Seen painted in large black capitals on the side of a road near a police station in Manila:

NO PARKING ON BOTH SIDES EVEN POLICE

Any more?

Some of the road signs here crack me up. In Roxas City I have seen a sign saying "No parking between the signs", there was only one sign. In our village they put up a sign saying "ONE WAY ONLY", I mention to the mayor about the sign, he seemed very proud of it until I mentioned that it was unclear which way was one way. The next time I saw the sign in very small letters at the to of the sign was printed "No Entry". There is a village near Kalibo that the sign says "30Km/h Minimum", best I have managed is about 10Km/h. Another, in Kalibo, sign said "Use One Lane Only", I stopped and asked a policeman which one I should use, he, of course, was unable to advise which out of the two lanes I should use. Another in Kalibo says "Turn Left Only" unfortunately there is no road to the left the only turning from the road is to the right.

Not the Philppines, but I've seen some funny ones in Malaysia.

At the breakfast buffet in a small hotel, the wording on the hand written signs under the various dishes changed according to which staff member was on.

Scrambled egg was variously described as Cramble Egg, Cream Egg, and my favourite, Screamable Egg.

A sign in a lift - restaurant close for make new. thank you for your kind understood.

Have to say though, their English was much better than my Bahasa Melayu!

A funny one from when we were driving around Ireland. We were looking for a particular place, arrived at a t-junction and there were three signs with directional arrows for this place. One pointed left, one right, and the other pointed back down the way we'd just come

I live near Roxas City and do the Kalibo run every couple of months and the signage is atrocious, when there is any. Lanes of the road just end in a 600mm drop, no warning signs. I kept noticing concrete roadside distance markers with strange distances on them. A bit of research told me that all distances are measured from a single post in the centre of Manila, like the Romans used to do from Rome! The Philippines hasn't changed this system. I have noticed in the past 6 months huge new signs near the side of the road, often obscured, with the official highway number on it but they're not at or near road junctions or shown on road junction signs (another rarity).

There may well be more amusing notices around here, but in Filipino.

But one comes to my mind from a Hertfordshire Pub. Years ago a watery ditch close to its front door contained a rusty old style kettle attached to a chain fastened to a metal spike, to which was fixed a notice which read "Water 'Otter".

Health and safety regs led to its removal in recent times.

Saw one today in the supermarket "Lemons P30 each, pack of 4 only P133"

Must have been a branch of Tesco.

Seen on the entrance gate to the large non Catholic cemetery in Roxas City;

PROMO PLOTS FOR SALE.

Perhaps buy one get one free?

If not amusing these BOGOF notices can certainly be misleading. Recently a bakery had one above a tub of bread, 2 in each pack. We had a wasted conversation as to whether we could consume four.

I read of a motorist in Ireland who asked a policeman what the white line at the side of the road meant. He replied "That means there is no parkin' there a'tall." Asked what the double yellow on the other side of the road meant, he replied "That means there is no parkin' there a'tall, a'tall."

Staying at a small hotel in Italy a few years ago, I read the safety information posted on the back of the door in my room. It had various bits of information on fire safety and evacuation procedures, including guidance under the heading "When to warm the porter".

A friend sent me this NHS advice notice. Put a smile on my face

Also applicable to Tesco Malaysia. New examples appear here on an almost weekly basis.

Grimly amusing job ad in The Times Educational Supplement some years ago:

CHAIR

HIGH VOLTAGE ENGINEERING