Re: Finally an update
 

I can totally understand why you missed the UK, after a year and half in dunedin I'm starting to get serious cabin fever. Nothing particular bad happens here and nothing particular good happens, it's just a bit mundane. Its not a Dunedin thing, more of a NZ thing.

I'm glad you're enjoying it back in the UK, fair play to you.

Re: Finally an update
 

great news!

Re: Finally an update
 

Interestingly, I would say the same thing about where I'm from back in the UK - isn't this just life in general?

Shouldn't we be charging ourselves with the job of exploring and seeking out the good happenings? Good things, like success and god forbid 'luck' don't happen by waiting around for stuff to happen.



Good luck in Wales DG!!!

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I'm always out exploring and I enjoy seeking out new places, but finding a new beach is getting a little tedious. I recently drove to Christchurch twice, the nearest place of any significance and I really enjoyed seeing another place and having a look around. But that's a 5 and half hour drive each way, that's my point, there's nothing much outside of the city boundries, just more similar coast line and empty long roads.

I was hoping to get over to Aussie this xmas for the ashes but the price of flights are a piss take. I'm trapped and I'm starting to go stir crazy.

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I've borrowed some books from the library about inner peace ! :) I've got enough time on my hands to be able to read them too. In fact, it's a nice day, I might go and sit in the garden.

I've nicked this thread, sorry, can we please go :focus:

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I know that feeling. It's a bit like a kaleidoscope. A variation on the exact same everywhere you look.
I'm over many of the places we can visit here as we have the exact same........here. :p

Anyway. Dannigirl has made some tough choices & she now deserves to feel settled.

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Welcome back! Glad financially it wasn't such a hit after all on the house sale.

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'Tis a 'Groundhog Day' thing :D.

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The difference is in the UK you can usually afford to go away by plane (cheaply) to experience another culture. In NZ..there is ...Oz.....

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Ahhh, lovely news Dannigirl :) But I hope that's not your very last installment - I hope you'll let us know how you get on settling and reacquainting with UK.

Really thrilled for you :thumbsup:

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Hi DG, just discovered your thread TODAY, and at the end realised you have just got back! It was very moving. I am glad you feel you have a sense of closure now and you are welcomed back into family life. I hope it all works out for you.

My Oh and I are still in the research and possibly getting a job offer for Wellington NZ. I loved all your honesty and pros and cons... really helpful.... There is always so many different things to consider.... we don't really have close family, so that would not be such a pull 'home' for us. We've both also lived abroad before...

Anyway, I am rambling... just wanted to say thank you for sharing and Best wishes for your future...I went to Uni in Swansea, and really got to love the coast there. ENJOY!!!

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I had one of the best weekends of my life on the Gower, happy days and a beautiful place to end up :thumbup:

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Time for the next instalment.

Well, Christmas is over and we are in the January slump!

Life is progressing, we are getting "settled". Have rented a great house (modern, big, on a quiet modern estate, but definitely not one I would buy). Found a school place for my eldest daughter.

We spent some time in the Gower and West Wales over the Christmas break which was wonderful, even though most coastal areas were being battered by heavy storms.

Do I miss NZ - YES. Still felling homesick. I thought that coming back to the UK might abate that a bit, but it still feels quite strong.

Day to day life is good and we are a happy unit/family. We're beginning to build up those networks (other than family) which we knew would be hard. Weather has been horrendous and very rainy (expected that). Luckily there is plenty to do in the rain for the kids but it does drive you mad at times. Dunedin might be cold ( and housing freezing) but still not as much rain. There are plenty of clubs, sports and things for children. We are looking forward to a holiday at some point this year somewhere hot in Europe...the choice is overwhelming and amazing at the same time. Not cheap though, you have to be smart to get cheap, cheap holidays and we are confined to school holidays and don't particularly want cheap and trashy, cheap and cheerful fine, but I can't be doing trashy Brits abroad in Benidorm!

Do I want to stay in Wales forever? No, probably not. Lots of similar traits culturally but lots of differences too - big differences. It does kind of feel like a compact NZ, in that it faces some similar issues eg unemployment.

Whilst London appears to be out of the recession, there are many parts of the UK that are still affected badly. There are massive council cuts in Wales which is going to have a huge impact, Civil Service is talking about the loss of 15,000 jobs as some councils may merge. This will mean a grim future for a few years. We are lucky in that we are educated and a professional couple so able to earn decent money, we try not to take that for granted.

It was quite difficult getting a school place, we didn't have lots of options. What we didn't know before choosing the school was that it was so badly run previously that it was almost in special measures. We had a major panic and felt we had let our daughter down. The concerns were not picked up in Ofsted (Estyn report in Wales) so very disappointed. We went to see the head teacher, she is an executive head teacher and totally reassured us. She was very honest about the "failings" of the school, the weaknesses and what they were doing to address these. We feel confident that the school has a plan but we still need to monitor the situation and will move our daughter if need be. The school has a great "heart", good community, it just lacked leadership over many years. Our daughter is only in reception, so we don't feel the need to panic just yet. She is learning just fine at the moment.

The main reason I would say we moved back was family. Mmmmmm....we love them to death, we have good, positive relationships...but should we haved moved back just for that? Probably not, because it places an enormous amount of pressure on those relationships. Maybe we expect too much. Everyone is busy with their own lives which is fine, but this makes you then realise you have to be really selfish sometimes and do what is best for your own nuclear family.


I found it extremely difficult to deal with the "grief" of missing people whilst we were in NZ. Tune out now if you don't want too much psychoanalysis. I had a major bereavement (parent) in my teens which was a life changing factor for me. So to feel grief again was very hard and it was quite hard to find strategies to deal with that, so the easiest thing was to come back to the UK. Problem solved? No!

We are happy enough in our day to day lives here, as we were in NZ. It is so difficult to compare the two, you can't, as they offer completely different things.

I feel in my heart I want to live in NZ, or rather that I don't want to live in the UK forever, but can we "manage" missing people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the UK I must add, well there is lots wrong, but there is also lots wrong about NZ. No country will offer us the "perfect" dream life.

So we'll see how we go. I have a very elderly MIL, so we are committed here for the time being. We are definitely not ready to commit to buying a house and I think that is a good barometer to how we are feeling. My husband is such a diamond putting up with me! I worry so much about the future and he puts it all in perspective. We are so happy, our little unit, us four....and at the end of the day that is so important.

Crickey, you must all think I am mad:eek: I am a bit mad! :thumbsup:

I will, as ever, keep you all updated!

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dannigirl

It's always interesting..or maybe a lesson to see how old friends move on after we leave. I realised for a while that my relationships were still stuck at the day I left, whereas other people have moved on and formed new relationships and habits.

All the best in your journeys and enjoy your time back home. I know that I still miss home but fortunately I am in a position to travel back quite freely and quickly (for now)

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Hi Dannigirl,

So interested in your journey. We are now on the cusp of making the decision whether to go to NZ or not. My OH has a job offer in Wellington, and £ toward relocation but now it is ACTUALLY going to happen he has got cold feet. His main worry is money and the cost of living and houses and the fact that the dollar is getting stronger. SO he is going out there in a couple weeks to do some research.... I am not sure how I feel anymore.... he has put doubt in MY mind too now! We don't have close family, it is friends we would miss more.... But one way or another we will be out of limbo in a months time.... I just worry that if we DONT go, we will regret it later.... aaahhhhhhhh.

Anyway, glad you are somewhat settled and making a new life. The Gower is lovely isn't it. We have friends that live there still and are well over due for a visit... Life is just so hectic especially with growing kids. All the best.

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Aw, Dannigirl, I was so hoping you were going to have skipped off happily into the sunset. But then, it's still early days and you've been through lot - it migt just take more time.

Moving back here (nz) for me has meant trying to come to terms with that grief and loss you describe. We faced a grim lifestyle in the UK with worrying future prospects for all four of us so we made the cold hard decision to leavef amily for good. It is hard. Some days it is very hard but I just hold on to that it will get a bit easier and I will get better at living with it. Hopefully you'll find some sort of acceptance living in the UK, too.

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Awwww BB, it's so hard isn't it. I have phases where it's okay, then not, then really not.

I really love the UK and all that it offers, but in my heart I am a kiwi and I feel out of place. I love the culture here, access to Europe, job prospects are probably better, varied education opportunities etc etc (I could go on all day) but at the end of the day I do love the relaxed kiwi lifestyle, that feeling of being at home and I don't mean to offend anyone but you Brits are a wee bit more uptight. No truly relaxed, beach vibe here. It's just different. I love getting lost in crowds, I really do, but sometimes I crave isolation too. It's hard to get that here. I am trying to give myself a bit of a break, as this is technically the third country we have lived in within two years :eek:

We'll keep plodding along....nothing is forever. On paper we have pretty much everything, but it's just not hitting the spot for some reason. Whether time will help who knows.

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It is too early to be thinking about it - see how you feel in another year, and d on't underestimate the impact of the moves on your ability to feel content and settled at this point. Take this from someone who has defo 'been there, got the t-shirt'.

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Don't worry - we're not going anywhere in a hurry!

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OO. You've posted an update Dannigirl.

I've not read it but am quickly noting that I wonder if this is a wibble wobble post.
I say that as a pal of mine just returned to the UK and is wibbling wobbling.

I'll be back laters to see if I am wildly off track.

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That's it Bevs, we need a 'wibble wobble' section. We've probably all been there.

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Thanks for the update Dannigirl,I guess a lot of kiwis are in your situation torn between living back home or in the UK. Hope it all works out ok for you in Wales.

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Love the idea. A place where one is free to wibble wobble away about feeling wibbly wobbly.


Great candid update as always Dannigirl. The Curse of The Expat is ever upon us with our two feet each planted in differing countries .

All the very best to you and yours DG.

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Yes to a wobble wobble section/thread. I would surely be there on a daily basis. My wibbles and wobbles mainly flit around three themed wibble wobbles.....

1. Living in Cardiff, enjoying the city and all it's amenities, being near family, earning decent money.

2. Moving to Pembrokeshire. Living on the coast, lots of nice little villages, reasonable amenities. People in the UK do not understand the word isolated, rural yes, isolated no! I have been in West Wales in the deepest, darkest months and it still feels populated, not busy, tolerable, but still populated iykwim.

3. Ping ponging back to NZ.

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I really love reading your updates. You really capture what it means to be torn between 2 countries with elderly relatives, children and bereavements thrown into the mix.

I don't pretend to have walked in your shoes, but the agony of overwhelming choices is part of our daily lives too.

All the best to you, and I hope you get joy out of enjoying life for the moment.

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Great to hear your updates.

I suspect that the sad event in your teens you referred to does indeed affect you and it is very wise of you to identify that. I wonder if there are any forums, like this, which provide an outlet for discussion around these areas. I belong to other forums that have nothing to do with expats, but are fruitful sources of help and support.

I'm settling in back home really well, but I won't really feel really settled until I have my own house which should be this year. It took me five years to adjust to life in Britain so, given the changes the NZ has gone through over the last two decades, I'm guessing it will be five years before I adjust fully to life back here.

Keep us up to date on how things are going - I love to hear.:)

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Well here comes my next instalment.....

Life is trundling along here. We are still renting and still not ready to put down any firm roots as we're both unsure about what we want.

I'll start with the negatives so I can end on the positives!

Negatives - Education. This is the biggest thing for us here. We managed to pick a school which was in pretty bad shape. As mentioned I think in a previous post, the information available to parents about the school seemed fine, however just after we enrolled our daughter there was a report by the council that ranked the school the lowest it can get (literally on the brink of special measures) which was extremely upsetting. You only want the best for your child. The school has basically been left for many years without any intervention from the council despite ongoing concerns. The main issue being staff development and professional development and keeping abreast of and using modern methods of teaching. The entire school had to go on a literacy and numeracy course!!! To the tune of £20,000!!!! I was totally shocked to say the least.

The teachers that are left are good, but the whole school is in the process of huge change. There is an executive head who is amazing and was totally honest about the shortcomings, problem is she is leaving by the end of the year. The school is in a state of flux, older children's parents have been very resistant to change and they "hate" the new head teacher. Parents of younger children are concerned about the school performing and welcome the changes...so there is a bit of old versus new. The school is severely under resourced and struggling, the PTA was non-existent and there is a general apathy towards positive change. What keeps us here at the moment is that there are fellow parents in our class who feel the same as us and we want to make positive changes, and our little girl is happy and learning. But we are constantly monitoring the situation.

I don't want to make general statements about the entire education system in Wales but I think it is fair to say the entire system is pretty sh!t. There are generations of families who don't give a stuff about education and the doors that it can open. Wales can be very insular and parochial and there is really a low bar of aspiration. I want my girls girls to dream big, to travel, to expose their minds to different things but ultimately to be passionate and love the jobs they choose I.e it's not all about money but personal happiness, contentment and fulfilment too.

Just as maybe NZ can get a bit bogged down in Treaty stuff (I feel some Maori are held back by it all, but also appreciate the impact on Maori...I can see both sides). Wales is still in the good 'ole mining days, where they blame old Maggie for all their woes. Outside of Cardiff there are pockets of industry and innovation but mostly I feel there is just a huge sense of apathy. No hunger to strive for a better life for our children. Prospects outside of Cardiff are fairly grim, poverty and levels of deprivation, parochial and insular communities are in abundance.

PISA results in Wales are awful well below England and Scotland (and NZ). We feel like the forgotten cousin, but of course Education has been devolved to the Welsh Government, and after 10 years they have managed to run it into the ground basically. Ditto the health system. Yay, we might have free prescriptions, but long waiting lists, awful care in hospitals. Health staff under ever increasing stress and pressure with limited funds. The whole system seems reactive rather than proactive. Again, we seem to doing way behind England in health.

Cardiff is a compact city, fairly easy to drive around. It has a few traffic hotspots but nothing too bad (we are lucky enough not to have to commute very far though, if we did it might be a different story)..... But the sheer amount of cars is pretty hideous. Streets are just rammed with cars parked up, traffic flows but cars are everywhere. I think about 80,000 odd people commute into Cardiff every day! I'm not sure the city can expand any more, families here have 3 or 4 cars each, bus services are okay but some areas are not serviced very well, trains are limited and often run very limited services (if any) on weekends....so you are forced to drive everywhere!

Cardiff has many beautiful suburbs full of lovely architecture, big houses, there are great parks and open spaces to visit (but not enough of them) but there are lots of arterial roads that ruin any semblance of peace. I have to walk my child alongside a four lane road to school, every day feels like you are running the gauntlet.

Drivers are I swear as bad as kiwi drivers. I have seen some shocking driving here.

Okay POSITIVES -

Of course it is lovely to be near family. My husbands mother is very elderly and it is nice to spend time with her but unfortunately her interaction with our girls is limited. We have very little practical help here, it's there if we need it but not quite the same as having younger parents to help out. We miss out on that but that is on both sides of the world so can't complain really. Everyone has their own lives though, we have to book way in advance to see anyone. Not much is spontaneous and my husband's siblings are starting to have their own grandchildren which is lovely but we now realise that we are and aren't part of it. It hurts a bit, but that is just how it happens. We are obviously included in things but each family is their own little unit, as we are. It's a big family so understandable. We are stuck in between generations which is a bit weird.

People are very friendly here, fairly open and welcoming. But it is hard breaking into new circles, I have met some lovely people and school friends help to build up a social circle.

We have been to various places in Wales, it's small and very easy to drive most places although I do hate the small country lanes! We spent a week in Pembrokeshire and had great fun exploring new places, new beaches and we saw the Queen!!!! It's unfortunate that Pembrokeshire is blighted by huge, huge power pylons I presume for the oil refinery and general population, but they are very ugly and totally ruin the countryside for me.

So all in all, we are getting on fine. I don't think it will be forever. NZ and Wales are scarily similar in lots of ways so I feel quite at home here. I think we were quite worried about the prospects for our girls in NZ. On reflection I wish I had researched the Welsh education system a bit more. I know the NZ education is by no means perfect but the PISA results put Wales to shame. I don't just go on exam results, or international studies but it is hard to dispute the cold, hard facts that the welsh system is failing a lot of children. I just took it for granted that it was good. I have many well educated nieces and nephews and my husband is well educated, so I think we assumed it would be okay, but it has deteriorated over the last 10 years. We have the brain drain here too, people have to leave Wales for further education and jobs. Some return to Wales but lots don't as there just isn't the work here.

So there is my rant for today. We take it day by day but are generally happy stumbling along. I guess we feel enlightened by some of the negatives, I think emigration does that for you....puts your life under a microscope so you can combat and change some of the negatives as you stumble along.

Dannigirl

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Just read the previous update and it is quite similar - ha sorry! But this is where we are and out thought processes (and it is good to get it all out of my head).

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Hang in there dannigirl, sounds like it is all still early days feeling. I know what you mean about the cars - I forgot that most homes do not have driveways to tidily park their cars on in the UK and it took some adjusting!

The education situation sounds much more worrisome. It can't be all schools in Wales; is there a better alternative or is your best option sticking with this one? I feel for you, school stuff is very stressful.

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Nice update Dannigirl :)

May I ask - what is it that you mean in particular when you say you would worry about your children's prospects if you moved back to NZ? Do you mean education/jobs/getting in with the wrong crowd type stuff or something more?

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No it's not all schools but the challenge is finding the good schools. We've already had incorrect/false information about the current school. All the good primary schools are over subscribed and strictly zoned. So we'd have to move into zone and then there is no guarantee of a place. Rock and hard place. Better for us to stick with the devil we know at the moment.

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Look, it certainly was not a deciding factor in moving back to the UK from NZ..but the reality is in NZ is that it is much smaller. Smaller job market, maybe there would be restrictions if our children were very academic (not sure). I would want them to travel and experience the world. We certainly did not move back for this reason and we are certainly not jetting off to Europe every other weekend on deep and meaningful, cultural and educational trips, or having that cheap European holiday (in school holiday time!:eek:). Fine if you're retired and have money or of an age where school children are not in the picture.

There are wrong crowds both sides of the worlds, peer pressure is everywhere. I felt at the time that maybe our girls might have more opportunities to do MORE things here in the UK. What I did not count on was the crap education they are bound to receive, it is also very grim for young people here at the moment. Another report out today about how Welsh schools are behind in ICT. What's being done...another report of course!

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Fair enough points. I have seen these issues raised before on the forum, which is why I asked. It also surprises me in some ways because people who have studied in NZ don't seem to have any problems with going abroad and getting work over in Europe, Ozzy etc. A couple of friends at work have adult kids, one of which is in Welly studying Architecture and has hopes of working in Europe. The other has just graduated with a PhD in engineering (very smart guy!) Another friend has a son who also graduated in NZ with a degree in mechanical engineering and is now doing well in Australia having worked in the UK and Middle East. Another guy has six kids :eek: but I wont bore you with what each one of those is doing (plus I can't remember!) But what I did get from the convo is that his kids are NZ educated and all seem to be doing well. As you mentioned in a previous post you would like your kids to be well educated and traveled, which seems viable in NZ :)

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I think things like anxieties about future prospects for the kids are the sort of thing that only becomes a 'something' when there are other significant factors causing doubts. No one moves to NZ, loves it here, has a great life but worries enough about the kids' prospects to move away again. On the other hand, if it's all looking a bit dicey then future prospects for the kids is another thing that can cause angst.

In reality I think kids can do well in either country but at the moment it is a bit easier for kids to get into and get funded at uni here - maybe that'll change in the future.

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Well about time for another instalment......we are, after much thought, deliberation, discussion and some hissy fits thrown in for good measure....on our way back to NZ.

We are at the scary, wobbly stage...detaching ourselves from everything and our life here in Cardiff, getting ready to launch ourselves back to NZ.

We have had a wonderful time here in Cardiff, you couldn't ask for nicer people. The Welsh are so warm and nurturing and we've met some great people and life long friends.

For us it has come down to our little family. We have family on both sides of the world and whilst they are always a consideration we have to do what is right for our little family.

I have continued to be homesick throughout our time here and anyone who lives with that knows how terrible it is to live with. An ache, which never quite goes away. On the flip side, I know when we move back I will have that same ache for people, but NZ is where we want to live for now. Who knows what the future holds. We are becoming proper ping-pongers, so I don't think we'll every rule out moving again.

We have been lucky enough to not be hit too hard financially, coming back has definitely paid off financially and also the exchange rate is up so we're happy with that.

We have had a pretty miserable experience with schools here, but most other things we are very happy with. Health, housing, jobs etc there have been no big problems. I have been lucky enough to meet some amazing school mums and I will miss them so much, however, the reality is if we stayed we'd have to change schools anyway.

I know what to expect now moving back, it really hit me like a ton of bricks last time and I'm sure it will again. I have my list and I'm sure I'll need it in due course.

I hope I move back a little less judgemental and not so quick off the mark to make decisions about things. Fingers crossed our journey with education is a bit better. I am not saying that one system is better than the other, there are of course pros and cons but I am looking forward to exploring the NZ education system and want my girls to experience similar things that I did growing up.

I hope I can go back and accept the limitations of New Zealand, for there are many. Whilst generally happy here, it's not the deep down, pure joy and happiness for me here. Always the outsider (which can be nice), not quite fitting in culturally, feeling vulnerable at times, continuously learning the system and lagging behind a bit. I really appreciate the UK and all it has to offer but I definitely prefer living in NZ. I just need to adapt back into NZ life....easier said than done!!!! Wish me luck! :thumbsup:

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Deep breath, dannigirl: you can do it! Write yourself a list of things you know now but will forget when it gets tough (this is what I did: it helps!).

Having visited Dunedin last December I think you are moving to a very beautiful city with a real heart, nestled in the most stunning scenery. Wish you all the best over the coming months :) :) :)

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I sincerely wish you luck.

I love your openness and honesty about these moves. You echo how so many of us can be and feel deep down inside of ourselves .

Just like Bourbon, with your outlook and insight your girls could not fail to thrive anywhere in the world IMHO

Wishing you all happy contentment for this move and who knows what the future may bring. Perhaps an Oz stint or just somewhere else that fits the bill at that moment in life.

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Hi Dannigirl

Just passing through quickly. Have you done any comparisons between Dunedin and, say, somewhere like Wellington? After London, Dunedin might have seemed a bit 'small town'. Maybe you need a bit more civilisation. I've had a couple of expat clients from Dunedin who found it hard to adjust. Both moved to Auckland and got much more stimulating jobs. I suspect Auckland isn't your 'bag' but maybe one of the other cities.