Finally an update
 

Well I am sitting here in jetlag hell (5am in the UK) and my 3 year old has been up since 12.30am - sigh, but at least I have time to do an update!

We have just returned from a reverse reccie to NZ. Husband is British, I was born and bred in Dunedin. We wanted to make a visit to see if Dunedin is where we are going to settle. We have two young children. We have been putting off the visit due to various things such as recession in UK in 2007/2008 really affecting my husband's job and we always felt the airfare costs could cover shipping so delayed for a long time...but in the end we both felt we needed a visit to see if it will work for us.

I have been in the UK for 10 years, had my first child in 2008 and have been steadily homesick for NZ since then. We currently live in London, husband works long hours, I am currently on maternity leave with baby number 2. We have a few family members in London but desperately miss close family support.

We have recently renovated our flat, put it on the market and it is under offer at the moment. Fingers crossed that will all go through in August sometime. :thumbsup:

So we have just spent three weeks in Dunedin. Not a great time to be going as it was during late June, early July - the coldest part of the year. I figured though it was better we look at Dunedin at its worst.

We arrived in Dunedin after a long flight via LA. LA was not as bad as I anticipated, clean and functional, annoying though that you need to go through blimmin' immigration which we had to wait quite a while for. Missed our connecting flight from Auck to Dunedin but AirNZ put us on another flight ASAP (which unfortunately meant changing at ChCh) but excitement got us through. Kids were amazing on the flight. We took lots for the eldest to do. On the London to LA flight we were upgraded to a skycouch, so we took turns to have a sleep with one child. Skycouch not worth the money in my opinion but great when it's free!

The next week was jet lag hell, which included our three year old getting up at 11pm one evening and staying up all night. Thank god for sky TV, husband and I team tagged for about 3 nights. Exhausting but we soon got into local time. Eight month old baby was fine right from the off. Night flights defintiely helped.

First week of weather was atrocious. Windy, rainy, quite stormy at night but days mostly okay (jet lag fog). There were times when I thought the house was going to blow over or the roof would come off. I had forgotten how exposed to the elements you are in NZ.

We stayed at my brother's house. He is single and lives in a rental so doesn't invetst that much in heating. His house was so cold, heaters on full the whole time basically until we got the fire up and running. My husband really hated the cold, I didn't mind it but am used to it but it did make us think about heating a house.

We spent pretty much the entire time visiting people. The purpose of the "holiday" was to see as much of real life as we could so we went to several open homes, visited a school, had a couple of job interviews and just spoke to as many people as we could! It was exhausting and by no stretch of the imagination was it is a holiday by any means. We managed to squeeze in some fun activities around the "work".

Houses
Yes mostly cold and draughty. I would still love an old villa though. Apart from my brothers house, everywhere we visited was warm and toasty. We saw numerous versions of heat pumps, asked everyone about their heating and the economies of heating. People were very aware of insulation, double glazing etc. We were not cold in anyone's home and in fact a few times I was too hot with log burners on!

It was great to see some houses. We now have a good idea of where we might want to live. Good houses are quite hard to come by, you have to find the house you want, in the area you want, with plenty of sun etc. The visit definitely reminded me that sun is so important, we saw an amazing house but it was on the wrong side of the street so a definite no goer. There were always a few houses around that suited us though. I definitely looked at areas I would not have previous to living in the UK.

Highlights of the trip

• Parks and playgrounds are really in abundance. Feels like on every other street there is an amazing play ground. Definitely more child friendly.
• Weather was great. Last two weeks was sunshine in the day, the light is just amazing in NZ. The cold hits you though when the sun goes away. Our three year old spent most of her time without a coat, just having fun playing in the bright sunshine.
• Strong sun - must get good sunglasses!
• Food - was nice to have familiar food. Meat definitely tastes better - we tended to buy from farmer's market or butcher. Out of season food expensive as expected.
• So great catching up with friends and family.
• Husband got an amazing job offer whilst we were there. Too good to turn down really. He had two informal interviews, offered the job, accepted (on condition that we are able to wrap everything up in the UK) had drinks with colleagues before we left.
• Ease of life there is amazing. So easy doing everything from shopping, parking, organising things. People helpful with things like car seat hire. Lots of different things for kids to do as it was school holidays.
• My eight month old still has a few bottles during the day and in the UK I dread going out and trying to heat it up. Invariably I am told by cafe workers they can't heat bottle up in microwave due to health and safety, so give me a cup of scalding boiling water to put bottle in. No such problems in Dunedin. Everywhere heated the bottle up with no issues. Small thing but one of my niggles in the UK. Sometimes people try to make things harder for you.
• We had a lovely meal at the Riverstone Cafe in Oamaru, which has won a couple of cuisine awards (I think). Great set up, was very busy and most people seemed to be local rather than tourists which I really liked.
• Went to visit a school, good experience and feel fine about the education system although not sure why they are moving over to National Standards. Most people I know don't want it but Govt seems intent on introducing it. Talked to a teacher friend, there is some English education minister (or something) pushing it - not sure about the logic given that British standards are actually below NZ. Why fix something that ain't broke?
  • Beaches, beaches, beaches....loved, loved, loved the freedom of just being able to drive, park and enjoy. Our 3 year old would live on the beach if she could so she was happy indeed. Didn't get to see as many as we wanted.

Downsides[LIST][LIST][*]It's blimmin' cold, but on the up there are bright sunny days.

• Draughty houses - nothing new there.
  
• I still believe the class system is less obvious in NZ. The class structure is a lot closer so posh (not sure there are any in NZ), middle class and lower class mix much more readily. I felt a bit snobby at times but there are some proper munters around. But I see that in London too. And yes I saw several people in shorts and jandals and barefeet.
  
• Old cars on the road, not sure how some of them are staying together!
  
• Road conditions such as frost are a bugger, especially in Dunedin with the hills but as it might only affect you 2-3 times per year (if that) it's no biggie.
  
• Husband was quite overwhelmed at how different it is. He has been there before but we had to look at it with different eyes this time as parents. Very glad we did the trip because I think it has started the shift in his head mentally and now won't be so much of a shock but we are prepared for the culture shock (for both of us).
  
• It is so bloody far away, the flight I mean. I can handle the isolation, but the thought of long haul travel forevermore with two kids makes me very ill indeed.
  • My husbands firm went into liquidation whilst we were away. We think he intentionally did it whilst he was away, so has no job! Has kind of forced our hand a bit but in some ways made the decision easier. Could have done with the extra five months work but he will work for himself for a few months before we go.
  • TV is crap, even Sky!

So the ultimate decision is that we will go in January, all going well with the flat sale. Now that husband has no job it feels a bit like it's meant to be.
We both feel that it offers us the best of lifestyle and a good job opportunity for my husband. Not plenty but a few jobs for me to apply for when the kids are settled. We desperately want to be near family and be able to rebuild our social lives. In London we are pretty much parents and that is it as working hours mean sports clubs and such are pretty much out of the question for us (apart from going to the gym just down the road).

Daunted and excited at the same time. Plan is to spend some time with hubby's family for a few months then do the move in January after a final Christmas in the UK. Not looking forward to leaving family here but excited at the new opportunities and lifestyle that Dunedin can offer us as a young family.

Now just to work out the logistics of the move!

See you all on the other side soon! :thumbsup:

Re: Finally an update
 

congrats Danni.

Too bad your hand was forced but it sounds like it was 'meant to be'. Good luck for your future. Both the OH and I really liked Dunedin when we visited it.

I'm having my long awaited visit to NZ in August for a month, it'll be interesting to see what I think of it - 5 years since last visit.

Re: Finally an update
 

Excellent update, thank you so much for taking the time :)

Re: Finally an update
 

Ah me Dannigirl. I wondered that I hadn't seen you around the place.

So, you are finally going home & I think that's lovely for you all. It can be so wearying to be a place that doesn't really 'fit' but isn't that bad either.

Not long now then & you all start the next phase of your lives.

All the best to you. I am positive you will be very happy and settled as you will be back where you belong.


:)

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks BEVS :D

I think I feel more connected to the UK more than ever (probably because my kids were born here) and I am slowly building up some very British habits, but my heart and soul belong in NZ :wub:

I can't wait to be home.

Re: Finally an update
 

Really enjoyed reading your update; will watch for more...

Re: Finally an update
 

Good luck with the move:thumbsup:...I Love NZ<3!

Re: Finally an update
 

Superb update, well written and totally unbiased, really good to see people not moaning about the housing or the cold, January wont be long

Re: Finally an update
 

Glad to see you are going home Danni, hope it all works out for you.
I am still stuck in London unfortunately.

Re: Finally an update
 

Entire worldly belongings in storage ready to ship. Flat sold, money in the bank, it's all getting closer eeeek :eek:

Re: Finally an update
 

I only just found this thread!

I concur with all your findings- I've always said I regretted not bringing the kids out here when they were pre-school (one was, but not for long) because it's so much *easier* to do everything with young kids in NZ than in the UK, and I love kindy and playcentre. I was cold in the rentals but this winter has been a breeze in our own place with insulation and heating- both heat pump and log fire.

Don't get me started on the National Standards crap :thumbdown:

Good luck for the coming weeks; sounds like we might end up crossing in the sky :lol:

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks BB, yes we might pass in the sky....I'll be the one drowning in gin trying to ignore my children!

Re: Finally an update
 

So pleased for you Dannigirl :D as you've said it does seem as though fate is on your side!! though not such good news about your husbands job but I know how you'll feel once you get 'home' and believe me it will all be worth it!!

Sorry, I've only just discovered your update......balanced & brilliant :starsmile:

Best wishes & hugs
B

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks MnB! Long time coming.

Re: Finally an update
 

Container has now left UK......counting down the weeks...busy time now though which is great!

Re: Finally an update
 

Exciting times. Dont forget you can track your container on the high seas as it takes its world tour :-)

Re: Finally an update
 

Yeah and track all the delays!!!

Re: Finally an update
 

Probably best not to check! Our container docks on the 18th and get delivered to our house on the 21st. Hopefully everything will arrive intact!

Re: Finally an update
 

Hi folks,

Well I have finally arrived back in my homeland and so far all is good!

We flew out of the UK on 30th December, had a lovely low key Christmas in the UK before our departure. Goodbyes (or see you soon's) were very, very hard. Seeing grown men sobbing was hard, however, I think to be fair they will miss our little ones more than us.

Flights all goos, flew via Japan. Full flight on the first leg, but second leg was empty so we were all able to spread out. Air New Zealand were fab on the second leg and were tripping over themselves to help us out. Fantastic.

Arrived in Dunedin on 1st Jan. staying with my brother which is fine. Have started looking for a house, put in an offer today on one we love. Smaller than we thought we would buy but we are soon realising how much it takes to heat a massive house. House we are interested in is a heritage bungalow, beautiful huge kitchen, lovely character through out, fully insulated, European double glazing so it is all snug as a bug. Lovely street and area, great deck out back and plenty of yard for the kids to play in. Huge garage. Compromise is the living area is a bit smaller than we would like and rooms are a bit snug. We aren't in the area I thought I would like to live in but feel happy with the new area. Have done lots of searching and driving around and looking into recent sales. Not that much on the market but we think this house will be great to start off in and will be a great rental and/or easy to sell on in the future.

The great thing about Dunedin is that everywhere is only a relatively short drive so although we might not live by the beach it is literally not even a 10 minute drive away. What I love and have missed about Dunedin is that you are just driving down a random street and out pops an amazing view of the harbour or coast. Love it.

We have been busy sorting all our stuff out. Bank accounts done, car bought, IRD number for hubby, licences. It has all been really easy. Met with a mortgage broker, mortgage all pre-approved before we came but upped our budget a bit which was done in an afternoon. Biggest hassle has been transferring our £ to $. HSBC were a bit pedantic about the transfers, and moving money in bulk. All done now. Exchange rate is killing us, but we have just have to take it on the chin. We don't want to pay someone else's mortgage for a year. We also have schools to consider this year so would prefer to make decisions on schools based on our home rather than renting.

Weather has been up and down, some beaut days but some awful rain and wind too. I at last have tan! We have been doing some day trips but mostly house hunting and getting stuff done. Oldest daughter is mad about the beaches here. Parks are great, and ease of life wonderful.

Early days but no awful culture shock yet (am sure it will come). I am enjoying easing back into life but it feels nice coming back with a bit of life experience and confidence in who I am as a person. I love the familarity of everything. We seem to be getting to grips with the cost of things, no shock there as there is so much info on here about prices and high cost of living.

Wish us luck on the house, will keep updating but so far all good :thumbsup:

Re: Finally an update
 

Welcome home Dannigirl!!

Re: Finally an update
 

This is the most positive thread I,ve read and wish you and the family good luck and all the best with the new house etc..

Wife and Myself are thinking of a move NZ or AUS, I,ve been to Dunedin a few times (Brother has been there 34 yrs) some of the posts I,ve read I started to have negative thoughts but yours has put me back on a positive note. Were wanting to go for the little one (she is now 11 months) and reading your post its the child friendly bit what does hit home, and the beaches, please keep us informed of the weather.

Re: Finally an update
 

Great update - the new homestead sounds good, our daughter has had a little moan about moving into smaller sized rooms but as you say it'll cost less to heat (and we have a rumpuss room; didn't have one of those back in the UK).

Re: Finally an update
 

Welcome back to sunny Dunedin.

Where's the new house?

Re: Finally an update
 

Belleknowes - wasn't the first one we went for but weirdly on the same street!

Didn't think we'd be up on the hill but had a look at a house in St Clair and it had bad rising damp so kind of put us off as lots of houses out there have water issues. Reclaimed land, lower than sea level, not sure I want to be under water one day!

Loving this beautiful weather!

Re: Finally an update
 

Dannigirl, I have just read through your posts and must say they are the most useful I have read when doing my research on whether to move to NZ or not. You discuss the things we all want to know without getting bogged down in trivia. I wish you all the best with your new life and hope the house buying is going well. Keep posting from time to time as it's very useful and entertaining.

Re: Finally an update
 

Well Geoff-Deb - the weather has been amazing. I was hoping for a bit of a rainy day today so we could slob out bur no such luck. I think we are having a pretty good run of weather. Not totally unheard but even as a Dunedinite I am a bit :huh: I hope it lasts! In London I used to go through half a bottle/maybe 3/4 of a bottle of sunscreen per summer. We have just about used one in 3 weeks here. Having said that we have proper outside space here.

It's a hard decision no matter where you are moving, but so far we are enjoying it!:thumbsup:

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks Saltypop! House is now ours. We have purchased a three bed villa (roughcast over wood) circa 1911. Nice backyard, needs some work but we have a little glasshouse and an apple tree. We've never been keen gardeners but we're already planning what we want to grow.

We can't wait to get our stuff back! There are four of us (two adults, two kids) and we have been in the same room for the last month. Cannot wait for our own space back. Didn't ship a bed or much furniture for our bedroom (old stuff will go in third bedroom) so we got a job lot.

We will look into getting double glazing but need to weigh up the cost vs benefits especially in relation to resale. We will redo/add to the roof insulation and insulate under floors.

I must say probably because I am a kiwi (my standards are obviously not as refined) but I am having no problems finding good sausages! Our Farmers Market is awesome. We also have a German butcher who has opened a shop which has good sausages too.

Finding it quite weird going to most places and you are not in heaving crowds. At last the shopping here is not an excursion that must be planned ahead in advance or spend your life in dire traffic or face the crowds.

Sure, some things are more expensive but we have truly moved for the better quality of life. I remember my husband taking my daughter to a fun fair in London. He spent £20 in about 20 minutes. Admittedly we are in the honeymoon phase but we don't spend money on leisure activities here like we did in London. We went to our local city pool yesterday. $7.40 for two adults and two children (toddler time). Massive Olympic size pool (which we didn't use). Lazy river, toddler wave pool, spa pool for adults, little pool for babies, learners pool for small children, diving pool and hydroslide(need to pay for that). Plus family changing rooms, easy parking, it was busy bit not hideously busy. Was nice to see loads of teenagers there having a great time.

We will be on a tighter budget here (as in we'll have to be a bit more careful) but we'll have sky tv here (ha) more insurance cover, we cook from scratch anyway so no change there, less in petrol/commuting, good broadband and phone package. What I mean is that we are not missing out on anything we had in the UK. We were on one wage there too for last year (maternity leave) so no fancy holidays or luxuries - our kids eat and wear all our spare money!!! Budget will remain tight until I return to work (at home with kids at the moment) and even then my wage will not be eaten up by childcare.

We will have to use some of our savings to set ourselves up - buy lawnmower, outdoor furniture etc but hopefully we won't have too much further outlay.

We have sacrificed a lot in the past so we feel it's time to have a few treats and buy a few nice things for our house. Not mega expensive but just things we really like.

Right, have rambled enough. I really did have some doubts in my mind before we came, and I'd grown up here. Still very scary to change our whole life but so far it totally feels like the right decision. :thumbsup:

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks for the update, had a look with google maps and the area your settled in looks nice, a big contrast from London.

Was trying to explain what New Zealand was like to a mate, I just said its like Cumbria and Wales without the slate and better weather.

Re: Finally an update
 

Time for another bit of an update.

Husband's job did not work out quite as planned. Luckily we had a flexible mortgage and so he was able to set up on his own which he had wanted to do for a while. Timing seemed right so we went for it. Was scary at first as we had lots of money going out of the account and none going in for some time, but he has done brilliantly and is making lots of placements and loves being his own boss. Only downside is that he works from home so misses meeting colleagues, but has recently joined the local chamber of commerce so hopes to meet some new people and make some local contacts. We are earning good money, don't have luxurious or expensive tastes so manage well. A second income will make us pretty comfortable financially.

I have just begun to apply for jobs so we'll see how that goes.

It has been great catching up with family and having them interact and spend time with our children.

We enjoy Dunedin but funnily enough I have been getting "non-home" homesick. We miss our family and friends dreadfully in the UK. One of my best friends is having a baby in September and it is hard to be away from that. Also we have a close family members wedding coming up in December - and that has triggered a lot of "homesickness".
There are times that it does not affect us but we seem to be in a bit of a slump at the moment where we are pining for our UK lives. Reverse culture shock probably but it is quite unsettling.

We did lots of research but we always knew that we had to try living here to satisfy or scratch that itch. I was desperately homesick for NZ and looking back probably could've counteracted that a bit better.

I truly love NZ but I am beginning to see see some of the things I couldn't before. To cap I left NZ at 26 to go to the UK on my OE. Ended up staying 11 years. In that time I visited NZ three times (the last time only a year ago) so really only 2x in 10 years. I missed the open spaces, lack of crowds, the natural beauty, to a lesser extent kiwi culture, feeling like I fitted in, food, traditions etc. I think I felt a shift a few months before we left (bloody typical) where I actually began to feel quite British in my approach towards things. Maybe it was because we were planning our move, who knows.

We were living in a two bed flat in London with two small kids in an okay but still quite rough area. I did not want my children to grow up there! No wonder we were stressed and exhausted, just living was difficult and stressful.

We spent some time in Cardiff (where our family are) before we left but it was a stop gap before we moved here.

So.....it's not so much of what we miss in the UK. We do miss loads, supermarkets, shopping!, family, I miss our family holidays to West Wales, tolerance and diversity of the UK. What we don't miss is the media negativity telling you how deep up the creek the UK is, sensational reporting of crime (daily mailesque type journalism which is rife).

I think what is getting to us the most is how small it is here and yes I will use that word - insular. I find some attitudes here intolerable, some people are very ignorant. Yes, you get that in the UK but there are some very dumb, ignorant people here I.e the lady in the post office talking about people with "slitty eyes".
I get a bit tired of "the Asian" comments. People seem to think they are out to take over Auckland, as if no other race or culture of people have made any money off property development! I had a job interview and it did not go down well when I described my work with black Caribbean families. "Black" is an offensive word here, I get that but it is the accepted term in the UK. I would hope someone would know this, I was asked by the tangata whenua representative if I had worked with white Caribbean families in London (in a bit of a sarcastic tone) I think I realised then that I might not get that job.

We love the beaches, playgrounds and things for kids to do here but we both feel like we need a bit more. It's all easy here but you do realise pretty quickly that without the extra population you don't quite get as many amenities and services as you do in the UK. There are fab beaches to visit here, but hardly any nice cafes to relax and unwind after (at the beach). We basically have to live in town because there are certain areas that have great views but no amenities I.e Brighton. No nice cafe, average shop/dairy, no pub, but great beaches!
It all just feels a bit meh (and it pains me to say that! It truly does!)

We went to Queenstown and it was beautiful scenically but I think I felt for the first time that it was just okay and that there were plenty of places in the world that are just as beautiful. Yes, sitting at the top of the gondola is spectacular but not something you do every day. Central Otago felt quite barren and a bit dead.

Maybe it is me having to get used to not having heaving crowds (even though Queenstown was heaving and claustrophobic) but it feels very empty here. I'm sure I am experiencing all sorts of reverse culture but I am not sure there is enough for us here. I finally get what Brits complain about. Insular, parochial, a lack of sophistication in some ways...so hard to describe without coming across as snobbish but it just feels small and a bit boring (I can't believe I am saying this) I have given up listening to most talk back because it is so rubbish.

I know we must give it time to settle and we are trying to do lots of things to settle. We have met some great new friends but it's not easy to break back into kiwi circles. I have had a couple of awkward, no-one talking to me experiences at a parenting centre. We are not too bothered about socialising too much as we have two small kids so by the time we fit in family and our kids there isn't too much time left but a bit of a choice would be good.
Do I want to settle, yes as life would be much easier here, but having been away do I want to settle for an easy life. I now understand how people can become so frustrated with life here. I also get why people love it here, just that maybe it's not for us in the long term.

Who knows but we both feel unsettled enough to be talking about going back to the UK. Better to do it quickly we feel, as then too much will have changed there. We don't want to become ping-pongs and not be able to settle anywhere!

:confused: who knows watch this space!

Re: Finally an update
 

I remember when my mum was over staying with me in London and on the BBC news they called someone black and there was a sharp intake of breath. She tells me that Maori kids at her school will call someone black as an insult.

Depending on your job, you might meet more outward looking people once you start work again. I meet some really interesting people in my line of work, some of the expats from England, South Africa, India, China. Because of the immigration requirements many of them are really smart. Many are kiwi too though. Most of my clients are in good jobs, and many have travelled. It probably helps being in a city though.

Give it time, I'm sure you will settle in to it. There is nowhere quite like London, the good and the bad. You've gone from one extreme to the other.

Re: Finally an update
 

I can't offer any help as I'm in the position of not even visited yet but I wanted to say thanks for your thread and the update. We live in quite a rural and, dare I say it, parochial area of the UK so we're hoping it won't be any worse out in NZ. Your honesty is good and your messages help me think about the things that husband and I need to consider too.

I really hope you can settle where your heart feels at home.

Re: Finally an update
 

Yes, have definitely gone from one extreme to the other. For the first time in my life I now understand how people cannot stand living rurally. Not that we do here, but the thought of not being able to pop to the shop or having people around fills me with dread. I think after living in the UK (where your home is your castle) I now use this as my retreat. I am perfectly fine with my own company (fat chance with two kids). Maybe I'm coming down from over-stimulation!

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks Hazelnut. Good luck to you too, just read your thread.

I don't mean to put anyone off, or encourage anyone to move across the world. Just telling how I find it and what my experiences are. As others have said, emigrating is not easy and it's a long, hard slog. I didn't technically emigrate to the UK but I made a pretty good life there, in some ways it was harder to come home. I love NZ so much, but it doesn't really feel like home to me at the moment. The worrying part, is I am ok with that!

Re: Finally an update
 

You are not putting anyone off. You are expressing yourself and your own thoughts in an extremely honest & open way. Not damning and not praising. These types of posts are worth their weight in platinum IMVHO. Not because you are unsettled but because it candidly shows how unsettling a re-location can be, for the good and for the bad. Just as with Bourbon Biscuit's posts on this subject.

What can anyone write to you . You've moved your family across the world for something you felt would be better than it was.

Even had you moved UK counties you may have felt the same.

You give it time love. ( I am sure you will ) It is very early days yet & I hope you have maybe family and pals around you all.

Expats normally say 2 years . I'm not sure on this. It is a person by person basis IMO.

So. Love each day and at some point who knows, you may suddenly realise you have adjusted, overcome and assimilated. That your own family is settled and supremely happy , in which case, you have done the best.

Re: Finally an update
 

I'd echo that. What your posts have done is help those of thinking of taking the plunge to look at NZ with 'living here eyes' rather than 'tourist eyes' and that's invaluable.

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks BEVS.

Not sure if I felt it would be "better" here, I know what the downsides are, there are plenty, but also so many upsides. It came down to having to give it a go - homesickness etc all building up. Having children in a foreign country, stresses and strains of life. I probably did have rose tinted glasses on about certain things. I did find myself comparing a lot in the UK, there are certainly grim parts here, it's easy to forget those. Those are the things you don't see on holiday.

I can't describe it, it's just a feeling. Too much to put into one post, but it is me that has changed - not NZ. There isn't anything wrong with our life right now. There is nothing wrong with NZ, in that it is not perfect, nor is it awful for us. There are little annoyances and gripes but you get that everywhere. We have a good life and and are truly trying to make it all work. Maybe we needed to come here to realise what we had in the UK. We miss family terribly and I think that life would have to be pretty "perfect" here to make up for that. I don't have the same relationship with my family, we are close but it's a different kind of relationship.

Friends have been amazing and understanding and let me sound off, otherwise I would probably be a basket case.

Onwards and upwards. Need to stop thinking and enjoy this blizzard like snow that seems to coming our way:eek:

Re: Finally an update
 

Poor dannigirl, I really feel for you :(

Everything you are feeling is totally normal and not necessarily an indication that NZ won't work out for you longer term. I know you know you are suffering from culture shock and its resultant stresses, but I think even when people know this is what they are experiencing they can sometimes still not see the extent to which their current experiences and thinking are attributable to the phenomenon. The comparing, the re-evaluating (and yearning for) what you had, the flighty unsettled feeling ... all culture shock/normal post-emigrating experiences but all so exhausting! Also, it's normal when you first arrive to draw conclusions about people and places based on really small and bias samples- we can't survive socially without making and using stereotypes and at the moment your head is working overtime to make sense of your new social context- however the unsettled feelings you have will be subtly altering your perception so that you form less positive stereotypes more readily (sadly we all do anyway). All perfectly normal but not very helpful to feeling OK with the choice you've made or becoming settled.

I wonder, given you have friends and family (t)here, if it might be possible to save yourself some angst by deciding mentally that you are there for a sort of OE to reconnect with your first culture and just see how it feels for X amount of time. Two years is commonly bandied about and is sensible but even after a year a lot of the rawness should have settled down and allow you to make a more balanced and informed assessment of life there. Just a thought and might not be practical for you.

In the meantime, have some cyber hugs cos in the words of a fellow expat chum of mine, emigrating is A Big Deal.

Re: Finally an update
 

Interesting read dannigirl...its great to read a post that says it as it is..& congratulate you on being open with your OH as that is very important!!!

I wish i had read such posts before we came....we have been here 8 years in Oct...& have been through a few ups and downs with home sickness..

Similar to yourself after arrival..thought that was natural after all the stress & strains of emigrating with 3 small kids......then about 4 years later when my mum in the uk died...again understandable...

However we have both been battling the latest bowt of homesickness for about 5 months now....and would be selling up and on that plane home in a flash...:eek:

Except for our kids are now 8 years older, 1 in his last year of college, 1 started NCEA 1 & 1 due to start college in Jan next year.....Keep thinking are they are at the wrong age to be winging them all the way back to the UK? :unsure:

My head says wait for them to finish school...but...then they probably won't want to come with us!!! :huh: Heart says they are well grounded kids and will be fine....it would be a new adventure :thumbsup:

My eldest would go "home" without a blink, he says....the other two...both girls are not so sure....:thumbdown:

You will work out whats right for you and yours....

I have enjoyed my NZ adventure, but i miss family, home, historical places, familiar things, openminded people & holiday options........I thought those feelings would go away but they are still very much with me nearly 8 years on....

Good luck with the snow!!!! Looks like it will miss us in Ashvegas....:fingerscrossed:

Re: Finally an update
 

Thanks for the updates dannigirl. They have been so helpful. I am anticipating our move "home" after being in the UK since 1997. Although I have been back many times - like you say, it was a holiday/visit and quite different from living there. The ups and downs of your feelings and experiences seem to mirror my hopes and concerns. I have been trying to anticipate and plan everything before we return, but what I have learned from you is that you just have to take the leap because you just don't know how it will turn out until you experience it. So, thanks for the "heads up".

I know we all suffer from "confirmation bias" which basically means we look for evidence to support our opinions and ignore that which contradicts them. So to begin with we see evidence of how great NZ is - it confirms what we believed. Then experiences start clouding the picture and our beliefs/opinions start to shift. But I hope that you (and me too eventually) will still be able to see the magic that we saw to begin with and always try to confirm the positive too. Take a relationship - in the beginning, if my husband had stopped off on the way home to get fuel and decided to get some flowers from the petrol station, I would have thought it was sweet and evidence of his devotion. With 20 years gone by (and very few flowers or presents of any sort in the intervening time!), I would now know that this follows some prattish behaviour towards me, and just confirms that he is a cheapskate, who doesn't like to go to too much trouble and has never paid attention to the fact that I don't like getting flowers (and have told him many times!) .......So you see - same behaviour, different bias (btw we are happily married still)! And before anyone says that no wonder my husband gets things wrong when I send such mixed messages - let me say again - I told him I don't like getting flowers - and he is as guilty of confirmation bias too! He looks for evidence to prove I am wrong, but he must know objectively that I am always right (or less wrong than him anyway!).

Re: Finally an update
 

Comin' right back at ya ! Your posts are very interesting. Very well balanced and fair.

It's good to hear from a kiwi returning from Britain to NZ. That's what my husband, a kiwi, and I, a brit have done.

We talk about what would happen should we return to Britain but it will be a few years yet before we make any real plans.