dannigirl

What a rude response Bojangles! The UK not coming across quite as rosy as you would like?

The teacher has a valid opinion, based on their experiences. You seem to get away with slagging NZ off in its entirety based on your own bitter experiences, which are not certainly not how everyone experiences it.

Fwiw it is different having children compared to being one, everyone is a "perfect parent" until they have kids. Having worked with children my entire career thus far, I can say it did not prepare me one iota for the realities of parenting emotionally or physically.

I don't think anyone has implied there is shame or weakness in returning to the UK, ridiculous if anyone thinks this, but people have moved back and it isn't all its cracked up to be for them. There are plenty of people on the MBTTUK part where moving back has been positive for them.

Droidling

Be careful what you wish for !!
I spent most my life trying to avoid having kids,the OH has 3 girls (10-12) from a previous marriage. About as good as it gets for me. There isn't a female that exists that doesn't want kids (that's alienated at least 50% of listeners !!)- at least the pressure is off me having to do that.
Would have thought bringing kids up in NZ would be a better option. (IMO). Her lot are turning into smartphone/facebook/materialistic walking nightmares.Stay in their rooms all the time. Telly/Laptops/makeup/hair. But that is 'girls apparently'. What do I know ?!
If there was any chance of installing some decent values I would say stay in NZ.
They could do the OE thing later to see what they've been missing all this time

Hawk13

Spot on Droidling. I have two teenage girls that just happen to very athletic, involved in lots of sports, but also love their technology. I think they would cease to exist without phone/laptop/make-up/bling. I'd say mine are materialistic too and have no concept of much things costs but thats changing as I give them the money to spend as they wish - seems to working when they spent the money on a new pair of jeans instead of their cellphone bill.

A couple of points to make: as to where you live for raising your kids. Is it better to raise your kids in a major city or in the country? Do you move to make more money to provide more (money isn't everything)? Do you work your arse off and never see your kids? Do you spoil them and give them everything they want or make them work for it? All that is up to the individual and what works for some won't work for others. It's really up to you.

Sometimes, no matter what you do or what you provide, things can go sideways. For instance, my oldest daughters best friend in childhood is now a drop-out, drug addict. Her parents are nice people, have a nice house, make a good wage, she went to a good school, was in a lot of sports, hung out with the same group of girls my daughter did but ... in high school she had a boyfriend that smoked which seeming lead to smoking pot which lead to other things. Honestly, we walked past the kid awhile ago and I would never have recognized her.

I think that all you can do is try and lead by example, provide as best you can and install some values with your kids but you can't control how they turn out. Don't worry what other people tell you, you have to do what you think is best and if it doesn't work out as well as you thought, don't be afraid to change it again.

BEVS

All the very best with whatever you decide. Both coutries have their pro's and con's. Few of the folk we know back there in the UK paint the place as a complete black hole although they have their grumbles.
Same here really.

At the end of the day, you need to feel happy as a family. If that includes extended family, grandparents , uncles and aunts then maybe a move back is best. If it is that you want the lifestyle you had before babe & so want support, other couples like yourselves and a babysitter then perhaps stick it out and make the connections.

Why haven't you met with other couples with new kids? Plunket. Pre-school. All that kind of stuff?

BEVS

and has joined to look to Oz & has no past posting record as a teacher here , there, anywhere.

Sqwoozies. Get away with what? Bo-jangles seemed to respond to a huge sweeping statement made by that person. BE rules abound for when the line is crossed.
May I just remind that we can't know who we are talking with. It may be all baloney as I found recently on my own noise thread.

Irrelevant. This is about support or lack of. A need or wish to be able to not be 24/7 with a child. It's a personal choice. Nelsonpom is simply looking to see how the UK is for some. I think he will find the usual. 50% for . 50% against.
Only they can decide .

Best place is the MBTTUK forum & perhaps a visit back.

As above. Swings, roundabouts . Suck it and see - as ever.

nelsonpom

Thanks again for all the replies but it has gone off on a slight tangent. I am not asking anyone to decide nz or uk for me I just wondered if many people have returned to uk and how they found it after nz. Bevs have met lots of parents etc but just not connected and to be honest it is more about my daughter missing out on her family. They won't be around for ever and I think it is pretty important she gets to know them. But am equally worried how we will find the uk after spending so long here. Such a beautiful country and so much more relaxed. Will repost in the back to uk site.

dannigirl

I think that is a valid concern, wanting your daughter to have a relationship with her British family. As tempting as Ozzie would be for us in terms of jobs/money, I personally would find it difficult to not be near some family, but people obviously do it all the time! Might be time for a reverse reccie.

dannigirl

Sorry just to add any chance grandparents can do extended visits to NZ ...or are they young enough to have that dreaded thing called work.

Stormer999

Posting in the back to UK site will only get you a rush of people living in places they don't like telling you how wonderful the UK is even when they don't live there wearing massive rose tinted specs....

BEVS

I getcha. What area would you be thinking about? Me and him have discussed how it would feel if we felt a move to the UK was the order of the day . Could we slot back into an UK life with so many more people around.
It may be all about the area for you as a family.

Posting to the MBTTUK forum will hopefully find you people that have done the return thing. You'll get a variety of personal perspectives of course , just like for any of the forums. Thing is, it's still good to connect when contemplating such a big life choice as moving to another country.

Archangel

After emigrating to live in NZ in 2006 with my husband and son I felt terribly home sick. I left 3 grown up children in the UK. Each year I would go back to see family and friends, which is very expensive but it helped for a while. Then in 2009 I decided once and for all to go back to the UK. It was very hard as my husband and son did not want to return so they stayed in NZ. At the time I had split up with my husband but we are very close friends... anyway I went back and I found it difficult to get a job and a home but I did eventually.

To answer your question comparing things in the UK my son has had a better life in NZ, but when I visit my family there is always this emptiness as son's not there to share in all the things that happen, such as family celebrations ect.
My older children are close to each other, but my son does not have that closeness and to be honest skype isn't enough. My son can't even remember what its like to have his grandparents around but he doesn't seem to be bothered now. I think I am the one that make a big thing out of it now.

I have now returned once again to NZ on one of my many long stays (just for a little while), cuz I don't want to miss essential times in my sons life, my son is now 14yrs soon to be 15 and he's now talking about traveling and leaving NZ to see the world. Many of his friends that he became attached to when he first arrived here have moved to OZ cuz their parents want a better life and better prospects for their childrens long term future. I feel that my son is loosing the connections that is familiar to people living in the UK. My daughter is currently here on her world travels and is staying with us for 2 months but there is a lack of connection between brother and sister which I can't explain.

I wouldn't want my son to live as a child in the UK as there is too much pressure and to be honest when I look at the way the UK has changed I am not sure there will be work for young people in the future as this is a problem that many face to day. Not everywhere in the UK is bad.

If you want to move you should keep your options open. maybe you could go over for a while so that your son can spend time with his family, but then again you may find that if you want to come back to NZ he/she may have set down roots and doesn't want to leave.

I wish you all the best.

Bo-Jangles

There speaks a man of experience; it's worse when it's the wannabe emigrant who is living in the UK with their massive pink sunnies on and telling everyone how crap it is there and how much better it is in *select country of your choice* without having stepped foot in the country.

love30stm

Stormer is actually in New Zealand

Stormer999

Sorry BJ, try to keep up...

love30stm

hows it going anyway Stormer? missing the uk?