Top tips..a la Viz comic
#16
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
For those not looking forward to the longhaul flight.....
Avoid jetlag by getting an earlier flight, thereby landing fully refreshed
Avoid jetlag by getting an earlier flight, thereby landing fully refreshed
#17
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Get yourself a trendy new car number plate, save on petrol money, and reduce your tax contribution all in one go.
Simply fill your tank up at local petrol station and drive straight off without paying.
Simply fill your tank up at local petrol station and drive straight off without paying.
#18
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,249
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Always keep a few 'Get Well Soon' cards on the mantlepiece. When unexpected visitors arrive you can tell them that you have not been well and that's why the house is untidy.
#19
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Gather pine cones. Not to start the log-burner with but to throw at the neighbours. Hopefully they will throw something more useful back.........
#21
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.
Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of `rodeo sex`. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her boobs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can `stay mounted` for.
Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of `rodeo sex`. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her boobs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can `stay mounted` for.
#22
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Men : Save your old blunt razorblades, these make excellent ice skates for frogs to skate on frozen ponds in winter
#23
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,249
Re: Top tips..a la Viz comic
Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Hopefully some passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
If you are ever caught in a volcanic eruption, remember to jump up and down so that your feet are not constantly in the molten lava flow.
When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
If you are ever caught in a volcanic eruption, remember to jump up and down so that your feet are not constantly in the molten lava flow.
#24
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,038
Ride 'em cowboy!
Note to self: Check that one out.
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.