paulocimini

Glad, you got your situation sorted and thanks for the reply. I think we may ask him to backdate 11 years maintenance, he would probably drive us to NZ!

j19fmm

Aaaaargh! I hate CAFCASS


...finished the rant...

j19fmm

Update....CAFCASS lady came to see the children at my house after school yesterday. She was a bit confused as EX said the boy child wanted to see her at his house today (friday) instead, but here he was at my house!!! Still she just sat with us all and explained how it was all going to happen when she sees them alone. Upshot is DD is seeing her on Tuesday at her Office, boy child is still undecided. She said it was totally up to him as to when he saw her and whether it was at her office or at home - she did point out to him that it might be easier at the office as there was no emotion attached to it.
But after he saw his dad last night he said to me 'Dads not helping. He says it would be better to see her at his house.' Poor chap, very confused Element of control coming in I feel - nothing new then. Well whatever happens in 9 weeks time it will all be decided and I'll either be booking a ticket to NZ or flushing my head down the loo
Hope everyone else is going ok.

BEVS

Oh goodness. That's not my normal sorta language n'all but you know what I mean. Whats your gut instinct on this?

weejie

Just to say thinking of you

Phyl x

j19fmm

Gut instinct? Think it'll be a no. EX has done a cracking job on the boy child. Combination of guilt and lies. Still we continue. Not sure what I'd do if the recommendation was for us to take DD and leave boy here. We'd be there and easier for him to follow, but what sort of life he'd have with his dad??
And if it's a 4 year wait then that's the way it'll be. May have to head to a different part of NZ (where they're desperate for aged teachers!!) but again it'd be a way in. Thanks BEVS.
And that's Phyl, you've got enough to think about at the moment. Hey just a thought, anyone in NZ want to adopt me?

j19fmm

Right tick that box. Both children met with the CAFCASS lady today, DD for over an hour and boy child for about 20 mins!! She says she'll write it up then get the kids to read it and see if they think its right. Then she wants to see me again, EX again and then my darling OH...for the first time! It all feels so out of my control, and I didn't think I was a controlling type of person
Thanks for listening everyone

BEVS

Oh dear.

It is out of your control really. It's in the hands of this CARCASS person isn't it. One just has to hope she will be well practised in the art of reading between the lines and understanding what may not be said as much as what is said. Oh..... and that she understands true intent from emotional spite.

Have you any inkling how the kids responded at all?

I really do feel for you and your family.

Anyway

weejie

Hi Fi,never mind about me , I need a distraction! How are the kids feeling now that they have spoken to her? Are they allowed to tell you what they said or is it against the rules? It seems out of your control and I suppose it is but you know that if you kept control then it may never have got sorted out; it needs someone impartial to take control and move things along. Keeping everything for you.

Phyl x

j19fmm

DD said she didn't want to talk about it when she came out, but has said bits and pieces since then. She talked about her schooling and wanting to get in on the beginning of the high school curriculum, and she mentioned us knowing people in Cambridge , and cuzzy being only 30 mins away from there.Think she also talked about fact that OH only sees his kids every now and then but they keep close by phoning, email ,msn etc.
Guess she'll tell me more when she wants too, it's pretty full on in there at the time.
Boy child said he was going to tell her he wanted to wait until he'd done year 6, then he wants to go to NZ to try it for a bit and then decide. What he actually told her I'm not sure!! They seemed to spend most of the time playing Top Trumps!!
Still plenty to keep me occupied, reports to write, monitoring to complete...deep joy

j19fmm

Hey you we posted at same time! She'll send the report to the kids to 'mark' and I guess I see it then?
Thanks for asking guys x

thewife

Hi, i've only just found this thread and have read the WHOLE thing with great interest! I know that my ex is going to object to me taking my (now) 9 year old son to Oz when we apply in a couple of years and i am dreading the battle. He's done a wonderful job on him, making him cry in the past by telling him that he'll never see any of 'his' side of the family again if he goes as his grandparents will be too old to travel! It's going to be a nightmare, but i HAVE to do it as i also have 2 other children to think of. My head tells me surely CAFCASS won't want to split him up from a mum who he has always lived with (hasn't lived with dad for 6 years) and his 2 younger siblings, but my heart is terrified that they might...and that i might have to make the decision to go without him and wait for him to miss us all so much that his dad has no choice but to let him follow on (although i wouldn't trust him to do that either). I'm going to keep following your thread, and i really do hope that it all works out in your favour...fingers crossed big time for you!!! x

j19fmm

Hi, it's very daunting isn't it. As your son will be 11 CAFCASS and the courts will listen more to what he says. And yes I'm sure they don't want to split families. Will you have a job to go to? Family out in NZ?
Not sure how I would feel if they recommend my boy child stays and the rest of us go. I'd be so worried about his dad being (un)able to cope.
Still onwards and upwards. Good luck to you to.

thewife

We would actually be going to Australia, and my husband would be transferring from the British Army to the Australian Army, so yes he'd have an incredibly secure job and we'd have a house provided as well. CAFCASS chatting to the kids is all well and good, but as any parent knows, to a child the world is what they know, their school, their friends, the family members who live nearby etc, they can't comprehend a life away from those things or see the long term benefits or realise that they WILL make new friends and life can be good somewhere else. No-one interviews the children in straight forward emigration cases, it's up to the parent to make the decisions for their children, I genuinely wouldn't want to make the move unless i thought that ALL my children would have a happy life in the long run, and just hope that CAFCASS still see the parent's right to make those decisions.

j19fmm

Quick update...kids read through the papers CAFCASS sent about their meeting, I took them back yeasterday as OH and I had another meeting with her. Just can't tell where her thoughts are going at all. Sometimes I'm thinking yeah she's going to reccomend it other times I think she's dead against it. So, she's seeing EX at his house next week and boychild might be there. Then she's coming here agian the week after. Then she started talking about getting a child psychologist in on it too. And apparently the date we have for court in July will NOT be the final outcome. If it was uncontested it would be but otherwise we can look forward to a further battle and at least another £3k barrister fees.
So people just a word of caution, this is a long hard slog, and that's before we can even think about submitting the EOI.
So nice bbq this evening with visiting NZ family and I'll just shut my eyes and pretend I'm there already..