pompeymike

Just how long does it take to get over homesickness? We first came to New Zealand 18 months ago and although the first couple of months were a bit of an adventure, me and the wife were soon very homesick, we missed our families, our friends and ended up getting so negative about everything over here. We constantly compared everything with the UK and both agreed to go back home. No sooner had we landed back at Heathrow and got onto the M25 we both looked at each other and wondered what the hell we were doing back in England. We managed to stick it for a few weeks and caught up with family and friends but finally realised that this was the only reason why we went back, and it wasn't enough reason to stay.
It's only family that drags you back, you have to decide whether you want a better life for your own family or whether you want to devote the rest of your life to your friends and family back home.
I feel that you and your kids come first, if we'd have stayed back in the UK our kids would have disowned us, they loved NZ - so did we, but it was our folks back home that were luring us back.
We've now been back in NZ for 9 months and have never looked back. I'm not saying that we don't think of everyone back home because we keep in contact all of the time but at the end of the day they can still come over and see us if they want to.
In answer to my original question, I reckon it takes about a year to get over homesickness, any comments?

Mike

scottish

Tend to agree that the first few months were hell on earth. I never missed family just familiarity and knowing what to do. I swear if one more person during my first few months said they couldnt understand me I would of swung for them lol.

Another thing I would say is, and this is something I never done, the minute the homesickness kicks in stay away from the forums... try and get out and about and mix with Kiwis or expats who are loving it or dealing with it. When you are feeling like shite and reading about other peoples shite its hard to move on and get over that hurdle in my opinion. I know someone who came back not long after us and she said the same, if she had stayed away from forums and cyber people it may have been easier to deal with and not so easy to give up. Dont know if that makes sense.

ps was it just me or did anyone else have sore bones!!!!

SarahB

Mike I have all this to come.

I think scottish's comments are very valid... I know I will need to get out or I'll be so homesick. Saying goodbye has been difficult already, specially to my best friend, that was awful. Luckily, having a very active toddler will help to get me out and about, and I'm going to get myself a little car as soon as I possibly can, so no excuse not to get out.

I really dont know how I'm going to cope with the homesickness, I've never lived anywhere else before. My family live quite close so thats going to be very hard.

I've just set up messenger on my dads computer tonight so at least we can chat online.

I dont know what to expect or how I'm going to cope with it all.

shepslady

Wow Mike thats a really hard one. I think it all comes down to the individual. Ive been gone on & off for five years now, the later two on a more permanent basis. I still get very homesick but given the fact I made the move on my own without any of my adult children I guess thats understandable. I always find that once Ive made a trip home it doesnt take me long to start missing my life here & Im ready to get back & carry on with my life here. Of course it doesnt take too long for the homesickness to set in again but I dont swell on it.
When my sons pay me a visit here my world seems perfect & I love having them here with me but I find it harder to let them go than I do when its me doing the leaving.
Sometimes when Im at my lowest I will phone home to talk to my sons & when they hear me crying & saying I want to come home, its always them who tell me to snap out of it. They tell me this is my one chance at living this amazing adventure etc. They know that one day I will return home but for now they encourage me to make the most of my time here & suddenly everything seems right again. Homesickness will affect you sooner or later but the thing to remember is you have to find someway to deal with it or you will soon give up on things & return home whether its the right thing for you or not. My advice to you is fight it with all your might

Don

I think it depends a lot on the individual plus whether you lead a very active life in the new host country and have your immediate family with you.

I remember being homesick once when I was 17 and went off Interailing round Europe for a month but have lived abroad a lot since and don't recall being homesick since. But then, I was/ am studying or working and now have my family with me all the time.

A 42 year old bloke doesn't miss his mum & dad quite so much as a 17 year old

shepslady

I remember being homesick once when I was 17 and went off Interailing round Europe for a month

Some might say how lucky it must be for you to have only been homesick just the once in your life but I find it a little sad really. I love my home enough to not only miss my family & friends but also simply miss the place I was born in & grew up in. No matter where I may roam on this earth I shall always be homesick for my home land.

A 42 year old bloke doesn't miss his mum & dad quite so much as a 17 year old [/QUOTE]

No I guess your right but then even if they did not one of them is going to admit to it are they

Don

No I guess your right but then even if they did not one of them is going to admit to it are they [/QUOTE]

I'm hard as nails, me: tough as an old leather boot

shepslady

I'm hard as nails, me: tough as an old leather boot [/QUOTE]

Sure sounds that way to me

Don

We've got 3 kids under 5, I'm 42, so I reckon they'll all leave home and no doubt live abroad at times when I'm 65 or so (if I don't snuff it first).

Picture Don as a sad old fart pensioner not able to see his lovely kids!

A much worse scenario than me missing my own mum & dad.

shepslady

agree with you on that one & trust me I know personally how that is. I live in the US, one son living in the UK & Two sons living in NZ. Dont get to see them a lot but when I do its wonderful & hard to let them go again. Of course I always do let them go as they have their own lives to live but when they go it breaks my heart & I cry for days. Same thing when I go home too but also hard to leave my poor old Mum & it always will be. She never fails to remind me Im her baby etc & it tugs at my heart strings. Definately worse missing your children but somewhere in your heart there has to be some room to miss your parents too isnt there