Guilt Trip

Old Sep 29th 2011, 10:25 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by HelsnLee View Post
..my MIL has never flown but is currently having help to overcome her fear in her 50's I am so proud and they have vowed to visit once a year!
Crikey. She's nubbit but a young'un

How old is your own Mum then HelsnLee ? Menopause may be playing a part here.
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 9:15 am
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by positive pam View Post
My son-in-law says it is better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven't- aint that the truth?
Best wishes to you all.
Pam.
Loving this quote!



Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
Crikey. She's nubbit but a young'un

How old is your own Mum then HelsnLee ? Menopause may be playing a part here.
My mum is 58 (big M done!) and a sensitive soul! I know she means well and can't hide her emotions at times its like you said she does feel as if shes mourning. She says she won't be able to come out to see me as she's getting older....I'm like seriously mum ur 58 not 98!

All I can say is this process IMO is a such an amazing transitional period for our family and my secret hope is that she will come around in time and my guilty conscience will ease!
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 2:33 pm
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Hi Bev, sorry for my ignorance but what does "nubbit" mean?
I really hope it goes well for you Helsnlee, i am sure your family will come around. My mum did the same to me many years ago and we didn't follow our dream cos of the guilt i felt. And i always said i would never do that to my children, so i now have one daughter and family in NZ, a son and family in Germany, a son in China and a daughter and family here in England. Hmm think i gave them too much confidence ha ha. The world is a small place now and we all keep regular contact. We are also hoping to go to Cyprus cos it's never too late to follow your dream. Please don't let the guilt win it is an awful feeling, but i really think it will be worth it for you and if it doesn't work out, hey you can always come back.
Keep that quote in your head perhaps?
Anyway, best wishes.
Pam
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by positive pam View Post
Hi Bev, sorry for my ignorance but what does "nubbit" mean?


Pam
Glad someone else dosn't know either.......I think she's making them up!

Might be a dwarf NZ rabbit......
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 4:16 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

I would think that 'nubbit' is short for 'nowt but'
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 4:39 pm
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Would love to know where it originates from though, hmm like the NZ dwarf rabbit idea ha ha. Perhaps it's cos i am from the Midlands too that i don't know?
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Old Sep 30th 2011, 6:55 pm
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by HelsnLee View Post
Loving this quote!





My mum is 58 (big M done!) and a sensitive soul! I know she means well and can't hide her emotions at times its like you said she does feel as if shes mourning. She says she won't be able to come out to see me as she's getting older....I'm like seriously mum ur 58 not 98!

All I can say is this process IMO is a such an amazing transitional period for our family and my secret hope is that she will come around in time and my guilty conscience will ease!
Hels I am same age as your mum and I have always struggled with the flying thing. This year, on my doc's advice, I downloaded the Paul McKenna Conquer your fear of Flying to my ipod and listened solidly for 3 weeks! It really did help, did a trip back to UK in May this year and was a lot easier than it had previously been and now I am off to USA to see my son soon and I don't have a qualm about the journey. Get her to try that and see if it works for her, she will have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Yes she is only 58 and I know women who have travelled on their own all over the world into their 90's! Your thoughts really do create your life, if you think you are too old for this or that then you will appear to everyone else to be. I hope she does find the strength and courage to make the trip because it makes you feel on top of the world when you have conquered something you are scared of! Good luck.
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Old Oct 2nd 2011, 1:36 pm
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Thanks Shirl for a fab post again! Thats what my MIL is doing to help her as she has never flown, my mum has flown dozens of times (no issues)but I feel shes telling herself she can't do it (deep down doesn't want to!).

Her recent tact has changed shes rather aggressive now rather than crying it is so strange to see a grown adult almost behaving like my 4yr old daughter! Amazing how we revert to childlike qualities (shame i cant put her on the naught step lol)

Nubbit = nothing but althought I do like the idea of NZ rabbit
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 4:44 am
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

I am the son-in-law of Pam's who believe it's better to regret the things you do than the things you don't do......
I have to say that for me the build up to leaving was the worst part.
Sure we were all upset, we still have bad days in NZ, but we did this for a better life for our kids, and for us.
Spring is upon us and watching people surfing today, we had to pinch oursleves again that we had the courage to emigrate.....
If you let someone, hold you back, you will always resent them for it....that's know way to live your life.
I had lots of reasons to emigrate and only 2 reasons to stay..my parents.
Thankfully now they accept it and are happy for us, we speak everyday, which is far more than I ever did when I lived 5 mins away.
If you emigrate and end up back in the UK...what have you lost???
If you never leave, you will ALWAYS wonder ..'what if'.
There are plenty of 'ping pong poms' as they are referred to.....but most end up back in NZ.
No getting away from it, the day you leave is truly awful, and feels like a deep bereavement. The experience for the family that you leave behind, can never be good. You have lots of positives....for them only negatives, but in time, if they see you happy and you keep in touch, they will accept it..and you're only a day away.
Best wishes
Gary
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 6:12 am
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by SparkyGaz View Post
I am the son-in-law of Pam's who believe it's better to regret the things you do than the things you don't do......
I have to say that for me the build up to leaving was the worst part.
Sure we were all upset, we still have bad days in NZ, but we did this for a better life for our kids, and for us.
Spring is upon us and watching people surfing today, we had to pinch oursleves again that we had the courage to emigrate.....
If you let someone, hold you back, you will always resent them for it....that's know way to live your life.
I had lots of reasons to emigrate and only 2 reasons to stay..my parents.
Thankfully now they accept it and are happy for us, we speak everyday, which is far more than I ever did when I lived 5 mins away.
If you emigrate and end up back in the UK...what have you lost???
If you never leave, you will ALWAYS wonder ..'what if'.
There are plenty of 'ping pong poms' as they are referred to.....but most end up back in NZ.
No getting away from it, the day you leave is truly awful, and feels like a deep bereavement. The experience for the family that you leave behind, can never be good. You have lots of positives....for them only negatives, but in time, if they see you happy and you keep in touch, they will accept it..and you're only a day away.
Best wishes
Gary

Fab post! Thank you!
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 6:30 am
  #26  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

It’s a miracle people ever colonised NZ given how soft and sentimental some are about these things. Once it used to take months to travel around the world, now you can do it in a day (maybe less). The other side of the world is as far as the next village used to be.
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 9:31 am
  #27  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Originally Posted by SparkyGaz View Post
I am the son-in-law of Pam's who believe it's better to regret the things you do than the things you don't do......
I have to say that for me the build up to leaving was the worst part.
Sure we were all upset, we still have bad days in NZ, but we did this for a better life for our kids, and for us.
Spring is upon us and watching people surfing today, we had to pinch oursleves again that we had the courage to emigrate.....
If you let someone, hold you back, you will always resent them for it....that's know way to live your life.
I had lots of reasons to emigrate and only 2 reasons to stay..my parents.
Thankfully now they accept it and are happy for us, we speak everyday, which is far more than I ever did when I lived 5 mins away.
If you emigrate and end up back in the UK...what have you lost???
If you never leave, you will ALWAYS wonder ..'what if'.
There are plenty of 'ping pong poms' as they are referred to.....but most end up back in NZ.
No getting away from it, the day you leave is truly awful, and feels like a deep bereavement. The experience for the family that you leave behind, can never be good. You have lots of positives....for them only negatives, but in time, if they see you happy and you keep in touch, they will accept it..and you're only a day away.
Best wishes
Gary



We said goodbye to our container today, and i think it has hit friends and family. especially our mothers. I hate feeling guilty about being excited. I do understand why everyone is upset and i know its hard to pretend everything is alright, but it really makes us feel awful. nothing we can do to make them feel better.
We have our moments where we wonder if making the right decision but we are making it. Can't let others hold us back. we can always return to UK if we don't like NZ.

I actually had a go at my mother for making me feel like l couldn't talk about moving, we are scared too and we felt like we only had each other to talk to about everything or total strangers (mainly this forum) which has been a great help but not the same as speaking to close family and friends. she did apologise but tbh nothing has changed, I am lucky i have a fantastic partner

With only 3 weeks to go till we fly we know its only going to get worse.
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 9:38 am
  #28  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

Enjoy being excited Rachel , and enjoy the start of a really exciting journey to a change to your lives in NZ, wishing you all the best xxxx
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 5:20 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

I agree, fab post Sparky Gaz. I might be prejudiced though as you are my son-in-law, but i am really proud of you and how you have handled all the difficulties that you encountered and i know you will do really well in NZ. We have all found it emotional but that quote of yours that i mentioned in my post, is very true and i think will make anyone considering emigrating there and who may be having problems, it perhaps might just help.
Lots of Luv.
Pam .
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Old Oct 4th 2011, 9:25 pm
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Default Re: Guilt Trip

All the best Rachel with your move in 3 weeks! Enjoy the excitement!

Charismatic....too true! I come from a typical welsh family where generations have all lived in same area so emigrating is going down like a lead balloon! However the world doesn't seem quite so out of reach anymore!
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