jeany

Hi all

After talking and thinking about NZ for the past 3 years we finally submitted EOI in the summer and received ITA Pack end of October. Medicals booked in for this week, house sold, moved into rented for 6 months. Should be excited but I just feel sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and OH been talking all weekend asking ourselves if we are doing the right thing. I know we don't know until we try and we did love it when we spent the winter season in the South Island back in 2002.
Doesn't help that my parents say they will not fly all that way to see us and think we should stay here. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, just needed to get it off my chest. I need a sign from up above! May go and see a fortune teller or something!

J

andy&georgina

Hi Jeany

I think life is too short - & if this is what you have both dreamed about then why not give it ago!

At the end of the day no matter how much you will miss your parents etc - this is your life not there's and nothing is forever- so if you want to return there will be nothing stopping you.

G xx

brussels_sprout

Yes, i guess everyone has second thoughts, there are many positive AND negative views about NZ, but, my view is, is that you just have to try it and see for yourself

Amber and Chris

I think it's mostly the thought of all that paperwork and officialese to get through that is so off-putting...having done it once before to emigrate to Canada, and now beginning again for NZ, I remember how sick I used to feel every time I had to do a new "thing" - book medical inspection, "encourage" my then husband to fill out his sponsorship forms , find another load of documents...

The family thing is difficult. My (now) partner's family, who are the kiwis who emigrated here in the first place, don't want their son to go, and have laid on the pressure in the same way - don't expect us to fly all that way to visit you...abandoning your parents and young nieces, how do you think they will feel...there were a lot of little digs and comments to make us feel guilty. Eventually we sat down with a "third party" present to talk it over and his mum had to say outright and honestly how she felt rather than rely on wearying comments and guilt-trips (like never seeing her ever again because she won't come to visit...) It is not "over" yet and I think she will fight it till we step on the plane, but at least we have been able to discuss why we are making this decision and why we feel it is the right thing, despite her objections. His dad, coming close to retirement, is in fact keen to go back himself so who knows what the future will bring...!

It isn't fair on you guys that you have to make such a decision in the face of the guilt-trip. If you can, you have to try to remove the emotional blackmail from the equation and think "all things being equal, is it the right thing for us?" - for your quality of life, your children (if any) or future children... y'know, all that stuff. It's surprising what people will get used to when they have to! Then buy the parents a webcam so they can see you every day if they want... and hop on a plane!

Jack The Lad

You are only human and this is to be expected.

No-one knows what the future is or if the move to NZ is for you. But if you dont go you will never know. We are in the same boat and have yet to decide.

My folk say the same about flying over ect. however this weekend my mum actually wanted to know some things and liked what she saw

Maybe, just maybe they will see sense and .......... come around

Maz

Hi Jeany. Wow you're pretty much there! Many congratulations, and don't let the negativity of others put you off. My parents don't understand why we don't want to move back to the UK as opposed to NZ, or staying in the US, but I think our decision is made a little easier as we're already 4,000 miles from them.

It's not like you're making a snap decision to move, I think you've taken longer than the majority of people! Maybe your parents have had so long for the idea to sink in, they're becoming bitter about it? Definitely set them up with a webcam, and reassure them that it's not like you'll never see them again. And encourage them to keep their passports up-to-date... you never know, they might change their minds about visiting once they have all those glowing reports from you.

Chin up! And remember you're doing this for your own family unit. Try not to let the guilt trips get to you. Easier said than done, I know, but it's essential that you do what's best for YOU.

Good luck!

AnnieNell

Firstly Jeany, congratulations on getting this far. I feel sick & panicky at times too BUT it is a huge thing to be doing, so be proud that you've got the guts to try. If it all goes pear-shaped then at least you know you tried. If it doesn't work out, the UK will still be here.
The "parents thing" does make it difficult for you but I think you have to sit them down & talk to them about your reasons for going. All you can say is that you would love them to visit you in NZ & they will always be welcome. Then it is upto them. People say alot of things they don't mean at times like this.
I know mine & OH's parents will never visit us because of ill-health, so we shall return every few years to visit.
I would love to be able to wave a wand & give you the sign. You may require the attention of Miss Fairy Loolah herself for that though
Sending you some karma to help you with the decision-making
Annie

jeany

Thanks for all your replies, it certainly helps coming on here!

J

Mandie

Hi Jeany

I've had the same thing, my husbands mum keeps on saying that we'll never see them again and even tells my children not to go etc etc. It's a real guilt trip. both his mum and dad say's they would fly out to see us.

my mum on the other hand say's go for it...

apparently when i was a child we had the chance to go firstly to south Africa and then Australia...on both occasions my dad said no as he didn't want to leave his family.

well the miserable git never sees his family and my mum said she's now 65 and regrets bitterly not going.

I don't want to regret it either, you live once, isn't it best to try than regret not seeing if it's right for you.

hope this helps
Mandie

Mandie

It's meant to say his mum and dad WON'T fly out to see us

sky

Your just experiencing the normal emotions all of us expats went through