Snap Shot

krisby - so Business House tennis etc is just 'after work sport with some interested parties from work'. Big deal. Could you really not get some colleagues together and book a court/pitch etc for your sport ?

Does no one want you on their five-a-side football team ? Fair play if you really don't play soccer.

I wanted to play casual netball here in NZ as an after work thing for a specific cost at a specific time, i.e. 6.30pm. However, because of lack of numbers it got cancelled.

Our local aerobics instructor has packed in teaching which is a real shame as she was excellent. Another aerobics instructor has finished her most recent 8 week stint and is taking the rest of January off. NZ has me at screaming point once again.

Snap Shot

So you are going to crash your marriage and destroy your daughter's childhood so that YOU get to go and play fantasy New Zealand ? You are gambling with your marriage. I have heard it said only gamble with what you can afford to lose. If your marriage is nothing more than a gambling chip, well, that says it all.

You were raised by your Dad from the age of ten in a single parent household in a different town. Is this the future you envisage for your daughter ? Making a child choose between their parents is bad enough, but she might have to chose between countries too. What a terrible pressure to exert on someone you reckon to love. You say it's only the thought of her that keeps you in Britain. More pressure for her.

I had never heard of the expression, 'the emotional gun' before I got involved in this emigration lark. I have told my husband categorically, the next time he holds the emotional gun to my head, I will tell him to pull the effing trigger.

Good luck to you and your soon to be ex-wife with the divorce. Hope your daughter isn't to upset or suffers any lasting emotional damage.

love30stm

If your not happy you need to talk to your wife! It must be horrible for you, that's the thing when you meet someone from another country and they either move with you to your country or you go with them! A lot of resentment builds up as I can see!

On the positive, my hubby and I are both from the uk, moved to NZ 5 years ago and are planning on staying for a while yet.

Husband as taken up cycling and races all over the country


I've took up jogging and gym, never did any excersise in the uk

Even made some kiwi friends it's all about making the most of things and not being stuck in each others pockets like some.

I'm more confident and happier living here, even my daughter who's 19 is happier at last! Lol

Good luck to what you decide

MrsFychan

my suggestion would be look for a job get an offer, if your wife needs to work look for positions for her also. Then tell her how you feel, how you will fund the move, where you will live, schools for your daughter and THEN show and tell her you will make it possible for her to spend good quality time with her grandson every year, a holiday more enjoyable than being just a free baby sitter. Show her it can work well for all parties, you have been thinking about her feelings as well as your own. Give her some positive points for the UK and show her you know the negative points of NZ. Make a plan, like a business one you would show a bank but more informal and family based. If that doesn't work to get discussions going on a level plain then you will have to settle for the fact that your wife is being totally selfish and does not care about your feelings and her love for her son and grandson far outweighs her feelings for you so you need to look at if the marriage can survive. maybe harsh but that's my feelings on this

love30stm

A very Sensible reply and well said

Tom1983

Have The Clash commented on this thread yet?

krisby

you are missing the point, I was referring to the weather not the cost, in that NZ summers are not that bad, and even a crap NZ summer is better than a good UK one.

krisby

I don't understand you train of thought on this, I am saying I want to move back to NZ, why are you trying to come up with reasons, albeit daft ones, to try and convince me that what I miss from NZ is not worth it and I can find alternatives in the UK.

Perhaps wanganui ain't it all cracked up to be, but in Tauranga, as already stated, business house sport of all types is thriving, in summer and winter.

krisby

I think you ought to bow out now, you are making suggestions and assumptions that are way wrong and not what I am asking.

Its not fantasy NZ, clearly you did not understand the part about me being a kiwi, I have lived there, I have lived here, UK is great when you are young and want piss all your money up the wall, but with a family, NZ is better.

Did I say I was raised in a single family with my Dad? No, don't assume that and make judgements you know nothing about, especially when that is not the issue here.

Clearly you are very bitter, perhaps you dislike NZ a lot and have your own issues, don't throw them on me. My marriage is not that weak, if I told my wife tomorrow that we were moving back to NZ, she would agree, I just want her to be more consenting, I don't want her to resent me for dragging her away from her son or grandson, I want her to realize all the great things about NZ outweigh the grandparent role.

As for loving my daughter, the largest proportion of my desire to move is for her, that is why we went in the first place, to come back to the UK and realize not only the quality, or lack thereof, of english schooling, plus the lack of extra curricular activities, the little munters that seem to congregate everywhere, the little tarts flaunting it at the little munters, and the prospect of her starting high school with these douches next September scares the crap out of me, not to mention that she will have to ride a bus on her own to and from school, atleast in NZ she will be on a dedicated school bus, unless we live close enough to our preferred school. Her primary school in Tauranga was amazing, and hearing from her old chums how great they are getting on at intermediate makes her miss it more too, and knowing that her friends are playing netball and she isn't, particularly when she was one of the stars of the team. The problem I see here is that the UK schools, so far atleast, are holding her back, in NZ, she was challenged.

krisby

Thanks, thats not a bad idea, though funding the move etc is not a problem, nor is finding another job, so if we decided we would simply go back, getting a job offer 12000miles away doesn't work, but I have enough friends and business contacts in Tauranga that I could bob a job until a position opened up at my old work.
However, on the flip side, there is an outside chance that her son would do the move anyway, well he would, he did live in NZ from 2004 to 2006, but he was still young, straight out of Uni and missed all his chums, now he is a family man he appreciates what NZ has to offer and would do it tomorrow, but his south african wife is not sure, she accepts that they won't live in SA, she also accepts she is not sure she can spend the rest of her life in the UK either, every winter she gets really blue, not homesick, just weather sick, so they may end up in Aus or NZ anyway.
And thank you for the point about my wifes love for her grandson, that was my thinking too, I'm not sure I believe it though, I just think she wants her cake and to eat it too.

love30stm

you got that right

love30stm

Omg yes!!! Don't miss that and glad I got my daughters out to NZ before they started high school.

Went back to the uk in August to see family and loads of teens just hanging about drinking and just about wearing a skirt and very loud..... Don't miss it as I said

Snap Shot

OK love, just do me one favour and open your eyes when you get to Tauranga. (As a divorced, once - a - year father). Open your eyes and see the munters and the tarts that are supposed not to exist in New Zealand.

But you will have your rose tinted glasses on, so you'll be blinded to any facts or reality during your honeymoon period. There was me thinking it was only ex-pats that went in for rose tinted glasses in New Zealand.

krisby

Again, I reiterate, I am a kiwi, I've lived in NZ, I lived in Tauranga from 2003 until September 2010, I know what it is like, nothing to do with rose tinting. I know there are tarts in Tauranga too, but no where near on the same level as the UK, heck, when we left, most of daughters friends were sweet, there were a couple you could see would turn out a bit questionable, and same with the boys, some little so and so's but just cheeky, and the older kids, I've seen them, I'm not blind, but they are still not as bad as the UK.
Kids openly sitting down the park drinking, smoking, swearing, threatening if you even look at them sideways, and this from kids that look like pubity is only just making itself known. Girls walking and talking like they are already well versed in all things whore like, they might as well be, even kids at my daughters school, little girls, dressing and acting like little tarts, its a much worse scenario in the UK than NZ.


And what is that jibe about a divorced once a year father, clearly you are trying to break up the wife and I, which is odd as I don't even know you. I've clearly stated my marriage is not that fickle, and it won't come to that, but that is none of your business anyway, I didn't ask for your opinion on that and nor do I want it, so I would appreciate it if you would leave your bitter views at the door.

Sheesh, I can't even begin to understand where your negative attitude towards my marriage came from, and why you would say such things, if your marriage is going down the drain, don't suggest others are too.

Sue

I'm sure I am not the only one who finds the term "munters and the tarts" cringeworthy ... please can we raise the tone a bit without resorting to terms like that

Thanks ever so