "Like the worst type of cute girl on a date, Paris knows what she has
> to offer and makes you feel stupid, ugly and unworthy and then gets
> you to pay through the nose for the privilege of spending time with
> her."
>
> Reykjavik
> "When the days are as dull as they are in Reykjavik, it's really no
> wonder they make the nights so long."
>
> Rome
> "Conversation is conducted in two volumes in Rome -- bellowing
> caterwaul for everyday exchanges and icy whisper for bitchy put-downs
> and romantic propositioning."
>
> St. Tropez
> "Playground of the rich, famous, leathery skinned and those far too
> old to be wearing a thong. Not that that stops them."
>
> This is but a glimpse of the travel gems found in this fine book.
> Europeans should not feel disparaged by the author's insights. There
> are plenty of sharp barbs directed at the US, Canada, Asia, Pacifica,
> Africa and South America. Even Antarctica cannot escape Mr. Russ'
> cynical eye.
>
> I say "check it out"! ISBN 1 86105 858 6.
>
> - TR
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
 
Old Apr 21st 2007 | 10:04 pm
  #3  
Deeply Filled Mortician
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

Make credence recognised that on Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700,
VainGlorious <[email protected]> has scripted:

>
>I just picked up this wonderful book called "101 Places Not to Visit",
>a satire of "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and its ilk.

Sounds like it was inspired by Molvania. If you haven't got a copy of
that, you're missing out. It's piss yerself funny.
--
---
DFM - http://www.deepfriedmars.com
---
--
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 1:57 am
  #4  
-Iceman
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Apr 22, 6:04 am, Deeply Filled Mortician
<deepfreudmoors@eITmISaACTUALLYiREAL!l.nu> wrote:
> Make credence recognised that on Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700,
> VainGlorious <[email protected]> has scripted:
>
>
>
> >I just picked up this wonderful book called "101 Places Not to Visit",
> >a satire of "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and its ilk.
>
> Sounds like it was inspired by Molvania. If you haven't got a copy of
> that, you're missing out. It's piss yerself funny.


Molvania is good, and their new one "Phaic Tan" is even better.
"Don't Go Europe" is pretty funny also. My favorite travel humor book
though is the Australian travel writer Peter Moore's "No Shitting in
the Toilet", which is mostly "worst of" lists, and he has lots of
firsthand experience of some pretty horrible places.
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 5:30 am
  #5  
-FredBear
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...


<< The book is a hilarious mockery of travel
guides, and even features full-color glossy paper with color-coded
sections. Some of it is LOL funny.>>

Can you tell us some of the funny, amusing bits then?
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 8:14 am
  #6  
VainGlorious
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Sun, 22 Apr 2007 18:30:25 +0100, "FredBear"
<[email protected]> wrote:

>
>"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected].. .
>
>
><< The book is a hilarious mockery of travel
> guides, and even features full-color glossy paper with color-coded
> sections. Some of it is LOL funny.>>
>
>Can you tell us some of the funny, amusing bits then?

Maybe if you told me some bit of prose that you personally find the
epitome of hilarious, I can provide a quote from the book that meets
your expectations.

If you can't provide a sample of what you find extermely humorous,
then I'll have to assume you're just a sniping little **** unworthy of
any consideration.

Ta,

- TR
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 9:45 am
  #7  
Runge1
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

Maybe you should stick with your book and forget about bragging over it on
the Web

"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> a écrit dans le message de
news: [email protected]...
> On Sun, 22 Apr 2007 18:30:25 +0100, "FredBear"
> <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>>
>>"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>>news:[email protected]. ..
>>
>>
>><< The book is a hilarious mockery of travel
>> guides, and even features full-color glossy paper with color-coded
>> sections. Some of it is LOL funny.>>
>>
>>Can you tell us some of the funny, amusing bits then?
>
> Maybe if you told me some bit of prose that you personally find the
> epitome of hilarious, I can provide a quote from the book that meets
> your expectations.
>
> If you can't provide a sample of what you find extermely humorous,
> then I'll have to assume you're just a sniping little **** unworthy of
> any consideration.
>
> Ta,
>
> - TR
>
>
>
>
>
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 10:51 am
  #8  
-FredBear
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

"VainGlorious" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
On Sun, 22 Apr 2007 18:30:25 +0100, "FredBear"

<< If you can't provide a sample of what you find extermely humorous,
then I'll have to assume you're just a sniping little **** unworthy of
any consideration. >>

That, like the rest of the drivel you posted in your original message, is
about as funny as a mouthful of toothache.
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 9:45 pm
  #9  
Frank Hucklenbroich
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:

> Grozny

> Paris

Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)

SCNR,

Frank
 
Old Apr 22nd 2007 | 9:51 pm
  #10  
-Martin
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:45:41 +0200, Frank Hucklenbroich
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:
>
>> Grozny
>
>> Paris
>
>Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
>weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)

Whether to use weather or whether is always a tough choice, Frank :-)
--

Martin
 
Old Apr 23rd 2007 | 2:17 am
  #11  
-Jacqueline
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:51:08 +0200, Martin <[email protected]> wrote:

>On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:45:41 +0200, Frank Hucklenbroich
><[email protected]> wrote:
>
>>Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:
>>
>>> Grozny
>>
>>> Paris
>>
>>Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
>>weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)
>
>Whether to use weather or whether is always a tough choice, Frank :-)

Ouwe Frik!!!!!
 
Old Apr 23rd 2007 | 2:21 am
  #12  
-Iceman
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Apr 23, 5:45 am, Frank Hucklenbroich <[email protected]>
wrote:
> Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:
>
> > Grozny
> > Paris
>
> Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
> weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)


For DFM maybe!
 
Old Apr 23rd 2007 | 3:11 am
  #13  
Deeply Filled Mortician
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

Make credence recognised that on 23 Apr 2007 07:21:04 -0700, Iceman
<[email protected]> has scripted:

>On Apr 23, 5:45 am, Frank Hucklenbroich <[email protected]>
>wrote:
>> Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:
>>
>> > Grozny
>> > Paris
>>
>> Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
>> weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)
>
>
>For DFM maybe!

I hear Angola's nice at this time of year!
--
---
DFM - http://www.deepfriedmars.com
---
--
 
Old Apr 23rd 2007 | 4:19 am
  #14  
Gerald Oliver Swift
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 17:11:40 +0200, Deeply Filled Mortician wrote:

> Make credence recognised that on 23 Apr 2007 07:21:04 -0700, Iceman
> <[email protected]> has scripted:
>
>>On Apr 23, 5:45 am, Frank Hucklenbroich <[email protected]>
>>wrote:
>>> Am Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:46:21 -0700 schrieb VainGlorious:
>>>
>>> > Grozny
>>> > Paris
>>>
>>> Yeah, right, could be really helpful, as flocks of tourists couldn't decide
>>> weather to go to Grozny or rather choose Paris. Tough choice indeed ;-)
>>
>>
>>For DFM maybe!
>
> I hear Angola's nice at this time of year!

Oh, just like me, you must have been browsing
http://www.angola.org.uk/facts_tourism.htm

Small world, isn't it!

Gerry
 
Old Apr 23rd 2007 | 8:50 am
  #15  
Owen Gilmore
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: European Cities to Avoid

On Apr 22, 2:45 pm, "Runge1" <[email protected]> wrote:
> Maybe you should stick with your book and forget about bragging over it on
> the Web
>

He can't do that. He has to brag to everybody about how he can read.

Maybe if he'd graduated college, or even a bonafide trade school, he
wouldn't be so insecure.
 


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