should I stay or should I go?
 

I'm a kiwi currently living in London, for the 2nd time. I originally came over in 1994, got ILR in 1996, met a pommy chick at work, started going out in 1999, got married in 2001 and had our daughter later that same year (9 months after our wedding date I might add).
Shortly after the birth of Charlotte we decided to move to NZ, and thusly we did in 2003. We had some money to take with us but unfortunately through poor judgement and haste on my part I lost a considerable amount through 2 business ventures in Tauranga.
Whilst I was not technically from Tauranga (born in Gisborne but lived with my father in Waihi Beach from the age of 10), we opted for it as I always loved everything Tauranga had to offer (except for jobs maybe).
It took about 3 or 4 years before we were really on our feet, work and friend wise, and after 6 years I was very much involved in a niche NZ business which I loved, we had fantastic friends, a great social life, starting to get more and more disposable income, played golf weekly, played business house tennis and squash, we of course had the beach 10 minutes drive away, the lakes 45 minutes away, Auckland 2 hours away, and everything we really needed was there, I was happy, my wife was happy and my daughter was excelling at school and loving all the arty and tech stuff her primary school excelled at.
Unfortunately, in 2010 my wifes grown up son also had a son, so my wife got all clucky and wanted to do the grandparent thing, I don't know how but she convinced me to move back to the UK, something I regretted as soon as I landed. It took 5 months for me to get a job, during which time we lived with the Mother in law. I had the stinkest job ever and quit after 3.5 months, I then spent 2 more months unemployed before getting my current job, which pays very well, but its only a job, not a career, does require some night work and being on call, and a crappy commute into London.
I do get to play golf a couple of times a month, but Business House tennis and squash do not exist here, and the area I live in doesn't have a squash court, and well, I've not looked hard, but I'm not aware of a tennis club either, but then, my requirements would be for night time games, which I think is a big ask in the UK.
My wife has suggested that we move to Devon, and I've looked for jobs but there seems to be even less going there than there is in the Bay of Plenty, which is surprising. It will still suffer the rather average weather the UK seems to be experiencing these past few years, there still won't be business house sports, and given my time last time and this time, making good friends in the UK still seems to be an impossibility.
Basically, I want to return back to NZ, I would have to make do with something else until a position opened up at my old work again. My wife misses NZ too, she loved it, and if it weren't for her being a grandparent then it would be an easy decision, but she is torn, for me, its only the pay packet that keeps the UK appealing. Sure, if we went to Devon I could buy a house, in Tauranga, maybe not so much, atleast not immediately, but lifestyle still means more to me. I'm not in the grandparent mindset yet, I'm still dealing with my own daughter, let alone adapting to be the grandparent of my wifes son's son.
I fear it will reach a climactic end this year, especially if we have another non-summer, I yearn for 30+ heat, another holiday to cornwall to experience 20c and rain will drive me insane.
Just looking for opinions, I know what I want, I know what my wife wants, but I need to hear some other thoughts and suggestions from people who have lived on both sides.
Thanks

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Suggest you change your holiday destination from Cornwall to the South of France.

But the bottom line is you have to live the life you want to live, never let others get in the way of that. If you were all so genuinely happy in NZ then I don't think playing grandmother is a strong enough reason to uproot 3 lives.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

I agree, we need to change our location, we did also do Tenerife last year, but my point was that unlike NZ where you could holiday in the same country and still have decent weather, but here, it seems, you have to be pretty lucky, and the chances are too, that London will still probably have the hotter (not necessarily cleaner) weather.
Again I agree, playing granny is not a good enough reason, hence I still don't know how I was convinced, though I do think part of it is I agreed thinking it would take her ages to get a job here, and by then things would have calmed down, but she threw me a curve ball when she said her old boss just had a position open up, so we kind of packed up rather quickly.
The enjoyment of life to me takes all precedence and throwing all our lives upside down for the duration of the child part of the grandparent role should not supercede our happiness or careers, or that of my daughter. The wife did pose me the question however, how would I cope if Charlotte was on one side of the world and me the other? I can't answer that, nor do I want to as it is not a concern, all that matters is the 3 of us, her son is grown up, married, has a mortgage, 1 cooked and 1 in the oven, he has his own family to look after and decide upon, heck he would move to NZ too, but his wife is south african and her argument is that her parents won't be able to afford to visit NZ, which is pish posh, I just said it might mean visits every 2 years rather than 18 months, and it means an extra 2 hour flight time, so not all relevant. I can't choose for them however, I can only decide where I want to be, if they want to follow, so be it.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Yes but Europe is near and cheaper to holiday to France, Italy, Spain , Portugal, Canary Islands, even Turkey, Tunisia, Egypt, the USA!!! All cheaper to fly to from the uk! Here it's just New Zealand for a holiday unless you have thousands of dollars to the nearest place oz!!!! and the pacific islands, as nice as NZ is I miss traveling :(

We used to go abroad twice a year back in the uk!!

Only you can decide and need to talk about it to your wife

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

It's a tricky one. Have you sat down and had a heart to heart with your wife? The words "I'm not happy" is gaurenteed to get her to at least listen.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Krisby

I am born and bred from the Mount

What short of vocation are you in? or looking to work in?

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

I know all that, but holidays abroad factor very low on my priority list, its something you only do once or twice a year, the other 340 days are spent at home, that is what I mean by lifestyle.
At my last job in NZ I did not get to Sunday night and groan about having to go to work on Monday, it was a pleasure if I had to drive to Opotiki for the day to survey, or fly to Motueka for a few days, I enjoyed being at home and going out and about in Tauranga enjoying everything it has to offer.
In the UK, we go to work, we go home, we might go out shopping on the weekend, I may play golf, one of us will take our daughter to golf, other than that, dull, boring easy to be lazy in the UK.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Not for a while no, I think it is heading that way, and she already knows I'm not happy, I was just hoping she might instigate it as its always me bringing it up, I had hoped she might for a change.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

a tricky one, I had been running legal practices in the UK prior to moving to Tauranga in 2003, so I went through a few changes whilst there, valet, car yard, ran Tauranga Mount Taxis for a while too, until I fell into niche kiwifruit surveying, absolutely loved it, best job I ever had, and ideally I would do it again, my boss would have me back, but I would have to wait for someone to leave.
So therein lies the problem, do I wait for a space, come back and do something in the interim or find another role completely? I'm currently in IT at the BBC, but I loathe it, IT is not something I want to continue, and certainly after having a rather outdoorsy job in Te Puke, being stuck behind a desk all day definitely makes one appreciate jobs that are outdoors, though that only applies to NZ of course where atleast the winters are more temperate.
I've got mates there of course, so would hope to be able to get something in the interim atleast.

I guess being a kiwi the decision is easy for me, I grew up with the sunshine, hot christmas, and I just want the same for my daughter and I can picture growing old in NZ, the big difference is, I can't see (or refuse to see) us doing the same thing in the UK.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Don't get me Wrong i love the lifestyle here! In the summer anyway it feels like I'm on a permanent holiday :) but having been here over 5 years I still long to see other parts of the world and not just holiday in NZ

Having said that we are planning a trip to oz or Rarotonga later in year :)

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Come to Oz then. :D It's not far. :thumbup:

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

;) hopefully just every holiday outside New Zealand costs tons!! And we aren't made of money like some ;)

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Does Balfour Beatty Workplace (Haden) or whatever they are calling themselves now still have the contract?

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

This thread seems about as odd as yesterdays one. It should read Should WE stay or should WE go, for a start.

Re: should I stay or should I go?
 

Ummm yes and a lot of people just joined :sneaky: